Dwarren57&#039;s Blog

by Derek Warren on December 20, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on December 20, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/what-is-wrong-with-that-kid/

“You Need To Stand Up For Yourself More” (Handling A Patronizer)

We know the bullying issue is prevalent in high schools across America. Both my peers and my high school teachers are guilty of it. During my two years at the Freeport Area Senior High school, my teachers pressured me into becoming a people pleaser. Do you remember the one who tried to convince me into believing there was a mandatory fee to attend Lenape Tech? She was also the same one who tried to come up with the story the state of Pennsylvania was going to eliminate cyber school from the curriculum next year. It was her last ditch effort to prevent the school board from paying dollars for students to attend the full day vocational technical school that has been serving Armstrong county since 1965. I started my first week of classes at the Indiana University of Pennsylvania. The Electro Optics program at the Northpointe regional campus provides students with employment opportunities in a wide variety of technological skills. An Associates Degree in this growing field can pay about a $30,000 annual starting salary, while a Bachelors degree can pay an approximate $60,00.00 starting salary.

The burning question is “how do I stand up to people who speak to me like that?” Well, this is not an easy question for many Asperger’s type teenagers to answer. This could possibly have something to do with the differences in the Asperger’s brain. Every person’s brain is equipped with equipped with cell’s called neurons. They are located in the premotor cortex. These cells “fire” both when you perform an action and when you watch somebody else do the same thing. This article from science daily.com explained the theory behind how these neurons do not work properly in the Autistic mind. It was believed that dysfunctional neurons were the culprit behind the difficulty understanding the actions of others and the lack of empathy. However, another Science Daily article was published in the year 2010. It argued the mirror neuron systems function normally in the Autistic brain. So, if it isn’t weak neurons, what is it?

I want you to take a look at this clip from the Kathie Lee Gifford show. Every week they do a contest called “Everyone Has A Story.” This particular segment was about a high school senior named Zach Hirsch and his younger friend Gram Jackson. Zach was a high school athlete. He was attractive and popular. One day when Gram was a freshman, he was sitting in the cafeteria by himself. Zach noticed it and he decided to sit with Gram and talk to him. As time went on, they initiated a friendship and started getting together after school. The friendship had a very positive effect on Gram, and so his mother wrote a letter to Kathie Lee about it. The letter basically described everything I just said. At first I was very happy to hear about this story. I was happy to hear that somebody like Zach would step out of his comfort zone and go out of his way to help somebody who was “different.” His (Zach’s) mother stated how this friendship caused him to gain the confidence to reach out to other people. However, my mood changed from a happy to furious at about six minutes into the video

This “thing” that happened actually caused an outrage in the Autism community. Opera singer Kate Baldwin sang a song about their story on national television. The song was titled “All Alone”. Just by reading the title, you can tell why this song makes me angry. This song was written by Kathie Lee!

We see them everyday, but to often look away from the ones who are sitting alone.

We seldom hear their voice because we make the choice to leave them right there all alone

We see them everywhere, but to often we don’t care. We’re lost in a world of our own.

We rarely realize, they’re angels in disguise, so we leave them right there all alone.

Can you imagine if hello was a word you’d never heard? Can you imagine if you’ve never had a friend?

Can you imagine if loneliness was all you’d ever known?

It’s more than we could ever comprehend. A world, a silent world, without a friend.

But miracles can happen, sometimes they really do.

And sometimes, the miracle turns out to be you.

When you embrace a stranger and show love you’ve never shown, you will make the greatest friend that you have ever known.

Someone who used to be, someone who used to be, but now will never be all alone.

If you thought the song was bad, just wait until you see the next part of the video. I transcribed what happened next.

Kathie Lee: You know, we’ve been doing this now since October of last year, and I was wondering if we were every time I say to myself “gee, are we ever gonna be able to capture it you know?” But, I looked over and there was Gram and you had tears in your eyes buddy did you like your song?

Gram: Well, it was a little to sad.

(Everyone in the room laughs, including Zach’s and Gram’s family)

Kathie Lee reminds me of the annoying “drill Sargent” therapist who thought forcing the Asperger’s out of me would make me a “brand new person”. Here is a little glimpse on how our sessions would begin. Obvious question after obvious question, irritable answer after irritable answer.

(The therapist pulls into our driveway. Penny, our dog starts barking and whining, letting us know someone is here. We wait a few seconds until he comes up to the door. My mother or I open the door to let him in.)

Therapist: So Derek, are you happy to see me?

Me: (Irritably) No?

Therapist: Why not? One of these days, I expect you to give me a big hug! What would you do if I gave you a big hug?

Me: (Irritably) Push you away?

Therapist: Why not? I’m only trying to help you. Don’t you want that special friend who you trust?

Howard Stern gave a hilarious reaction to Kathie Lee’s actions on his radio show. (Don’t watch if you are offended by coarse language!) He said how Kathie Lee made “different” kids look like “angels disguised as monsters.” Also, when they laughed at him for saying the song was “too sad”, he was speaking the honest truth. He was trying to emphasize how his life doesn’t revolve around being this “angel disguised as a monster.” Gram is not the only one I feel bad for in this video, I feel bad for Zach. She made him look like a complete idiot by rewarding him with all of these sporting goods while all Gram get’s is their two tickets to a Chicago Cubs Game. She made him look like he came on TV to brag about how great of a guy he is. He should have denied the TV interview! He only did this because he wanted to step out of his comfort zone and make a difference in Gram’s life. I still do believe there should be more teens who are willing to step out of their comfort zone.

There is a word that describes what Kathie Lee Gifford did to this Autistic boy, and it is called patronizing. It simply means behaving in an undignified, superior and/or offensive way towards a person. Patronizers often convince others they are trying to be kind. Some are bullies who want to see an angry reaction, while others don’t have an intent to offend you. Either way they are really frustrating to be around. It seemed to me that teacher who discouraged me from going to Lenape Tech wanted to get a reaction out of me. She wanted me to get into trouble then rub into my face how much of a dismal failure I would be if I went to Lenape, the “school with the terrible P.S.S.A test scores.”

I remember my mother emailed the school about how she did not appreciate them bullying me into making the decision to go forward with what they wanted me to do. It was great to know that my mother wanted to support me, but the title of this post is absolutely true. If you want to prevent your emotions from interfering with your job, here are some tips I hope you found helpful.

1.) You must “nip it in the bud” before it becomes a serious issue. Rehearse what you are going to say to the person by speaking into a mirror. You will find out why later on. (Try to remember the situation in as much detail as possible.) 1.) What did the person do or say to make you upset? 2.) What tone of voice and body language did they use? 3.) Why did their actions upset you? 4.) From your perspective, did they or did they not intend to offend you?

2.) Refrain from being emotional. Expressing sadness or anger will cause others to think you are weak, therefore they will not take you seriously. However, you must be firm and make it clear that you don’t appreciate whatever they may be doing to make you feel bad. Being firm with somebody means that you should be polite. Politeness is something that shows you are a mature person that is capable of handling any type of conflict that may ensue, regardless of whether it is at work, school or in your own family life. This is why you should rehearse what you are going to say.

Never use foul language, slurs and by all means do not even think about putting your hands on the person! Many schools and employment organizations have zero tolerance policies towards verbal and/or physical abuse towards anyone! In the long run, this worth much more than being fired or even having assault charges filed against you.

3.) If the patronizing behavior continues, it should be discussed with whoever is in charge of the administration of the organization. Like I said, patronizers who continue to make a person upset are bullies! This is really the only time where I think it would be appropriate to discuss the issue via email. When you do so, be sure to keep in mind everything I said from the previous steps. (Stop it before it becomes a big issue, be polite but firm) Reiterate their actions, the steps you took to resolve the situation and the results.

It should not be difficult for an administrator to understand why the person’s actions are offending you. Administrators who do not address disrespectful behavior in the workplace are not skilled enough to enforce rules of conduct for all employees. If this becomes the case, then I would consider looking for another job and resigning from the organization (while following their resignation procedure. See this article “How to Resign Gracefully”).

(This tip can also be helpful for handling situations with your friends and family. After you have asked the person to stop, and they do not listen and understand why you are offended it is best to walk away from the situation.)

My former therapists approach which I described above was not the appropriate method towards helping me deal with issues in school, however I do believe that he wanted to help me. After all, he could tell that I didn’t want to participate in the sessions and he knew I didn’t like being asked question after question. He wanted me to step out of my comfort zone and stand up for myself. The truth was, it made me even more anxious and more uncomfortable. Going back to the Kathie Lee Gifford clip, I wonder how the friendship between Zach and Gram is going now. If that were me, I would definitely have some choice words for Ms. Kathie Lee after that hideous song. The refreshing thing about college has been that I have experienced no bullying situations yet. It is great to know that people are generally more mature and know that such disrespect is not acceptable.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post! Thank you for reading!

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by Derek Warren on September 18, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on September 18, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/09/18/you-need-to-stand-up-for-yourself/

Punished For Being Autistic? (Autism/Asperger’s and the Police)

My last blog post talked about Hiding My Asperger’s Quirks. It talked about how difficult it is for people like me to “fit in” with a world that is mainly designed for neurotypical thinkers. Back in May, I graduated from high school. While I do really look forward to experiencing college life, there are many worries I have when it comes to being a young adult with an Autistic Spectrum Diagnosis. Every parent fears for their child, and the story I am going to describe in this post fully explains why I fear for my safety and mental health.

The story is about a young man named Reginald “Neli” Latson from the small town of Statford, Virginia. The story begins on the morning of Monday, May 24, 2010. Neli was sitting in the grass outside the local library, waiting for it to open for the day. A nearby school crossing guard called the police, and reported a “suspicious black male who may have a gun.” Neli became tired of waiting for the library to open, so he decided to leave the library. He was then approached by a school resources officer, Deputy Thomas Calvary, and he was immediately searched for the suspected gun. Absolutely no weapons of any kind were found in his possession. The officer then asked Neli for his name, but he refused to give it to him. This was because he perceived the officer was trying to harass him. So, he refused and tried to get away and stated he committed no crime. Deputy Calvary then grabbed him from behind and tried to arrest him without reading his Miranda rights or calling for backup. Neli resisted arrest and both he and the officer were “subsequently injured”.

Neli was held for 11 days without bail at the Rappahonack Reigonal Jail. The police allowed his school counselor to relay messages to Lisa Alexander (his mother). Ms. Alexander was only allowed one visit during that time period. During that particular visit, Neli was “in a catatonic state.” He was unable to speak! Later on, police interrogaters reported he was “nonresponsive” and “disturbed”. The judge ordered him to be transferred into a mental institution for 30 days of treatment.

Following the 30 days, Neli was then sent back to prison for another year. For eight months he has spent time in torturous isolation.

Here is a YouTube video where Neli himself describes the harassment he received during interrogation.

Here is a YouTube video where a woman described the incident, the racial harassment and similar cases of injustice that have occurred at the same prison

The trial for the incident lasted three days, and Neli was found guilty of assaulting a law enforcement officer. The judge tried to push for him to serve 10 and 1/2 years in prison. His sentence was lowered. The judge decided to give Neli two years in prison instead of 10 1/2. Neli’s only defense was the he was officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, the same diagnosis which I have lived with for my entire life. I have no desire to explain what Asperger’s is because I have already done so in my past 78 blog posts.

So, what are the thoughts that have gone through your mind after hearing about this story? I am going to say this right now, my blood boils every time I hear about it. I am a firm believer that law enforcement officials nationwide need to be informed about Autism and Asperger’s. Until I heard about the situation with Neli, I never had any idea this lack of knowledge was becoming a problem. I want to challenge my point of view with another story about Autism. This story is very different from Neli’s.

In order for a law enforcement officer to understand Autistic, there is one thing they must address first and foremost. Dr. Temple Granin pointed out in her TED lecture that Autism is a continuum of traits. You have the “severely Autistic” non verbal types, the geeky/nerdy kids who have lots of Asperger’s quirks, the kids who can’t function without assistance and the kids who are incredibly gifted. This story dates back to the year 2008. Adam Race was thirteen years old, weighed over 235 pounds and diagnosed with severe Autism. He and his family resided in Bertha Minesota and attended a Roman Catholic church named The Church of Saint Joseph. The church filed a restraining order which banned the family from attending Sunday Mass. Despite being ordered not to attend, they showed up anyway. The reason for the restraining order was because he demonstrated behavior that caused a “growing concern for the safety of parishioners.”

Now, you may be asking me a big question. “What has Adam possibly done to cause this restraining order?” The reports from The Rev. Daniel Walz stated he would hastily bolt out of his pew and nearly knock over elderly parishioners in the process. He has struck children in mass. He sometimes spat and urinated. His family tries to restrain him, but it causes him to fight it. He assaulted a girl and pulled her onto his lap. On top of this, he ran into the parking lot, went inside two vehicles and revved their engines during Easter Mass. Walz also stated he would demonstrate self injurious behaviors, such as hitting himself in the head.

A controversy immediately ensued when mother Carol Race decided to get the press involved. Some people say the church’s actions were too harsh, while others say they should have gone with the restraining order. I happen to be in the second vote, because it seems to me that Carol was the problem. The liturgy of the Roman Catholic church is very orderly. However, unexpected situations still can occur that can cause the child to become upset. Here are some quotes from the press release.

Most of the time, Adam can walk through a crowd of people in a patient and gentle way. And because our family leaves the church service early, there should not be anyone during these times to “bolt through.”

The worst of Adam’s behaviors resulted from lack of accommadations or cooperative discussions. Case in point: The car-revving incident. Normally our family left church before the closing song, which would allow three minutes before the congregation left. During Lent, Fr. Walz ommited the closing song and failed to ask the congregation to wait to leave until our family had left first.

Carol said they would normally sit in the back of the church or in the crying room, therefore it would be easy for them to get up and leave the church before the recessional hymn. For any church leader, there is a lot to remember when it comes to preparing for worship. It is next to impossible for the priest to do everything by himself. While that is what acolytes and lay readers are for, what happens if they don’t show up for mass? The worship leader must perform tasks that acolytes and lay readers are assigned (lighting candles, opening the leaders book to the correct page, reciting scripture readings, setting up communion, leading communion, greeting parishioners before and after mass.)

The church has offered for the family to sit in the crying room and watch mass on a television feed. They also offered meditation through a local Protestant minister. Because Carol refused these options, so they decided to go through with the restraining order which banned him from mass. It seems to me that Carol is a “my way or the highway” kind of a parent, the kind I really can’t stand. None of her statements in the press release are about the safety and welfare of the other parishioners. Every parent needs to teach their child limits, whether they are Autistic or not. Here are some “what if” questions I have if Adam actually did injure or kill somebody.

What if the police actually were called to have him restrained, and the officer had a “chip on his shoulder” and decided to use a taser to restrain him? (This actually did happen to one Autistic child. Read the article!)

I must say that both the church and Carol could and should have handled the situation in a much more civil manner. While I don’t know this whole story, I think the church most certainly should have communicated with the family more. They should have tried to figure out ways to “enter his mind”, similar to how Elaine Hall did with her son Neal. I also believe the national news outlets should not have been contacted. Carol was just trying to grab attention to herself because the situation was not going her way.

So, the burning question is “How can we inform law enforcement about Autism and Asperger’s?” This is still a difficult question to answer, because the stories I shared about Neli and Adam are different. If you have a child with Asperger’s, I recommend the parent/guardian contacts all local emergency services (police, fire, ambulance) and use these questions as a guideline.

Where do you live? (Make sure you provide your street address and directions to your house. If you live in an apartment, be sure to provide the name of the apartment and room number as well.)

What does your child look like? (Provide a copy of photo identification.)

How can they reach you? (work phone, home phone, cell phone, email address, street address, pager)

Does your child have health issues? (sensory, medical and dietary restrictions)

Where does your child like to “hang out” in their spare time? (Provide specific information. For example, if they like to hang out at Best Buy and buy video games, make sure you say the gaming department.)

Does your child drive? (Provide specific description of the vehicle(s), license plate number and drivers license number.)

What unusual behaviors does my child exhibit? Why might it cause authorities to think it is suspicious?

What are your child’s favorite things? (Toys, objects, foods or discussion topics.)

How does my child interact with others? (Sign langue, picture boards, written words)

What potentially dangerous places are in your community? “Enter their mind” and think about why they would be interested in being there. (Be sure to describe what the danger is. Examples: water/electrical/gas sources, elevated areas.)

Make sure you provide some this information to neighbors and friends who you trust. Now, here are some pointers for your Asperger’s child if they are approached by a law enforcement officer.

1.) Do not attempt to flee the scene. Most police encounters happen unexpectedly, this might cause you to feel uncomfortable. This will cause the officer to think you committed a crime.

2.) Refrain from making sudden movements. This will also cause the officer to think you are suspicious.

3.) Let the officer know you are Autistic. (If nonverbal, use sign simple language)

4.) Ask for permission before you go into a glove compartment, pants or coat pocket. Tell the officer what you are getting out, then show it to them. (This will ensure the officer you are not attempting to grab a weapon.)

5.) Always carry an Autism information card anytime you go out in public.

6.) If your child is arrested, make sure they appeal for confirmation of the Miranda warning.

7.) Carry contact information of an advocacy group, trusted friend or trusted neighbor anytime you go out in public.

I truly hope you enjoyed reading my blog post. I encourage you to visit the website avoiceforneli.com and sign the petition to release him from prison. This is one thing that will help raise awareness about Asperger’s and Autism.

Have a great week!

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by Derek Warren on August 27, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on August 27, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/08/27/punished-for-being-autistic-2/

“Always Be Yourself” (Hiding My Asperger’s Quirks)

You probably know that I am just about to enter a brand new chapter of my life. We are now entering the month of August, and my classes start at the very end of the month. I used to be a firm believer that it is “better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you’re not.” High school was the time of my life where I pretended to be who I wasn’t. I look back now and think about my freshman and sophomore year and regret myself for trying to “fit in” with the “cool” crowd. I have one month of summer vacation left, and there are very many thoughts that cross my mind when I think about what IUP (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) is going to hold in store for me. My course load for my first semester of freshman year is thirteen credits. It is very true the Electro Optics program at the Northpointe campus has quite a bit to offer academically. Academic wise, the math is going to take practice! I have to be

However, there is another side of college life that makes me extremely nervous when I think about it.To some degree, I still do believe in the phrase “it’s better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you’re not”. However, there are a few exceptions to it. The social life in high school took many turns, and it got worse each one. Freshman year at the Freeport Area Senior High School started out with realizing I was “different” and that people either didn’t know I existed or showed how they didn’t care by harassing and taunting me. I then was put under the false impression that I was beginning to fit in with people from the “popular” crowd. (The kids who played sports, had lots of friends and “hung out” outside of school.) I created a Myspace account and I pretended to like the things every “cool” kid does. I wrote about the “cool” music, the “cool” activities such as sports and dating. I began chatting with these kids online and they didn’t seem to mind, for a while at least. Unknown to me, they started to become annoyed with me each day I would start a conversation with them.

The “poor wiring” in my Aspie brain makes it difficult for me to understand social interaction. The Wesley Wonder Kids club used role-playing and art projects as a “teaching tool” for this topic. I remember one session our topic was personal hygiene, we would be instructed to perform a short role play about how people could potentially react to a person who does not shower or brush their teeth. Long story short, one group member lifts their arms up and the person’s offensive body odor causes everybody to fall on the ground and express their disgust. The art project would consist of cutting pictures of people practicing good hygiene habits out of a magazine and pasting them onto a big sheet of paper. It honestly felt like kindergarten all over again!. Personal hygiene was never a problem for me, but it was for a few of the kids who I can remember.

I used personal hygiene as an example because (as I said earlier) people will notice whether or not you practice it. It is just one of the many things that will cause an Aspie like me to become self conscious about themselves. While hygiene was not one of my major problems, there were many “flaws” regarding my social life that caused me to feel bad about myself. Pretending to “fit in” with the “cool” and “popular” crowd was something that actually did more harm than good for my social life. I can remember back in fifth grade when people would become angry with me in Physical Education class because I lacked the coordination, concentration and confidence to participate in team sports activities. Therapists and teachers thought of it as a “flaw” that needed to be forced out of me immediately. My peers used the “power of sarcasm” to try to convince me into believing they were trying to be nice. After gym class was over, they would turn around and say “Derek, you did such a great job in gym class today. You should try out for little league sports.” Many children and adolescents with Asperger’s Syndrome lack the language skills to effectively use a “comeback” to stand up for themselves. So, I would tell them “quit making fun of me.” That obviously didn’t convince them to stop. Teachers were no help because they simply believed I was being a “tattle tale.” They were really trying to say “People will make fun of you if you walk, talk, act and look that way.”

Earlier in this post I talked about pretending that I “fit in” with the “cool” crowd in high school. People began to notice that I was pretending to be the kind of person I really wanted to be during that time. I wanted to be the kid with lots of friends, a girlfriend and who loved all the “cool” music. My therapist wanted to “force the Asperger’s” out of me and make me that perfect socialite who everybody loved. The truth was, it didn’t work. I tried to “come out of my shell” but people ignored and made fun of me even more. In fact, I’ve written other posts about a kid who actually told me he “didn’t want to be friends with me.” I then made a bunch of rude remarks towards him, but that fueled the fire even more.

Social networking websites are a great tool to stay connected with people. However, many Aspies are not aware of the potential dangers of online communication. Face to face interaction is something that takes a lot of practice to master, and it does not happen overnight. Later on, I plan to write a more detailed review of Jesse Saperstein’s memoir “Atypical: My Life With Asperger’s in 20 1/3 chapters.” There was one chapter in his memoir that described a cyber bullying before such a term even existed. Here is a quote from the chapter about online versus face to face communication.

It is no small wonder many Asperger’s individuals fall in love with their virtual universes and are more comfortable typing into an electronic box to a faceless individual. The internet is the only technological medium that allows us to talk to a woman without worrying about our monotone voices destroying an already fragile first impression.

Jesse Started an online relationship with a woman named “Elizabeth West.” It all started when he recieved a “sweet and flattering email” that read “My name is Liz. I have seen you around school and think you are a nice person! I was always too shy to come up to you and say ‘hello,’ but maybe you would like to email me back and tell me about yourself.” They started regularly communicating. To Jesse, Liz was a person who struck him as an “unusually empathetic person who could accept him and even appreciate his Asperger’s quirks.” Jesse was involved in the buddies program at school, which was a program that let him be a role model to a mentally handicapped student. “Elizabeth” called him on the phone and talked about her ambitious dream to become a special education teacher and stated how impressed she was with Jesse’s involvement in the Buddies program. She said “It is really nice to meet someone like you. Someone who gives something back.” They lost touch for a few weeks because Elizabeth was attending “an arts camp in Maine.” She ignored Jesse, whilst he was still sending her constant emails. A quote directly from this particular chapter read the reason behind this.

(Warning: May be sensitive for some readers!)

While at the Maine arts camp, Liz and a few of her platonic male friends went camping in the woods. They had toted along some alcoholic beverages, and she trusted the guy who handed her the beer spiked with the date-rape drug. Liz was repeatedly violated by one of her friends before her naked body was discarded in the woods like a slimy plastic bag. She was left alone, unconscious, and exposed all night long. When Liz finally squinted against the July sunshine. . . the memory literally throbbed inside her.

Long story short, she decided to get an abortion. The shocking truth came out a few days before a school dance which Elizabeth invited him to attend.

A few days before the dance, I learned a traumatic lesson about the dark side of computers. Online predators are not restricted to pedophiles and amoral scam artists. About six months into our friendship, I finally discovered that Liz and her circle of friends were not real.

My cyber bullying stories were short lived and they did not plan their attacks as carefully as the heartless teens who came up with “Elizabeth West.” However, their motives and intentions were the same. While they probably didn’t know what Asperger’s was, they knew I had trouble making friends. They wanted to trick me into being friendly then turn around and back-stab me by sending inappropriate pictures of themselves from their cellphone. I turned them into the principal, and all they got was a “don’t do that again” lecture.

To wrap up, I still do believe that it is good for an Aspie to be proud of who they are. People can try to “force the Autism” out of me, but I never will give up the many strengths that make me who I am. Organizations like Wesley Wonder Kids focused on my “social skills” by overstimulating and making my weaknesses feel like a character flaw that should be “forced out for my own good.” I am hopeful college will teach me more practical skills that I can use to pursue a successful career. I also hope it will help me discover more of my hidden strengths that I can use to build on my weaknesses. So, here is the answer to the a question you might be asking after reading this.

Should I tell somebody I explain “why I am who I am”?

The answer is that it’s my choice whether or not to tell. It all depends on my relationship with the person. I have to realize that I do not know how they will react to me “bringing my Asperger’s out of the closet.”

I hope you found this helpful! I will be back to write soon!

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by Derek Warren on August 8, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Atypical: My Life in 20 1/3 Chapters, bullying, Cliques, Cool Crowd, fitting in, Flaws, high school, Indiana University of Pennsylvania, Jesse Saperstein, Lenape Technical School, Life, Personal Hygiene, popularity, Sarcasm, Social Interaction, Social Networking, Wesley Wonder Kids, Why Am I The Way I Am?

Posted by Derek Warren on August 8, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/08/08/hiding-my-aspergers-quirks/

“They’re Such A Pain To Talk To” (Relating To other Aspies)

You know that throughout my life, I have experienced feelings of not “fitting in” with the rest of the crowd. My life as a freshman and sophomore at the Freeport Area Senior High School felt like a number. It felt like the unhappy nurses assistant calling patients out of the waiting room and escorting them to the doctor’s office. Instead of addressing the patients by name, they assign everybody in the crowded room a number. The assistant calls everyone’s names in a monotonous manner. My frequent visits to the guidance counselor felt like this. I remember one visit I was upset about a student who harassed me in the hallway. He would purposely invade my personal space and ask me why I never talked to people, then he would rudely tell me to “get some friends.” The thing is, I couldn’t connect with anybody in school. The typical students were too involved in their own social group to include a new person and I didn’t feel like I could function with many of the students in the learning support program. The guidance counselor was horrible at listening to my problems. During my frequent visits to his office, I would tell him I had problems “fitting in”, and he would say “we’re gonna work on it” or the same “advice” I would hear from everybody “you need to come out of your shell and talk to people more.” This obviously didn’t help that much.

“Normals” Not Taking Me Seriously:

Every learning support student in the United States is entitled to an IEP (Individualized Education Plan). My mother felt it was appropriate to add a social into my plan for my freshman year. My goal was to “initiate spontaneous social communication among peers without prompting.” The truth is it is not easy for a person on the Autistic Spectrum to meet this goal. This was simply because “neurotypcials” (people not diagnosed with a form of Autism) didn’t understand me and I didn’t understand them. Halfway into my freshman year my “drill Sargent” therapist wanted me to practice conversations with my peers in school. He wanted me to start working on this during my learning support class period. The teacher would ask a student to come over and we would pretend we saw each other in public. The other student would say the greeting, and I was to continue the conversation. However, this student decided to pull a “Mr. Clown” act. He talked to me in the same tone of voice of which a person would speak when giving attention to a baby or a cute puppy or kitten. “Hello! How are you doin today little freshman?” he said. I then heard the teacher say “don’t be silly.” I was obviously not the least bit amused by his attempt to entertain everybody in the classroom. I became aggravated, so I reluctantly said “uh, hi?” It was amazing how my teacher couldn’t figure out how my eyes getting big and the irritated look on my face showed that I did not have the desire to interact with this “comic genius”. After all, it was obvious he really didn’t have the desire to interact with me. I don’t socialize with people who treat me like I am stupid.

Feeling Lost Around My Own Kind:

This post is about something I have mentioned in my other posts before, but I never really thought about building on this topic until I read a post from somebody on Wrongplanet.net, a forum website for people on the Autistic Spectrum. This person complained about how he felt his Aspie peers were a “pain to talk to.” This post caught my eye because I experienced similar emotions myself. The Wesley Wonder Kids club really tried to push social interaction on me, but I also felt the group members were a “pain to talk to.” They were infatuated with topics that I felt were extremely ”weird.” They varied from video games, Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokémon. We had others who loved television cartoons and comic books, and another would always talk about gardening, reptiles and history. There was another group member who seemed to have a new cut or bruise on his arms or legs every single day the group met. At the beginning of each session, all group members were given the opportunity to share news in their lives. They would enthusiastically share stories about their new Game Boy, Xbox or Playstation games. The student who loved reptiles and gardening would share stories about his lizard and the vegetables he picked from his garden in the summer time. The clumsy kid would share stories about the new cuts and bruises he would get from horsing around with his friends at home. They expected the group members to ask questions about the news which came from the particular group member.

