Many kids with Aspergers Syndrome really want to make friends with people. Most of them spend their middle school and high school years being labeled and made fun of. Social isolation causes them to become depressed, and they loose confidence in social situations. Many kids with Aspergers do try to fit in and make friends, but they often don’t understand what can really turn people off. I have been around other kids with Aspergers that have not been through social skills groups like Wesley, and summer camps like Computing Workshop who really seem to be experts at turning people off, but they don’t realize that they are doing it. Parents need to try as hard as they can to help their child understand that some of the things they are doing can really cause people to avoid them, and can cause them to be isolated and made fun of even more than they already are. I wanted to give you five types of people that really turn me off, and that cause me to avoid them. If you are one of these people, I am not trying to offend you. I am doing this to inform you that this is what causes people to not want to be around you, and you probably don’t even realize you are doing it.
1.) Self centered people:
I’m sure that you have been around people like this, anytime you have a conversation with the person, they always interrupt it and talk about something related to their life. For example, you are talking to them about your bad day, and they interrupt you and say “Well, if you think that was bad, listen this story about something that happened to me”. There are also people out there who try to convince you that their life is better than yours. For example, I once had a friend at school who was talking to me about their weekend plans. They told me that they were going to go visit their relatives. I then made an interjection that sounded something like “That’s cool, I wish I got to see my relatives more often, mine live really far away”. Afterward, he made a comment that sounded something like “I get to see my relatives all the time, mine live pretty close to me”. I then tried to end the conversation, I told him that I had some homework that I needed to finish, and that I would talk to him later.
2.) Easily distracted people:
Have you ever been around a person that just can’t stay focused no matter what you try to do? I tell you that I have been around those people too many times to count. These kind of people are the ones that annoy me the most, you can’t really tell if they are purposely ignoring you, or just distracted by something. I have a few friends that treat their cell phones like it’s their god, anytime I am around them they have to text message one of their friends every five seconds. I’ve had friends that sit there and text message their friends when I am in the middle of a converstaion with them. They just make me want to grab their cell phone and throw it out the window. Just imagine if they were at a job interview, and they were not looking at the interviewer when they were talking to them. That would definitely cause the interviewer to have a bad impression on the person, won’t it? My peers do this especially, which really gets on my nerves because it makes me feel like the person they are talking to on their cell phone is more important than I am. If you want to be my friend, you better at least turn the damn cell phone on silent. If someone text messages or calls you, you better tell them to call you back later. Like I have said many times before, there are people out there that tell me to learn social skills, when they demonstrate behavior like this, which shows a LACK of social skills.
3.) Pessimistic people
A pessimist always searches for the negative side of things, no matter what the situation is. I am trying to work on not being pessimistic when things don’t go as planned. It is one of those things that I just need to learn how to deal with. If you remember me mentioning my math teacher from my freshman year of high school, she was the perfect example. She would always talk about how much she hated teaching, being around her students, and her life in general. I remember one day she was talking to another teacher about a test that another student needed to make up, and she made an ignorant comment that sounded something like this “Out of all the students in this school, this person is the one I can’t stand the most, I absolutely hate her”! I couldn’t believe that a teacher would actually say something like that. Yes, I realize that she may have been having a bad day, but there still is no excuse to say something like that about a student. Another thing that I seem to notice when I’m around a pessimistic, is that I tend to get in a real bad mood also.
4.) Nosy people
There are people like this everywhere, people who just can’t mind their own business. This is the number one reason for why I couldn’t stand being famous, having a camera follow me around every five minutes. I can relate to this one the most. When you are sitting at the computer, they always try to see what you are doing, they always try to see your phone screen when you are text messaging someone. They also tend to “ease drop” into another person’s conversation. From the many nosy people that I have been around, the one thing that they always say when they ask a personal question is “I was just curious”. That does not mean they want to be your friend, it means they want to find out your private life so they can gossip about it with their friends. Also, when you tell them to mind their own business, they innocently say “Why are you being so mean? I am only trying to be your friend”. Like I said, they are not trying to be your friend, they are trying to find out your private business so they can gossip about it with their friends. Nosy people also tend to ask for information about people you are close to, such as your friends or family. My best advice I can give for someone like that is to say “Why don’t you ask them instead of me?” The best advice I can give you for dealing with a nosy person is to try to avoid contact with them as much as you possibly can. They need to get a life and stop nosing into other people’s private lives.
5.) Touchy feely people
A definition of touchy feely is of or characterized by the overt display of affection, compassion, or other tender feelings by hugging or crying. Simply put, someone who makes a person uncomfortable by touching them. You may know a person that puts his or her hand on your arm when they tell you something, or that gives you a hug when you first meet them. Many kids with Aspergers Syndrome don’t understand this boundary issue. It can really make a person feel uncomfortable and insecure. This is especially important if the child wants to start dating. If the boy touches the girl inappropriately, he could later face charges of stalking her. Another thing a touchy feely person might do is give their friend a back-rub while they are working. It is not socially acceptable to do that without asking the person first, and if they say no then they shouldn’t do it.
These were my five characteristics that really turn me off about people. I try my best to avoid these kind of people as much as I can. If you are any of these types of people, you might want to think about how this can really cause people to avoid you. I really hope you found this informative, and that you will use this to help someone in the future.