“Not Everybody Who Is Nice to Me Is My Friend”

A very simple definition of the word “friend” is a person who somebody knows, likes and trust. The title of this blog is actually Rule number six in Temple Grandin’s book “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships”. My blog titled “How Can An Asperger’s Teen Know Who Their Real Friends Are” was just simply a “how too” guide on figuring out whether or not somebody is your friend. I have been taken advantage of people many times, because of one thing, kids with Asperger’s often don’t understand when someone is really telling the truth. When they are around someone who acts nice when they first meet them, they automatically think that they are their friend. I am very careful when I am meet a new person, because you never know what they are really like. Even when you are getting to know someone as a friend, it takes a while for their real personality to come out. When you know a person that seems really nice, and all of a sudden they say something mean about you or to your face, it is very confusing. That is especially true for individuals on the Spectrum.

Kids usually don’t start to learn this rule until their middle school. Temple and Sean both mention that younger kids are very honest when they are telling their feelings to others. When I start to get to know a person and think of them as friends is when they start to avoid being around me. I really get upset when people avoid me and ignore me for absolutely no reason. I would rather a friend be honest and tell me they don’t want to be friends instead of just sitting there and ignoring me all the time. Growing up in the small town of Sarver, Pennsylvania makes me feel that nobody even knows that I exist. It seems that the only people that actually do know I exist are the ones that want to just sit there and make fun of me for absolutely no reason. If you want nothing to do with me, than why the hell don’t you just tell me? Being honest and telling your feelings about me is better than sitting there and tolerating me when you don’t want me around. Besides, it is your problem if you don’t want anything to do with me, not mine.

If you remember me talking about my old therapist named Mike, who would push me to the limit and try to shove social skills down my throat. I always dreaded having to participate in sessions with him, and he knew it. He seemed to think that doing so would magically make me learn social skills I needed to know for life. People often say that “A Smile Says A Lot About You” and “People Fall in Love With A Smile”, I have to say that is the most ridiculous statement that I have ever heard in my entire life. When somebody is constantly happy, that most likely means that they are trying to hide something that they are upset about, whatever it may be. I personally think that a person that is happy all the time is a bit strange, balance is one of the things people need in life. Instead of hiding something you are upset about, why don’t you tell someone about it? Hiding something you are upset about makes the situation even worse. Back to my point, just because somebody smiles doesn’t necessarily mean they are a nice person. Even if they smile, they could still be the most arrogant, mean spirited and absent minded person on the face of the earth. And regarding the “People Fall in Love With A Smile” quote, nobody is going to fall in love with somebody just because they have a nice smile. I remember when our school’s website used to have our teacher’s ID photos by their names, and there were some teachers that smiled and there were others that didn’t. I looked at their photo IDs because I was going into my freshman year at the time, and one of the teachers had a really nice smile. But, when school started it turned out that this teacher was the most sour, unhappy person out of all the teachers at Freeport that hated their job and everything about it. The teachers I saw that didn’t smile actually turned out to be the nicer ones that enjoyed teaching at Freeport. My final thought about someone that smiles all the time is that they are hiding something they are upset about, or hiding the fact that they might try to do something to bring me down. When I first saw the teachers that smiled in their pictures, I thought they were going to me nice and friendly, but it turned out that wasn’t true. This teacher absolutely hated her students, the teachers and everything else about her job. When I was working with the therapist, Mike, he tried to make me smile in the mirror five times during each of our sessions. I always refused to do so, because I disagreed with him when he told me that a smile says a lot about somebody. I have been mistreated by people that have a lot of friends and that are happy most of the time, and it is hard to trust new people when I meet them. Instead of judging somebody that looks like they are unhappy, why don’t you talk to them and try to figure out what is wrong with them? If you don’t like that fact about me, then that is too bad. Rant over.

One of the things that people often ask when they meet a new person is “what are they like”? Because of the fact that they usually hide their emotions about another person, it is difficult to tell what their real personality is like. My first recommendation when you are meeting a new person is to ask them to introduce you to a few of their close friends. When you find a chance to talk to their friends without the new friend around, try to ask them some general questions about them. Try to ask them what their personality is like, what they like to do in their spare time, what their family is like, and if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you might want to ask the same questions about them too. When I meet a new person, I like to know a bit of general information about them so that I can decipher if they would be an appropriate person to trust or not. This is especially true when you are looking for a person to date, if it is possible, I would like to know some general information about the potential date so I can tell if they are the right person for me or not. I am not interested in dating, so I don’t even have to worry about that. One thing to keep in mind anytime you meet a new person, try not to be judgmental when they are around their friends. Just because they have friends that are different than you doesn’t necessarily mean they are a bad person. Just be cool around the person and don’t be pushy or controlling. That is one of the things that will draw people away from you.