Me Not Taking My Own Kind Seriously:

Depending on the nature of the news, they would either ask questions right away or the staff members would have to prompt them. I would very rarely ask questions right away because most of the things they shared were about their “obsession”. There were also occasions where the staff members would put me on the spot and prompt me to ask with the whole group looking at me. They would say “Derek, we haven’t heard from you yet. Why don’t you ask ________ a question about his garden?” This was the thing which I loathed the most, because after all I knew very little about video games, cartoons, comic books, gardening and reptiles. High school was the time in which I loathed myself and other people. Why? It was because they didn’t understand me and I didn’t understand them. Here were the many thoughts that went through my mind when the other group members shared their introductory news stories:

“Oh my god, what is this kid, five? Who the f*** watches cartoons in high school? He needs to watch normal, age appropriate TV shows!”

“Does he ever talk about anything besides video games? No wonder this kid is unemployed and has no friends in school!”

“What kind of a teenager wants to plant a garden in their spare time? That sounds really stupid!”

“Something is wrong with a teenager who likes history. It happened hundreds of years ago, who cares about it now?”

I never blurted my opinions to those people, but they could probably tell I didn’t really have much of an interest to sit and listen to their “weird obsession.” In fact, I remember one time at the end of the session I put my headphones in my ears so I could ignore “Mr. Dirt Worshiping Treehugger History Geek” and his stories about the ancient something others and homegrown zucchini.

Trying To Understand My Own Kind:

My bitterness in high school really took a toll on my social life outside of school. The main reason I felt I couldn’t relate to the other kids in the group was that I felt they couldn’t function in the real world as well as I could. Therefore, I resorted to making snide comments about them behind their backs. I happen to know this emotion is common among many groups of people. Take the GLBT (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) community for an example. They are a unique group of people among themselves. They all have different shapes, sizes, hobbies, interests, ethnicities and personalities. The main reason I brought them up is because very many of them know how it feels to not “fit in” and be harassed by people. They hate the many stereotypes they receive from the heterosexual community, just as we hate the stereotypes that come from the neurotypical (Non Autistic) community. Far to often you hear a gay man making fun of another gay man because he is too feminine. You hear about an Aspie making fun of another because they exhibit repetitive hand motions.

I completely agree with the statement that it is unacceptable to make fun of somebody, however it is understandable to feel disconnected from somebody in your own group because they fit the negative stereotypes that are given from society. When the staff members caught me making comments about the other students from Wesley, they would just say “We don’t talk about people like that!” or “That’s innapropriate!” One of the general reasons people may decide to make fun of another person is simply because they don’t understand. Just because you have Asperger’s doesn’t always mean you understand somebody else who may have it. The Wesley staff members could have helped me develop social skills by helping me understand my Aspie peers.

It’s been almost three years since I left that program. I know that many Aspies use their “obsession” as an outlet for the pain of not “fitting in.” I remember my obsession with fans when I was little, and back then I knew nothing about Autism and Asperger’s. I know how it felt to have people pressure me into becoming the illusion known as “normal.” I knew no other way than to ignore and make fun of other Aspies during high school because I wanted to eliminate my bitterness somehow. Writing has become my own outlet because it helps members of the “neurotypical” community understand me, and it hopefully helps kids who have previously experienced or may be experiencing many of these same emotions now.

I am not a huge “bible thumper” as many people call it, but I quoted a bible verse that I put in a previous post titled “Teachers, Counselors and Parents: Practice What You Preach!” because it relates to the topic I am covering today.

Matthew 7 vs 1-5

Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged and the measure you give will be judged, and the measure you get is the measure you get. Why do you seek the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, “Let me take the speck out of your eye”, while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbors eye.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, feel free to leave a comment!

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by Derek Warren on July 3, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on July 3, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/07/03/theyre-such-a-pain-to-talk-to/

I Made It! (Graduation 2011, Lesson’s I Have Learned)

I am so glad to say that I have graduated from the Lenape Technical School! Most of the people whom I have known throughout my life know that I have come a long way since that upsetting year. It was that year where I felt nobody in the student body seemed to care about the fact that I existed. I was the student who tried to avoid social interaction with my peers out of fear and anxiety. It was truly the only defense mechanism I thought would help ease the true emotional pain that nobody understood. Frequent readers know that one of my former therapists was under the impression that pressuring me like a military drill Sargent would magically cause me to “come out of my shell” and “open up” to people more. The truth was, it didn’t help. It caused me to put even more of a wall up against other people.

People tried to convince me that life in the Freeport Area Senior High School would get better as my years went on. I was very lacking of Math skills during that time. As a result, they put me in a low-level math class with the life skills students. The class consisted of very elementary, “rinky dink” skills. Some of them included telling time, counting coins, reading TV guides and your elementary addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. The students in that class seemed to enjoy teachers babysitting them all the time. We had one student who would get into trouble for running through the hall , yelling and pushing people out of the way. It happened two or three times every week! The teacher’s eventually decided that he should stay in his classroom for that particular period after the class change bell rang, then they would walk him to his next class after the tardy bell. The woman who taught this class was the same person who lied that Lenape was going to require a mandatory fee for all students to be admitted. There are many lessons that I have learned during my four years of high school, but I am going to go over a few that I am sure will have a profound impact on my life at IUP (Indiana University of Pennsylvania.)

1.) Ask for help when you need it.

You may be asking why I included this in a blog post. Many people in the “neurotypical” community can’t seem to figure out how the Autistic mind is a specialist mind. It means they are really good at one thing, and bad at something else. The thing that gets me really fed up with Special Education programs is how they only push the student to improve the weakness instead of building on them using their strengths. Freeport was only interested in evaluating my math skills and writing an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) that stated I had profound difficulty in math and that I should only be in a class with the life skills students. They completely insulted my intelligence, because I knew I was a smart person despite all the issues I had in school. They never showed me how math can relate to my interests and how it can apply to the real world. I had a teacher during my freshman year who was a very similar story. However, she hated her job and (from what I saw) she wasn’t willing to try new things. Anytime she explained steps to me, she basically sounded like “Derek, you do this, this and this. I am sick and tired of having to explain this to you! Finish your problems and turn them into me by the end of the class period or you get a zero!” On top of that, she would fall asleep in class while she yelled at us for not paying attention. Teachers can’t figure out that every student has somewhat of a different style of learning. Some learn visually (charts, graphs and handouts), while others learn kinesthetically (experiencing and doing things) and some learn through hearing instructions read and explained to them. For the most part, I am a kinesthetic learner when it comes to something I am interested and/or gifted in. However, it does help to have a visual and for somebody to read and explain instructions to me when I have trouble understanding something.

It is difficult for some teachers to figure out how they can help a student improve a weakness through building on it using their strength. For example, I always had difficulty in math because many of the textbooks I have used in the past did not explain the steps in the detail I needed in order to grasp it. I hated how all through high school my math classes were very abstract and repetitious. They only taught the material because it was a graduation requirement. They never showed me why these skills are important to know in our everyday lives and in our future career. The thing I learned about asking for help in high school is that you have to emphasize to the teacher that you are having trouble understanding the material. If it does not help you understand it, you should ask if they change their approach towards explaining the material. If I had to power to fire my math teacher from freshman year, that is most certainly the action I would have taken. We can blame tenure as the reason for why teachers like this are still allowed to keep their jobs.

**2.) A true friend must make time to spend with you**.

My frequent readers know that I had a profound difficulty with friendships in school. Not only were my parents, therapists and teachers aware of this, my peers seemed to be aware of this as well. There were some who tried to be nice to me, while others were just trying be rude to me and manipulate me. I even encountered people who would try to convince me into believing they were trying to be friendly, while they were really trying to do the exact opposite. I described one of those situations in an older blog post titled “Bullying: Ignore or Report?”

Freeport also did not handle bullies in the professional way the should have. There was a student during freshman year who kept sending me inappropriate pictures of himself to my phone, and in the text description he wrote “this is for you Derek”. I replied “stop sending me these pictures”. He probably sent me about ten more pictures when I told him to stop again. He then said “Wanna fight you fag”? My mother called the school the next day. I had erased all the pictures from my phone, because I became sick of looking at them.The next day one of the boys walked up to me and started threatening me, calling me a “liar” and a “faggot”. He made the excuse “I was only trying to be your friend, and you told the principal on me”. There was also one incident where he grabbed my backpack and threw my things around the locker room. He also touched me inappropriately and I told him to “get his f***ing hands off me”. He then said “Derek, you shouldn’t swear. I am going to tell the principal and you will get detention. I am only trying to be your friend. Why are you not talking to me”? I obviously didn’t buy that, because I have made the mistake of believing that line before. My mom reported the incident again, and all they did was give him a warning.

I have always been very careful when it comes to figuring out who I should consider as friends. However, that most certainly does not mean I don’t crave social interaction with people. I made the mistake of trying to interact with the people from the “cool” crowd. While I didn’t see them in school that often, I would initiate conversations with them via instant messaging or text messaging. I would then try to “break the ice” and ask if they wanted to get together on the weekend. They would either respond with a “I’ll see” or make an excuse such as “I’m busy, sorry.” Here is a situation I described in one of my post “What Does Cool Mean” where I described a “cool” students snobbish reaction when I inadvertently sent a text message to him late at night.

The next day, I text messaged him and his friends. I asked them what they were up to, and then “Mr. Cool” snapped and said “You woke me up at midnight! What the fu** is your problem”? I then asked him what he was talking about, then he told me about the text message. I looked at my sent messages and I saw I addressed it to him instead of the person I intended to send it to. I explained to him that I did not intend to send that message to him, but he then said “whatever, just don’t talk to me”. I asked why he was being so rude to me and he said “I don’t want to be friends with you. Don’t talk to me”. I then started making nasty comments to him, and said things like “You are only going to work at Burger King after you graduate from high school. You may be Mr. Cool now, but you will be a loser after you graduate”. He then responded to me “Yeah, my friends and I are Mr. Cool. You just fu** off and leave me alone”.

Now I realize I handled this situation inappropriately, but at the time I had absolutely no idea how to handle it. He had absolutely no desire in getting to know me as a real person and not as a member of his “clique”. That situation took place during the summer after my freshman year. I haven’t talked to this student since, and I am actually pretty glad about that. Looking back, the transition to Lenape Tech improved my self esteem because I no longer had to be around him or any of his friends on a daily basis. It is still hard for me to figure out whether or not someone is willing to be a “true friend” or a “good friend”.

3.) People who discourage you from pursuing your dream career don’t know enough about the field to “help” with your decisions.

While this statement is not always true, I must say that I can’t stand adults who are judgmental about your abilities. I have encountered many people who spoke to me like that throughout my years in high school. I’ve heard this from teachers, therapists and my parents friends. My teachers who tried to discourage me from going to Lenape were a perfect example. There was talk of Freeport and Leechburg to send students to pull out of Lenape and send students to a different vocational technical school. It was rumored that students would only have the option to attend the Northern Westmoreland Career and Technology Center for a half day program. We had the opportunity to see tour both schools, and Northern Westmoreland didn’t impress me very much. The day we went to tour the school, they acted like they were completely surprised to see us. Lenape had specific dates set and all of the sending schools came on their assigned day. Some of the instructors at Northern Westmoreland weren’t even in their classrooms. We would then just move onto the next technical program. When we got back to Freeport, my teachers patronized me by making me say “positive” things about the school. By doing this, they would be hopeful I would let them push me into doing what they believed would be the best option for me, which was going to Northern Westmoreland for a half day program as opposed to Lenape for the entire day. The reason they believed the half day school was a better option was primarily based on financial and the fact Lenape doesn’t have a structured learning support period.

Lenape’s former electronics instructor Mr. McCauley was a very enthusiastic man with quite a bit of knowledge. He was very encouraging of me, and he didn’t make judgmental comments about my abilities even though I literally just met him when I walked into the room a few minutes beforehand. However, he retired the year before I came. My junior year was a very difficult experience, and it was not because of the replacement teacher. The seniors who spent a year with Mr. McCauley were used to him, then all of a sudden they had to adapt to somebody with a different teaching style and different expectations. They had a very bitter and disrespectful attitude towards him. They thought taking their bitterness was an appropriate way to ease their animosity. Mr. McCauley was a great teacher, and I really could feel their frustration with change. However, was that really an excuse to take their bitterness on the juniors? After all change is often an inevitable. That means it is a fact of life and we can’t stop it. Judgmental teachers and therapists are one of the reasons many kids with “special needs” are stereotyped and are not given the funding to attend a college of their choice. As a result, they are lead to low paying jobs. I hope my experience in college will help me change the stereotypes that are given to a lot of the people out there like me.

Wrapping up:

I gave you three lessons that I learned from high school. I am pretty sure they will have a profound impact on my life in college, and throughout the rest of my life. I know that life is a constant learning process, and I am sure that throughout my life I will learn many more. While I am very excited to enter into the world of the unknown, I am also very anxious. I know this is a common emotion, but anxiety about entering into this new world is far from over. I am pretty confident that it will not be perfect, but I am sure it will be a better experience than high school. I have the support of my family and friends who can help me through any obstacle I may experience throughout this long journey ahead of me.

I thank you for reading!

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by Derek Warren on June 2, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on June 2, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/06/02/graduation-is-almost-here/

Does “Normal” Exist? (John Elder Robison’s Book “Be Different”)

Synopsis of selected chapters from “Be Different”:

Part 1: “Rituals, Manners and Quirks”

Part 2: “Emotions”

I will blog about parts 3, 4 and 5 in the near future!

I don’t know about you, but I absolutely hate reading clinical reports about Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. The only things they really focus on are the symptoms and treating methods. I urge you to take a look at this article on Web MD.com. It is a perfect example of something that absolutely drives me crazy. These reports only show a list of symptoms in childhood, adolescence and adult hood. I have tried my hardest to explain the emotions I have experienced in my life through the writing of my blogs. This brings me to another reason I can’t stand articles like this. It mainly focuses on the “cant’s” of Asperger’s. I am the proud owner of John Elder Robison’s new book “Be Different”. There have been people in the Asperger’s community who have given his first effort “Look Me In The Eye” negative reviews. It is hard to describe experiences throughout a person’s life, then explain how they overcame them in just one book. This weeks blog is going to describe how I can relate to my favorite chapters of this book.

John would probably agree with my statement that we have come along way when it comes to understanding Asperger’s. However, we still have much farther to go. The chapter “Asperger’s and Me” mentioned his son Jack Robison (nicknamed “Cubby), who is now twenty-one years old. He was officially diagnosed when he was sixteen. John was not officially diagnosed until twenty-four years later. A quote from the chapter reads “I look at him today, and see how much he’s benefited from understanding how and why his brain is different from other folks. In many ways, he’s the young man I could have been if only I had known what I had.”

Social skills groups did not work for me, because they focused on “fixing” my weaknesses instead of building on them using my strengths. They seemed to think threatening and scaring tactics would magically cause me to become “reborn” into a “socialite who had lots of friends”. My last blog was about teachers, counselors and parents who don’t “practice what they preach.” It showed how they all push students to learn more about “social skills”, while they behave in a way that shows a lack of social skills. The teacher at Freeport who tried to convince me into believing there was a fee to attend Lenape was a prime example. Remember the situation where they purposely put me on the spot in front of everybody? I liked the chapter Finding Your Path to “Fitting In” because there was one thing that showed me why I didn’t function in the Wesley Wonder Kids “social skills” group. A quote from the chapter read “competence excuses strange behavior. That’s a very important point for those of us on the spectrum, because our special interests can make us competent in whatever we find fascinating”. Wesley Wonder Kids only focused on “fixing” my quirks, not building on my strengths to improve my social skills.

With that in mind, I want to draw your attention to a story about Florida mother Melissa Barton and teacher Wendy Portillo. She is a kindergarten teacher at Port Saint Lucie elementary school. Her son’s teacher allowed her students to vote him out of class. Alex, was five years old when his teacher allegedly asked each student stand up and say something they didn’t like about him. They commented “Alex is disgusting”, “Alex is annoying”, “Alex sits under the table”, “Alex spins in circles” and “Alex eats his crayons”. After each student spoke, she asked him. Fourteen classmates voted him out of the classroom and two voted to let him stay in the class. In this CBS interview with Melissa, she talked about Alex’s only friend in his kindergarten class. Mrs. Portillo asked the little boy if Alex should be allowed to stay in the class. This happened not once, but twice! The first time he said Alex should be allowed to stay, but Mrs. Portillo sternly said his name. The boy eventually decided to vote him out of the class to prevent the teacher from potentially being punished for disagreeing with him.

Wendy Portillo’s punishment was originally a year suspension without pay and loss of tenure. However, the West Palm Beach school board decided to change that punishment and give her tenure back. In September 2010, she behaved discriminatory to another student with a disability. This teacher is now working at Allapattah Flats in She and two other West Palm Beach teachers were discriminative to a partially deaf girl. The two teachers were supposed to wear microphones so the female student could hear them, but the female student claimed they would “sometimes would not wear them”. According to this news article, the mother filed a complaint with the department of education. There was a claim in the report that said “that one teacher never wore the microphone and screamed and yelled at the student to pay closer attention.” The report also stated another teacher wore the microphone but did not turn it on and “laughed sarcastically in the face of the student”. When Alex Barton’s mother heard about this incident she commented “I can’t say that I’m surprised. I’ve fought very hard to correct this district and this teacher, and here we are again!”

Alex’s mother was very lucky the school board took any action about this teacher’s behavior, however Mrs. Portillo should not have received her tenure back. Discrimination against people is something that we unfortunately can’t erase, but society has a long way to go when it comes to enforcing the laws regarding it. However, we still have a long way to go. During John’s upbringing, anybody who exhibited these characteristics was perceived as “bad”, “ignorant”, “selfish” and “self-absorbed”, just to name a few. I am sure his mother was also very worried about his self-esteem after this unfortunate incident.

Let’s take a look at the chapter “A Reason To Care“. John’s mother suffered from Bipolar disorder and his father was a raging alcoholic. As a result, he dropped out of high school in the tenth grade. A quote from the chapter read “I loved computers and electronics, so I naturally imagined myself becoming an engineer. Yet, even with that dream secured, it was difficult for me to see a clear path from high school through college to professional engineerhood in my head. There were just too many problems. My home life was awful, with a drunken father and a mentally ill mother. And I didn’t seem to focus on what my teachers wanted.” Nobody was really there to motivate him and push him in the right direction. His behavior caused resulted in frequent trips to the principal’s office. A school like Lenape Tech sounds like something John really could have benefited from. I hated most of my classes, and my grades started to plummet because of my many issues with self-esteem. I was so bitter about the fact that nobody liked me and truly appreciated me for who I was. Just like John I felt “I wasn’t getting a thing out of class. No one wanted me there. There was no good reason to be in school”.

My freshman and sophomore years at Freeport were dreadful because I simply because I had to be there for about 6 hours every day. The teachers were not motivated to fit my needs, and they didn’t do a very good job motivating me because none of my classes really interested me. Most public high schools hire teachers for the sole purpose of filling employment vacancies. They don’t consider matters like their ability to teach the material in a way the students will understand. I urge you to search for your school on the website Rate My Teachers. Reasons like what I just described are why this website has sparked such a controversy. Every school out there has at least one teacher who seems to think that giving assignment after assignment out of a textbook will “light the spark” and help them truly understand the material and want to learn more about it. The thing that annoys me about teachers who give nothing but book work is the fact they never explain any of the terms or (if you are in a class that involves math) formulas in the chapter you they assign you. It is also really no use to ask the teacher for help, because they just tell you how to do the steps instead of showing the steps in a way the average student can grasp it. A “bad” teacher would say “Derek, I’ve told you the steps countless times. Why aren’t you paying attention?” A “good” teacher would say “Derek, let me explain the steps in another way. You don’t seem to be getting it.” The simple fact about teaching is they have to get used to the fact that every student has a different learning style.

A visual learner needs to be taught how to take notes, remember important ideas and they need to have notes and a visual to look at and help them remember information that is going to be on a test. Visual learners would most likely excel in classes like geometry and trigonometry. Algebra can be very challenging for these learners because it is a very abstract

A kinesthetic (hands on) learner should be allowed to make models of the topic they are learning about. Field trips are a great way to show real world applications of the topic you are covering. They should have the opportunity to use tools and put their skills to the test.

An auditory learner may have difficulty reading passages in a textbook or handouts and they may take longer to get the work completed. They often have high confidence to contribute to class discussions and they are good with words and language. Both oral and written instruction are essential.

The problem with many teachers is they are unwilling to adapt to the many different learning styles of each student. I am mostly a visual learner, but the hands on an auditory approach towards learning can be helpful for me. It is also important to remember that not every single Aspergian learns the same way. I am a person who needs specific instruction when it comes to performing a task.

Let’s skip forward to the chapter “(Not) Reading People”. Awareness of things like facial expressions and tone of voice can be very difficult for people like me. The chapter opened with John describing how his grandma Richter would make faces at him when he was a toddler. Instead of smiling and laughing at his grandmother, he would just stare. He had absolutely no idea what to make of her action. The circus clown faces coming from his grandmother caused him to wonder if they were supposed to be “funny” or “dangerous.” This agrivated her, so she asked “Why aren’t you smiling at me? You are just a mean little boy.” She finally had enough and plopped John onto the ground. His initial reaction “I was not able to fully grasp what had just happened, but I got the message that she didn’t like me very much.” The therapist I described in many of my former posts (especially “You Need To Laugh More”) seemed to think that pushing me would magically cure me of this problem. He took a similar approach to how Elaine Hall handled her son Neal. He would mimic my facial expressions, film them with my video camera and laugh at them in the process. After we watched the video tapes, he would sit there and tell me how I needed to fix them “immediately”. I am surprised I “kept my cool” and didn’t punch him after I encountered that whole experience. That was an approach that caused me to put even more of a wall. I most certainly didn’t think it was funny, so I refused to open up to him. The fact is, I will not open up to somebody who tries to push me to the limit. To me, it seemed like he was trying to blame me being me for the fact that I had self esteem issues and was bullied a lot. I was emotionally drained by the end of every session with him. I am gradually improving on my ability to recognize facial expressions in people, but never again will I let anybody shove them down my throat!

If grown-ups are aware, they can do a whole lot to help by explaining what the kids are missing.”

John Elder Robison

Friendships in high school have been very difficult for me. This was because of my difficulty with facial expressions. The chapter “Making and Keeping Friends” illustrated how his views of friendships have changed. Social skills groups like Wesley Wonder Kids weren’t very helpful when it came to making friendships. The group members were lost in their own worlds and I was lost in mine. I could not figure out how to interact with them because I was not into the same things they were. I met my good friend Aaron from the Computing Workshop program, and we automatically got along because he was a very laid back guy who wasn’t interested in normalizing me. The group members from Wesley Wonder Kids seemed to be lost in their own world of video games, cartoons, Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon. When they would talk about their interests, the staff members would put me on the spot and make me ask questions about it. I had no idea what to ask them because I am not interested in any of those things. I was just to stressed about the whole social pressure of high school that I didn’t really want friends. Mom would try to encourage me to find out more about the things they were interested in, but I chose not to because I feared I would get even more lost into my world. Reading this chapter described how I felt at just about any social event with people close to my age. There was another thing about friendships that really frustrated me during junior high and high school. The following is another quote from this chapter “Like anyone, it cuts me when a friend I care about turns on me, but if someone I just met fades from the scene, I’ve learned not to be troubled.” I know now that friends who come and go are not true friends. I’ve come to realize that it is their problem if they don’t want to truly get to know me. Very much like John, I thought of friendships as “all or nothing”. People have different groups of friends and not every category of friends share their deepest darkest secrets.

There is one more chapter that I want to talk about in part 2. “Keeping Cool In A Crisis” can be very difficult for many people. People often joke about tragedies like car accidents and school shootings because they don’t realize the seriousness of the situation until it actually happens to them or somebody they care about. John was involved in a serious car accident, but he and the passenger were not injured. The following is a quote that described the situation “Everything happened in slow motion, though the crash played out in a fraction of a second in real-time. Jim saw a rainbow as the other car’s window glass exploded in our headlights. I remember a tremendous jolt, and struggling to twist my wrecked steering wheel as our car slid to a stop. When we stopped moving we both looked back and forth for a moment, and wiggled our arms and legs to ascertain that we were still alive and intact.” The driver of the other vehicle was killed on impact. Head on collisions are among of the most serious types of car accidents because they involve more than one vehicle. I honestly don’t know how I would react if I encountered a crisis situation because I have never experienced it before. Instead of screaming and panicking, he did his best to rescue the passenger trapped inside the other vehicle. He took the logical approach and solved the problem while helping somebody who was in danger. Fire, severe weather and lockdown drills in school are necessary in schools because they are intended to prepare for the unthinkable. Before I leave you for today, I urge you to look at this video. It contains rare evidence that was found from the shooting at Columbine High School in April 1999. The evidence was put there to help people reconnect with what happened that day.

I hope you enjoyed reading my perceptions of John Elder Robison’s book.

I will review parts 3, 4 and 5 next week!

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by Derek Warren on May 1, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on May 1, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/does-normal-exist-john-elder-robisons-book-be-different/

Teachers, Counselors and Parents: “Practice What You Preach”!

I was looking online for a quote based on the idiom “Practice What You Preach”. Out of all the quotes I came across, the one I am about to share is probably my favorite one I have come across in a long time. The quote read “It is always easier to fight for your principals than to live up to them”. The term for people who don’t “practice what they preach” is a hypocrite. Here is one of my favorite bible verses about hypocrisy.

Matthew 7 vs 1-5

Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged and the measure you give will be judged, and the measure you get is the measure you get. Why do you seek the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, “Let me take the speck out of your eye”, while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbors eye.

I don’t normally bring discussion about the bible into my blogs, but this perfectly describes the many experiences I have been through with therapists, teachers and other adults who have preached “social skills” to me. I want to start with describing a teacher I had during my sophomore year at the Freeport Area Senior High School. For those of you who know me and/or who are frequent readers of my blog know that I have attended the Lenape Technical School for my junior and senior year. Freeport put me in the learning support classes since I was in the fifth grade. I was in the support room at the high school, and we were handed a scheduling paper for our junior year. My most recent blog post before this one described a math class with this teacher. I saw the optical electronics program at Lenape, and I was so bitter about the whole experience at Freeport that I knew there was only one way to make me feel better about school. I had to get out of there.

The teacher asked me what classes I wanted to take and I said “I don’t know”. She told me “You better decide quickly because if you don’t, you will have to take what we picked for you.” I responded “Then I’ll just go into cyber school if I don’t get accepted into Lenape”. The teacher obnoxiously responded “Derek, the state of Pennsylvania is eliminating cyber school next year. Also, there is now a fee to attend Lenape. Your parents are now required to pay half. You will not be admitted into the school if your parents don’t pay before the end of this school year”. That evening, I brought it up to my parents. My mother told me not to worry, because both of those ignorant statements were not true. Lenape is the comprehensive vocational technical school for Armstrong county. The school district pays the money for students to attend. What baffled me about this situation was how the teacher would try to convince me into believing her even though she knew her statements were false. She always reprimanded me for not interacting “appropriately”, while she bullied me into making the decision to stay at Freeport and be educated to become a janitor. I obviously did not let her bully me into what Freeport wanted me to do, so I went to Lenape and for the most part I feel happier and more fulfilled.

I have described my experiences with traditional “social skills” groups. Wesley Wonder Kids didn’t really work for me because it was mainly focused on teaching kids appropriate ways to interact with people. They used several teaching materials such as role plays and social stories. Before I go into more detail, I know there are many kids who would benefit from this program. I wasn’t very fond of it because it was the same routine every session. At the beginning of the session, each group member was asked to share news stories from their week. They would all talk about their favorite video games, movies, music and activities they participated in throughout the week. When my turn came, I didn’t really know what to share. I hated school, so I didn’t want to talk about that. I am not an avid movie fan. I was and still am a weightlifter, but they already knew that. They were not particularly interested in exercising, so I figured I shouldn’t talk about that. I didn’t do much else besides going to school and going to the gym. I would take my dog on occasional walks and go on errands with my parents on occasions but that was it.

The staff members would put me on the spot and pressure me into sharing something. I remember one sessions somebody asked “what did you have for lunch today?” I reluctantly responded “pizza”. Let’s go back to another post that described a situation during an activity during coffee talk.

