“That Is One Messed Up Boy” (Part 1 of Keys To Parenting A Child With Autism/Asperger’s)

This post talks about an Autistic man who has received a lot of ridicule on the Internet. His name is linked to a Wikipage that is entirely about him. There is one thing you must keep in mind when reading this post. A lot of the information on this website, and the videos I provided links to are very disturbing. Read and watch at your own risk. Most importantly, I do not stand up for his inappropriate behavior in public and on the internet, nor do I stand for anyone who trolls him. I am also aware that some of the information on the website is old.

For those of you who just discovered my blog, I am diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. I was looking on the Wrongplanet website, and one particular thread caught my attention. It talked about an Autistic male who has been the object of a lot of ridicule on the Internet. I am going to attempt to describe the mixed emotions I felt when I first discovered him. His name is Christian Weston Chandler. He is known as the creator of Sonichu, Rosechu and the city of CWCville, VA. Sonichu is a spin off from the character Pikachu from the Japanese anime Pokémon and the sega video game Sonic The Hedgehog. Chris’s recreations of both characters are mainly criticized because of their lack of originality, but they are also criticized because they lack professional quality. 

He is now 29 years old and now lives in his widowed mother’s house in a small Virginia town. Now, you may be asking me one obvious question. Why has Christian Weston Chandler been the object of so much ridicule and why did you write a blog post about it? Well, first off he has a very bigoted, self absorbed and homophobic attitude. I am sure one can guess who he inherited this kind of attitude from. Parents are the two most important influence in an Autistic child’s life. Here is a YouTube video of Chris giving a tour of his house, and to describe it as “a little messy” is the drastic understatement of the century. After the video became viral, his mother and father were not very happy. Here is another YouTube video of him going into a rage about the fact his families living conditions were exposed to the entire world. He is very lucky that his families home was not condemned. He also films regular videos of himself exposing trolls who have “ridiculed” him over the years, an in each video he looks more angry and bizarre.

I guess one can say Christian Weston Chandler “inspired” me to write a blog post about something that may seem controversial to some people who don’t know me or who just discovered my blog. What I am about to write about something I’ve wanted to write about for a long time. We know parents are a key influence on any child, and that is especially true for people with Asperger’s and Autism. From the best of my ability I am going to try to share some qualities and skills that are important for parents who are raising a child with any Autistic Spectrum Diagnosis. All of these qualities and skills go hand in hand and they are important to guarantee their success in the real world.

1.) The ability to understand the importance of maintaining reasonable structure and discipline.  

I recently received a copy of Dr. Temple Grandin’s book “The Way I See It: A Personal Look at Autism and Asperger’s.” Right from the start, I noticed that Chris strongly lacked discipline from his parents. This immediately came to me when I read the chapter “Autism versus Just Bad Behavior”. In the first paragraph I provided a link to a website that is full unacceptable things Chris has done out in public and on the internet. His parents seemed to be very passive, which is the exact opposite of being consistent and firm. In a quote directly from this chapter, Ms. Grandin writes:

Bad behaviors should have consequences, and parents need to understand that applying consequences in a consistent manner will make gains in changing these behaviors. I behaved well at the dining room table because there were consequences: I lost TV privileges for one night if I misbehaved at the table. Other misbehaving, such as swearing or laughing at a fat lady, had consequences. Mother knew how to make consequences meaningful, too. She chose things that were important to me, such as my privileges.

I was always testing the limits, as most children will. Parents should not think that because their child has Autism or Asperger’s this will not happen. Mother made sure there was consistent discipline at home, and between home and school. She, nanny and my teacher worked together. There was no way I could manipulate one against the other.

Page 144, first and second paragraph

With that being said, maintaining effective discipline can be very difficult for parents who are not accustomed to this kind of environment. Determining how to maintain discipline depends on the child’s age, personality and where they are on the Autistic Spectrum. For kids with Asperger’s Syndrome who are able to communicate effectively, parents need to know the balance between being firm and reasonable.

