How Do You Define A Perfect Person?

If you read my last post about the book “The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime” the main character Christopher John Francis Boone didn’t like it when people referred to him as “special needs”. There was one particular part of the book that I found pretty interesting. During this particular part, he was stepping off of the school bus and he started walking home. As the school bus left his stop, the kids yelled out the bus window as loud as they could “special needs”, “special needs”. He did not respond to them at all. Afterwords, he described how he felt about people giving him names like that. His outlook on life was that everybody in the whole world has a special need. I know people who take medications everyday, that is a special need. In one of my earlier posts I stated that everybody in the world is quirky in their own way.

I simply am trying to state that nobody is perfect. On the Webster online dictionary, the definition I found that pertains to my message on this entry is “corresponding to an ideal standard or concept”. On dating sites such as E-Harmony or, they say they are going to help you “find the perfect mate”. They take personality surveys that help you determine which person was right for you. I think it is rather insulting when they say “find the perfect mate”. I have listened to people, both teens and adults complain about their husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, or even their friends. There is one person I knew who in their “About Me” description talks about how her boyfriend means the world to her, and how she wouldn’t give him up for anything. In school, however it seems like a totally different story. She stands there and rants about all the arguments she has had with him, and about all the things he does that make her angry. This almost happens on a daily basis. I realize that relationships have their ups and downs, but if she complains about him so much why would she still be dating him?

One of the things I wish therapists would do with their clients is to not focus on the negative things about them all the time. I have been through this far too often. In the introduction to my memoir, I talked about how depressed I get when I read all the clinical reports written Asperger’s Syndrome and how my diagnosis personally affects me. They pretty much read this “Derek lacks social skills, doesn’t have friends and needs psychiatric help”. I wish therapists would come up with ways to help their clients express themselves using their strengths. For example, I write blogs to help people understand my diagnosis, and to help others with Asperger’s Syndrome realize that it doesn’t have to be all bad. A quote from the introduction to my memoir states ” Asperger’s Syndrome does not mean that they are a “loser”, “freak”, “retard”, “sociopath”, or “psychopath”. I know that I am not a perfect person, but I have helped people understand my diagnosis more by my writing skills. I have written over forty blogs so far, and writing it on paper has also made me understand myself more.

I am not trying to sound egotistical, but when people say nasty things about me behind my back I think “they could never write a blog or a memoir even if they tried to”. When I am around my friends or family, I try my best to appreciate the good things in both myself and other people. That can be difficult sometimes. Sometimes I obsessively worry about a person because I am concerned about them. For example, let’s say your best friend started spending more time with one of their new friends. You recently noticed the friend is spending more time with the new person than with you. You hear rumors that this friend got fired from his job at the grocery store for stealing $200.00 from the cash register. This new friend also has been in trouble with the police for use of illegal drugs. If I were to put myself into this situation, it would be very difficult for me to come up with a resolution. I know it is not good to be judgmental about this new friend. If I had a friend who was a drug addict, I would want to try my best to help them with their habit. One thing I would definitely be afraid of is my friend giving into peer pressure regarding the illegal drugs. Once you start getting into those drugs, it is not easy to stop. I would be pretty angry and sad that my friend is spending more time with their new friend than with me, but if I talked to them I would have to be respectful and honest. Many kids with Asperger’s are too honest, which causes them to get into trouble in school and loose any friendships they have. Both of those are equally important when talking to a friend about a situation like this. The best way to start this conversation is to ask them if you are still friends. I would then tell the person they haven’t talked to me in a while and ask them if they had plans for the weekend. What if they talk to me rudely or tell me they don’t want to be friends? I would then move on and find somebody else to be friends with. Sometimes that friend you thought was “perfect”, didn’t turn out to be the person you thought they were. It is really sad when a close friend changes, moves on to other people and they forget about you. It is just one of those things that happen sometimes.

To sum things up, I have realized that no person in the whole world is perfect. People mainly judge my behaviors because they don’t understand my Asperger’s Syndrome. I am not perfect, they are not either. When you are meeting a new person, it is good to see beyond their quirks. It is difficult for me sometimes, but I do try my best when I meet a new person, or around my friends or family. I pretty much answered the title question for myself. You can’t define a perfect person. One person who is good at drawing or painting may not be good at sports, or vice versa. I ask all of you to keep that in mind when you meet a new person. There are still people out there who don’t see beyond my quirks and make judgmental comments about me. I try my best to ignore them. I thank you all for reading this, and I will be back to write again next week!


3 thoughts on “How Do You Define A Perfect Person?

  1. “Perfection” cannot be achieved in this world, and the more we all remember that, the better this world will be. We all tend to be judgmental, and we would be better off spending that time trying to be the best we can be. I think it’s good you found something that you’re good at, Derek, and I noticed you said that it has helped you to write. I’m glad.

  2. Derek, we may have met one time at a reunion but i am not sure. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I believe I am one of your great or great great uncles, but that’s beside the point. I have read your message on the “perfect person” and I feel your frustration and pain. You are young. I am old. I have already experienced things that you will experience as you fulfil your life’s quest. These “friends” who come and go in your life are not really friends. They are friendly acquaintances. We all have them and for the most part, that is as close as we may ever come to having a true friend. The big difference is that a true friend, although not perfect, is one of the greatest treasures of our life and will always be there not matter what, while good acquaintances come and go.
    Some wise man told me, when I was young, that if we aquire five true friends throughout our entire life, we have accomplished the impossible. I thought then that his statement was pure bull crap, but I recall now that by the age of thirty two, I had only one. Ten years later he was brutally murdered. I am now seventy two and still I have aquired another. Life is not perfect, neither are people. If you want to find perfection in a human being, you will have to look at and study a man named Jesus. It matters not if you believe or disbelieve in God, Jesus is the only person you will ever find who was perfect as he lived on this planet.
    You have a lot of talent and I am amazed at how easy it was to read your writting. You have a lot to say and you possess an excellant way of saying it. All you will ever have to do to be loved, accepted, respected and appreciated is simply do your best and keep a good heart. All the rest will fall into place. Good luck in your future, set your goals wisely.

  3. I don’t quite understand that saying not everyone is perfect, me included.
    Yes being honest as I see it ends in very weird ways threatened by a neighbor for example when it wasn’t how she heard it.
    I was only explaining and said when will you be back so I’ll be prepared {as in noise level}.
    I said this to a the cocoatoo bird owner she was birdsitting for.
    The guy got paranoid and the bird lady did too so I got yelled at for crossing a line when all I wanted was logic and sanity.
    This isn’t the first time these kind of things have happened.I do truly try to be thoughtful but I say things more from observation.
    But I’ll say sorry and try to be thoughtful anyway but again that Aspergers honesty can’t help but come thru.
    But it’s never meant as an insult as some NTs hear it.
    No more than saying the sky is blue.
    But anyway nobodys perfect never explained to me why people hurt me.
    That’s just how I feel.
    Being perfect is how my dad views things and if things were perfect {including me} there wouldn’t be a bad day.
    He’s missed alot of things looking for perfect including time with me.
    So yeah what you wrote is good too always.
    Doing things like your doing with this blog matters and the sad part is people are caught up in perfection they never stop and do what you do by helping others.

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