Each group member was assigned a date on the calendar, and on that specific date you were supposed to bring a desert type snack and choose a topic the group can easily discuss for fifteen minutes. On one particular day, it was another group member’s turn to choose a topic. When it came time for coffee talk, he didn’t have his topic chosen like he was supposed to. It took him five minutes to finally choose one, and he finally chose “pop culture”. Everybody had their favorite movie, band or television show to talk about and I had absolutely no idea what to say. All of the group members would talk over each other, and the parents could hear them in the lobby next door over the air conditioning vent. Because coffee talk was the last activity of the night, I was only focused on going home and going to bed. Then a voice from one of the staff members rang out “Derek, we haven’t heard from you yet. What do you have to contribute to this discussion?” I responded by saying “I don’t know”. The group members turned around and started pressuring me to say something, similar to most of my peers in school when they would ask me things like “Why Are You So Quiet”? When it finally became time to leave, I muttered in disgust “I hate being put on the spot”. Another staff member heard my remark and said “You have to suck it up, you are going to be put on the spot for the rest of your life”.

I would have been much happier at Wesley Wonder Kids if the staff members would have listened to me and tried to understand how I was personally effected by Asperger’s. A true person with “social skills” will listen to them and do whatever they can to help them get through a problem. I was a very reserved person at Freeport. Wesley told me I should not be judgmental, when made comments towards me regarding how much of a failure I would be if I didn’t make friends “immediately”.

I am going to be graduating from high school in six weeks. I know college is going to be different from high school in many ways, but I still have no idea what it is really going to have in store for me. I am going to try my hardest not to let judgmental people bring me down, because I know I may encounter them. I think the only “therapy” I need is to learn about Electro Optics, a career field with many different job opportunities. Another “therapy” will be to publish a book about my life. I hope I will “shed some more light” about Asperger’s. We need to teach people that every kids with Asperger’s is different, and we should encourage them to use their gifts in order to build on their weaknesses.

I hope you enjoyed reading!

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by Derek Warren on March 28, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on March 28, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/03/28/youre-not-interacting-appropriately-social-skills-professionals-practice-what-you-preach/

“Connect, Don’t Correct and Control” (Elaine Hall’s book “Now I See The Moon”)

How often have you Aspies experienced professionals such as therapists or teachers who want to normalize you? Before people say anything, I know that not all therapists are out there to magically make us into “normal” people. I recently read theater coach Elaine Hall’s book “Now I See The Moon”. It described how life with her son Neal has changed her perspective of Autism greatly. Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome are different in many ways, but I can relate to the feelings described in her memoir. Neal is a non verbal Autistic child, which means he cannot speak. It can be a real challenge to raise a non verbal Autistic child. This is because they have been known to throw tantrums when they go into something called sensory overload. He was adopted from an orphanage in Russia. It takes education and compassion to raise a child with any type of Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

Dr. Barry Schwartz is an American Psychologist. He is the Dorwin Cartwright professor of social theory and social action at Swathmore College in Pennsylvania. While psychology is a controversial topic in the Autism and Asperger’s communities, he gave a lecture on TED that made some very good points about our loss of wisdom. He opened his lecture with a job description of a hospital janitor. The description basically said you keep the entire building cleaned and maintained. However, he brought up a statement that most people would not think about if they were to apply for that employment position. A job description for a janitor does not cover any skills regarding how to coöperate with and serve other people. Elaine Hall encountered one of these janitors when she was taking Neal to a gymnastics class for special needs students. She walked into the gym, and saw a guy standing on top of a ladder in the middle of the floor. She thought nothing of it until she saw the man had a drill in his hand. She politely asked him if he could finish the drilling later. Being the thoughtful janitor he was, he responded “I’m almost done”. He immediately turned around and started drilling again. The sound of the drill causes Neal to “go into a convulsion“, as it said in the book. Elaine asks the man to stop drilling once again, and he completely ignores her. As Neal continues to cover his ears and scream, she screams “stop the f***ing drilling!” The man looks, see’s Neal’s meltdown and says “I’m almost done!” Then he continues drilling. She gives up and decides to take Neal home. The man ruined what was going to be an exciting new experience for her son.

Autism is an invisible disorder on the outside. That simply means the child’s physical appearance is normal, but their mannerism can seem to be the complete opposite of normal to people. During “phase two” of the book, Elaine described the day she and Neal took a trip to Maryland to meet his relatives for the first time. One of his cousins gave him matchbox cars, and he went off by himself and started stacking them on top of each other. His cousins were very frustrated because Neal wouldn’t play with them. Instead of playing with them, he would follow them around. This bothered his one cousin His one cousin Kira commented to his aunt “Mom, I like our other cousin Brandon better!” They had absolutely no idea how to interact with him. This is also true with people like me who have Asperger’s Syndrome. I enjoyed talking about fans, school buses and fire alarms when I was growing up. I have found that children with Asperger’s often like to use their “obsession” as an escape from stress. He really didn’t know how to interact with other children. The fact that he followed his cousins around could have meant that he was at least interested in them.

Traditional therapists did not work for Neal. They didn’t work for me either. Anytime he would flap his hands, the therapist would tell him “quiet hands”! He would hold his hands on his ears instead of sitting still. The therapists were obviously not impressed by that. They would immediately tell him “No Neal, put your hands down!” Most Autistic people cover their ears when they are overwhelmed by loud noises. So, Neal’s brain told him to put his hands over his ears when the therapist would say “quiet hands”. Elaine took a different approach to helping Neal become aware of his hand flapping and spinning in circles. If Neal needed to flap his hands, she would flap hands with him. They would pretend they were birds flying around. There was one situation in the book where Neal was walking down the street, and he liked to look at the shiny hubcaps on the parked cars. She tried to convince him to keep going, but he had a meltdown. Elaine then joined him in staring at the hubcaps. A few seconds past, and they walked on. He never stared at a hubcap again. She helped Neal become aware of his behaviors by entering into his world. As I said, Autistic people use their obsessive behaviors as a way to relieve stress from over-stimulation. Elaine hired theater people to work with Neal and they naturally thought outside the box.

We had a student two summers ago at the Computing Workshop who did this when he was overly stimulated. He had severe non verbal Autism and he also had Down Syndrome. He loved to twirl and shake bead necklaces that people would throw at Marti Gras parties. The mobile therapist he worked with was not very helpful. He, a Behavioral Specialist Consultant (BSC) and a Mobile Therapist (MT) were working one on one. I don’t remember exactly what they were doing, but the student became overwhelmed. He decided to walk over and play with his beads. The therapist quickly ran over, grabbed the beads and forced him to walk back to his tutor. He obviously was not happy about this, so he started making loud noises and trying to pull away from the therapist. The therapist said “I know you don’t want to do this, but it’s time to work. You have to suck it up”. He obviously had no idea what this meant. So he tried to walk over to the beads again. This kept happening three or four times, until a staff member finally insisted “why don’t we let him take a break and bring him to another room afterwords?” This therapist was just another one of the incompetent people we have working with children who have special needs. Instead of helping him, she berated him and treated him like he was bad. Therefore, he rebelled.

Besides writing a memoir about her experiences with Neal, she founded The Miracle Project. She is on the same mission that Mary Hart, the director of Computing Workshop is on. Society is mainly focused on the things Autistics can’t do. Elaine decided to teach the kids singing, dancing and poetry. She and her team wrote a musical and had the kids perform it in front of a live audience. My experiences with traditional social skills groups were not very good. They were only focused on controlling me and correcting me. If you have read my previous posts, they have described my experiences at Wesley Wonder Kids to a tea. Instead of connecting with me, they focused on teaching me appropriate social skills and reprimanding me every time I demonstrated them inappropriately. They wanted to “normalize” me. Before people say anything, I am aware that all children and teenagers need some structure. They have to know things like when it is appropriate to joke around and when it is time to be serious. They have to learn the differences between close friends, friends, acquaintances and strangers. However, we do not need “professionals” who will reprimand them because of their unusual behaviors.

I viewed the film “Autism: The Musical” which documents the Miracle Project from the first class to performance night. I don’t want to give to much of the film away, but I did enjoy watching the kids progress as the film went on. The group member that stood out to me was Wyatt. He did not enjoy being in the special education program at school, but he felt like he couldn’t relate to the students in the mainstream classrooms. He was the object of bullying and harassment in school, but the material taught to him in the special education program was very low-level. During my sophomore year at Freeport, I was put in a math class with the life skills students. There were many elementary level things we did in that class. We learned how to read a clock and tell time, count coins and of all things READ A TV GUIDE. This class was a total insult to my intelligence. I could care less because most clocks are digital, we have calculators to aide us with money, and most TV guides are digital. I can turn on my cable box, and find out what time a show will come on with a few clicks of a button. Wyatt seemed to be high functioning, but his peers and teachers in school thought he was hopeless.

While I know that Autism and Asperger’s are different in many ways, I could see myself in the book “Now I See The Moon” and the film “Autism: The Musical”. The world needs more organizations like Computing Workshop and The Miracle Project, and less social skills groups that focus on normalizing. I am through with hating myself because I am not normal, although I do experience negative emotions from time to time. However, I try my best not to let them interfere with becoming a successful person. This is why I highly recommend people to watch this book and movie. I hope you enjoyed reading my review!

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by Derek Warren on March 26, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on March 26, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/03/26/connect-dont-correct-and-control/

Four Misconceptions About Asperger’s Syndrome (Written By An Aspie Teen)

Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism will never be fully understood. We will never know what causes it. I highly doubt there will be a cure, and I most certainly do not believe there will be a need for one. However, I do believe writing about ones experiences and emotions will make people become more aware about my diagnosis. I am absolutely through with therapists trying to “fix” me, and trying to “fit in” and be “like everybody else”. I’ve written blogs in the past about stereotypes, which are common beliefs about groups of people or certain types of individuals.

Stereotypes are the reason people don’t give us Aspies the respect and understanding we deserve. I am going to cover some of the most common misconceptions about Asperger’s Syndrome.

1.) “Teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome prefer to be alone”

There is a movie out that I haven’t had the opportunity to see yet, but it’s called “If You Could Say It In Words”. I recently viewed an Autism Talk TV interview with Alex plank (founder of Wrong Planet) Nicholas Gray (director), Alvin Keith (actor) and Marin Ireland (actress). The movie is a love story about two undiagnosed Aspies. Alex made a comment during this interview that completely explains why Asperger’s is not understood. He explained that in many movies about people with Asperger’s, they look up a list of symptoms and only talk about how to portray them to show they have Asperger’s. They developed the relationships between the two characters instead of only focusing on the symptoms.

People can’t get the idea that we Aspies want social interaction with people just as much as anyone else does. We want friends who are understanding, loyal and trustworthy of us. I recently viewed a film named “Billy The Kid”, a documentary about Billy, a teenage boy with Asperger’s. The only thing this documentary really focused on was the fact that he has trouble interacting with people. It didn’t focus on the positive sides of Asperger’s Syndrome. There was one scene at the beginning of the documentary that showed Billy waking to the school cafeteria, constantly scanning the hallway for trouble. He was scared somebody might try to harass him. This scene brought back my memories of being a student at the Freeport Area Senior High School. I desperately wanted friends, but people were too rude and judgmental to even let me sit at their lunch table. Everybody had their own clique of friends, and they had no room for anyone new. I couldn’t bare to watch the rest of the documentary because it seemed to me the film directors would drag Billy into social situations. I was fed up with this documentary because it focused on all of the things we Aspies have so much trouble with in life. With that being said, Billy did seem like a very intelligent person. This documentary showed the painful aspects of having Asperger’s Syndrome, as a result I was offended. I am not going to go into detail about the whole film, but there was one scene that made me go back to the bad memories of my high school years. He described how he dated a girl, then she dumped him in front of a bunch of people in school. When I heard about this, I immediately flashed back to my memories of freshman and sophomore year at Freeport. It brought back memories of people setting me up, convincing me into believing they were trying to be my friend, then turning around and behaving in a way that completely humiliated me. Because of this, I would probably give “Billy The Kid” two out of five stars. The film director should have focused on the benefits of having Asperger’s Syndrome instead of the fact that he has trouble connecting with people and dealing with change.

2.) “Children and teens with Asperger’s are rebellious”

We can thank the morning news and society in general for this stereotype. When you get the chance, I encourage you to watch this YouTube video. It’s talks about Indiana State teacher Kristen Woodward who called five year old student Gabriel Ross “pathetic” in class. The student brought a tape recorder into the classroom, and recorded his verbal beating in front of the whole class. Her comments went as follows.

Ten people in this building you have tormented and tortured for 149 days, I’m done! You’ve been ignorant, selfish, self absorbed, the whole thing! I’m done!

The teacher then went as far as addressing the entire class,

He has made every wrong choice possible, and he has had more help to make the right choices and he has chose not to. So, you guys think, is that somebody in class you want to be with?

Class: Nooo.

See, your friends don’t even want to be with you now.

Woodward was suspended with pay. While I don’t know the entire story, it seemed to me the teacher did not communicate with the parents about Gabriel’s ”talking problem” in class. After all, the mother said it kept happening for 149 days. The teacher should have either called or sat down with the parents to talk possible ways to handle the “talking problem”. Instead, she wrote negative comments on his behavior log. Some of them read “talked non stop interrupting the teachers”, “terrible day” and “talked non stop today”.

Since the very first summer I started at the Computing Workshop, I’ve heard many reports from parents about teachers treating their children like this. The coordinator told me about a bad encounter with teachers and administrators at an I.E.P meeting. This student wanted to attend our summer program a few years back, and they had to attend the meeting to decide whether or not the school was going to pay for his tuition in the program. The entire meeting, the teachers and administrators at this school kept berating him about how “annoying” he was. They were trying to threaten him and make him feel like he was a “terrible child”. This child obviously didn’t seem like a major trouble maker. Again, the teachers should have communicated with the parents in private if they thought his “annoying” behavior was such a problem.

3.) “Children and teenagers with Asperger’s are violent”.

This is another one of the stereotypes that we can thank the media and Hollywood for. Do you remember the kid in my TV production class who told me I looked “just like a serial killer”. This was due to the fact that I didn’t talk to anybody. I ignored him after he made this comment because he was purposely trying to get an angry reaction from me. I remember John Elder Robison’s book “Look Me In The Eye”, the very first chapter described how people would say the same things to him. People threatened him with the military and jail. they often called him a “sociopath” and a “psychopath” One quote from the book said “I’ve read about people like you. They have no expression because they have no feeling. Some of the worst murders in history were sociopaths”.

My sister was a senior when I was a freshman at Freeport. This was the time I worked with that pushy therapist who wanted to “fix” me. She often commented how I would walk around the hallway with a scowl on my face. One of the key characteristics of Autism is awkward facial expressions. My pushy therapist got a kick out of the habit that I couldn’t control. He would imitate my facial expressions and try to get me to laugh about it. As I stated in my last blog “You Need To Laugh More”, he finally gave up on me after year. Hurting somebody was not on my mind, but I was pretty angry because of all the prejudices I received from people. Aspies tend to become aware of their quirks as they grow older. It does not always take somebody demanding them to change in order to fix their habits.

4.) “Teens With Asperger’s Syndrome Can’t Express Empathy”

This is probably the most ridiculous stereotype out of the five I am going to cover today. Scroll back to the quote from John Elder Robison’s book. I have began to realize that kids with Asperger’s Syndrome are far more empathetic than most average high school students. People should not confuse the word empathy with sympathy. If the were to be a death in your friends family, you would feel sorry for them. Therefore, you might send them a card or a gift expressing your sympathy. However, empathy a little bit different. My blogs help me express my empathy towards people on the Autistic Spectrum or people who are different in general because they show they are not alone. I know how it feels to be misconceived and misused.

While I am not a fan of reality TV, I am a fan of the show “World’s Strictest Parents”. The show focuses on changing the lives of rebellious teenagers who’s lives revolve around things like drugs, sex, partying and violence. Two teenagers are sent away to live with another family and experience “strict parenting”. The family has strict rules, but they are used to teach them about responsibilities in life. However, they try their hardest to do it with compassion, love and understanding. This particular clip shows British teenagers Sevda and Andrew. They were sent to San Antonio, Texas. They lived with the Frazee family for a week. Randy is a pastor at a mega church and Rosanne, his wife is a “stay at home” mom. My favorite part of this episode was part four. The second half of the clip showed them going to the local Boys and Girls club. While the group members were hanging out during break, Sevda stayed inside. The classmate Carlton walked over and talked to her. Sevda was drawing on a piece of paper when he walked over. Here is what he said.

Carlton: You like art, you’re very stylish, you have a lot going for you! I wanna ask you something. Do you like to party? A lot?

Sevda: Yes.

Carlton: You wanna know where I just got back from? I just got done five months in jail!

Sevda: Really?

Carlton: Yeah, my mom’s an alcoholic, my dad.. I don’t know where he is. I’ve been in every school in this town because of moving. I’ve been through rough times.

Sevda: I just hate doing this.

Carlton: You don’t want to do this?

Sevda: I just don’t like school.

Carlton: I say you go for it.

Even though Carlton’s advice didn’t encourage Sevda to participate with the group, it was a great example of showing empathy to a person. He calmly walker over and tried to start a conversation with her. He encouraged her by explaining he has been through similar experiences in his own life. I didn’t understand myself during my freshman and sophomore years at Freeport. Coming to Lenape has helped me become more open about my differences. Since then, I have received many comments from people thanking me. Therefore, we most certainly can express empathy! There are still many things I don’t know about Asperger’s. It just takes time for us to understand ourselves while we try understand other people at the same time.

I used this entry to go the extra mile. I have tried to prove my “favorites” of the many Asperger’s stereotypes wrong.

Whether or not you are an Aspie or just a person who is not understood, I encourage you to comment and write about misconceptions people have about you. Try your best to prove them wrong!

Thank you for reading!

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by Derek Warren on March 11, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on March 11, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/03/11/four-misconceptions-about-aspergers-syndrome/

Problems I faced in public high school

When was the last time you heard the phrase “High school years are the best years of your life”? I have to say that I have heard that too many times to count. When I first started my freshman year in high school, I was just like everyone else, nervous and I didn’t know what to expect. I went to Freeport Area Senior High School, which is about 30 minutes North of Pittsburgh. The previous year, I was an eighth grader at the Freeport Junior High School, we were the oldest grade in the school, and we were the “top dogs”. But that all changed when I started freshman year, we were the youngest of all the students there, and we were the ones that got picked on the most. There were a lot more students in the building than there were in the junior high school, because the high school was a ninth through twelfth grade school, and the junior high was only seventh and eighth grade. Each grade was sitting at one table, and they were completely full. They were all involved in their own “cliques”, and they all had different interests. One group was into sports, while the other was into computers or music. I had a variety of interests, but I didn’t have the confidence to reach out and talk to somebody. I was afraid that if I did reach out to somebody, that person would later make fun of me, or take advantage of me.

Students aside, I also has some problems with teachers. Most people tell me that they liked their high school teachers alot more than their middle school teachers, but I was exactly the opposite. I had very helpful teachers in the junior high that were very helpful, and we did tons of projects where I was able to express myself with my computer skills. My high school classes were nothing but books and paper, we did no hands on activities and we had to do it exactly how the book said to do it. In my computer applications class, the only program we covered was Microsoft Word. The textbook we used had these “do it yourself” activities, and we had to copy all of them word for word, and format it like they told us to. I had more skills than everybody else in the class, so it was a completely useless waste of time. Instead of working at our own pace, we had to follow along with the teacher, who would just sit and ramble about things I already knew how to do. The class lasted for a semester, and at the end I got a 59 percent, and the teacher wrote “refuses to follow directions” on my report card. I wanted to prove to the teacher in that class that I already knew how to do it, and that I didn’t need to listen to her boring lectures. There surpisingly quite a few people that didn’t know HOW TO FORMAT A WORD DOCUMENT OF ALL THINGS.

Math wasn’t one of my strong points, and it still isn’t today. It really makes things better when you have a great teacher there to help you with things you struggle with the most. That unfortunately wasn’t the case for me in public high school. The math teacher I had to deal with in high school reeked with the smell of tobacco, and was also a very grouchy, old woman that hated her job. If you even made a short glance at this woman, you could tell that she just didn’t want to be working at our school. She would spend the first 20 minutes of the class period complaining about why she didn’t want to be at school, and about all of the students she hated working with. Then, she would give us a homework assignment and expect it to be done by the next day. There were days she wouldn’t even explain how to do the material, then she would sit and fall asleep during class. That, of course was the time for all of the students to goof off. When the students would make a lot of noise, she would wake up, then the dismissal bell would ring. That was the daily routine of eighth period math class. Another thing that really distracted me was the sound of the buses pulling in. My parents mentioned it to my learning support teacher, then they decided that I would go to the support room for the last 15 minutes of eighth period math class. It was on the other side of the school, and it was far away from where the buses would pull in.

Sophomore year was better academically, but not socially. I got teased and labeled from the same people as always, and I got very sick of it. In November, we went on a class trip to the Lenape Vo Tech school in Ford City, PA. I got to tour each of their 15 technical programs, and the one I was impressed with the most was their new opto electronics engineering technology program. They had a very enthusiastic instructor, very friendly students, which all seemed very interested in what they were learning. One unique thing about Lenape is that you stay there for your core academic classes one half of the day, and you study your chosen technical field in the afternoon. I will go there for both my junior and senior year. I know that this school will be a much better option for me, and it will give me a chance to start off on a clean slate. I know that there will be a few of those rude, arrogant people that try to bring me down, but I’m not going to let that get to me.

by Derek Warren on July 21, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Education

Tagged Problems I faced in public high school

Posted by Derek Warren on July 21, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/07/21/problems-i-faced-in-public-high-school/

How could high school be better for students on the spectrum?

As you read in my last blog, high school was a very rough time for me. The same thing is true for many students that are on the autistic spectrum. I myself have Aspergers Syndrome, which is the best form of autism for a person on the spectrum to have. In the past, i’ve seen severely autistic individuals who can’t communicate at all. I am an intern for an autistic computer camp, and we have a severely autistic student that uses a special computer called a dynaVox to communicate. Don’t get me wrong, these devices are great to use, but I am happy that I don’t have autism as badly as this student does. I’m happy that i’m able to communicate with words and not through some electronic device.

So how could high school be better for students on the autistic spectrum? First off, I feel that public schools need to have a stricter policy about bullying other people because of their differences. At school one day, I was sitting next to two boys that were having a conversation, they were joking around, then one of them made a comment that really got me angry, he said something like “You must be retarded, you have autism.” I saw a teacher standing right next to our table, and this student said it loud enough for someone on the other side of the cafeteria to hear. In high school, if you do something completely harmless that won’t hurt anybody, you get put in lunch detention or in school suspension, but if you say something that really offends somebody, they get the one minute long “don’t do that again” speech. How is that going to do anything? I have been in situations in the past where teachers have given my tormentor that same damn lecture, and do you know what happened? They just kept on doing it even more. The second time I told on the person, they did the said that same old “if you ever do that again….” This person was more than a foot shorter than I was, and I already was one of the tallest people in the class, and i’m pretty sure that this person knew I could do him some serious damge if I tried hard enough. Then, I talked to the school a third time about it, then they finally decided to kick him out of school. I am glad that I was able to control my anger, which prevented me from doing something that could get me into serious trouble. If I hurt him, I could end up in out of school suspension or even gotten expelled.

I mentioned in my last paragraph that schools should have a zero tolerance policy towards bullying, and I talked about the student that called autistic people “retarded”. The most logical reason for why people on the spectrum, like me are made fun of is because they don’ t understand what autism really is. Autism is a genetic disorder that CANNOT BE CURED! I am appaled that people think that it’s a mental disease that can be cured. No matter how hard they try to search for a cure, it won’t happen! These people are just as ignorant as the folks from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. You can’t cure a persons skin color, socioal and economic status, age, gender, national origin or sexual orientation so why would you want to cure autism? I also think that public schools across America should be required to educate students about autism. I think they should take time to educate them of the causes, symptoms, and how they diagnose people with autism. I remember when my school showed a 5 minute video about the disorder, nobody really payed attention to the video, they were either gossiping with friends, or making rude comments about people that have the disorder. There was a student that sat behind me and yelled out “nobody likes retards.” I went and told a teacher about it, and he just said “ignore him, and I didn’t hear him say it so I can’t do anything.” Studies have shown that autism is not a disease, and its not caused by vaccines.

Aside from bullying, and not fitting in, the educational curriculum in public high schools is not the right fit for students on the spectrum. I feel that public schools emphasize the core academicsand don’t teach information related to the students personal interests. If one student is into playing the piano, why can’t they tie in math with music? If another student is into airplanes why can’t the teacher have them do reports on books about airplanes? I mentioned in my last blog about my grouchy math teacher I had during my freshman year in high school. She would give us these worksheets with about thirty multi step problems, and she did a horrible job explaining how to do it. Every five minutes she would change the subject and complain about another reason she didn’t want to be at school with us. I feel that these grouchy, messed up teachers that are lazy to try anything new need to either be fired or retire. Kids are not going to be interested in listening to a teacher with a monotone voice lecture for a fourty minute class period, and they also won’t learn anything, so why the hell are they teaching in the first place? I can understand why so many kids slack off during high school, because they have these awful people “educating” them for their future. Going back to my math teacher from freshman year, she would always expect these large assignments to be completed the next day, and if they were not, she would throw a screaming fit at us. I don’t know one single person that enjoys doing math equations from a textbook, and there are many career fields out there that involve high level math. I am going to a vo tech high school to study opto electronics, which is the use of electronic devices that control light and radiation. Their course syllabus told me that algebra is required in this course. Even though there is a lot of math involved in this, which will take some time for me to understand, I am looking forward to attending this school because it is related to something that I am interested in. It makes school so much easier when you learning something you are passionate about.

I have about a million more ideas for ways to improve the public high school experience for kids on the spectrum, but i’m not going to mention them here. The two ideas I mentioned need absolutely no more explanation.

by Derek Warren on July 27, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Education, Life

Posted by Derek Warren on July 27, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/07/27/how-could-high-school-be-better-for-students-on-the-spectrum/

Do social skills groups help all students on the spectrum?

We all know that one of the Symptoms with Autism and Aspergers Syndrome is the lack of social skills. When a person with Aspergers Syndrome, a high functioning form of autism reaches the years of junior high and high school, some, but not all aspies are notoriously bullied, teased and picked on. Along with low social skills, students on the spectrum have trouble understanding other peoples minds, aka ”mind blindness”. Many people say that repetition, structure, and authority are the way to teach students on the spectrum the social skills they need for life. I unfortunately have to say that I strongly disagree with the repetitious authoritarian teaching style. This blog will tell you why I feel that way.

I went to the Wesley Wonder Kids group in Gibsonia, Pennsylvania. They held two hour sessions, and I went two times a week. I started out in their “social pathways” group, which was for younger teenagers that were in their middle school years. In this particular group, all group members were required to address each staff member as Miss or Mr, followed by their first name. Their director, whose name I will not mention told me the reason they want the members to address staff members as “Miss or Mister” was because they wanted the children to feel that the staff members were the authority, “you do it my way, or the highway.” I could function a lot better than the kids in this group because they showed some behaviors that were rather immature. One behavior I noticed with the members of this group were when we would do group activities, they would always argue and work against each other and not with each other. I remember one particular instance when we were getting ready to put together a Haunted House for Halloween, one of the group members wanted to put a decoration in the front of the room we were working on, while the other student wanted it in the back of the room. They kept arguing about it for about ten minutes, when a staff member finally came and broke it up. They could have come up with a resolution to the conflict in not even fifteen seconds, when they instead argued about it for about ten minutes. These particular group members were middle school aged, and I was high school aged. Another behavior that I noticed with this group was that when a group member would do something to me that I didn’t like, they would just keep on doing it. One group member was constantly kicking a chair I was sitting in, and I already asked him to stop three times. The first time I asked him to stop doing it he answered me with a flat “no”, the second time he made a very childish giggle and then kicked the chair harder and faster. I remember there was a staff member sitting next to me, but they were not paying any attention to the situation, because she was having a conversation with another staff member about topics that were non work related. I walked up to them and told them what the problem was, and they snapped at me and said “I am in the middle of a conversation right now, you are interrupting me.” I then gave up and sat somewhere else. If I asserted myself, I would probably get in trouble.

I was in the social pathways group for about three years, my mother spent about a year trying to convince the program director that the older teen group was the right option for me, and for some reason she disagreed with me. From what I heard from her, I was not being “verbal” enough. Going back to the situation about the kid kicking my chair, I WAS BEING VERBAL, AND THE STAFF MEMBERS WERE PREVENTING ME FROM DOING IT. After about a year of arguing with the director, we finally compromised with her, and I got into the older teen group. The older teen group had less structure and authority than the social pathways group, for example, the group members didn’t have to address the staff members as “Miss or Mr”, they were allowed to call them by their first name. In the social pathways group, the group members didn’t have to have a staff member walk with them if they needed to go to the restroom or get a drink, which I liked a lot better. I couldn’t stand having a staff member sit right outside the door of the bathroom, it’s more irritating then having a teacher stand over your shoulder and screaming at you about not doing a math problem “right”.