Here are some essential tips and helpful suggestions for maintaining discipline for your Autistic child:

A.) The Asperger’s mind pays attention to detail, while the normal brain tends to be very generalized and abstract. One helpful strategy would be to write a specific list of rude and inappropriate behaviors on the Internet, at home, school and out in public. List behaviors that pertain to your child. For example, if your child has gotten into trouble for swearing, make sure you include this in the list, then elaborate more. If they have been in trouble for shooting the “F bomb” or using minority slurs, make sure you state that in the list of rules. You must also teach that using these words around strangers can not only cause people to feel uncomfortable, it could potentially provoke hostility and violence. If your child doesn’t like being called a freak or other offensive names, they should never use such terms around strangers. This is because you can’t tell whether or not a person is GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender) or of a different religion from your family. This can be done regardless of their age, gender and level on the Autism Spectrum. Be sure to list the punishment in the rules as well. Make the punishment creative so it fits the initial offense! After your child completes the punishment, sit with them and help them understand the reason behind it. If necessary, don’t give up until you know he or she understands! 

B.) Parents, you must think of trust as a two way street. If you can find time to do so, I encourage you to watch this segment on the Tyra Banks show. The segment titled “Parents Who Snoop” is about parents who spy on their kids for their own enjoyment. They nose into private aspects of their life that really are not anyone’s business. I must admit the first mother, Tanisha, was absolutely pathetic! She even went as far as reading through her daughter’s private journal to laying on the ground and sticking her ear underneath the door to listen to the conversations between their friends. That wasn’t even the end of her ridiculousness. As her daughter said in part 2, it was prom night and the clock hit about 11:30. Her mother walked up to the D.J booth microphone, called her name and said “It’s time to go, you’re ride is leaving!” Her daughters made it clear they have not lied to her, and I believe them!

However, watch Jeanine and her daughter Lilly from part 3 and part 4  What is the difference between her and the first mother? Lilly actually gave her mother a reason NOT to trust her by sneaking out and becoming sexually active. So, you are probably asking yourself “Should I Go To Extremes?” You should only go to extremes like installing a GPS tracker on their cell phone or installing parental controls to track their activity on the Internet if they have given you a reason NOT to trust you! As Tyra said, being an untrustworthy snoop parent is like keeping your dog tied up twenty four seven. Dogs are not happy when they are tied up! Therefore, they rebel by trying to get away and acting hostile. Your child with Autism or Asperger’s could have the potential to break any boundaries you set if you make the same mistake Tanisha made! There is a key difference between snooping and monitoring! 

(I know these teens were not Autistic. This could jeopardize the relationship between any parent and their child, regardless of whether or not they are Autistic!) 

2.) Willingness and ability to advocate.

Remember: Advocating is just as important as structure and discipline! Read this story about Chris to find out why I say this.  

If you were to have a conversation with me or my parents, you would be able to understand one thing. You will encounter people who are only interested in what they feel is better for your son or daughter. My mother did the best she could to advocate for what she felt was best for me, and the Freeport Area School District refused to listen to her. I have written about the Computing Workshop summer program in older posts. Right from their Facebook page, the description of the program reads:

Computing Workshop provides educational opportunities for students and adults on the autistic spectrum or with other differences or obstacles to success in traditional school settings. We offer adapted instruction across the curriculum, with particular emphasis on computing, technology, and the arts, along with social and communication skills, in a safe and supportive setting, during the school year and in an intensive summer program. We offer individualized transition services that help you to pursue your educational and career goals, rather than trying to make you fit into existing, low-level paths.

Before we discovered Computing Workshop, I was enrolled in the ADHD summer camps run through the Family First Resource Center and the Butler Memorial Hospital. During that time I was in elementary school, and the summer camp was a recreational/behavioral camp for kids with A.D.H.D (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). The camp was held at one of the elementary schools in the Butler Area School District. It basically ran on a point system. If we participated in their activities, contributed to discussions and followed directions we would be rewarded points. We would be deducted points if we exhibited behaviors like whining and complaining, teasing, verbal abuse, complaining and whining, verbal abuse, aggression towards a peer/staff member, and the list goes on and on. They would also give two or three individual behavioral goals to work on during the day at camp and one to work on at home. They had a traditional classroom component that provided instruction in reading, mathematics and art. 