To wrap up, people not following this rule is one of the reasons why there have been so many kidnappings and murders. People always assume that when they meet a new person that they are automatically a friend that they trust. I am not trying to scare anybody, but I am just trying to make people aware. There are people out there that you most definitely not trust and avoid at all costs. I hope this blog will help people, especially ones on the spectrum understand why this rule is very important in life.

I hope you found it interesting and informative, and I will be back to write soon!


Have you ever been dumped by a friend?

The teenage years are supposed to be the “best years of your life”, right? If you recall from my first entry about my experiences in high school, the high school years have been the most miserable time for me. I spent most of my junior high and high school years being ignored, teased and labeled. People really don’t understand how it feels to be ignored and labeled so much. Because of all the labeling and teasing people have given me throughout the years, it has made it very difficult to find that one true friend that wouldn’t ever bring me down and accept me for the kind of person that I am. In elementary school, people really didn’t seem to notice that I was “different” than everybody else. My parents would make arrangements with my friends parents to get together. When the middle school years came along, people started to avoid me and notice that I was different than everybody else. All of the people that I was friends with in elementary school seemed to “forget” about me. Social cliques started to develop, and I was the person that didn’t really fit in with anybody.

If you remember from my blog about ending friendships, I was friends with a kid named Jason in elementary school. During the weekends, we would always go to each others houses, sit and talk to each other during recess and lunchtime and talk on the phone when we had nothing else to do. Junior high then came along, and the social cliques started to develop. The students seemed to start noticing that I was different than everybody else was, which contributed to why they started talking to me rudely and making fun of me behind my back. The first thing I noticed right off the bat when I would talk to him was that he started hanging out with the people that would always label me and spread rumors about me. There were times that I notice when his new friends were around me, they would start making fun of me and spreading rumors about me when I was in the same room as he was. He never really stood up for me when they did it either, he just sat there and ignored the whole thing. The second thing that I noticed happening was when I would try to have a converstaion with him, he would try to keep it as short as he possibly could. When I would ask him questions, he would answer me with only one or two word responses. At first I thought that maybe he was just in a bad mood and didn’t really feel like talking to me, then I started to realize that maybe he wasn’t that interested in being friends with me. I spent the rest of my junior high school years asking the same question “Why would he ignore me and hang out with the students that made fun of me and labeled me?”

As I have mentioned before, people sometimes just don’t show that interest in being friends with you anymore, even when you have been friends with them for a long time. People change, and sometimes it’s for the worse. Since I am no longer at Freeport, I don’t see this person as often as I used to. When I do see this person, I think about how we used to be friends in elementary school and how we would always talk on the phone when we had nothing better to do. I’m glad I don’t have to see this person anymore, because anytime I do the memories of how he dumped me come back and haunt me.

Because of I’ve been set up by friends in the past, I find it very difficult to trust people. When I meet a new person, I tend to worry and think that they might have something against me and try to avoid me, or they might try to make fun of me and make me feel bad about myself. I am happy that I have friends like Aaron from my Computing Workshop summer camp, but I do wish that we had more time to spend with each other. Because of the labeling, teasing and loneliness that I have experienced in high school, I am very exited about graduating. On my I Google page, I have a countdown until the possible date for my high school graduation in 2011. One thing that I have learned from past friendships is that if they don’t want to be my friend, that it is their problem, not mine. That’s the attitude that I will always have with someone that wants nothing to do with me.It may take time to get over a lost friendship, but I will get over it eventually. I wish that people would have that same attitude as me, because it makes no sense to mope about a friendship that ended a long time ago. I will most likely never see these people again after I graduate from high school, so why the hell should I even bother worrying about them? Even though Aaron is busy, I am certain that he is still my good friend. One or two close friends is all I really need, someone left a comment on one of my other blogs that stated “quality is better than quantity”.

I really can’t come up with anything else to say about this, I hope you liked it and I should be back to write again next week!