Despite the older teen group having less structure and authority than the social pathways middle school group, which I liked a lot better, there was one thing about the program directors attitude that irritated me more than anything. Sometimes when we were doing an activity I didn’t like, I would make an occasional noise, it was my way of trying to avoid a situation. I don’t make noises constantly, like people with severe autism do, it only happened once or twice during the group. One of the staff members pulled me out of the group, and said to me “If you make one more noise, (program director) will demote you to back to the younger group.” The first sentence out of my mouth after she told me that was “if she demotes me back to the younger group, I will not come to Wesley anymore.” My impression is they were trying to threaten they would do things like that to try to get me to stop making noises, which DID NOT WORK. I make silly noises to joke around, I’m not trying to disrupt or annoy people with it. Besides, there were kids in the group that had worse social skills than I had, and that had more rude and exhibited more rude and inappropriate behaviors than I did, so why were they trying to threaten me? There was one group member that was only about two or three years older than I was that made a very rude, ignorant comment toward a peer. The group did an activity called “Coffee Talk”, one group member was assigned to bring a treat, and they were assigned to pick a topic that everyone in the group was required to join the discussion about. The topic for that particular day was plans for the summer, and one group member mentioned where he was going to college. Then that group member blurted out “that school is where all of the stupid people go”. The staff members did nothing but say that same old “don’t ever say that again”. That was the classic example of someone who doesn’t know how to do their job. When you reprimand a child for saying something he shouldn’t, you need to explain to them WHY WHATEVER THEY SAID WAS INAPPROPRIATE, AND MORE APPROPRIATE WAYS OF WORDING WHAT THEY SAID. This person also had the tendency to bring up topics that were very inappropriate for a group setting, such as things that were drug/alcohol related, or sexual. I hated the fact that they did nothing about that group members behaviors, and yelled at me for making a noise. The director also said I wasn’t being “verbal enough”, whatever that meant. I got the impression that they were trying to convince me into quitting the group, because they thought I made those one or two noises to disrupt the group. I got the impression that they wanted me quit the group because for whatever reason they said I was “disruptive and uncooperative.” I was pissed off at the the fact that they were telling me I needed to learn “social skills”, when they don’t demonstrate them themselves. I have one word of advice for parents that are looking for someone to work with their child on the spectrum is MAKE SURE THEY DEMONSTRATE SOCIAL SKILLS THEMSELVES. To me that is just like dealing with a teacher that says you need to learn whatever the material is, when they don’t know it themselves. When I finally had enough of them “threatening” me, my parents decided to pull me out of Wesley Wonder Kids. I didn’t enjoy going there, so why should I bother going there in the first place? In this situation, I learned that if someone thinks you need “social skills”, and they think that something is wrong with you, it means that there is something wrong with them. Don’t let anyone think that about you, you are who you are and you can’t change that.

by Derek Warren on August 2, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Education

Tagged Autism, Education, Social Skills Groups

Posted by Derek Warren on August 2, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/02/can-social-skills-groups-really-help-all-students-on-the-spectrum/

Do social skills groups help all students on the spectrum? (part 2)

In my previous blogs I talked about the problems I had in high school, how overall public high school experience could be improved for students on the spectrum, and how social skills groups really didn’t help me. One of the things that many autistic students have complained about school was the educational material covered had nothing to do with their interests. I understand how they feel, I have been through that situation very many times. Going to school and learning topics that you are interested in makes school so much easier. Starting this fall, I am attending the Lenape Vo Tech School in Ford City, Pennsylvania for opto electronics. Opto electronics requires some very high level math that I never really had experience in before. The math they taught me at Freeport was only the basic math that most people my age already should know how to do, such as addition, subtraction, multiplication, and fractions. I have to tell you that the basic math bores the hell out of me, and the only way my school ever taught that was through books and worksheets. In one of my other blogs I also talked about how my math teacher would give us these very large worksheets with about thirty multi step problems, and she would expect them to be completed by the next day. I hated her class more than anything in the world, not only because it was a lot of work, but it also wasn’t interesting. The teacher didn’t even like teaching the subject, everyday she would complain about how “boring and tedious” it was. This woman is one of the many teachers out there that need to retire, they won’t try anything new, and they don’t try to make the material interesting. I could even tell that the other teachers don’t like her, sometimes I would hear them make references towards her. If you are a parent of a child on the spectrum, and your school districts faculty and staff won’t cooperate with you, it is time to find another school. End of story.

Aside from the lack of social skills, one of the common characteristics of a child or teenager with Aspergers Syndrome is that they have very limited interests, some may be computers, history, star names, buses, or airplanes. Because of these limited interests, it makes it very difficult for the child or adolescent to communicate with other people. My obsessive interests varied over the years, when I was a little kid I was interested in fans, I was fascinated with fans because of the spinning motion that came from them. I remember when I was around three or four years old, my mother would bring me to the old Bi Lo foods store in Natrona Heights, PA. In the front of the store, where all the check out lanes were, a ceiling fan hung from the ceiling. Every-time I saw it, I would obsess about it. Not only did I obsess about the ceiling fan, I obsessed about the fans inside the giant freezers that helped keep all of the produce cool. During one of our weekly trips to that store, I became so mesmerized by the fan that I stared at it, and I disappeared into my own world. My mother told me that during that store trip, we were buying food for my sisters birthday party. My mom was so focused on buying food for the party that she forgot that I was standing there. About thirty minutes later, my mom went back to the aisle she accidentally left me in, and there I was, staring at the refrigerator fan. I stared at the fan for about thirty minutes. After that situation, my mom probably knew that something was wrong with me, but she didn’t know what.

When I was about five or six years old, I started kindergarten at Buffalo Elementary school in Sarver, Pennsylvania. We were in a two room school house that was not too far from the main Buffalo Elementary Building, which held students from first to sixth grade. I remember the first day of school, I rode the school bus for the very first time. I really enjoyed the noise the engine made, and I got along really well with the driver, a woman with the name Sandy. I came home that day real exited, and I told my mom about how much I enjoyed the bus ride. Every day since then, I would spend countless hours every day pretending I was driving a school bus, I would make all of the sounds that the busses would make, and I would even pretend I was the driver yelling at the kids. I would always yell things like “sit down and shut up”, and when I would do these things outside, the neighbors all looked at me like I was crazy. I never even paid attention to my neighbors reactions to my awkward behavior, I didn’t care, I was in my own little world.

I stayed interested in school buses until I was in about the third grade, than I had a new obsession. It all started in my third grade classroom with Mrs. Casey, my third grade teacher. They were completely remodeling our entire school, and they opened the first half of the building. On that particular day, we were getting ready to walk to lunch. When I got in my assigned spot in the line, we heard this very high pitched, screeching noise, and at first I didn’t know what it was. I looked around and noticed that it was the schools new fire alarm. The alarm was also equipped with flashing strobe lights, which really hurt your eyes when you looked at them. As soon as we got outside, all students were all allowed to go back into the building, and the third and fourth graders were instructed to go to lunch. Ever since then, I had an obsession with the fire alarm and the day we had an unscheduled fire drill when we were supposed to go to lunch. It was about three weeks after the whole fire drill ordeal, I brought it up during lunch, as I did everyday, and a student blurted out “we’re tired of listening to you talk about the fire drills, find something else to talk about.” I kept silent for the rest of the lunch period, because I didn’t know what else to talk about, the fire alarm was my obsession at the time, I was interested in nothing else but the fire alarm.

About four years later, I moved onto the junior high school. Freeport Junior High was a very old building that was built in 1923. It had absolutely no airconditioning, and had two floors. In seventh grade, I had most of my classes on the second floor, and in eighth grade, most of my classes were on the frist floor. Going from a brand new, air conditioned building, to an ancient non airconditioned building was the change I dreaded the most. I grew out of my obsession with fire drills and the fire alarm, and I noticed that everybody else started to change from the cute little kids they were in elementary school. All of the social groups called “cliques” started to develop. Many of the people I was friends with in elementary school forgot about me and went into their own “cliques”. I didn’t really know what to do with myself, I didn’t really fit in with any of the “cliques” that everybody else fit into. I was an outsider. I had some aquaintences in junior high, but I was afraid to ask them if they wanted to get together on the weekends because I was afraid they would say no, or say something really rude about me. I obviously didn’t talk to any of my friends from elementary school because they were all only interested in their own cliques, and not interested in me.

As the spring of my seventh grade came near, my parents told me that they were going to the same summer camp that I already went to for about four years. It was a program called Summer Express and was held at Northwest Elementary school in Butler, PA. I didn’t want to go to this camp because I was already involved in Wesley Wonder Kids, which went from 7:00 am to 9:00 pm, and the summer express camp went from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. This camp was designed for kids with ADHD, and it was mostly an outdoor recreational camp. We spent more than half the day outside playing games like kickball, soccer, volleyball, and wiffle ball. It was also an educational camp, and there were two hour long classroom sessions of math, reading and art. It had a point system, and you would earn points for positive behaviors and you would loose points for negative behaviors. At the end of the week, you had a set amount of points you were supposed to earn, and if you didn’t earn them, you would have to stay at the school and do chores like picking up garbage and cleaning the school. I earned every field, and I was already more mature than most of the kids. I knew that because the kids that didn’t earn the field trip at the end of the week would have screaming meltdowns. I hated having to be around the kids that didn’t know how to handle their frustration appropriately, and I also hated being stuck in a classroom doing worksheets, reading stories, having to stay outside and play recreational games in the 90 degree heat, and having to get up at 5:30 in the morning for the camp every day. The bus that was supposed to bring me to the program everyday picked me up at 6:40 in the morning, and the ride lasted for over an hour because there were about seven other kids they had to pick up, and they were all from different towns.

I explained to my mom that I wanted to go to a different program, and one where I could promote my interests. The director from the Wesley Wonder Kids program recommended a summer camp called Computing Workshop. It was held at LaRoche College in McCandles, Pennsylvania for the first three summers I attended, and this summer it was held at the Community Day School, in the heart of the Squirrel Hill section of Pittsburgh. The program taught computer classes for students that are on the Autistic Spectrum, or that have other differences that limit them from learning advanced computer skills in their regular school, such as mental retardation, or down syndrome. The program also has a social skills component, social skills groups are held once a week, and usually last for about and hour and thirty minutes. Starting last summer, I had the opportunity to be in charge of the social skills groups. We play the computer game The Sims 2, which is a life simulation game where you can create your own virtual people, and move them into their own house. In the game, you can buy your everyday appliances and furniture, give your characters jobs, and now, you can even give them their own pets, or move them into their own apartment. The program also teaches real life skills such as finding a job, paying bills, and social and interpersonal skills. I have been attending this program for about four years now, and I am now considered a “staff member in training”. In the past, Computing Workshop has taught students that are now staff members.

I am grateful that I am able to attend this summer program, because it has given me the opportunity to learn the skills to making social relationships. It has given me the opportunity to make friendships with people I never would have gotten to know if I wasn’t in this program. One of those people is a guy with the name of Aaron Barker. Aaron is a cool, but quiet and layed back kind of a guy that would get along with just about anybody. He is an avid sports fan, and participated in wrestling when he was in high school. He and I don’t have all of the same hobby interests, but we have the similar personality traits. I feel much more comfortable being around layed back and low key people like him, than loud and in your face people, like most kids in my high school. He is one of those people that as soon as you started to get to know, you knew he would be willing to talk about anything that was on your mind. He is one of the most wonderful people that I have ever met in my life, and is great at giving advice when you have something bothering you. He mentioned to me about why I shouldn’t let other people’s actions toward me bring me down, and it really changed the way I thought about other people. Sure, there are people that will try to make fun of me and bring me down, but I will not let them get to me. It makes no sense to worry about those one or two people that are mean to you, because there are a lot of nice people out there, you just have to try your hardest to find them. Sometimes, people won’t come to you unless you come to them. Before I met Aaron, I never really had that one true friend that welcomed me, stood up for me, and wouldn’t use people like me to make them look better than everybody else. I am very hopeful that this friendship will last for many years, and I am hopeful that he will never forget the impact he made on my life.

The point I wanted to make in this blog was that students on the Autistic Spectrum and Aspergers Syndrome can learn things their intersted without help from their school, whether it be computers, music, art, or science. I also wanted to proove that with the right help, they can learn the social skills they need to know for life. Social skills groups don’t work for everybody, especially for people like me. High school doesn’t last forever, the awful people there won’t mean a single thing to them after they graduate, so don’t worry about them. I am hopeful that you enjoyed reading this, and I am hopeful that you will show this to someone that needs help. I pretty much answered the question for myself, social skills groups don’t work for all students on the spectrum.

by Derek Warren on August 3, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Education, Life

Tagged aspergers, Autism, Buffalo Elementary School, Community Day School, computing workshop, Fire Alarm, Fire Drills, Freeport Junior High School, LaRoche College, Lenape Vo Tech, obsessions, Pittsburgh, social skills, Squirrel Hill

Posted by Derek Warren on August 3, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/03/how-should-students-on-the-spectrum-be-taught/

How can an Aspergers Teen know who their real friends are?

You probably have learned from experiences in my other blogs that my high school years have been a nightmare for me. I was isolated ever since I was in the junior high, I was teased verbally, but I was never physically bullied by anyone. I’m guessing that was because I was taller then everybody else in school, and they thought that I would try to do something to get revenge back at them. During my years at Freeport High School, I was verbally harassed and isolated so much that I didn’t really have that many friends in school. I didn’t really have the skills of making and keeping friends, and because I was bullied so much, I didn’t really have the confidence to reach out to people. When someone would say something to me in the hallway, regardless of whether they were being friendly or mean, I would just walk by and ignore them. I tended to generalize about people, and think that all of them were going to try to do something that would embarrass me, or cause me to be verbally harassed even more. That contributed to my depression and social anxiety quite a bit. I also had trouble understanding who my real friends were, and who my real friends weren’t. In the second paragraph, I will mention a guy named Eric, who I thought was my friend, but turned out not to be. In the third paragraph, I am going to mention Aaron, who I talked about in my last blog entry.

Eric and I were in the same homeroom together ever since we started junior high. He was in my homeroom since we were in the junior high, and we also went to the same gym together. In eighth grade, he would repeatedly talk about me in front of his friends, he would call me names like f***in retard, and just say tons of other horrible things about me. During freshman year, I had a my space account and he added me as a friend, I accepted, because at the time I assumed that he matured some and grew out of the whole gossip thing. I would chat with him on aim, and he seemed like he was being friendly to me, and not making fun of me. A few months passed by, and I sent him a message asking if he wanted to hang out that weekend. He replied saying something like “I’ll see, maybe.” I sent him a message a few days reminding him about it, and he said “No I can’t, I’m too busy.” A few weeks passed, then I asked him if he wanted to hang out again, then he answered with a flat “no.” After that, I would try to instant message him, and he would either ignore me, or tell me he didn’t want to talk. A month passed, and it was the start of summer going into my sophomore year in high school. I sent him a text message the next morning asking him how we was doing, then he snapped at me and said “you woke me up at twelve forty five last night”. I asked him what he was talking about, then he said that I text messaged him in the middle of the night and it woke him up. I looked in my sent messages, and it said that it was to him. I realized that I meant to send it to somebody else, but I accidentally sent it to him. I told him that I sent it to the wrong contact, and he just said “whatever”, then ignored me. I got angry about it, and started sending nasty messages to him. That obviously wouldn’t make him interested in being my friend, which he wasn’t interested in it when I first started talking to him. It was obvious that he didn’t want to be my friend in the first place, and I shouldn’t have escalated the situation by sending rude comments to him on his phone and his Myspace.

Aaron and I, however went to my summer computer camp program, Computing Workshop. As I mentioned in my last blog, he was a real laid back, and shy type of a guy. I worked with him periodically during the first two summers I was in the workshop, but I never really got to know him. During our summer 2008 program, I got to hang out with him and have some social time with him during the camp. I sat next to him on the couch, and I noticed him pull out his phone. He showed some of the pictures and the ringtones he had on it, then I asked him if I could have his number. He gave it to me, then I gave him my number. I remember after he gave me his cell phone number, he very nicely said “you can call me anytime you want to talk to me.” Going back to Eric, I asked him if I could have his cell phone number, and he made an excuse that said something like “I can’t give you my phone number because I get prank called a lot.” I thought he was joking around at the time, than I later realized that he was trying to avoid me. When I asked him if he wanted to hang out, he would give me answers like “too busy, sorry” or even just a flat “no”. Aaron, on the other hand promised me that we would be able to hang out, and he would explain to me why he didn’t have time to do it. He would not give me general answers like Eric did. This past summer, we did get a chance to hang out. We would go out and buy ice cream, and he also invited me to his house. That was something that nobody has done in a long time, and I am very happy for that.

I have a better understanding now of who is my friend and who is not my friend. I am better off without people like Eric anyway, so why should I even worry about him? Since I’m not going to Freeport this year, I won’t have to see him in the first place. Like I have said in almost all of my other blogs, I won’t let mean people get to me and bring me down. I won’t let them interfere with what I go to the Lenape VO Tech school for, which is getting training for a job I will enjoy in the future. Also, Eric wasn’t interested in being my friend, so he obviously didn’t appreciate me for the person I really am. What kind of a friend wouldn’t appreciate you for who you are? A quote from Arnold H. Glasgow states that “A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.” A true friend goes out of their way to help you, and does not use other commitments as an excuse to not help you. Aaron is not able to spend time with me all three hundred sixty five days of the year, because he lives about thirty minutes from me. When he tells me that he’s not able to spend time with me, he does a good job explaining why he is busy. After that, I would suggest that you ask them what other day they are going to be available. But remember, if you are in dire need of help with something, be sure to explain that to them. Also, if they say something like “too busy, sorry”, they are obviously not a true friend. A true friend never makes excuses like that.

One more tip to remember, everybody is different. Not every person in the world is going to be your true friend. You might show interests in being their friend, but they won’t show it back to you. If they don’t show interest in being your friend, don’t take it personally, it’s their loss. Best friends are rare, you will only find them once or twice in life. And again, make sure that this person accepts you for who you are. I hope you find this blog informative, and I hope that you will show it to someone who may have trouble making friends in the future.

by Derek Warren on August 7, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, bullying, Education, frienships, high school, Life, social isolation, teasing, true friend

Posted by Derek Warren on August 7, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/how-can-an-aspergers-teen-know-who-their-real-friends-are/

How did I deal with bullies?

Bullying has been a large problem in schools for many years. It happens in almost every school in the entire world, and has been the cause of many school shootings. The two largest ones were The Columbine High School Shootings on April 20, 1999, and the Virginia Tech shooting on April 16, 2007. No matter where you live, every single person in the world has been through some type of bullying at least once in their lives. Whether it be physical, verbal, hazing, emotional, indirect or cyberbullying. The website kidshealth.org says that the two main reasons kids are bullied are because of their appearance or social status. Reasons for why their social status may be low are their religious beliefs, gender, perceived sexual orientation, or skin color. This cruel behavior not only affects the person being bullied, it affects school teachers and administrators, the student body, and even a whole community. In this blog entry, I wanted to tell a few of my bullying stories, and how I dealt with them.

I never really was physically bullied, because I was taller than almost everybody in the school, but I have been verbally bullied, and cyberbullied. Freeport Area School District has a zero tolerance policy towards bullying, and in every classroom they have a sheet posted about what it is, and the consequences you can face for it. On the bottom of that sheet it said that it is supposed to be posted in every classroom in every school building. I just finished my sophomore year this year, and they just started requiring every teacher to post one of these in their classrooms. I remember one day I was an office assistant, and they just finished photocopying all of these sheets. I was supposed to walk into every classroom and place these sheets on the teachers desks. In one of the classrooms I went to, I handed the sheet directly to the teacher, and they just crinkled it into a ball and threw it into the recycling bin. This is living proof that a zero tolerance policy isn’t enough. “Social skills” groups try to teach kids on the autistic spectrum how to stand up for themselves to bullies, but there have been many situations where the victim gets in trouble and not the bully. Far to often, the bully pushes the victim to the limit until they have had enough, and the victim end up physically hurting the bully. Of course, this is when a teacher sees this happen, and the victim get the punishment. Far too often teachers end up giving the one minute long “don’t do that again” speech. The bully will obviously pay no attention to this, and think “I hate this person, so I’m going to bully them even more.”

As I said before, I was never really physically bullied. The only two types of bullying I ever experienced were electronically and verbally. Freshman year was by far the worst year out of all my years in school. There was one student named Cody that made school even worse for me. He was considered our “class clown”, and was also one of the trouble makers in the school. I am about six foot, and he would have to be even more than a foot shorter than I am. He thought that because he was “Mr. short class clown” that he had the right to make fun of other people. He would always make kissing noises and say things like “I love you Derek”. I noticed he would do this in places like the locker room, where the teacher’s didn’t usually supervise the students. I noticed that he would also do this to try and make the other students laugh, which he usually didn’t succeed because nobody payed any attention to him in the first place. I didn’t want to tell on him because I was afraid that he would make fun of me even more if I did, so I just kept it quiet. I also noticed that he would try to do these strange and inappropriate behaviors to try to get a reaction from me, which he didn’t. I just kept on ignoring him. When he noticed that I ignored him, he would ask me “What’s wrong Derek? I’m only trying to be your friend.” He seemed to think that I had trouble understanding whether someone is really trying to be my friend, and who was not. I’m obviously a lot smarter than he thinks I am, and he thought that I would fall for it.

My freshman year was the time I also had a Myspace profile. I remember getting a friend request from a guy named Michael. He did one of the things that many bullies do to people, pretending to be nice. The incident started off when I asked him what he was up to. Keep in mind that I had no idea this was going to happen, then he started sending me pornographic pictures of himself, and Cody. I text messaged him a message demanding he stopped, then he sent a message asking me if I wanted to fight with him. After he sent me about four more pictures, I called him and said “If you keep sending me this pictures, I will report you to law enforcement.” He responded saying something like “wow, that’s gay”. The end result left about 30 pictures from him on my phone. The next day I reported him to the principal, and he gave the two boys the usual “don’t do it again” speech. My next period class was gym, and Cody was in it. I walked into the locker room and he started telling everybody this ridiculous story that he and Michael were sending pictures of his arm, and that I accused them of sending pornographic pictures of himself to my phone. Sophomore year, I had to sit behind him in my Drivers Ed class. He always performed the rude tricks he always tried to perform on me, making the kissing noises, and saying “I Love You”. Of course, nobody paid any attention to him in the first place. My mother and I finally had enough and they talked to the guidance counselor once again. Yet again, he gave the typical “don’t do that again” speech. As usual, the behavior continued until I put my foot down and went to the guidance counselor myself. They finally decided to kick him out of Freeport. They said this kid also had some other behavior issues that were effecting his performance in school. They didn’t say what they were, and I really didn’t care what they were. I was just happy that I didn’t have to deal with him in school anymore.

Unfortunately, not all bullying situations end in a positive note. One of the things that happens to people that have been bullied is that many of them become bullies themselves. They might think “I don’t have to deal with this, I can do it myself”. Bullying has also lead to many teen suicides, one of the most notable being the death of Ryan Patrick Halligan, a thirteen year old from Vermont that was physically bullied and cyberbullied by students from his middle school. The students befriended him so they could get his personal information, and later humiliate him about it. On the morning of October 7, 2003 Ryan hanged himself. John P. Halligan, Ryan’s father discovered the cyberbullying on Ryan’s personal laptop. Ryan’s story was on the PBS TV show Frontline, on a special titled “Growing Up Online”. Mr. Halligan later discovered that he had an online relationship with a girl he had a crush on. Ryan apparently told the girl “something too personal”, which Ryan thought would be funny. Immediately after he said that, the girl started a rumor that he was gay. The girl told Ryan in person, “Ryan your a loser, I was only pretending to like you online for a good laugh”. Ryan then said, “it’s girls like you that make me want to kill myself.”

Stories like this are the reasons for why I think a zero tolerance policy isn’t enough. I would never think of doing something as extreme as Ryan did, but bullying did affect how I trust people. I am doing better at understanding who my friends are and who they aren’t, but it still is hard. When I ask friends if they want to get together, and they say they are too busy, I have the tendency to worry that they have may have something against me, or that they might later try to make fun of me. When I meet new people, especially peers, I have the tendency to worry that they might have something against me and not want to talk to me, or that they might trick me into thinking they want to be my friend, when they really want to use me and make fun of me. There are times when my friend Aaron doesn’t have the time to hang out with me, and I understand that. I have known him for a long time, and I understand that he is still my friend. Bullying caused me to worry about things like that, and I’m getting better at improving my confidence around new people. I’m not going to let one or two bullies bring me down. If you can sense that someone is being bullied, be sure you tell an adult as soon as possible. Think of the consequences that could occur if you don’t do anything about it. I really hope you found this blog informative, and I hope that you will show this to someone who may have trouble with bullying in the future.

http://www.denpubs.com/Articles-c-2009-04-15-52351.113116_Bullyingthe_tragic_death_of_Ryan_Halligan.html
(Copy and paste into address bar)

by Derek Warren on August 11, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, bullying, Education, high school, teasing, Uncategorized

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, bullying, cell phone, Columbine, confidence, cyberbullying, depression, friendships, high school, suicide, teasing, Virginia Tech, zero tolerance

Posted by Derek Warren on August 11, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/how-did-i-deal-with-bullies/

My experiences with mobile therapy

As you have read in my previous entries, social skills groups really didn’t help me learn the social skills I needed to know for life. The staff members tended to focus on the negative things about me, such as the minor noise making, and not being “verbal”. I talked about situations where I’ve tried to be verbal, but they prevent me from doing it by telling me not to talk to them. One thing that irritated me about this group was that they complained to me about a small noise when the other members were displaying worse behaviors, such as making insulting comments to the other group members. When I was in the younger group, I had some troubles with depression because I wasn’t fitting in. It seemed like no matter where I went, I didn’t fit in with anybody. The director of Wesley thought it would be appropriate to hire a mobile therapist for me. She seemed to think that it would help improve my confidence in socializing with my peers.

The person she recommended for me was a man named Mike. One thing that concerned me from the start was that the director of Wesley never told me about this person. I dreaded having these sessions with him because of his very pushy and “in your face” type of personality. During his sessions with me, I tended to resist everything he wanted me to do. People on the Autistic spectrum tend to take longer to process information than neurotypical peers do, and when Mike would ask me a question, it took me a while to process an answer. An example of this would be if an autistic child falls and bruises their ankle, it takes them a few seconds longer to verbalize “ouch, that hurts”. A typical peer would be able to verbalize it as soon as it happens. In my case with Mike, when I was trying to process a response to his question, he would ask another question. He seemed to think that I was trying to avoid answering him altogether. It overwhelmed me so much that I dreaded having sessions with him. Another thing Mike did to overwhelm me was that he met with me two days a week instead of just one. His reason for that was because I wasn’t being “verbal and open enough”. He did that during the summer, and he pushed me even more then. During our summer sessions, he would have me do things like yard work outside, which was something I absolutely hated doing, and still is now. He thought that making me do something I hated doing was going to magically make me “come out of my shell”. He would also put me in social situations which made me feel very uncomfortable. One of which was when he came to observe me at my Computing Workshop summer camp. One situation which made me real uncomfortable was that he tried to get me to introduce him to four people at the computing workshop. The one thing I didn’t want the students and staff at Computing Workshop to know was that he was my therapist. He wanted me to tell them that he was my “friend”. I could either just tell them that he was my therapist, or tell them that he was my “friend”. I didn’t want him to get to know me, so why would I want my friends at Computing Workshop to know him. I refused to do it because I was angry at him about pushing me to the limit until I refused to cooperate with him at all. I felt that Mike was trying to punish me by putting me in social situations where I felt very uncomfortable. Therapy is supposed to be something that you enjoy, and that helps you with whatever your problems are. This obviously wasn’t the case with Mike. Because of this, I think that pushiness is uncalled for in social services. The more a client is pushed, the more they are going to resist what the therapist wants them to do. Mike’s therapy didn’t improve my confidence making friends, it made it even worse.