The main concept of the camp was to teach how to be responsible for your own actions. If you earned enough points and met your individual goals, you were allowed to participate in a field trip at the end of the week. There was a punishment for students who did not earn enough points or meet their goals. You were required to stay at the school and do chores for most of the day. I was usually a good kid in that camp, but it got old after going there for three summers. Even though kids with “high functioning” Autism were eligible to participate, I felt it wasn’t appropriate for me.

I was entering the junior high, and my mother wanted me to be enrolled in a camp that would help me develop skills I could potentially use for a future career. The ADHD summer camp was focused on fixing my Asperger’s, not accepting it. I can remember I would get points taken off for some of my classic Autism quirks like difficulty with hand eye coordination. One day we were playing kickball and the kicker made the ball go right towards me. I reached my hands out to catch the ball, but it slipped out of my hand the staff told me it was a violation for not participating. “Oh, the humanity! A kickball slipped out of my hand! Such a serious character flaw that could jeopardize my chances of living a successful life!” I explained that it slipped out of my hand, but I got more points taken off for “verbal abuse.” 

You may be wondering why I would bring up such a silly detail like that. What if people mistake your child’s Autism quirks for “bad behavior” or stubbornness? This past summer marked my second year being a staff member and my sixth year being a part of Computing Workshop all together. My family members and I really loved how the staff members had experience in many different areas related to computers, technology, music and art. They also loved how the program provided one on one instruction rather than being in a classroom setting. We proposed for the Freeport Area School District to pay for my tuition in summer 2008, but they did not agree to do so. Instead, they proposed for me to work with a traditional tutor.  (Yes, I’m talking about the kind of tutor where you do repetitive problems with a pencil, paper and a textbook. If you get the problem wrong, they make you go back and do it over again.) So, we went to due process in 2008 and my parents won! In 2009 the school district proposed their own Extended School Year program, which was never done before.

The registration form for the Computing Workshop summer program has a list of all of the areas they offered instruction. You were asked to number them in a sequential order of interest. Administration from my school district only provided very general information about their program. All they said was they were going to work on math, “computer related things” and how typical kids were going to attend. They never said which organization was going to provide the tutoring, what kind of “computer related things” they were going to work on. There is no law that obligates the school district to provide such information, however it’s not very helpful in determining whether or not the program is the right fit for your child! There was one more thing the school district didn’t do that really made me angry. The Computing Workshop offered a course in GigaPan Technology, which is a robotic device that you set on top of a tripod. The robotic device pans around across the object or landmark you desire to capture, then the computer stitches the images into a large panorama. All the photographer needs to do is set the specific dimensions of the panorama and make sure the camera is set correctly. In 2008, this device was still a prototype. I submitted my panorama (on Computing Workshops account) and it was put on display for the robot 250 festival. My mother sent a letter to my school district informing them about my accomplishment, but my school district didn’t even acknowledge me. I truly felt they were not interested in my future success, they were just interested in pressuring me to give into their own agenda. We went to due process again in 2009, but we lost the argument. Needless to say, we did not give into the school district’s proposed Extended School Year program.

Wrapping It Up: 

My final thought for today is about a phrase people will often say to you or your child when you are in a dispute about their rights. When you are in a disagreement with somebody, they will often say one phrase along the lines of“I Respect Your Choice!” The administration at Freeport tried to convince me into believing the same thing when they kept rambling about why they felt their choice was better. They’ve never offered an Extended School Year program before, and they don’t have the specialized experience the staff members at Computing Workshop have. Had it not been for Computing Workshop, I would have never been introduced things like web design, video production, programming, photography and digital music software. I never would have been given the chance to get leadership opportunities. I got to be in charge of a social skills group. Had any of these opportunities been offered at my school, I would have turned them down because of my anxiety and fear. This experience taught me to be careful when people use lines like that! People who genuinely care for your child will fight for what you both feel is right for them!

I thank you for taking the time to read this, and I will be back in two weeks with “part 2.”

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Posted by Derek Warren on December 20, 2011

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