If you read my last post about the book “The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime” the main character Christopher John Francis Boone didn’t like it when people referred to him as “special needs”. There was one particular part of the book that I found pretty interesting. During this particular part, he was stepping off of the school bus and he started walking home. As the school bus left his stop, the kids yelled out the bus window as loud as they could “special needs”, “special needs”. He did not respond to them at all. Afterwords, he described how he felt about people giving him names like that. His outlook on life was that everybody in the whole world has a special need. I know people who take medications everyday, that is a special need. In one of my earlier posts I stated that everybody in the world is quirky in their own way.
I simply am trying to state that nobody is perfect. On the Webster online dictionary, the definition I found that pertains to my message on this entry is “corresponding to an ideal standard or concept”. On dating sites such as E-Harmony or Chemistry.com, they say they are going to help you “find the perfect mate”. They take personality surveys that help you determine which person was right for you. I think it is rather insulting when they say “find the perfect mate”. I have listened to people, both teens and adults complain about their husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, or even their friends. There is one person I knew who in their “About Me” description talks about how her boyfriend means the world to her, and how she wouldn’t give him up for anything. In school, however it seems like a totally different story. She stands there and rants about all the arguments she has had with him, and about all the things he does that make her angry. This almost happens on a daily basis. I realize that relationships have their ups and downs, but if she complains about him so much why would she still be dating him?
One of the things I wish therapists would do with their clients is to not focus on the negative things about them all the time. I have been through this far too often. In the introduction to my memoir, I talked about how depressed I get when I read all the clinical reports written Asperger’s Syndrome and how my diagnosis personally affects me. They pretty much read this “Derek lacks social skills, doesn’t have friends and needs psychiatric help”. I wish therapists would come up with ways to help their clients express themselves using their strengths. For example, I write blogs to help people understand my diagnosis, and to help others with Asperger’s Syndrome realize that it doesn’t have to be all bad. A quote from the introduction to my memoir states ” Asperger’s Syndrome does not mean that they are a “loser”, “freak”, “retard”, “sociopath”, or “psychopath”. I know that I am not a perfect person, but I have helped people understand my diagnosis more by my writing skills. I have written over forty blogs so far, and writing it on paper has also made me understand myself more.
I am not trying to sound egotistical, but when people say nasty things about me behind my back I think “they could never write a blog or a memoir even if they tried to”. When I am around my friends or family, I try my best to appreciate the good things in both myself and other people. That can be difficult sometimes. Sometimes I obsessively worry about a person because I am concerned about them. For example, let’s say your best friend started spending more time with one of their new friends. You recently noticed the friend is spending more time with the new person than with you. You hear rumors that this friend got fired from his job at the grocery store for stealing $200.00 from the cash register. This new friend also has been in trouble with the police for use of illegal drugs. If I were to put myself into this situation, it would be very difficult for me to come up with a resolution. I know it is not good to be judgmental about this new friend. If I had a friend who was a drug addict, I would want to try my best to help them with their habit. One thing I would definitely be afraid of is my friend giving into peer pressure regarding the illegal drugs. Once you start getting into those drugs, it is not easy to stop. I would be pretty angry and sad that my friend is spending more time with their new friend than with me, but if I talked to them I would have to be respectful and honest. Many kids with Asperger’s are too honest, which causes them to get into trouble in school and loose any friendships they have. Both of those are equally important when talking to a friend about a situation like this. The best way to start this conversation is to ask them if you are still friends. I would then tell the person they haven’t talked to me in a while and ask them if they had plans for the weekend. What if they talk to me rudely or tell me they don’t want to be friends? I would then move on and find somebody else to be friends with. Sometimes that friend you thought was “perfect”, didn’t turn out to be the person you thought they were. It is really sad when a close friend changes, moves on to other people and they forget about you. It is just one of those things that happen sometimes.
To sum things up, I have realized that no person in the whole world is perfect. People mainly judge my behaviors because they don’t understand my Asperger’s Syndrome. I am not perfect, they are not either. When you are meeting a new person, it is good to see beyond their quirks. It is difficult for me sometimes, but I do try my best when I meet a new person, or around my friends or family. I pretty much answered the title question for myself. You can’t define a perfect person. One person who is good at drawing or painting may not be good at sports, or vice versa. I ask all of you to keep that in mind when you meet a new person. There are still people out there who don’t see beyond my quirks and make judgmental comments about me. I try my best to ignore them. I thank you all for reading this, and I will be back to write again next week!