To me, Mike’s style of counseling was to make the client feel therapy was supposed to be a punishment, and not something that would help you. How is someone going to learn social skills when they are overwhelmed by the person that is supposed to be helping them? That’s just like a teacher berating student for not paying attention to their lesson when they barely know how to teach the material themselves, I’ve been through that many times. Going back to social skills groups, I’m also appalled by when they try very hard to teach social skills, when they demonstrate behaviors that show a lack of social skills. (Look at my blog about social skills groups to find out what I mean by that). I am hopeful that when parents try to find someone to counsel their kids, that they find out more information about the person. Find other therapists that may know the person, and have them give you their thoughts about the person. I am a person who likes to know information about something before it happens, and I knew nothing about Mike before he started working with me. And yes, I do understand that sometimes things don’t go as they were supposed to be planned. Only one person gave us information about him, and they only thing they said was that he was “highly recommended”. I wish I could have gotten other peoples opinions about him beforehand. Spontaneity leads to disaster.

In November 2008, my parents finally decided to discharge with him, and to find another therapist to work with. I was obviously hopeful that this person was going to be a lot less pushy and “in your face” than Mike was. He recommended a different organization. The organization Mike worked with was not allowed to drive their client to places, and he recommended another organization where the therapist was allowed to take the client places around the community. If I Mike wanted to meet in public with me, my mother would have to provide transportation for me. My mom wanted to me to learn social skills so that I needed in order to make friends. When you have a friend, they will offer to go places with you. Like I said, I was pushed to the limit with Mike and it made it very difficult to learn social skills because I was too overwhelmed. The person they recommended for me was named Darren. Darren is a more low key, and laid back kind of person, sort of like how Aaron was. Instead of sitting around at home talking about feelings, weaknesses and all of the other negative things about me, we go out in the real world and practice social skills. I am still trying to get used to him, but I’m doing it a lot better than I did when I was with Mike. I’ve said before that therapy is supposed to be an enjoyable experience, and something that helps you. I however am glad that I have the people in my life to teach me social skills that I need to know, without them I wouldn’t have the confidence to reach out to people like Aaron. Darren actually did get a chance to meet Aaron, and I was glad about that. He mentioned to me that Aaron made a compliment about how he enjoys reading my emails, and how I put a lot of thought into writing them. I am hopeful that Aaron and I will be able to get together throughout the year, and I am hopeful that he will reach out to other people that may need help, whatever problem the person may be having. I myself am going to try that when I go to Lenape Vo Tech. I am not going to let my Aspergers Syndrome prevent me from being the person I want to be in life, which is the kind of person I was when I went to Freeport. I am going to forget about those people that tried to bring me down and make fun of me. It makes no use to worry about a bully who is insecure about themselves, whatever the reason may be. I hope that people will use that the next time they feel down about themselves.

by Derek Warren on August 18, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, friends, Mobile Therapy, Punishment, pushiness, school, social services, social skills, Wesley Wonder Kids

Posted by Derek Warren on August 18, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/my-experiences-with-mobile-therapy/

Should an Aspergers Teen try to be “normal”?

I have said this many times in my other entries, and I’m going to say it again, high school can be a nightmare for many kids with Aspergers Syndrome. Social Isolation, bullying, and inability to deal with change is one of the many things teens with this disorder may face. Their limited interests and inability to socially interact with other people causes this isolation and lowliness. Typically developing girls are mainly into dating and fashion trends, while typically developing boys are into sports and girls. I can identify with that a lot. One of the sad realities in life is dealing with people that won’t accept you because you are not like they are. I don’t want to get into religion to much, but take the people from Westboro Baptist Church for an example. They have been known to protest at fallen soldiers funerals, simply because they are mad about people in our country supporting homosexuality. They hold up picket signs saying things like “God Hates F*gs”, and “Thank God For 9/11″. Simply put, these people protest political hate against people that are not like they are. One of the members of this “church” has about 11 kids, and she is raising them to be ignorant and hateful, just like everybody else in the church is. Religion talk over. Every “normal” teenager I know is into dating, but if you are an Aspergers teen, you most likely will dread having to talk about this.

Due to lack of social skills, and not fitting in with everybody else, Aspergers teens don’t understand the rules of dating. Because I don’t really have that many friends in school, I don’t really have the confidence to ask someone out. The sad truth about making friends is that not everybody in the world is going to be interested in being your friend. In my entry about making friends I mentioned that my opinion about this statement is that it is their problem if they don’t want to be your friend, not yours. I absolutely dread going to family gatherings for many reasons, one is the fact that some of the members in my family expect me to be “just like everybody else”. One of which was this summer when I was on vacation, my grandparents stayed with us. My grandfather and my mother were sitting on the couch, waiting for dinner to be finished. My grandfather asked me that same damn question “Derek, have you found a girlfriend yet”? I simply answered with a flat “no”, and just proceed with what I was doing. A few seconds later, my grandmother made the comment “you are way to good looking to not have a girlfriend”. After that, they had to rub in the fact that all of my cousins, which I don’t talk to very often have dated a few people, and that many people my age do that. I simply just ignored them after that, because that is the topic that I absolutely hate talking about more than anything. A few more seconds past, then I made the comment to my grandfather “you just asked the question that irritates me more than anything”. I could not have come up with a better way to say that, people always say “honesty is the best policy”, right? I simply said nothing else after that, because I wanted to avoid the whole conversation in the first place.

My first reason for why I don’t want to be involved in dating is because of how people act like the person is their number one priority. Imagine your best friend, who you have been friends with for a long time found a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and they spend every waking moment with them. They somehow forget that you exist, and when you try to talk to them, they avoid you. You try to chat with them online, and they sign out as soon as you greet them. Eventually, the only thing that they ever say to you is “hello” when you pass them in the school hallway. Let’s also pretend that this person the most ignorant person to have ever set foot on our planet. They are obsessed with sex, drugs and alcohol, and they have been in detention more times than anyone can count. They make fun of other people, and they only want to associate with people that are like them. I haven’t been through a situation like that before, because I never really had that many friends, but there are many people out there that have been. The next you would ask yourself is “should I tell them my feelings, or should I just move on”? I would personally just move on, but sometimes you should step outside of your comfort zone and express your feelings about it. I would be angry about the situation, and it would be difficult to express my feelings without being mean or threatening to hurt them. Not to go off topic, but that is a social skill to learn when you have a boss that you don’t like, you could end up being fired or even arrested if you do that. Back on topic, what if this person speaks to you rudely? Should you move on or try to express your feelings about it even more? The best thing to do about this is to just move on, it is their problem if they don’t want to be friends with you, not yours. One of the very sad things in life is that people change, sometimes it’s for better and sometimes its for worse.

My second reason for why I probably never will be interested in dating is because I don’t have that many friends in the first place. I have been bullied by girls in the past that have tried to convince me that they liked me, when they really just wanted to find another person to make fun of. During my freshman year in high school, there was a girl that would pick on me non stop. I mentioned in one of my other entries how Cody tried to convince me that he was trying to be my friend, when he really wasn’t. The same thing was true with this girl. I will not mention this person’s name. The situation started by her pretending to “flirt” with me, and I would just ignore her. She would pretend to like me by touching me and saying “Derek, I love you, I want you to be my boyfriend.” I would just push her off of me, and then she would snap at me and say something like “I’m only trying to be your friend, you obviously don’t have any because you are such a loser”. I didn’t do anything about the situation before then because standing up for myself usually didn’t work in situations like that. I then had enough with the situation, than I snapped at her and said “get the fuck out of here”. She was trying to get me angry so that I would get in trouble, not her. She then proceeded with her usual “I’m only trying to be your friend”. The final thing she did to me before I had enough with this whole situation was she touched me in a “place that she shouldn’t have”. The usual “I’m only trying to be your friend” came after that, then she started to spread “certain rumors” about me. The next day my mother talked to the office about the situation, and she got suspended for a week. Both this girl and Cody seemed to know that I don’t understand whether or not someone is trying to be my friend, or in this case, trying to hit on me. I understand that adults act this way towards each other too, and I am going to try my best to stay away from people like that in the future.

I have learned that there are people out there who don’t know what Autism and Aspergers Syndrome are, and that is why people try to convince me into doing things like dating. People don’t understand that I am different from other people my age, and I am not confident or interested enough to participate in “normal teenager” activities. In the future, when people try to talk to me about things like dating, I will just ignore them. When people tell me that I should date because everybody else is doing it, I am not afraid to tell them to shut up, regardless of who is talking to me. I don’t really care about what they will think about me after I say that. A word of advice to any teenager with Aspergers, don’t listen to people that try to make you become a “normal” person. You are who you are, and you can’t change that. A positive thing about being single is that you are free. It looks like I answered the title question for my self here, Aspergers teens shouldn’t try to be “normal”. To me, there is no such thing as a “normal” person, everybody person on this whole planet has their quirks, and their strengths. Yes, maybe I’ll change my opinion about dating, but I highly doubt that will happen. I like myself the way I am, and I’m not changing that.

by Derek Warren on August 25, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, dating, high school, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, bullying, Dating, friendships, Life

Posted by Derek Warren on August 25, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/should-an-aspergers-teen-try-to-be-normal/

Aspergers Syndrome and Change

Have you ever had to do something that you really didn’t want to do? Have you tried to do everything you could to avoid doing it? In most cases, one thing that is impossible to avoid is change. Everybody has to deal with it in some point of their lives and you also may have tried everything you could to avoid it. This is a very common trait for children and adolescents with Aspergers Syndrome, even a small change in their daily routine can cause depression or even a total meltdown. For example, lets say you and a friend planned to get together for the weekend, when at the last minute your mother says no. Most neurotypical teens would hurry up and get the job done, while one with Asperger’s Syndrome would have a total meltdown. Of course, it depends on their personality, but something as simple as that could cause a person on the spectrum to have a total meltdown.

I just gave you a general example of what can cause meltdowns, but social skills groups need to teach aspie children to cope with change appropriately, if they deal with the situation inappropriately, they could end up getting in severe trouble in school, or even ruin their chances of getting a job. The most recent change that I had to go through was moving from Freeport Area Senior High school to the Lenape Vo Tech school in Ford City PA. Right off the bat, the first thing that really worried me was the feeling of not knowing what to expect. All sophomores from Freeport have the opportunity to come to Lenape their junior and senior year, but I don’t particularly want to talk to most of those people because I already know them. I wanted Lenape to be a fresh start for me, I wanted to forget about my negative experiences at Freeport and meet new people. The thing that stresses me out about Lenape now is that it is still “cliquish”, just like your typical high school. Most of the people from Lenape seem to only want to associate the people they already know from their home schools, they really don’t seem interested in meeting new people. It’s hard to meet new people when they are not interested in meeting new people. One common trait in kids with Aspergers Syndrome is that they take longer to adapt to major changes than a nuerotypical teen. Social skills are natural for neurotypicals, and they are able to go and make friends right away. One thing I wish secondary schools would do is assign special needs students and aide or a responsible upperclassman to help them find their classes and get their bearings. This would especially help middle school special need students who are just trying to get use to having more than just one teacher, and helping them get their way around the school. Back to the Lenape story, I had no difficulty finding my classrooms, but it was just meeting the new people that I had a problem with, and their being uninterested in getting to know me. Another change that has been really hard to deal with is the long bus ride. My bus has to pick me up at 6:10 in the morning, and the homeroom tardy bell doesn’t ring until 7:48. I usually don’t get back home until around 4:00 in the afternoon, so my bus ride is over an hour long both ways! There really isn’t anything they can do about that, because it is the only bus that picks us up around our area. I know that complaining about the situation will not help, so the better thing to do is to just deal with it. I really hope that things turn around, and I hope that the people will be more open than they have been. There are a few changes about Lenape that are inevitable, such as the long bus ride, so my best advice for you is to just deal with it. Complaining doesn’t make any type of change better, it will only make it worse. Yes I do grumble about getting up at 5:15 in the morning sometimes, but I am at least going to a place better than Freeport.

Another change that probably has upset me more than anything in the past is friendships ending. This is especially sad when you have been friends with this person for a very long time. Like I mentioned in my blog about dating, they may get a boyfriend or a girlfriend and act like they are their number one priority in life, they just simply don’t want to talk to you anymore. When they start rejecting phone calls, ignoring emails and text messages, and avoiding social time with you is when it becomes time to end the friendship. A situation similar to this happened when I started junior high, I had a friend that I hung out with all the time, named Jason. During elementary school, we would always go to each-others houses, go out and do things together, and talk during lunch time at school. We went to places like the zoo, walks down the trail, and when it was still open, we would go to the Freeport Community Pool together. This all changed when junior high came around, he started hanging out with different people, and completely forgot about me. He would start rejecting phone calls, and avoid social time with me, he would make excuses like “sorry, I’m to busy”, or “I just don’t feel like being social today”. I didn’t know how to deal with it at the time, so I just sat there and would cry about it. This wasn’t the only thing that upset me, but the fact that I didn’t fit in with anyone in the first place contributed to my depression and loneliness. I talked to my parents about the whole situation, and they told me to just move on. As I mentioned in my blog about dating, I would maybe attempt to “break the ice” and talk to the person about your feelings, if they talk to you rudely, then I would move on and find someone else to be friends with, it may be hard to find a new friend, especially if you are on the spectrum, but there are other people out there. My friend Aaron from Computing Workshop just started college this year, and he is attending college not to far from where I live, so I hopefully will be able to see him on occasions that he is free. I understand that he is not able to talk to me every single day of the week, because he will be extremely busy, but I know that he is still my friend. If anything happened to our friendship, I would feel even worse than I did when I ended my friendship with Jason. But, I am pretty sure that won’t happen.

As I said in the beginning, change is one of the inevitable things in life. If I could go back in time, I wish I could go back and deal with it differently. Using what I know now, I could have changed the way I dealt with it. I hope you found this informative, and I hope that you will use this to help a child on the spectrum in the future.

by Derek Warren on August 30, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Education, frienships, high school, Life, Uncategorized

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, change, Freeport Area Senior High School, friendships ending, Lenape Vo Tech

Posted by Derek Warren on August 30, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/30/aspergers-syndrome-and-change/

My problems with expressing myself

You probably know by now that Aspergers Syndrome is a unique disorder, I have mentioned my old therapist that pushed me too hard to learn social skills, and focused on all of my weaknesses that needed to be improved. I have mentioned how he would put me in social situations where I felt very uncomfortable, and I would try to resist to everything he wanted me to do. My example was when he came to observe me at Computing Workshop, and he wanted me to introduce him to four people. I simply refused to do it, he then decided to overwhelm me even more by meeting with me two days a week instead of one, because he claimed that I was lying to him. The previous week he asked me if I would do it, I responded with a dreadful sounding “yeah, whatever”. In theory, I was trying to show him the truth that I wanted nothing to do with him, and that I wanted a new therapist. He finally figured that out four months later, when we finally discharged. When I am around someone I really don’t want to talk to, I try to resist being around them as much as possible. Mike didn’t seem to get that in theory I was being honest. He prevented me from expressing my feelings by overwhelming me, and trying to make me feel like I was a bad person.

I have a slightly different way of showing someone my honest opinion about them. When I am around someone that I really don’t want to have even a small conversation with, anytime they tell a joke I don’t laugh at all, I just sit there and pretend the joke never even happened. The only thing I will ever say to a person I don’t want to talk to is a one word answer to a question, or a one word interjection. There is no obligation to have to be friendly with them, so why should I say anything else to them? That is my way of showing someone I want nothing to do with them. I especially feel this way if this person has been rude to me in the past, I really don’t think that person really deserves any respect from me if they have been rude in the past. I have been told by numerous people that it is rude to not say hi to someone when you see them, even if they really are not your friend. I have said hi to people that have walked by me in the school hallway, or when I see a person I know at the mall, and they just give me this look like it is the most obnoxious thing that I have ever done. These are also the same people that sit there and say all of these horrible things about people like me, and that make fun of me because of my differences. Those people are the ones that seriously need to be dragged to social skills groups. Someday they will learn that making fun of other people is not a way to go through life. Let me also repeat this from my entry about bullying, people that are bullied and tormented often become bullies themselves. Because they didn’t have the confidence to express themselves and stand up to the bully, they think it’s okay to do it themselves. They most likely are thinking “I don’t have to go through this anymore, I can pick on people myself. That will teach them never to bother me again”. If I never had the social skill training I got at Wesley and Computing Workshop, I would have probably resorted to picking on people myself.

One thing that people need to learn if they really want to be my friend is that if they start doing something that I really don’t like, they better be prepared to handle the truth. I think that if you just let the situation slide, you could end up losing the friendship with them. It may seem uncomfortable for some people, but it is something that I think you should try. If I didn’t go to social skills groups, I would have just let the whole situation slide. I wouldn’t have had the confidence that I have now, and I would end up jeopardizing the friendship by letting the whole situation slide. It would kill me to see all of the negative consequences that could happen to the person if I didn’t talk to them about it. I have had a few really close friends in the past that have met girlfriends, and they kind of forgot that I still existed. It seemed that they would spend more time with the girl and her friends instead of with me. They would act like it was more important to hang out with the girls friends instead of hanging out with me. I had absolutely no problem with the girl that he was dating, but I did have a problem with the he wasn’t including me in the activities with the girl and her friends. I eventually gave up on the situation and moved on. I wish that I could have expressed myself and told him how I felt. The next time I get put in a situation similar to that, I am going to try to work on being more honest and telling the person how I feel. The sadness and loneliness I felt after the situation wouldn’t go away for a long time, and it never would have happened if I told him how I felt. I am doing better at expressing myself in situations similar to this, but I am still working on it. I tend to take it personally when I invite someone to get together, and they say no. This is even true with people I am friends with now, I tend to think that they are starting to feel against me and that they want nothing to do with me. This is because I have been rejected and dumped by people so many times. I have trouble figuring out why they can’t get together with me, whether they are just making up stories to get out of being around me, or they really have a legitimate reason for it. I still find it hard to express myself in situations where friendships change for the worse. In the past when I have tried to show my opinion about something, people have either ignored me, or have just told me to shut up. I am working on expressing myself, but it’s going to take time to master that.

To wrap up, people have many different ways of expressing themselves. Whether it’s through music, art, writing, or even the clothes they wear. I have learned that I should never listen to the negative things people say about me, and you shouldn’t either. There are people out there that will purposely make a person look bad by saying all kinds of rude things about them. It makes no sense to worry about those kind of people. Trust me, if you let those people bother you they will say even more negative things about you, so just brush it off and ignore them. That’s all I have for today!

by Derek Warren on September 3, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, frienships

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, expressing yourself, high school, keeping friendships

Posted by Derek Warren on September 3, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/03/my-problems-with-expressing-myself/

When is it appropriate to end a friendship?

Making friends has never really been that easy for me, and I probably always will have trouble understanding who is my friend and who isn’t, I’ve also had trouble talking to people on the phone, because of how awkward it is for me. I have also been in situations where I have mistaken people as “friends”, but they have wound up doing something that would embarrass me, and would obviously cause me to not trust them anymore. I’ve also had some very depressing experiences with people in the past, such as my “buddy” Eric from when I went to Freeport. Because of these experiences, I have very little trust when I meet new people, especially peers. One of the questions I have always asked myself is “when can I find out when it’s appropriate to end a friendship with somebody”? In the past, I have had friends that just ignored me and moved onto new people. As I mentioned in my last blog, I hate it when people are not honest that they don’t want anything to do with me, they either just sit there and tolerate me or avoid being around me all together. When it seems like a friend is either not interested in you, or treating you rudely, it is time to end it. Ending a friendship is something that people really don’t want to do, but it is something that you absolutely should do. Here are three questions that you should ask your self if you are seriously considering ending a friendship with somebody:

1.) Do they seem to not be interested in being around you?

One of the first things you may notice right away is that they will start hanging around other people instead of you. I have had friends that have started hanging out with people other than myself, and they start to make up jokes that I didn’t really understand. It seemed like they were going into their own little social clique of people. The next thing you will most likely notice is that they will end up going on outings that they don’t invite you on. If you ask them if they would like you to come along, they will probably make lame excuses like “there is not enough room in the car for you”, or “I’m only allowed to invite a certain number people along”. Those were some of the excuses former friends have made because they don’t want to include me in something. Another thing that you will notice is that they will start avoiding contact with you. I have tried to call former friends on their cell phones, and on the second or third ring they press the ignore button and it goes straight to their voice-mail. They also will start deleting and ignoring emails and text messages from you. One trick I have with this is wait a day or two for a response from them, then I would send another email asking them if they received it. If there is no response from them, that is a possible clue that they are avoiding contact with you.

2.) Are they participating in behaviors that could set a bad example for someone?

One of the difficult changes in growing up as a teenager is they will most definitely change from the little innocent kid they were in elementary school. Some of them will end up hanging around people that do things that could get them in trouble in school or even with the law. When I started junior high, the students started using the crudest language. Most of the topics they would bring up would either have something to do with sex, drugs, or alcohol. The teachers really couldn’t do anything about it because they were not around to hear it happen. I know that swear words slip out of peoples mouths every now and then, but these kids would use them in every other sentence. In high school you will most definitely hear the rumors about who is dating who, and who is having sex with who, but they are just rumors. If the specific person they are spreading the so called “rumor” about is actually talking about having sex, or doing drugs or alcohol, that could mean that they are actually doing it. On the other hand, they may talk about those things to try to look cool in front of their peers, the humor that teenagers use can be very crude and immature, and I really dread being around someone that uses humor like that. I mentioned in my last blog about honesty, you should tell them like it is if they start participating in behaviors like this. They probably already know the consequences of this kind of behavior, but depending on the person it could make them realize that the behavior can have a negative impact on them in the future.

3.) Are they mistreating you in any way?

In the past I have had friends that have tried to convince me that they were trying to be nice, but they were really trying to use me and embarrass me. Such was true with Dirshelle and Cody, who I mentioned in my blog about bullying. They would try to make rude jokes about me to get other people to laugh, but most people would just look the other way and mind their own business. Friends have also taken advantage of me and have borrowed my things and asked me to do stuff for them when they never even said thank you. I remember in second grade I let a “friend” borrow a toy airplane I owned, and it first took about two weeks for him to give it back to me. When he finally did, it came back bent and smashed. What kind of a friend would borrow something from you, forget to give it back to you, and when they finally do it’s damaged. The funny thing about this was that the only thing the kid said to me when he gave the plane back was “well, here you go”. He never even said thank you or explained to me why it was broken. I think that even a second grader would have enough sense to realize that it’s wrong to give something back that was broken, and to not tell me that it was damaged in the first place. After the whole ordeal was over, I never talked to that person again. People that are going to use you for the things you have are not true friends. When I went to Freeport, I had a neighbor that would drive me to school every morning. I made sure that I thanked him for that everyday, because he really didn’t have to do that. He could have just told avoided me in the first place.

Yes, I realize that ending a friendship is not something that people really want to talk about. After ending the friendship it can be a very sad and depressing feeling. There have been times like this where I have felt so sad and depressed that I thought that I wasn’t worth it. That is not an attitude to have, things eventually will get better. Just say good goodbye and good riddance to the person, and move on with life. It makes no sense to worry about bad situations from the past. Most people really forget about friendships that have gone bad after a while. When I say forget about the situation, I mean don’t worry about it, but you should learn from these situations. Hopefully it should convince you to be careful who you are friends with in life.

In my opinion, the two best ways to end a friendship with someone is to avoid contact with the person all together, which shouldn’t be to easy, especially if they are avoiding you in the first place. Or, step outside of your comfort zone and tell the person how you feel. Explain to them why you think the friendship is not working out anymore. It however is not appropriate to end a friendship over small conflicts, try to work out the conflict before you part ways with the person. I will try to write a blog about conflict resolution later.

I really hope you found this blog informative, and I hope that you will take this advice if you are having a problem similar to this.

by Derek Warren on September 5, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, friendships, Life, Uncategorized

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, behavior, computing workshop, ending friendships, warning signs

Posted by Derek Warren on September 5, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/05/when-is-it-appropriate-to-end-a-friendship/

Aspergers Syndrome and understanding others

Many people often don’t understand what goes on in the mind of a person with Aspergers Syndrome. Because of their lack of social skills, there are many things that they don’t understand when relating with people. One of the important skills someone on the autistic spectrum needs to learn is insight. A simple definition of the word insight is understanding another person’s actions, thoughts or behavior. One question you might ask when you notice a person doing something unusual is “why do they do that”? For example, at the Computing Workshop summer camp I worked at this summer, I noticed that one of our students would ask if he could be excused to go to the restroom. I noticed that he would ask to be excused when he was working with a staff member that he wasn’t used to working with. My assumption of this situation was that he would ask to go to the bathroom to get out of the stress from working with a different staff member. I also thought that he feared the person would make fun of him for whatever reason. This is one of the things that many kids with an Autistic Spectrum disorder may do to try to get out of a stressful situation. There are two reasons why I wish the staff members worked with this particular student on this issue. First off, in many public schools across America, you have to ask to go to the restroom before you could go. There is also a sign out sheet you have to fill out, and you had to include four things, your name, the time you left and returned, and the reason why you were leaving the room. If this student was in school, and he would constantly ask the teacher if he could go to the restroom, they would most likely say something like “no, go sit down and do your work”. At computing workshop we had a very similar situation with another student, but this particular student had a more severe case of autism, and was also diagnosed with Down Syndrome. He was not able to communicate like most people do, instead he would use a special computer device called a Dynavox. This device gave him the ability to communicate his emotions and needs, such as when he needed a restroom break or a snack break. He had two therapists working with him the day the staff members noticed this incident, and during instruction time he used the Dynavox to communicate that he needed to go to the restroom. The one therapist rudely snapped at him and said “it’s not time to go to the restroom, it’s time to work”. We didn’t really understand what was going on in this students mind, and what if he really needed a restroom break? A few minutes passed, and he stated that he needed a restroom break on the dynavox again. The therapist then said her usual “it’s not time for a restroom break, it’s time to work”. I then noticed the student get up and try to walk to the restroom himself, then the therapist restrained him and told him to sit down.

As I have said many times before, there are people who push students on the spectrum to learn social skills, when they demonstrate ignorant behavior like this that shows a lack of social skills. I am going to tell you another real life example, it all began my freshman year in high school. Eighth period, the last class period of the day, I had this real grouchy and bitter math teacher. I noticed that everyday she would make a negative statement about her students, or work in general. An example of something she would say was “Out of all the students in this school, (student) is the one I hate working with the most.” At first I decided to just sit there and ignore her negative statements about the world. That changed until I noticed her say something very rude to a student with high special needs. It was the end of the class period, and the students were getting ready to leave school for the day. The teacher was sitting at her desk, not doing anything at the time. This student started a conversation, which sounded something like “I haven’t seen Mrs. (teacher) at all today”. The teacher responded with a real irritated tone of voice “Well, maybe they just didn’t want to see you”. I was shocked when I first heard her say that. I never imagined that a school teacher would say something like that. This student was only having a casual small talk conversation with the teacher, and she was doing nothing to offend her. And the question I was asking myself was “Why would she say something like that to a learning support student?” My guess was that she was in a bad mood, as usual. I mentioned this to my mother that night, and she emailed the principal about the situation. The next day I noticed she wasn’t in school, and my assumption was she got a one day suspension for her mess up. Weeks passed, and I still kept asking myself why she was so bitter and mean, and I came to think that some time along the line, bad kids may have taken advantage of her. That was the only explanation I could come up with about this situation. People that have been mistreated usually will turn mean, grouchy, bitter. This is obviously not an excuse to say something that rude to a learning support student, but it is the only explanation I can come up with.

Parents, you absolutely must teach your Autistic child about being insightful, it is a very important skill to learn. Not understanding someones actions or behavior may cause them to make fun of the person, which could get them into trouble in the near future. There are many things people don’t understand about Autism and Aspergers, and there are many things people with Autism and Aspergers don’t understand about interacting with other people. It really could benefit them in the long run.

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/how-can-an-aspergers-teen-know-who-their-real-friends-are/

by Derek Warren on September 9, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, bullying, Education, Life, Uncategorized

Tagged actions, Aspergers Syndrome, behavior, Insight, mental illness, other people

Posted by Derek Warren on September 9, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/09/aspergers-syndrome-and-understanding-others/

Four important qualities of a best friend

I wrote a blog about a month ago titled “How can an Aspergers teen know who their real friends are”? It talked about the lack of social skills makes it very difficult for people like me to make and keep friendships with other people. It talked about how to tell whether or not someone is interested in being friends with you, and to tell whether someone really wants to be a true friend, use you and embarrass you. One of the things I’ve learned about friendships is that best friends are extremely rare, they usually only happen once or twice in a lifetime. I have been through middle school and high school years without a best friend, and it has been a very sad and lonely time for me. I have people that I consider acquaintances, but nobody that I consider “real friends”. As I have mentioned before, I have had people that have tried to convince me that they were merely trying to be my friend, when they were just one of those people that wanted to make fun of me and take advantage of me. They obviously thought that I wasn’t as smart as I really was, and they thought that I would actually fall for their tricks. Social skills groups are a good thing for some people, but they most certainly didn’t help me. There were people that most likely will not be able to function in real life like I can, and I wasn’t particularly interested in being friends with them. Growing up in the small community of Sarver, Pennsylvania has made it sound impossible to find that one best friend who appreciates me for who I am. From my perspective, there are five very important qualities that a best friend should have. If you don’t have these qualities in you, then you should definitely reconsider being friends with me.

1.) Honesty:

I put honesty as the first one on the list because it is the most important quality that any friend should have, whether or not they are a best friend, or a “go to the mall together” friend. One of the people that I detest more than ever are people who can’t handle the truth. People are frightened by the fact that I tell people like it is when they are doing something that could potentially harm them or the people around them, or get them into trouble in the near future. I know that many people don’t enjoy hearing the truth, and sometimes is may hurt their feelings, but I show them the truth about the situation because I care about them and don’t want to see the negative consequences that could happen as a result of them not listening to me. Many people out there have had friends that have gotten into trouble, severely hurt, or even killed because of not listening to the dangers of things like drugs, sex or alcohol. You hear about these things that happen, and it happens in almost every high school class across America. I am an honest person, and I show that in a way that will hopefully convince someone that I really care about them. And if it hurts your feelings, I am sorry. Sometimes telling the truth in a stern tone of voice will get the person to listen to you. Sometimes it takes a person to learn a lesson about something, and hopefully saying it in a stern tone of voice will convince them into listening to me. When I really care about someone, I will not give up telling them like it is until they listen and realize that what they are doing is wrong, and could get them into trouble, hurt, or even killed. Honesty is always the best policy, even when you think that it might hurt someones feelings. If you lie about something, they will eventually find out about it.

2.) Kindness

Aside from honesty, kindness is second on this list for many reasons, but the most important one is when I need help on something, my best friend will try their hardest to go out of their way to help me with the problem. When I ask them a question about a problem I am having, I don’t want to hear that bullshit “I don’t know” answer. To me, an answer like that shows me that you truly are not interested in helping me with the problem, and want to be stuck up and hang around anybody else but me. If a friend gives me a ridiculous answer like that, I will just walk away and find someone else to help me with the problem. There are other people out there who are more willing to help me than that person, and that person obviously doesn’t really care about me, they only care about themselves and their “little group” of friends. They were your typical stuck up, and rude high school clique. The thing about giving the “I don’t know response” when I’m asking for advice on something is that they didn’t even try to help me with the problem. A true best friend tries as hard as they can to help someone with a problem.

3.) Trustworthiness:

As I have mentioned many times before, I know how it feels to be “set up” by people. At Lenape Tech and Freeport, I only have people that I consider “acquaintances”. I personally don’t think it is a wise idea to invite them into my life because of how they have talked to me, I absolutely hate people that treat me like I’m not as smart as I really am. I hate people that think I am stupid enough to fall for their tricks. I am able to tell when someone is trying to be my friend or make fun of me. I may not find it out right away, but I will find it out eventually. I know how high school kids act, especially the stupid ones. A true friend is someone that will never bring you down or make fun of you, no matter what happens. I have a difficulty trusting people in school because they don’t really understand my Aspergers Syndrome, and I fear that they may make fun of me or try to take advantage of me in the future. I am very quick when it comes to finding out whether or not people really have friendship in mind with me. I don’t really trust most of the people I am acquaintances with because they most likely don’t accept me for the kind of person that I am. As I mentioned in one of my other blogs, I hate it when people expect me to participate in things just because “everybody else is doing it”. I consider it an insult when people tell me that I need to be “normal”. A true friend is someone you can trust fully, and someone who accepts you for who you are. A true friend is someone who listens to you, and takes advice from you.

4.) Sacrifice

In my opinion, this is the most important quality of a best friend. A true friend is someone who MAKES TIME to spend with you. It’s okay if a friend is busy, especially when they are in college or just getting ready to finish high school, but this is inexcusable when your friend is in need, whatever it may be. Even if they are not able to spend time with you, they should at least make time to talk to you on the phone, or chat with you online about something. When they start to make excuses about that, then you might want to reconsider being friends with the person. I have had friends that have made ridiculous excuses like that in the past, and it is something that you really can’t control. You can’t MAKE someone be friends with you. If you try to do that, they most likely will avoid you. Remember, if someone doesn’t want to be friends with you, it is their loss, not yours. It makes no sense to worry about someone who ruined a chance of making friends with you.

These qualities are all very important to me, they are in no particular order. If you want to be my true friend, you absolutely must have all of these qualities in you. For additional help, please refer to my other blog about friendships.

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/07/21/problems-i-faced-in-public-high-school/

by Derek Warren on September 11, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, best friends, friends, honesty, important, qualities, trustworthiness

Posted by Derek Warren on September 11, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/11/four-important-qualities-of-a-best-friend/

Asperger’s Syndrome and Depression

Doctors and Psychiatrists have discovered that there is a high risk of depression and anxiety in kids with Aspergers Syndrome, especially in their teenage and young adult years. Teenagers with the disorder usually deal with the stress of not fitting in with the crowd. Individuals with the disorder have the difficulty dealing with change, as I have mentioned before. The change from living in the house to moving to college on their own can cause some depression and anxiety as well. Because of their odd, and limited interests, they don’t understand how to appropriately interact with other people, especially peers. Because of the fact that they don’t know how to interact with other people and stand up for themselves, they can be susceptible to verbal, physical and cyber bullying. Dealing with situations like this are the most common causes of depression and anxiety in people with Aspergers Syndrome. Because many teens and young adults with this disorder don’t know how to handle these situations appropriately, they could get into behaviors such as drugs or alcohol. This can most likely worsen their depression and anxiety and cause them to even resort to more extreme behaviors, even suicide. Depression in individuals with Aspergers Syndrome is very common, suicide however is not, but it still could happen if nothing is done about the symptoms. I never have and never will think about doing something as extreme as that, but if I didn’t get the help I needed for my symptoms, I most likely could have. I am going to talk about some of the experiences that caused my depression, a few of them I have mentioned before.

In my very first blog, I mentioned how high school was an even worse experience than junior high was. The Freeport Senior High school is larger than the junior high is, but not by much. The first reason the transition from middle school to high school was miserable for me was because it had more people than the junior high did. Yes, I realize that its not as big as places like Butler or Fox Chapel, but it was pretty crowded. Another thing that really caused me to be depressed was that I we were the youngest grade in the school, and I was picked on more than most of the people than my grade because I was shy. As I have mentioned many times before, people would often take advantage of me and try to convince me that they were trying to be my friend, when they really were not. They seemed to realize that I had a difficulty understanding when people were trying to be friendly to me versus trying to make fun of me. Because of this, I did not “fit in” with the people at my school. I didn’t really have anyone to sit with at lunch or hang out with after school or on weekends. People tended to avoid letting me sit with them, and they would often make excuses like “More people are going to sit there, you are going to have to move”. They were your typical snobby, stuck up high school student. That was one of the things that really contributed to my loneliness, depression and anxiety. This, however could have been prevented if I put myself out there more, letting all of the arrogant jerks get to me really contributed to why I was so depressed and lonely when I attended Freeport. With the exception of a few individuals, students at Lenape Tech have enough sense to realize that teasing someone is uncalled for, because they are going into technical fields that involve working with people.

Aside from depression, I also had problems with anxiety in school, and I still do now. Anytime I would get put into social situations, I would always tense up and fear that they would try to do something mean to me. I would prevent that from happening by simply ignoring the person when they would speak to me. This was because of all the teasing and bullying I got in past years, and I still tense up when I am around new people. When you are teased and picked on by people, it’s real hard for a person to come out of their shell and open up to somebody. I opened up to my friend Aaron B at Computing Workshop real easy because it is a safe environment for me, this program is supposed to help students on the spectrum with their academic and social goals. I know that if they do try to harass me or any of the students in the program in any way, they are automatically removed. That is not true in most public high schools, they usually get that same old “don’t do that again” lecture, which usually doesn’t do anything. As I have mentioned before, many schools tend to blame the victim instead of the bully. Because I would tense up and ignore people when they would see me in the hallway, they tended to judge and label me. I got labeled loner and reject by most people.

The main reason for why I got labeled by people was because they didn’t understand me. Who were they to judge someone without understanding why? I have learned that most people my age have similar feelings of not belonging. Even the popular kids feel insecure about some things, and making fun of somebody makes them feel less insecure about themselves. I feel that having only one or two close friends is enough for me, I don’t want to be “normal” or “popular”. Even though Aaron doesn’t have the time to spend with me, I am still very glad to have him as a friend. One or two friends is really all I need. Popularity doesn’t really matter after high school is over with, so why should I get all depressed about it? I’ve learned that people who think something is wrong with me, means that something is wrong with them. I hope that you all found this informative and inspiring, and I will be back to write again soon!

My blog about my high school experiences:

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/05/when-is-it-appropriate-to-end-a-friendship/

by Derek Warren on September 13, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in bullying, friendships, Uncategorized

Tagged anxiety, Aspergers Syndrome, bullying, depression, friendships

Posted by Derek Warren on September 13, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/13/aspegers-syndrome-and-depression/

Resolving Conflicts with friends

If you recall from my blog about ending friendships with someone, it talked about four questions you should ask yourself before ending the friendship. Chances are, if you consider someone a close friend, you have a better chance of getting into a conflict than you would with a casual friend. For example, you see your friend at school and you invite them to go to your house on Saturday. Your friend has their own car, and he decided to drive himself to your house. Sunday afternoon comes, you cleaned up your bedroom and are waiting for them to arrive. About ten minutes pass, and you realize that he lives on the other side of town, which is a pretty long drive. Twenty more minutes pass, and still no sign of him. You finally decide to call his cell phone and see what the deal was, and he doesn’t answer. You were just stood up by one of your friends.

There could be many different reasons for why this may have happened, first off, he could have been busy with other commitments, and he just forgot about your social plans for the weekend. I have been in many situations where people have forgotten about plans because they had too much on their mind. One example was last year, when I attended Freeport, I had asked one of the neighborhood girls if they were willing to give me a ride to school. The time came for her to pick me up, and she just drove right on past my driveway and left. I had another neighbor who usually drove me in, but he was sick and couldn’t go to school that days. I think that if she really didn’t want to give me a ride, she would have made an lame excuse about why she couldn’t do it. She has driven me once or twice before, so my final guess was that she was in a hurry and forgot about it. I just moved on and forgot about the whole situation because I don’t feel that getting angry about the whole situation would have made it any better. If I did get angry about the whole situation, she would probably avoid even saying hi to me when I would pass her on the street or in the school hallway.

Situations like the one with my neighbor are things you could just move on and forget about. These things happen sometimes, and it is really no use to even think about it. However, being stood up by one of your friends is something you should talk about with the person. Ending the friendship may be an easier resolution to the problem, but sometimes you should challenge yourself and step out of your comfort zone. If you want to keep this person as a friend, this is really the only thing you can do. If you are somebody that wants to enjoy life, than you need to have at least one or two friends to talk to. Here are five tips for you when resolving a conflict with your friend.

1.) Be honest:

As I said before, honesty is one of the most important qualities in a friendship right? In my opinion, this is the first step towards resolving a conflict with a friend. Remember to tell the person what the problem is, and your feelings about the whole situation. Your friend won’t know how you feel unless you tell them. Your friend can’t read your mind. When your friend is doing something that annoys you, don’t just sit there and let it slide. If you do, their behavior could continue to a point where you don’t want to be around them anymore.

2.) Be Respectful:

Yes, it is very important to be honest and tell you friend like it is, but it is also important to do so in a respectful , and age appropriate manner. It is very hard to do this especially for people like me, because their behavior is bothering me. If you are arrogant and rude about the situation, this person could do these behaviors even more, just to purposely make you feel upset. I was once friends with someone in elementary school who kept on calling me by a nickname that I didn’t like, and I reacted by screaming at him on the playground during recess. As soon as my screaming was heard, a teacher came by and made stay in for recess for an entire week. Not only was this rude, inappropriate and uncalled for, it also made that “friend” call me that name even more. My behavior caused him to become a bully, not a friend.

3.) Allow time to forgive the person

It takes time to forgive a friend or a loved one when they do something that really upsets you. Even if they listen to you and give you a sincere apology, you still may not forgive a person entirely. One of the things that I recommend you do after you talk to them is keep contact with the person at a minimum for at least two or three days. Just like repairing a totaled car, it takes time to repair a friendship after a conflict is resolved. Another thing that people often don’t understand is that it may take that person a longer time to want to be friends with you then when you want to be friends with them. In other words, everybody is different, it may take one person longer to do something than another person.

4.) Don’t be judgmental:

One of the major social turnoffs in any relationship, whether it be and acquaintance, friend, or loved one is people who are judgmental. Unfortunately, there are many people like that in this world. For example, I once had a friend who was having a casual conversation with one of the trouble makers in our school, and I started to worry and think that they were going to start hanging out with them and acting like them. When he was done talking to the person, I walked over to him and asked why he was talking to him. He then said to me “Calm down Derek, I’m just asking him if he got something completed that was part of our English project”. I then understood why he was talking to him. I tend to be judgmental when I’m around a person, and I am trying to work on that. For example, just because a person wants to go to a bar and drink a few beers every now and then doesn’t necessarily mean that they are a bad person. If the person is levelheaded and knows when they are crossing the line, than don’t really worry about the person. However, if this behavior is becoming obsessive, than I would try to talk to the person about their behavior, and the consequences that could happen if they keep it up.

5.) Keep trying

Sometimes, repetition helps a friend learn that what they are doing is upsetting you. I would occasionally send the friend an email, phone call or text message just to let them know that you still care about them. Even if they don’t respond to you every time, I still recommend that you keep doing it on occasions. However, if they are rude to you about it, then I would recommend avoiding contact with them and finding another person to be friends with. As I have said many times before, you can’t MAKE someone be friends with you and it’s their problem if they don’t want to be your friend, not yours.

Lastly, if resolving the conflict doesn’t work out I would let it go and move on with life. Worrying about the conflict can make it even worse. There are other people in the world to be friends with, and it makes no sense to worry about them. I have to say that this is one of the hardest and longest blogs that I have written, because it is something that I am still learning about. I hope you found it informative, and I will be back to write again soon!

by Derek Warren on September 17, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, conflicts, ending friendships, friendships, resolving

Posted by Derek Warren on September 17, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/17/resolving-conflicts-with-friends/

What turns me off?

Many kids with Aspergers Syndrome really want to make friends with people. Most of them spend their middle school and high school years being labeled and made fun of. Social isolation causes them to become depressed, and they loose confidence in social situations. Many kids with Aspergers do try to fit in and make friends, but they often don’t understand what can really turn people off. I have been around other kids with Aspergers that have not been through social skills groups like Wesley, and summer camps like Computing Workshop who really seem to be experts at turning people off, but they don’t realize that they are doing it. Parents need to try as hard as they can to help their child understand that some of the things they are doing can really cause people to avoid them, and can cause them to be isolated and made fun of even more than they already are. I wanted to give you five types of people that really turn me off, and that cause me to avoid them. If you are one of these people, I am not trying to offend you. I am doing this to inform you that this is what causes people to not want to be around you, and you probably don’t even realize you are doing it.

1.) Self centered people:

I’m sure that you have been around people like this, anytime you have a conversation with the person, they always interrupt it and talk about something related to their life. For example, you are talking to them about your bad day, and they interrupt you and say “Well, if you think that was bad, listen this story about something that happened to me”. There are also people out there who try to convince you that their life is better than yours. For example, I once had a friend at school who was talking to me about their weekend plans. They told me that they were going to go visit their relatives. I then made an interjection that sounded something like “That’s cool, I wish I got to see my relatives more often, mine live really far away”. Afterward, he made a comment that sounded something like “I get to see my relatives all the time, mine live pretty close to me”. I then tried to end the conversation, I told him that I had some homework that I needed to finish, and that I would talk to him later.

2.) Easily distracted people:

Have you ever been around a person that just can’t stay focused no matter what you try to do? I tell you that I have been around those people too many times to count. These kind of people are the ones that annoy me the most, you can’t really tell if they are purposely ignoring you, or just distracted by something. I have a few friends that treat their cell phones like it’s their god, anytime I am around them they have to text message one of their friends every five seconds. I’ve had friends that sit there and text message their friends when I am in the middle of a converstaion with them. They just make me want to grab their cell phone and throw it out the window. Just imagine if they were at a job interview, and they were not looking at the interviewer when they were talking to them. That would definitely cause the interviewer to have a bad impression on the person, won’t it? My peers do this especially, which really gets on my nerves because it makes me feel like the person they are talking to on their cell phone is more important than I am. If you want to be my friend, you better at least turn the damn cell phone on silent. If someone text messages or calls you, you better tell them to call you back later. Like I have said many times before, there are people out there that tell me to learn social skills, when they demonstrate behavior like this, which shows a LACK of social skills.

3.) Pessimistic people

A pessimist always searches for the negative side of things, no matter what the situation is. I am trying to work on not being pessimistic when things don’t go as planned. It is one of those things that I just need to learn how to deal with. If you remember me mentioning my math teacher from my freshman year of high school, she was the perfect example. She would always talk about how much she hated teaching, being around her students, and her life in general. I remember one day she was talking to another teacher about a test that another student needed to make up, and she made an ignorant comment that sounded something like this “Out of all the students in this school, this person is the one I can’t stand the most, I absolutely hate her”! I couldn’t believe that a teacher would actually say something like that. Yes, I realize that she may have been having a bad day, but there still is no excuse to say something like that about a student. Another thing that I seem to notice when I’m around a pessimistic, is that I tend to get in a real bad mood also.

4.) Nosy people

There are people like this everywhere, people who just can’t mind their own business. This is the number one reason for why I couldn’t stand being famous, having a camera follow me around every five minutes. I can relate to this one the most. When you are sitting at the computer, they always try to see what you are doing, they always try to see your phone screen when you are text messaging someone. They also tend to “ease drop” into another person’s conversation. From the many nosy people that I have been around, the one thing that they always say when they ask a personal question is “I was just curious”. That does not mean they want to be your friend, it means they want to find out your private life so they can gossip about it with their friends. Also, when you tell them to mind their own business, they innocently say “Why are you being so mean? I am only trying to be your friend”. Like I said, they are not trying to be your friend, they are trying to find out your private business so they can gossip about it with their friends. Nosy people also tend to ask for information about people you are close to, such as your friends or family. My best advice I can give for someone like that is to say “Why don’t you ask them instead of me?” The best advice I can give you for dealing with a nosy person is to try to avoid contact with them as much as you possibly can. They need to get a life and stop nosing into other people’s private lives.

5.) Touchy feely people

A definition of touchy feely is of or characterized by the overt display of affection, compassion, or other tender feelings by hugging or crying. Simply put, someone who makes a person uncomfortable by touching them. You may know a person that puts his or her hand on your arm when they tell you something, or that gives you a hug when you first meet them. Many kids with Aspergers Syndrome don’t understand this boundary issue. It can really make a person feel uncomfortable and insecure. This is especially important if the child wants to start dating. If the boy touches the girl inappropriately, he could later face charges of stalking her. Another thing a touchy feely person might do is give their friend a back-rub while they are working. It is not socially acceptable to do that without asking the person first, and if they say no then they shouldn’t do it.

These were my five characteristics that really turn me off about people. I try my best to avoid these kind of people as much as I can. If you are any of these types of people, you might want to think about how this can really cause people to avoid you. I really hope you found this informative, and that you will use this to help someone in the future.

by Derek Warren on September 20, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Uncategorized

Posted by Derek Warren on September 20, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/what-turns-me-off/

How did I deal with Labels and gossip?

When you are in high school, labels and gossip are one of the things that you will deal with quite a bit. It really hurts when somebody talks about you behind your back, I have been through this many times myself. People spread rumors just because they want to look better than everybody else and that they want to make another person look bad around their friends or family. It’s mainly girls that gossip, but there are boys that do it also. Anytime you say something that may or may not be true about someone, or that is not any of your business, it is considered gossip. My mother is really into quilting and arts and crafts, and she has tons of friends that love to gossip about other people.

Middle school and high school aren’t the only places where labeling and gossip happen, it happens just about everywhere you go. If you are someone with a diagnosis like Aspergers Syndrome or High Functioning Autism, you especially need to learn how to deal with this. Not dealing with it in an age appropriate manner can cause you to be labeled, bullied and gossiped about even more, or even get you into trouble in the future. Dealing with gossip in an age appropriate manner will make you feel better about yourself, and it will be easier for you to make friends and to be accepted in society. I wanted to give you four simple steps that will help you deal with the ignorant gossip that you will most likely experience sometime in your life.

1.) Ignore it:

If you only hear a person gossip about you once or twice, this is really the first step you should take. At this point, telling the person that the gossip bothers you will only make them do it even more. Even looking at the person and telling them that it bothers you really won’t improve the situation. I have found this out the hard way, if you recall Eric from a few of my other blogs. There were times when he would gossip about me, and I would turn and look like I was upset with him about it. Immediately after I did that, he started laughing at me and gossiping about me even more. It was obvious that he was trying to make me feel bad by doing this, I showed him that it upset me and it mad the situation whole situation even worse.

2.) Tell them to stop:

This is especially nerve racking for someone with Aspergers Syndrome, like me. I have been through situations like this myself, which is the whole reason why I am writing about it. Sometimes, you have to step out of your comfort zone to be accepted in society and to stand up for people that who may try to bring you down for whatever reason. Try to look as confident as you can when you talk to the person, but also be polite. Talking to them in a rude tone of voice may cause them to act violently toward you, or they could make fun of you behind your back even more. Try to avoid using any swear words, because using them could get you into trouble, especially if a school teacher sees you. I also strongly recommend talking to them in person instead of online or through text messaging. In your facial expressions, the person can’t really see that what they are doing is bothering you. NEVER THREATEN THEM IN ANY WAY, IT COULD GET YOU INTO SEVERE TROUBLE IN THE FUTURE. VIOLENCE ONLY MAKES THE SITUATION WORSE.

3.) Talk to someone you trust:

If you tried ignoring the person who is gossiping about you and talking to them about it, I strongly recommend that you talk to a parent/guardian, friend or family member that you trust. The situation with Eric went on for a long time, and I finally had enough with it. When you talk to the person you trust, make sure you give them as much detail about the situation as possible. I recommend giving them information using the “wh” words. Who is gossiping about you? What are they saying? Where were you when it was happening? When did it happen? Why might they be doing it? They won’t be able to help you unless you give them as much detail about the situation as possible.

4.) Talk to an authority figure:

This is the final step you should take, you tried ignoring them, you tried talking to them, and you tried talking to a person that you trust. If at all possible, try to have the person you trust talk to the authority figure with you. Having another person help you can solve the situation quicker and without anymore problems. Remember the “wh” words I gave in the last step, and tell authority figure as much information as you gave your trusted parents/guardian, friend, or family member. Also, make sure this authority figure is someone that other people trust. There have been some bad authority figures out there, you should know who many of them were. Bad authority figures could potentially try to make the situation worse. I have also been through that, and I don’t really want to talk about it on my blogs.

My final thought about gossiping and labeling is that people who gossip, label, and tell me that I have means that they are the ones with the problems, not me. Talking about somebody behind their back shows somebody that you lack social skills and that you are immature and need to get a life. One sad things about that fact is that people that do things like this are the ones who have high authority over people. That is the sad and pathetic truth. If I was in charge of these people, I would try my best to convince them into quitting, or just fire them right off the bat. That is all I have to say, I hope you enjoyed this and I will be back later.

by Derek Warren on September 28, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, gossip, labels, Life, social isolation, Uncategorized

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, authority, friend, gossip, ignore, labels, rumors, stop

Posted by Derek Warren on September 28, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/why-do-people-label/

Have you ever been dumped by a friend?

The teenage years are supposed to be the “best years of your life”, right? If you recall from my first entry about my experiences in high school, the high school years have been the most miserable time for me. I spent most of my junior high and high school years being ignored, teased and labeled. People really don’t understand how it feels to be ignored and labeled so much. Because of all the labeling and teasing people have given me throughout the years, it has made it very difficult to find that one true friend that wouldn’t ever bring me down and accept me for the kind of person that I am. In elementary school, people really didn’t seem to notice that I was “different” than everybody else. My parents would make arrangements with my friends parents to get together. When the middle school years came along, people started to avoid me and notice that I was different than everybody else. All of the people that I was friends with in elementary school seemed to “forget” about me. Social cliques started to develop, and I was the person that didn’t really fit in with anybody.

If you remember from my blog about ending friendships, I was friends with a kid named Jason in elementary school. During the weekends, we would always go to each others houses, sit and talk to each other during recess and lunchtime and talk on the phone when we had nothing else to do. Junior high then came along, and the social cliques started to develop. The students seemed to start noticing that I was different than everybody else was, which contributed to why they started talking to me rudely and making fun of me behind my back. The first thing I noticed right off the bat when I would talk to him was that he started hanging out with the people that would always label me and spread rumors about me. There were times that I notice when his new friends were around me, they would start making fun of me and spreading rumors about me when I was in the same room as he was. He never really stood up for me when they did it either, he just sat there and ignored the whole thing. The second thing that I noticed happening was when I would try to have a converstaion with him, he would try to keep it as short as he possibly could. When I would ask him questions, he would answer me with only one or two word responses. At first I thought that maybe he was just in a bad mood and didn’t really feel like talking to me, then I started to realize that maybe he wasn’t that interested in being friends with me. I spent the rest of my junior high school years asking the same question “Why would he ignore me and hang out with the students that made fun of me and labeled me?”

As I have mentioned before, people sometimes just don’t show that interest in being friends with you anymore, even when you have been friends with them for a long time. People change, and sometimes it’s for the worse. Since I am no longer at Freeport, I don’t see this person as often as I used to. When I do see this person, I think about how we used to be friends in elementary school and how we would always talk on the phone when we had nothing better to do. I’m glad I don’t have to see this person anymore, because anytime I do the memories of how he dumped me come back and haunt me.

Because of I’ve been set up by friends in the past, I find it very difficult to trust people. When I meet a new person, I tend to worry and think that they might have something against me and try to avoid me, or they might try to make fun of me and make me feel bad about myself. I am happy that I have friends like Aaron from my Computing Workshop summer camp, but I do wish that we had more time to spend with each other. Because of the labeling, teasing and loneliness that I have experienced in high school, I am very exited about graduating. On my I Google page, I have a countdown until the possible date for my high school graduation in 2011. One thing that I have learned from past friendships is that if they don’t want to be my friend, that it is their problem, not mine. That’s the attitude that I will always have with someone that wants nothing to do with me.It may take time to get over a lost friendship, but I will get over it eventually. I wish that people would have that same attitude as me, because it makes no sense to mope about a friendship that ended a long time ago. I will most likely never see these people again after I graduate from high school, so why the hell should I even bother worrying about them? Even though Aaron is busy, I am certain that he is still my good friend. One or two close friends is all I really need, someone left a comment on one of my other blogs that stated “quality is better than quantity”.

I really can’t come up with anything else to say about this, I hope you liked it and I should be back to write again next week!

by Derek Warren on September 26, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, friendships, high school, Life, true friend, Uncategorized

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, dumped, friendships, high school, labeling, other people, social isolation

Posted by Derek Warren on September 26, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/26/have-you-ever-been-dumped-by-a-friend/

“Everybody Makes Mistakes, It Doesn’t Have to Ruin Your Day” and “People are Responsible for Their Own Behaviors”

Have you ever been so frustrated that you can’t do something right? Have you wanted to give up? Have you ever held a grudge against somebody because of something they did wrong? Both of these rules are in Temple Grandin’s book titled “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships. I wanted to incorporate both of these rules into one blog, because they tie in together. First off, the old saying goes “Life Is About Making Mistakes”, I remember the many times that I have gotten frustrated about not being able to do something right, or because of the mistakes that other people have made when they are around me. One of the simple facts of life is that you need to learn from the mistakes you have made, and other peoples behavior is beyond your control. The thing about this is that you need to learn how to forgive both yourself and other for the mistake was made, and sometimes it is not easy. This is true regardless of your relationship with the person.

I can remember when I was in either third or fourth grade, I had severe troubles with Math. Those were the years we were starting to cover all of the aspects of multiplication and division. When I would study my multiplication and division facts, I had absolutely no problem with them, but when it came to the long division and multi-step multiplication, I never seemed to be able to learn the concepts. When I would sit at my desk and do my homework, I got so frustrated about the fact that I couldn’t do the problems, that I would just go into a meltdown. My fourth grade teacher, Mr. Gaillot would give us these practice workbook pages for homework every night, and they contained about 25-30 problems total. That is quite a few math problems for an elementary student to have to do for homework, and especially for a student that is having difficulties learning the concepts. Teachers think that giving their students an abundant amount of problems to do for homework every single night will help a learning support student learn the concepts even better, when it will overwhelm them even more. There were nights that I wouldn’t even do the assignment. Mr. Gaillot had a policy where if you didn’t do your homework, you were given a homework slip that was to be signed by your parents, and you had to stay in for recess for the day. This policy was started after a few students that slacked off and did not do their homework, and I was one of those students. Back then, I dreaded it when he would do that, but now I realize that he did this because he really cared about all of his students and wanted them to try their hardest and succeed. Gaillot has also been the coach of Freeport’s football team for many years, and he mentioned one of his students that played on his team when I was in his fourth grade class. He was talking about how the student decided to drop out of high school because of failing grades. This student obviously was too afraid to ask for help, and thought that he was hopeless. I felt the same way back when I was in elementary school, I excelled in all of my classes, except for math. From fourth grade on, I always struggled in that class. I probably always will be frustrated with math, and I will try my best to take the initiative to ask someone for help when I need it. I made the mistake of not asking for help when I needed it, and refusing to do the assignment all-together. You absolutely have to ask if you need it, because if you don’t, you won’t do the assignment correctly and you will get a failing grade. Down the road, if you refuse to do something that you don’t understand on the job, you could end up being fired, plain and simple. Dr. Grandin mentions that you will have to deal with a bad boss at least once in your life, and that there are two types of “bad bosses”. These types of bosses are jerks who all the employees hate, and bosses who are nice to neurotypicals and don’t like aspies. Back to the point, you have to tell your boss that you need help, because they won’t realize it if you don’t. If they give you a hard time about asking for help, then you can talk to their boss about it. There is no need to deal with a person like that.

Now, I want you to put yourself in this kind of situation. You and a group of friends are out at a local restaurant. Your friend asks you to buy a few alcoholic drinks, and you are hesitant at first. You then give in and order one, and drink it. One of your friends is pushing the limit and going way too far, and they start acting totally out of their character. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, that same person makes a nasty, derogatory comment about you. How do you react to it? Do you ignore them? Do you express your anger and throw a punch at them? Those are the two most common decisions people will make in a situation similar to this, but there are other options. If you throw a punch at the person, somebody could get hurt or killed. If you ignore them, the problem could escalate even more. About a week passes after the incident, and you hold a grudge against the person that made the derogatory comment about you. Now let’s imagine another thing about this situation, this person also happens to be your best friends girlfriend. There are many ways to approach a situation like this, you could hate your friend for dating this girl, and hate the girl for the nasty comment she made about you, or you could talk to your friend about the situation. I would most definitely recommend talking to your friend about the situation. You have a voice, so use it and tell your friend your feelings about the situation. But, do use caution about your tone of voice and the words you use. Always approach them in a confident, but polite way. Talking to them rudely will most likely jeopardize your friendship with the person completely. And don’t ever say anything derogatory about their girlfriend either, that is another thing that can cause you to loose your friendship with them. If the friend is rude to you, then I would most move on and find another person to be friends with. If he wants to date the girl that made a nasty comment about you, then that is his decision. I have said it before, and I will say it again, if someone doesn’t want to be your friend, it is their problem, not yours. I would just forgive the person, move on and find another person to be friends with. There are better people to be friends with than this jerk, so why should you worry about them? You are better of without them anyway.

As I talked about in the first or second paragraph, life is about making mistakes. People will learn from mistakes, and they hopefully won’t make them again. I have learned from my mistakes of not doing my homework, and I will never do it again. Your friends should also learn from the mistakes that they have made. If you want to be my friend, it’s okay if you make a mistake now and then. If you are really my friend than I will forgive you, but it may take time to do it. However, if my friend makes a bad decision, they better be willing to listen to me about my feelings. I am an honest person when I am around my friends, and I will tell you like it is when you are doing something that could get you into trouble in the future. The person probably doesn’t realize that their behavior is going to cause that to happen, so you need to be honest and tell them like it is. But remember to do it in a respectable manner, they will turn away from you if you don’t.

I really hope you liked this blog, and that you will take this advice in the future.

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/28/why-do-people-label/

by Derek Warren on October 4, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, behavior, boss, Buffalo Elementary School, Fourth Grade, Freeport Area Senior High School, friends, job, Life, math class, mistakes, Third Grade

Posted by Derek Warren on October 4, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/04/mistakes-and-behavior/

“Fitting In” is Often Tied to Looking and Sounding Like You “Fit In”

I have been through hell during high school, I have had countless rumors spread about me, been labeled, pushed around and made fun of throughout my whole entire life. Because of this, I was lonely, sad, depressed and people often talked about how I “didn’t fit in with the crowd”. The title of this blog is actually a “rule” from the book “The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships” by Dr. Temple Grandin and Shaun Barron. I can relate to this very well for many reasons. My blog titled “Should An Asperger’s Teen Try To Be Normal”? talked about how annoyed I am with people who try to make me act like somebody I’m not. I simply am not like everybody else, I’m not your typical absent minded teenager, I am unique in my way, and I am not going to listen to anybody tell me how I should live my life. Dr. Grandin’s book mentioned how people are always judged by what they look like, how they act around other people, and how they dress. My Asperger’s has made it very difficult to learn social skills and to make and keep friendships. This is also definitely the number one reason why I have always dreaded my high school life. People always judge me because of how quiet I am in school and about how I tend to be negative about things when my day is not going well.

Many people with Aspegers, especially children and adolescents don’t understand that first impressions are lasting impressions. Middle school and high school years are when parents need to start teaching their kids this rule, if they don’t, they will be susceptible to teasing and bullying, which can lead to depression and they could end up not caring about the first impressions they make on people. As I have mentioned in my last blogs, students with ASD need to learn how to stand up to bullies, but they also need to learn the behaviors that may cause them to be bullied by others. If your child shows up at school dressed in worn out clothes, with bad breath and body odor, and messed up hair, they will be a target! There are no questions to ask about that! A few years back, I went to a wedding for a couple that went to my church, and there was a man there who showed up in old worn out blue jeans, shaggy, messed up hair, and a nasty combination of bad breath and body odor. This man sat at two tables behind me, and I could smell him from there. Another thing I noticed is that during the reception, people tried to move to a different table so they didn’t have to put up with the smell coming from this man. This person could be a really cool person inside, but people don’t want to be around them because of the fact that they have bad breath and body odor. This may seem offensive to some people, but hygiene is something that you need to teach your child to practice if they want to be accepted in society. I will repeat myself again, first impressions are lasting impressions. I had a teacher a few years back who reeked of tobacco breath, and one day I stayed after class to talk to her about missing absent work, and she really smelled awful. When I talked to her, I only answered with one word responses when she would talk to me and I answered them as fast as I possibly could. If you really want people to judge you, that is definitely one way to do it.

If you recall from my other blog titled “what turns me off”, I mentioned the four personality traits that really turn me off when I am around other people, and these personality traits were self centered people, easily distracted people, pessimistic people, and touchy feely people. If you are any of these people, you need to find some way to change it. People will not want to be around if you show any of these characteristics in front of them. A quote from Dr. Grandin’s book states “People who are polite and cheerful will have an easier time getting along in the world. That may not seem fair, but people like people who are generally happy”. The fact is, nobody wants to be around a pessimist, which is somebody who always looks at the negative side of any situation. I am not trying to make these kind of people look bad, I have caught myself being pessimistic in difficult situations, especially when they are about friends. For example, when a friend rejects me for an invitation, I automatically assume that they have something against me and that they are trying to avoid me. Sometime people use that “I’m busy” excuse because they would rather not spend time with you. I know that by personal experience, I have had “friends” that have avoided me in the past, and for some reason I still thought of them as friends. I then gave up on them and decided to find new people to be friends with. When another person doesn’t want to be friends with me, I tend to feel that “everybody has something against me. ” That is just the common reaction when I’m around someone who wants to be stuck up and have absolutely nothing to do with me. Like I have said many times before, if someone doesn’t want to be my friend, it is their problem, not mine. Aside from being pessimistic, I tend to be judgmental as well. When I meet a new person and I notice the people they hang around, I tend to get a generalization that they will be rude to me and try to do something that may upset me. Because of the many tormentors I have been around, I tend to think that about other people. I am trying my best to work on that, but it is going to take me a long time to get over thinking that. When I first saw Aaron four summers ago when I started going to Computing Workshop, I thought that he and I wouldn’t get along because of the way he looked. He was an athletic male, and looked very confident. Most of the athletic people that I have had to be around are very arrogant and rude people, and tend to pick on people that are not like they are. They need to learn that that is unacceptable. Making fun of somebody is not a way to go through life. Aaron may be athletic and confident, but he is very friendly, caring and laid back. It is not in his character to do something like that. This brings me to my next point, if you want to be accepted by people, always be yourself. It is not considered cool to act like somebody you’re not. People may not notice that you are doing it right away, but they will eventually. When other people make fun of you for the kind of person that you are, that means that they have something wrong with themselves. I have learned not to get upset about people like that. I am who I am, and I am not going to change that for any reason whatsoever.

I think that pretty much sums up everything this rule means, I shouldn’t have to tell you anymore about it. I highly recommend you read “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships”, Temple and Shaun did an amazing job giving you their perspectives of life with Autism.

Please refer to some of the previous blogs that I mentioned on here for more information about me:

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/what-turns-me-off/

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/should-an-aspergers-teen-try-to-be-normal/

by Derek Warren on October 2, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Asperger Syndrome, fitting in, friendships, high school, Life, normal

Posted by Derek Warren on October 2, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/02/fitting-in-is-often-tied-to-looking-and-sounding-like-you-fit-in/

Social Isolation Hurts

The high school years are difficult for anybody. Teens face the difficulty of figuring out who they are, and have to deal with the peer pressure coming from dating, sex, alcohol and drugs. Being a student in high school, I have noticed that parents do not teach their kids respect and understanding others as much as they should. I have been a target of bullying and gossip throughout my entire life. Ever since I was in kindergarten, not a day goes by without having to listen to somebody point and laugh at me, or make a rude and judgmental comment about me. Because of this, I don’t really have that many friends in school. Many times, teenagers act like this because they want to look cool around their friends. They think that friends will accept them better when they make another person look bad for no clear apparent reason.

If you remember on my two blogs titled “do social skills groups help all students on the spectrum”, I mentioned my odd, obsessive interests that changed throughout the years. During my preschool and toddler years, I had a huge interest in fans. When my parents would take me out places and I would see a fan, I would perseverate about it. I remember my mother telling me one day that I would always stop and stare at ceiling fans and refrigerator fans. If you recall from the same blog I mentioned earlier, there was one incident where my mother lost track of me when we were shopping at a grocery store. She was shopping in an aisle that was on the other side of the store and tried to ask me a question but I wasn’t there. She then looked around the entire store for me, and then she saw me staring at the fans inside the refrigerator. My mother also said that when she found me, I was staring at the fans for about 30 minutes.

As I got older, my interests in fans faded away. When I was in third grade, I became fixated with fire drills. Our school was completely remodeled, and we got a new fire alarm system. Ever since the first time I heard the alarm, I would constantly talk about it with around the other students. I didn’t even realize that the students have had enough with me talking about them until they finally said “Derek, stop talking about fire drills already”. My limited interests also caused some bullying when I was in elementary school. During recess when most of the students were running around and playing with their friends, I would always walk around the playground alone. I realized that nobody really liked me, and that they wouldn’t be interested in playing with me during recess anyway. My parents talked to the teachers and explained that they wanted me to join in activities with my peers, but I simply didn’t want to because they didn’t like me. If you remember from my blog about understanding others, there was a student at Computing Workshop with a more severe case of Autism than I have, and he also had Down Syndrome. He used a special computer called a dynavox to communicate. He had a set of beads that his mother gave him to play with, and during free time he would always sit in the corner and twirl them around. He was in his own little world when he was sitting and playing with those beads, and this student’s parents would always complain about his teachers taking the beads away from him as a punishment for not paying attention to the teacher. The teacher would not let him play with the beads during free time, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. The staff members at Computing Workshop also seemed to think that this particular student used playing with the beads as a method of dealing with stress, and when an adult that doesn’t understand his diagnosis takes that away from him, he won’t know what to do with himself. That is when he will start being uncooperative and not listen. I can identify with this student when I think about my experiences during elementary school, I was in my own little world when I would walk alone during recess. I didn’t pay attention to anybody, and nobody payed any attention to me. Because my parents wanted me to “play” with my peers during recess, my teachers would try to force me into doing it. There were times when I would try to resist to throwing a football with another student, or playing on a jump rope, but my teachers would grad me by my shoulder and push me into doing it. Back when I was in elementary school, I didn’t really have the coordination to catch footballs or play jump rope.

My coordination with catching a ball and participating in team sports have gotten better over the years. The majority of kids in high school should know that making fun of someone because they aren’t gifted at sports, or for any other reason is not acceptable. You have one of those arrogant jerks in every crowd, and the best thing to do is to ignore them. I still do have coordination issues now, and I have been around people who do not understand my Aspergers and that don’t have the patience to cooperate with me. I had to deal with one of those people recently in my electronics class at Lenape Tech. We were putting together a windmill that is going to power the greenhouse that belongs to Lenape’s Natural Resources shop. I can’t remember exactly what we were doing, but it was one of those activities that required strong hand/eye coordination, which is also required for playing most team sports. I didn’t quite understand what we were doing, and the teacher was not in the classroom at the time. We were working in groups, and a student very inappropriately lashed out and had a fit with me. He said something like “God fucking dammit Derek, I can’t believe you don’t know how to do this. You are so stupid, damn junior”. Yes, I realize this student didn’t understand my lack of coordination, but there was no excuse for him to lash out at me like that. After the whole incident, I walked away and asked if I could work with another student or have the teacher give me an alternate task to complete for the day. I should not have to deal with somebody that is going to treat me so rudely.

Because of all the social isolation I have been through throughout the years, I still have a difficulty trusting people. When I meet a new person, I have the tendency to think that they are going to try to make fun of me. It’s hard for anyone to get out of thinking that, especially for people like me. If you remember me mentioning how Mike, my old therapist would try to shove social skills down my throat. From my perspective, he seemed to think that depression and anxiety are things that you can just “snap out” of right away. When he would push me to the limit by putting me in social situations where I felt very uncomfortable, I would resist to it. I don’t like it when people put me on the spot, especially when it’s in a group of peers that I don’t know very well. It has always been difficult for me to deal with people like Mike who are “in your face” about things. If you are one of those kind of people, I will try my best to avoid being around you. It will take time for me to develop social skills that I am going to need for life, and hopefully they will help me deal with all of the rude people that I will have to be around. Those kind of people are everywhere you look, and you have to try your best to avoid them. If people are not willing to get to know me as a friend, then it is their loss, not mine. I have no need to worry about people that want nothing to do with me, they are the ones with the social skills problems, not me.

I am willing to be friends with any person who will accept me for who I am, and that will not try to change anything about me. I am beginning to have a better understanding of who are my real friends and who are not. If you are trying to trick me into believing that you are trying to be nice to me when you are really not, I will eventually find out. It hurts to be rejected by people, and it also hurts to be “set up” by them. I don’t really care if I don’t have a whole bunch of friend to talk to, one or two is enough. As I have said before, “quality is better than quantity”. If I do ever lose a close friend, than I will move on and try to find someone else to be friends with. It’s not my problem if you want to be friends with me, it’s yours. Forget about all of the people that want nothing to do with me, I’ve got other things to worry about. Graduation is coming up next year, and these people won’t mean a god damn thing to me.

Before I go, this is a message to all teens and young adults. Always remember to stay true to yourself, and don’t ever change. I have had to deal with countless people that have rubbed it into my face that they want me to be like they are, when I don’t want to do that. There will be people in life that act that way, and the only thing you should do is to just sit there and ignore them. My “social status” with my peers in high school doesn’t mean anything to me. I hope you enjoyed this, and that you will take all of this advice, and share it with anyone who may need it in the future.

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/09/what-turns-me-off-part-2/

by Derek Warren on October 6, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life, Uncategorized

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, bullying, friendships, Life, lonliness, social isolation

Posted by Derek Warren on October 6, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/social-isolation-hurts/

What turns me off (part 2)

I realize that the world is not a perfect place, and I realize that every person has their own quirks, but I wanted to talk about four more types of people who I can’t stand being around. If you remember from my part one blog, I mentioned five characteristics that I can’t stand about people, and they were self centered, easily distracted, nosy, pessimistic and touchy feely. The funny thing is that kids with Asperger’s Syndrome do show all of those characteristics, including the ones I am going to mention on this blog. There are people like this everywhere, and best way to deal with them is to avoid being around them as much as possible. Like I said in my first blog about this, I am not purposely trying to offend you, it’s just that there are people who do this all the time, and many of them don’t even realize that they are doing it, and that they don’t understand that these characteristic are what draw people away from you.

1.) Bossy people:

No matter where you go in the world, there will be people who are (in my opinion) the most difficult to deal with, and they are the bossy ones. No matter what the situation is, they will always try to tell you what to do. They always like to think that they are in control and they run the show. They are most likely the ones that don’t have that many friends because nobody wants to be around them. If you remember from my last blog, I talked about one of the students in my electronics class at Lenape Tech. We were working on the windmill that is going to power the greenhouse for Lenape’s Natural Resources Technology class. The teacher picked a few students and asked them to move some cinder blocks and put them in the large pile that was outside the greenhouse. They already had about five students that were helping, and I didn’t think that they needed anymore. Anyway, the student lashed out at me and said “Derek, get off your ass and help us move these blocks”. I simply refused and told him that he doesn’t have the right to stand there and tell me what to do. The only thing I recommend you do with people like this is to just sit there and ignore them. Being bossed around by people really makes a person’s anxiety level high, and makes their self esteem very low. I will always refuse to work with anyone who stands there and orders me around. I don’t know anybody that enjoys being around those kind of people.

2.) Cockiness:

There are people like this everywhere you go, the overconfident arrogant ones that are not really worth anything. One characteristic that cocky people display is self-centeredness. They are full of themselves and they seem to enjoy bringing another person down to make them feel bad. If you are not like them, they will either ignore you and pretend you don’t exist, or they will find something rude and derogatory to say about you just to make them look cool in-front of the crowd. High school and college are the places where you will experience these kind of people the most, but there are plenty of them out in the real world as well. I have three possible suggestions for dealing with someone like this, and they are all different. If this person is treating other people rudely and not you, I recommend just sitting there and pretending they aren’t there.

I’ve had to listen to these people ever since I started junior high, and when you hear them say such nasty things you just want to punch them in the face, right? Second, if they do say anything to you, I recommend that you either use humor or make a cocky comment back. If you love vocabulary, I recommend that you use big words so that you will confuse them. This very well could make them realize how stupid they are. Using violence will only cause the situation to escalate, and you will be the one that gets in trouble. I’ve made that same mistake. During my sophomore year in high school, I was in Freeport’s TV Production crew. I was working on camera, I accidentally bumped the camera when we were taping the morning announcements for the next day. The director, who was a senior blurted out “Derek, what the fuck is your problem”? I then had it with people talking to me rudely and pushing me around, so I threw the headset I was using on the floor and sat down. Luckily, it didn’t hit the floor hard enough and it didn’t cause any damage to the equipment. I refuse to work with anybody who is going to talk to me that disrespectfully. Anyone who shows disrespect toward me will get disrespected back, it’s as simple as that.

3.) Dishonest people

If you remember my blog titled “Four Important Qualities of A Best Friend”, I had honesty as one of them. Not telling the truth is a very bad thing to do, and people will most likely find out if you don’t. They might not find out right away, but they will eventually. When I am a truly friends with someone, I tell them like it is. I do that because I want them to listen to me and know that I care about them. A true friend listens to another person’s feelings, and they are honest and tell you the truth when they talk to you. For example, if I had a friend that was going to a party where there were illegal drugs, I would want them to listen to me and I would try to convince them into not going to the party. Teenagers often don’t think before they do something, and sometimes their actions can get them into trouble with the law. I also can’t stand people that lie constantly, and when they know you can tell that they are lying. There are two thing that can make a person think you are lying, they are their tone of voice and their facial expressions. A lot of times when you ask them a question, they will nervously answer and use filler words such as uh, um and like. Their facial expressions will look nervous, and they will try to convince you that they are telling the truth when they really are not. The only piece of advice I can give to you about liars is to never trust them for anything whatsoever.

4.) Judgmental people:

Every single person on this whole planet is different, which is a very good thing. If everybody in the world was the same, Earth would be a pretty boring planet to live on. I want to ask you one question, when you see a person that demonstrates odd behaviors, what are the first things that go through your mind? If you go back to my last blog that talked about how social isolation hurt me when I was in school, I wanted to be alone during recess and lunch. I really hated the fact that people were not like me, and that they always made judgmental comments toward me. People automatically assume that when they see someone who sits alone that they want to be away from people and that they want to stay in their own little world. You never know what is going through that person’s mind when you first see them, maybe they have been mistreated by people and are afraid to open up to them, just like I am. Judgmental people are the ones that want to give every single person a stereotype. It is very rude to judge somebody for their habits, whatever they may be. For example, if I had a friend that was a drug addict or an alcoholic, I would want to try my best to help them with their problem, and to accept them for who they are. Drugs and alcohol are very difficult habits to break, and they can take years before they become clean. I have been around people like that many times, and it makes you feel very sick inside listening to some of the things that people say. High school and college are not the only places where you will find these people, they are just about everywhere you go. Parents need to teach their kids to not be judgmental about people and to respect and accept them for who they are. They need to teach them to help their friends with their habits, whatever they may be.

Before I go, I wanted to say one thing. I am not trying to sound hypocritical in this blog, I have caught myself doing all four of these things. Every single person in the world has done at least one of these things when they are around people, and they are just afraid to be honest and admit it. Think about how these characteristics can cause people to run away from you instead of be around you.

Thank you very much for reading this, and I will be back for another entry next weekend!

Please check out these other blogs:

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/06/social-isolation-hurts/

by Derek Warren on October 9, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, bossy, cocky, Dishonest, Judgmental, Life, social isolation, turn offs

Posted by Derek Warren on October 9, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/09/what-turns-me-off-part-2/

“Not Everybody Who Is Nice to Me Is My Friend”

A very simple definition of the word “friend” is a person who somebody knows, likes and trust. The title of this blog is actually Rule number six in Temple Grandin’s book “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships”. My blog titled “How Can An Asperger’s Teen Know Who Their Real Friends Are” was just simply a “how too” guide on figuring out whether or not somebody is your friend. I have been taken advantage of people many times, because of one thing, kids with Asperger’s often don’t understand when someone is really telling the truth. When they are around someone who acts nice when they first meet them, they automatically think that they are their friend. I am very careful when I am meet a new person, because you never know what they are really like. Even when you are getting to know someone as a friend, it takes a while for their real personality to come out. When you know a person that seems really nice, and all of a sudden they say something mean about you or to your face, it is very confusing. That is especially true for individuals on the Spectrum.

Kids usually don’t start to learn this rule until their middle school. Temple and Sean both mention that younger kids are very honest when they are telling their feelings to others. When I start to get to know a person and think of them as friends is when they start to avoid being around me. I really get upset when people avoid me and ignore me for absolutely no reason. I would rather a friend be honest and tell me they don’t want to be friends instead of just sitting there and ignoring me all the time. Growing up in the small town of Sarver, Pennsylvania makes me feel that nobody even knows that I exist. It seems that the only people that actually do know I exist are the ones that want to just sit there and make fun of me for absolutely no reason. If you want nothing to do with me, than why the hell don’t you just tell me? Being honest and telling your feelings about me is better than sitting there and tolerating me when you don’t want me around. Besides, it is your problem if you don’t want anything to do with me, not mine.

If you remember me talking about my old therapist named Mike, who would push me to the limit and try to shove social skills down my throat. I always dreaded having to participate in sessions with him, and he knew it. He seemed to think that doing so would magically make me learn social skills I needed to know for life. People often say that “A Smile Says A Lot About You” and “People Fall in Love With A Smile”, I have to say that is the most ridiculous statement that I have ever heard in my entire life. When somebody is constantly happy, that most likely means that they are trying to hide something that they are upset about, whatever it may be. I personally think that a person that is happy all the time is a bit strange, balance is one of the things people need in life. Instead of hiding something you are upset about, why don’t you tell someone about it? Hiding something you are upset about makes the situation even worse. Back to my point, just because somebody smiles doesn’t necessarily mean they are a nice person. Even if they smile, they could still be the most arrogant, mean spirited and absent minded person on the face of the earth. And regarding the “People Fall in Love With A Smile” quote, nobody is going to fall in love with somebody just because they have a nice smile. I remember when our school’s website used to have our teacher’s ID photos by their names, and there were some teachers that smiled and there were others that didn’t. I looked at their photo IDs because I was going into my freshman year at the time, and one of the teachers had a really nice smile. But, when school started it turned out that this teacher was the most sour, unhappy person out of all the teachers at Freeport that hated their job and everything about it. The teachers I saw that didn’t smile actually turned out to be the nicer ones that enjoyed teaching at Freeport. My final thought about someone that smiles all the time is that they are hiding something they are upset about, or hiding the fact that they might try to do something to bring me down. When I first saw the teachers that smiled in their pictures, I thought they were going to me nice and friendly, but it turned out that wasn’t true. This teacher absolutely hated her students, the teachers and everything else about her job. When I was working with the therapist, Mike, he tried to make me smile in the mirror five times during each of our sessions. I always refused to do so, because I disagreed with him when he told me that a smile says a lot about somebody. I have been mistreated by people that have a lot of friends and that are happy most of the time, and it is hard to trust new people when I meet them. Instead of judging somebody that looks like they are unhappy, why don’t you talk to them and try to figure out what is wrong with them? If you don’t like that fact about me, then that is too bad. Rant over.

One of the things that people often ask when they meet a new person is “what are they like”? Because of the fact that they usually hide their emotions about another person, it is difficult to tell what their real personality is like. My first recommendation when you are meeting a new person is to ask them to introduce you to a few of their close friends. When you find a chance to talk to their friends without the new friend around, try to ask them some general questions about them. Try to ask them what their personality is like, what they like to do in their spare time, what their family is like, and if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you might want to ask the same questions about them too. When I meet a new person, I like to know a bit of general information about them so that I can decipher if they would be an appropriate person to trust or not. This is especially true when you are looking for a person to date, if it is possible, I would like to know some general information about the potential date so I can tell if they are the right person for me or not. I am not interested in dating, so I don’t even have to worry about that. One thing to keep in mind anytime you meet a new person, try not to be judgmental when they are around their friends. Just because they have friends that are different than you doesn’t necessarily mean they are a bad person. Just be cool around the person and don’t be pushy or controlling. That is one of the things that will draw people away from you.

To wrap up, people not following this rule is one of the reasons why there have been so many kidnappings and murders. People always assume that when they meet a new person that they are automatically a friend that they trust. I am not trying to scare anybody, but I am just trying to make people aware. There are people out there that you most definitely not trust and avoid at all costs. I hope this blog will help people, especially ones on the spectrum understand why this rule is very important in life.

I hope you found it interesting and informative, and I will be back to write soon!

7 Comments

by Derek Warren on October 10, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, boundaries, dumped, friends, Life, Not Everybody Who Is Nice to Me Is My Friend, social relationships

Posted by Derek Warren on October 10, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/10/not-everybody-who-is-nice-to-me-is-my-friend/

My experiences with Social Anxiety

Gossip, rumors and labels are the things that all teenagers have to deal with. Most of the gossip and rumors about people are not even true, and the people spreading them usually don’t know what they are talking about. The labels I get are extremely hurtful as well, such as loner and reject. If you think what you have been going through during your teenage years is bad, try putting yourself in the shoes of someone with Asperger’s Syndrome, Depression and Social Anxiety. In school, people have always given me the nasty labels such as “loner” and “outsider”. People seem to think that I don’t want social interaction with people and that I want to be alone, when that is not true at all. I really do want social interaction with people, but people don’t want social interaction with me because of the labels and gossip people have that spread about me.

My social anxiety started when I was in seventh grade at the Freeport area Junior High School. Everyone in the school grew up from the adorable little kids they were in elementary school to snobbish, immature junior high students. This was the year “social cliques” started to develop and gossip, and it seemed like gossip and rumors spread even more than any cold or flu bug. As soon as a person got detention or suspension, it spread around the entire school. The reason for why this gossip spread around so much is because of how small the junior high really is, it can only fit about 200 students total. Those were also the years that people started to notice that I was different than everybody else, I had odd interests in things like fire drills and school buses, and I did not have the confidence or the skills to reach out to people and talk to them. Because of this, I was one of the most frequent targets of bullying and gossip. When I would try to reach out to people, they would either sit there and ignore me or speak to me rudely and tell me not to sit with them. It seemed like anytime I would try to open up to somebody, they would avoid me and make fun of me for no reason. Most of the social cliques in junior high were only into making crude adult humor jokes and making fun of people that did not act just like them. One particular incident was in eighth grade at our end of the year field trip. If you remember the student name Eric who I mentioned in my other blogs, this was the incident that really triggered my social anxiety when interacting with my peers in school. We went on a cruise on one of the Gateway Clipper fleets in Pittsburgh, and it was a dinner and dance that was held in the evening. Since I didn’t really have a group of friends to sit with, I sat alone. I remember I got up to get my food for the dinner, then I sat down to eat. Right after I sat down I heard Eric say a real nasty comment about me. I heard it loud and clear over the loud music that was playing, and that comment really upset me for the rest of the night. I am not going to mention what he said on here, but it was a very ignorant thing for somebody to say to a person that he was a classmate with. I got so upset by the comment that I couldn’t really focus on eating my food, then I just got up and sat on a chair outside and cried about it. I figured that telling on him would cause him to talk rudely about me even more or he could even start saying rude things directly to me,

My social anxiety worsened when I finished eighth grade and became a freshman in high school. Because I was no longer the highest grade in the school and didn’t really know anybody there, I became so tense and nervous. It was very intimidating for me because everybody was older than me, and they were all in their own social clique of friends. Most of the upperclassmen were your typical freshman haters, and they all had absolutely no interest in associating with people like me because they were in their own “little group” of friends. I knew that Freeport is a rather small high school, but it seemed a lot bigger to me because it was a new environment with new people. In junior high I had a difficulty understanding who was my friend and who was not. I was “set up” and tricked by people many times. When I started high school it was very difficult for me to move on from those experiences and make a fresh new start. I had this generalization that everybody was bad and that everybody has something against me, which I still do now. I am working on getting rid of it, but it is very difficult for me because of all of my past experiences with people. Many people tend to think that social anxiety and depression is something that you can just “snap out” of, when it is not. People who suffer with it now will suffer with it for the rest of their lives. Yes, there are medications they can take, but they can sometimes worsen their symptoms.

I have gotten help for my symptoms, but social interaction with people is still a very difficult thing for me. I am not one for talking on the phone with people, even when they are close friends. In the rare times that I have called my friends, I feel that they will have something against me and try to avoid me. When I give them invitations over the phone, I tend to fear that they will not want to be around me and make excuses for why they want nothing to do with me. I especially have difficulty dealing with that, being avoided by people really hurts someone that has been through it countless times. I also worry that it might be the wrong time to call and they will get angry at me and avoid me in the future. Yes, I realize the phone etiquette rules, such as don’t call after nine o’clock, and two call attempts during the day is enough.

I also used to fear being around peers in public places other than school. I have seen my enemies in public places like the mall and the local grocery store before, and I try to avoid talking to them as much as I can. I don’t really have a problem around adults, but its peers that I really get uncomfortable around. When I see other teenagers whispering to their friends, even when they are people I don’t even know, I tend to fear that they are whispering about me, even though that most likely is not true. I still have the tendency to worry about things like this even though a few people in my high school have started rumors about me. When I talk to someone that I consider close friends, I tend to worry and think that they change and all of a sudden have something against me. I realize that change in a person is something that occurs overtime, and it doesn’t happen in just a few days or weeks.

I disagree with a lot of the therapists that work with people with depression and anxiety who think that pushing them to the limit and shoving therapy down their throat will cause them to magically “come out of their shell”. I have mentioned such a person before, and his name was Mike. I don’t think that he is bad at what he does for a living, but I disagree that overwhelming them and trying to change who they are will cause them to learn social skills and get through their depression and Anxiety. I think that his therapy would work for some people, but not for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome and Social Anxiety.

One thing I wish is that people were not so judgmental about me when they first met me, I don’t try to avoid new people when I meet them, I just tense up and get nervous. Because of this people tend to think that I am stuck up and don’t really want to be around them. I have also been around ignorant people who make rude jokes about people with these kind of mental disorders, and that is totally uncalled for. I think the world needs a zero tolerance policy towards that, but unfortunately that is not going to happen. Individuals with these disorders are teased all the time, and it sadly is not going to stop. But when you are around me I will not stand for it. To me, making fun of somebody for something they can’t control is totally inappropriate in any situation. You can bet that I will tell you that I don’t like what you are doing, and that it is uncalled for and needs to stop. I get very angry when I see comedy shows on TV make fun of people like this, even if it is “just a joke”. It is sad that there are ignorant people in this world that do things like this, but unfortunately it happens everywhere. I hope you got some idea of the things I experienced with my Anxiety, and I hope that you will take this into consideration when you see someone who may exhibit some of these behaviors. The next time you think about judging somebody, think about some of the things that this person may be going through. Be helpful to them instead of making fun of them and judging them.

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/11/four-important-qualities-of-a-best-friend/

by Derek Warren on October 13, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, avoiding, change, friendships, Life, rejection, social anxiety, talking on the phone

Posted by Derek Warren on October 13, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/13/my-experiences-with-social-anxiety/

Four Important Qualities of A Best Friend (part two)

I wanted to expand on one of my earlier entries titled “Four Important Qualities of A Best Friend”. The qualities I mentioned were honesty, kindness, trustworthiness and sacrifice. Nobody wants to be around someone who is dishonest, unkind, unreliable and lazy. The qualities I mentioned on that blog are just as important as the three I am going to mention on this entry for one main reason, and it is because they all tie in together.These qualities are just as important as the ones I mentioned on my other blog about this topic, and they are in no particular order. I don’t really have that many friends in school, so high school life has been pretty difficult for me. In another one of my other entries I talked about my social anxiety, and how that contributes to why making and keeping friendships is very difficult for me. If I expected these qualities from all of my friends, I would not really have that many. These qualities, and the ones that I mentioned in “part one” are really only expected for close friends.

1.) Humility:

Have you been around a person who always talks about themselves in a conversation? Somebody left a comment on one of my others entries about how they had a friend who had a child that was behind academically. He had a friend that would always complain about how behind their child was, when they would rub it into their face that their child was ahead of his. A definition of humility is the quality of being humble, meaning a person who is not proud or arrogant because they are better than another person, whatever the reason may be. I once had a friend who would rub into my face that his parents would let him get away with things that my parents wouldn’t. He would always tell me that he would get away with looking at bad websites on the internet and watching inappropriate TV shows. I went to his house one day and he offered to watch a movie that was R rated, and I was only in about second or third grade at the time. I told him that I was not allowed to watch an R rated movie without an adult watching it with me. If my parents found out that I was watching that movie, I would have been in trouble. I couldn’t tell you what the name of the movie was, but I do remember it was rated R. I then decided not to hang around this person because he tried to convince me into doing something I wasn’t allowed to do and he would try to rub into my face that he was better than I am because of how different the rules of his house are from mine. He moved shortly after this whole situation, and I decided to lose contact with him. I will repeat myself again, a true friend doesn’t convince you into doing something wrong, or rub into their face about why they think they are better than you. I also can’t stand people that try to rub their religious or political beliefs into my face. Politics and religion are very touchy subjects for many people, and some can be easily offended by the way you say it. People need to learn the phrase “enough is enough”. Parents do not teach that to their kids enough. Kids on the Autistic Spectrum especially don’t understand this because of their lack of social skills.

2.) Uniqueness:

I can’t stand people who don’t want to be friends with me just because I don’t act like a “normal teenager”. The social shunning that I have gotten in high school is the main reason for why people judge me and don’t want to be around me. I have said this before and I will say it again, I don’t ever want to hear from somebody “you should do this because everybody else is doing it”. They judge me because of the fact that I don’t play any sports or that I am not interested in dating. Teenagers often hang out with groups of people with similar interests. These groups are called “cliques”. If you don’t have the same hobby interest as they do, then to them you either don’t exist or are worth absolutely nothing. I think it is good to talk to people who have slightly different personality traits and hobby interests than everybody else in the crowd. It helps to ask them for advice because they can give you a different perspective about the problem. To me, if you constantly avoid somebody because they don’t have the same hobby interests as you might make people think that you are stuck up. It’s good to be different from other people, the people who are different are usually the ones who end up being very successful in life.

3.) Acceptance:

As you already know, I can’t stand “friends” who are judgmental. For example, just because somebody is not like you doesn’t mean they are a bad person. Another thing I can’t stand is when a “friend” doesn’t listen to you when you tell them that whatever they are doing is bothering you. For example, let’s say they are a person who loves to joke around all the time. You laughed along with them until they told a joke that went way too far. You tell them to stop, and they just say “Come on, it was just a joke”. The jokes still continue, until you finally tell them to knock it off. I can say one thing about a situation like this, they are definitely not your friend if they keep doing something you don’t like. A true friend should know when things likes jokes go too far. They should know what gets you pissed off, and they should never do it. Plain and simple. A true friend also does not try to change you, they will love and accept you for the person that you are. They won’t ever push you into doing something you don’t want to do, and they won’t ever try to make you uncomfortable in front of your other friends or their friends. I’ve had “friends” in the past that have done that also, they are obviously not my real friends if they are going to do something like that.

4.) Forgiveness:

Have you ever had a friend that has held a grudge against you for something that was not a big deal, or something you didn’t say or do at all? A true best friend will forgive you for the mistakes you have made, even the big ones. I can relate to that very well. I once had a friend who I have talked to online and in school for a few months. School eventually let out, and he became busy with his summer job. One night I was text messaging one of my other friends, and I sent it to him by a mistake. It was about thirty minutes past midnight, and it woke him up. The next morning he called me and started throwing a fit at me about it. I explained to him that I didn’t mean to do it, and he just said “whatever”, hung up on me and refused to talk to me. About a week after that, I tried talking to him again and he just told me to “fuck off”. I guess our “friendship” was over after that whole incident. He held a grudge against me for something that was a “little deal” and made a “big deal” about it. That shows just how immature my peers really are. Life is about making mistakes, and people are supposed to learn from them. I guess the only thing I learned from that “friendship” was make sure you send your text messages to the correct person on your contact list. There are obviously better people to be friends with than this kid. A true friend also sticks with you through the good and the bad times. I’ve gone to a few of my friends for a few of my problems, and they then try to avoid me. What kind of a true friend is that? Yes, there maybe is the chance that they haven’t been through a situation like that, but it still makes no sense to avoid the person. I have been ignored by people before, and it is not a good feeling. In school it seems like the only people that ever try to talk to me are the ones who want to make fun of me and bring me down.

I am happy about the fact that I don’t have tons of friends, to keep me happy I only need one or two friends. Quality is better than quantity. Even though I don’t get to see my good friend Aaron that much, I am happy he is going to school to learn skills for what he wants to do. I am really hopeful that he will have a job he will enjoy going to in the future, and that he will remember that his friendship made an impact on my life. When breaks come around, hopefully we will have some time to spend with each other. We don’t have all of the same hobby interests, and I don’t agree with everything he says, but he is still my friend.

Like I said at the beginning, if I expected all of these qualities from every single one of my friends, I probably wouldn’t have them. These qualities are really only important for close friends. You definitely should not consider being good friends with me if you don’t posses these qualities. Friends are what make living your daily life easier. Thank you for reading this and I will be back to write again next weekend!

Please check out my blogs similar to this one:

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/10/not-everybody-who-is-nice-to-me-is-my-friend/

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/04/mistakes-and-behavior/

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/26/have-you-ever-been-dumped-by-a-friend/

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/how-can-an-aspergers-teen-know-who-their-real-friends-are/

by Derek Warren on October 16, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, frienships, true friend

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, friendships, important qualities, part two

Posted by Derek Warren on October 16, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/16/four-important-qualities-of-a-best-friend-part-two/

“Not Everything That Happens Is Equally Important in The Grand Scheme of Things”

Think about the last time you had a really terrible day. I am sure every single person on this whole planet can come up with something. Your car breaks down and you have no other way to get to work. If you have read the book “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships” by Dr. Temple Grandin and Shaun Barron, you have heard them mention that people on the Autistic Spectrum often think of the world around them as black and white. If you go back to my blog about honesty, I mentioned about how Shaun Barron didn’t like the board game he received as a gift from his friend because he already owned that same game. In his mind, he wanted to show that he was angry, and that he already had the gift. He just said I remember when I went to the Wesley Wonder Kids social group in Gibsonia, Pennsylvania they had a discussion about “big deal” versus “little deal”. A little deal would be something that only affects you right this moment, and that shouldn’t have an effect on you in the future. An example of a “little deal” would be somebody accidentally sitting in your assigned seat in the classroom. All you have to do is kindly ask them if they can move, or find another place to sit. However, and example of a “big deal” would be if somebody purposely pushed you into moving traffic. If you got hit by a car you could have been severely injured or even killed. The person who shoved you could also have faced charges.

Shaun Barron mentioned a “little deal” situation when he got extremely angry. He went with his family to a Dairy Isle, and he ordered a chocolate shake. Anytime he would order a drink, he had this “rule” that was always very important to him, he wanted his drink to be filled completely to the top. When he finally received it, he saw that the drink was filled to just under the line. It was only two-thirds full. He was filled with anger, and he refused to touch the drink. To get rid of his anger, he decided to stomp on the cup until it was completely destroyed. I can imagine he felt a sense of relief after destroying the cup, because that was how he got rid of his anger. I can relate with Shaun very well in this example, there have been many situations where I have dealt with “little deal” situations inappropriately. One example was when I was in second grade at Buffalo Elementary School. My teacher’s name was Mrs. Coyne, and we were outside at recess. I was extremely bored at the time, and I decided to go sit on a swing. I walked up to the swing, and just before I sat on the swing another student said “I was going to use that swing”. I didn’t see him walking to the swing when I tried to sit at the swing. We then got into a verbal argument and he tried to grab the swing from me. I don’t remember what was said, because it was so long ago. I tried to come up with a way to show him how angry I was for telling me not to sit at the swing, so I then went to punching him in the stomach. One of the playground monitors saw me, and reported it to Mrs. Coyne. When we came back in from recess, she gave me a lecture and my punishment was lunch detention for a week. At the time I didn’t care that I was punished for the situation, I didn’t care that the situation was wrong, I was furious that he wanted to use the swing that I started to use. Looking back at that situation now, I realize that I reacted inappropriately. I think that we both of us acted inappropriately, I think this person should have just moved on and found another swing to play on. When he told me that he wanted to play on the swing, I should have done the same thing, but I didn’t, I reacted in a way that got me into trouble. That was a perfect example of a “little deal” situation. Later on, most people would think that a situation like this would be just a dim memory, I am sure that people wouldn’t even think about a situation like this later in their lives. I talked about this situation because it was a perfect example of many of the social skills that individuals on the Spectrum don’t understand.

Aside from big deal versus little deal, this rule also means you should not get upset about all the negative things that happen in your day. Shaun mentioned in the book that he got upset about a very minor situation, such was the case when they talked about his school changing the daily schedule. I had a very similar situation, last year I toured the Lenape Vo tech school in Ford City, Pennsylvania. I was very impressed with the opto electronics program, they had a great instructor, named Mr. McCauley. He was one of those enthusiastic instructors that really enjoyed teaching. He had a goofy type of personality, and he made it taught in a way that would make anyone understand what he was teaching. I went to the electro optics summer program at IUP Northpointe and he was one of the instructors there. There he taught the electronics portion of the program. The kind of teachers I can’t stand are the ones who stand there and talk with an uninterested monotone voice. Most public speakers who talk in a monotone voice show that they either are not interested in the topic, or they just don’t know what they are talking about at all. That is one thing I have noticed. Most of those teachers stand there and talk for the entire class period, which is extremely boring! Mr. McCauley did do quite a bit of lecturing during the short time he taught during the summer program, but he was interesting to listen to. His enthusiastic attitude influenced me to realize that not all teachers are going to be grouchy, uninterested, over payed individuals who hate their job and every person on the entire planet. He inspired me to stick with what I want to learn for a future career, even if it means I will have to deal with the other kind of “teachers”, the ones who hate the world and all who live on it. I am sure I will have to deal with a few bosses like that, and I shouldn’t let them get to me either. Last year I went to Lenape and observed the opto electronics class, and I found out that Mr. McCauley was going to retire. Even though I didn’t get to know him at Lenape, I am still glad I got to meet him and have him as a teacher at the IUP summer camp. I am glad there still are some interested teachers out there who mostly enjoy their job and who like seeing their students succeed. In my opinion, grouchy uninterested teachers need to retire or find something else to do for a living. I am sorry if you are offended by this, but that is my honest opinion.

My final thought about this rule is that it shows me to not worry about the people and situations that piss me off and try to ruin my day. Anyone who tries to belittle me in any way, or that thinks I have problems means that they have problems themselves. When someone tries to belittle me I think I should just sit there and laugh about how stupid they really are. When I look back at my memories from junior high and high school, that is one of the things I am going to do! People who stand there and make fun of me need to get a life and find something better to do. Life would be so much easier without people like that! Unfortunately, I will have to deal with many of them. I want to ignore people who act like that and just keep on being myself.

by Derek Warren on October 30, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, IUP Northpointe, Lenape Vo Tech, Life, Not Everything That Happens Is Equally Important in The Grand Scheme of Things, Shaun Barron, Temple Grandin

Posted by Derek Warren on October 30, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/30/not-everything-that-happens-is-equally-important-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things/

“Honesty is Different than Diplomacy”

One characteristic that most individuals with Autistic Spectrum Disorders show is honesty. They make honest responses to questions, even when they are not being asked. This is rule number four in the book “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships” by Dr. Temple Grandin and Shaun Barron. People often say “honesty is the best policy”. There are times when telling the truth can hurt someones feelings or cause your child to laughed at. Rule number one in the book is “Rules are Not Absolute, They Are Situation and People Based”. Telling the truth is important, but the truth can sometimes hurt other peoples feelings. The key to telling the truth is doing it appropriately, and to do that you need to do it respectfully. From the website dictionary.com, a definition of the word “diplomacy” is “tact and skill in dealing with people”.

The word “tact” simply means “acute sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in dealing with others, including the ability to speak or act without offending”. In the book, Shaun mentioned how being honest in a social situation is very difficult. He mentioned how being honest can sometimes hurt other peoples feelings. He mentioned how he hurt one of his friends feelings when he received a gift he didn’t like. The gift turned out to be a board game that he already owned at the time. When he first saw the gift, he simply said “I already have this” and flung the gift aside. His parents gave him a lecture about why this behavior was inappropriate. In his mind, he was just trying to be honest because he already owned the game his friend gave him, and that he was disappointed that he didn’t get a gift he wanted. Because of his Autistic way of thinking, it prevented him from understanding that his behavior was inappropriate. It prevented him from understanding that his “sheer unchecked honesty” hurt his friends feelings.

I can relate to Temple when she talked about how she can’t lie on the spur of the moment, she has to plan it carefully beforehand. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a high functioning form of Autism. An Autistic child’s ability to lie depends on their functioning level. A child with the low functioning disorder can tend to get very overwhelmed and nervous. If you remember my grouchy math teacher from my Freshman year in high school, she would give us very large amounts of homework every single night. We were working on multi step fractions, which to this day I cannot understand and bore the hell out of me. I remember one day she gave us a very large worksheet for homework, it had about fifty multi step problems and she wanted done by the next school day. I had a very bad bullying incident that day, and I was in no mood to work on a fifty problem worksheet with multi step fractions. When I got home from school that day, I wanted to do nothing but sleep because I was so overwhelmed because of the bullying incident. My mother discovered how overwhelmed I was about the situation, but she didn’t know about the very large math homework sheet. I decided that I would tell the teacher that I didn’t have enough time to do the assignment. The next day, the teacher asked us for our homework assignment, and I put it on her desk. She looked at the paper and noticed that it wasn’t done, and I simply said that I didn’t have time to do the assignment. Because of my tone of voice, she didn’t believe me excuse. In her mind she was probably thinking that I wanted to be lazy and not do the assignment. It was true that I didn’t want to do the assignment, but it was not true that I was lazy. I had a very rough day and I was not in the mood to do a fifty problem worksheet. Math is something that has always frustrated me, and probably always will.

One of the problems I have with being honest is not knowing what to say at the right time. Let’s go back to my old therapist Mike, who would always try to push me to the limit. When he would ask me a question, I wouldn’t answer it right away because I was trying to process what to say. If I didn’t answer the question right away, he would overwhelm me even more by asking another question. After I finally had enough with the questions, I would ignore him by not looking at him and paying attention to him. When I would ignore him, he would irritatingly ask me “what are you thinking about”? I would respond with an “I don’t know” because I simply didn’t want him to know anything about me. It took him and my parents an entire year to finally realize that his therapy was not the right thing for me. It also took them that long to realize that I didn’t want him to get to know me because of how much he overwhelmed me. I seemed to think that he was trying to bully me instead of help me. I think that his therapy would work better for kids with ADHD and behavior problems. His therapy style was that he wanted to shove social skills down my throat. To me, the more you push somebody, the more they will resist.

When I was working with Mike, I didn’t want to be honest because I was afraid he would laugh at me or he would get angry at me. Most kids with Asperger’s are too honest when they are around people they might consider “friends” when they really aren’t. They become too trusting and give them information they shouldn’t give them, which can result in teasing, bullying and social isolation. They don’t understand boundary issues and diplomacy. This is also an important skill to learn in the work world. Lets pretend you are working for a local carpentry shop, and you’re building a house that is almost complete. Your boss has to leave for the day and he leaves you in charge of things for the day. Before he leaves he explains the tasks that he wants completed before the end of the day. Your coworker shows you the wood pieces he cut for the house and you discover that his measurements are slightly off. There are three possible things you could do, you could tell him off by calling him stupid and rudely tell him to go back and do it again, or you could politely tell him which measurements are incorrect and help him get it done correctly. If you go with the first option, you could end up being fired, which could ruin your chances of getting a job elsewhere.

If you remember my blog titled “Social Isolation Hurts” I talked about the kid at Lenape that told me off when we were working on the windmill, he was purposely trying to make me feel bad. He knows that his behavior is very inappropriate and uncalled for. I simply refused to work with him, nobody on this planet deserves to be talked to like that. I have never been around somebody that has talked to me so rudely before. I don’t think that his kid is ever going to change, he will always talk to people he doesn’t like that he doesn’t like rudely and inappropriately. It’s a shame that there are people in this world who act like that, but I guess that is just the way it is.

Before I go, I have one more thought. I try to be as honest and polite as I can when I am around people, but when they are disrespectful towards me they will be disrespected back. They will get the truth that they don’t want to hear and I won’t say it in a nice way. I don’t think you deserve respect when you don’t give it to other people. People who can’t handle the truth will be in for a wake up call sometime in their life. The fact is that if you want respect from me, you have to earn it. It’s as simple as that. I am not going to change anything about myself, and if you can’t handle me for who I am then stay away from me. I think the so called “normal” people are the ones with problems, especially the ones who sit there and make fun of people with differences. If you don’t want to be around me, that is your problem, not mine.

I hope you all enjoyed reading this, and I will be back to write soon!

by Derek Warren on October 22, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, diplomacy, honesty, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Honesty Is Different than Diplomacy, manners, respect, tact

Posted by Derek Warren on October 22, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/22/honesty-is-different-than-diplomacy/

Friend vs Acquaintance

We all know that the definition of a friend is a person who somebody likes, knows and trusts. Individuals on the Autistic Spectrum usually don’t understand the crucial differences between friends and acquaintances. Simply put, a definition of the word “acquaintance” is a person known to one, but usually not a close friend. An acquaintance may be somebody you see at work or school on occasions, but really don’t know anything about. For example, every day at around four in the afternoon, I see a woman walking down my street with her dog, which is a chocolate lab. The only thing I know about this woman is that she has a chocolate lab who she walks down the street everyday. If I ever did get a chance to talk to her, it would probably only be about her dog. I don’t think it would be appropriate to talk about anything else with her. In high school, you will have the annoying people who are considered “popular”. They usually hang out with people of similar interests, they consider the twenty or thirty people they hang out with “best friends” when they are either acquaintances or “casual friends”. This entry talks about the differences between an acquaintance and a friend

A casual friend is somebody you may hang around or talk to at events like social gatherings, work or school. If you do hang out with them, you usually don’t share personal information with them. I’ve had trouble with this in the past, I have considered people “real friends” when they really weren’t. I’ve tried “icebreakers” and asked them if they wanted to get together with me when they rejected me. Their response was the typical “no, sorry I’m too busy”. It was obvious that they really were not my friend because they wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. I would rather hear somebody tell me they want nothing to do with me then avoid me. When people avoid me it makes me feel that I am a bad person, or that I did something that offended them. I could tell that this person was avoiding me because they didn’t stop and give me a good explanation of why he was busy. Telling me “I’m busy because I have other stuff to do” tells me you really are not busy, you are just trying to get out of being around me. If somebody honestly tells me they want nothing to do with me, I will just move on and find another person to hang out with. I have been avoided by people my entire life, and it really hurts. Like I said, it makes me feel like I am a bad person and that I don’t deserve to have friends.

Sometimes acquaintances do become friends. After they have spent enough time with each other, feel comfortable around each other and trust each other is when a friendship starts to develop. Before you start to consider an acquaintance a friend, there are three things you should ask yourself.

1.) Do they try to keep in contact with you?

A true friend always keeps in contact with you no matter how far apart you are from them. When a friend moves to a different school or goes off to college, they get very busy and don’t have the time to spend with you. I have learned from past experiences with friends that a little contact goes a long way. Writing a letter takes up a lot more time than emailing or instant messaging a person. However, writing a letter really does show a person how much you really care about them. We teenagers from the 21st century should consider ourselves lucky, we have social networking sites such as Myspace, Facebook and Twitter and don’t forget cell phones! Call them as often as you can, even a five minute “how are you doing” call will mean a lot to the person. But, remember that a friend should also make an effort to keep in contact with you every once and a while. When you reach out to a person, you should expect them to reach out to you every now and then.

2.) Do they show interest in being around you?

This is one of the more difficult things to deal with in friendships. The fact is that you can’t be friends with everybody, and you probably will deal with that one person that just doesn’t show interest in being friends with you. Two signs that show a person is not interested in being friends with you is they will make excuses for why they can’t spend time with you, and they will avoid contact with you. One thing to remember about friendships is that you can’t force a person to be friends with you. When they start to make excuses and avoid you is usually a sign that you should move on and find somebody else to be friends with. If somebody doesn’t want to be your friend, it is their problem, not yours. A true friend is somebody who WANTS to spend time with you and who MAKES time to do it. I can understand when they are busy, but when you are in need, a you should expect a friend to help you. If they can’t be there physically, they should make an effort to call you and talk to you about the problem, whatever it may be. A friend must show interest in being around you, and they must show interest in getting to know you and helping you when you are in need.

3.) Are they accepting of you?

One of the characteristics in people that really turn me off is judgmentalism. You read that in my blog titled “what turns me off”. Have you ever been around a friend that gives a stereotype to every single person they see? I can’t stand people who act like that, being a student in high school, I have been around people like that many times. They can’t find anything else to do besides judging and making fun of other people. As I said in my “what turns me off” blog, I am not trying to sound hypocritical, I have caught myself doing this many times before. I’m sure every person has judged someone they don’t even know at least once in their life. As friends grow closer, they will learn what they tolerate and what sets them off. I have said this many times before, a friend is somebody who loves and accepts you for who you are, and won’t ever try to change anything about you. Those kind of friendships only happen once or twice in a lifetime.

I have learned that there are some real great people out there, and not everybody in the whole world is going to try to bring me down and make fun of me. You never know what will happen when you meet a new person, maybe they could end up being your best friend for life. When I first met Aaron, I never thought we would become such good friends. I am really glad that I had the opportunity to have people like him in my life. If it were not for Computing Workshop, I would have never met him. I have one more piece of advice about friendships, when you meet a new friend, just be cool and find out what happens. Don’t be pushy, because that will just draw the friend away from you. If the friendship doesn’t workout, just move on and find someone else. It is a larger world than you think, there are tons of people out there to be friends with. Close friendships are rare, and they take time to develop. Hopefully after reading this, you should have a general idea of who your real friends are and who they aren’t.

by Derek Warren on October 25, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life, true friend

Tagged acquaintances, best friend, casual friend, friends, good friend

Posted by Derek Warren on October 25, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/25/friend-vs-acquaintance/

“People Are Responsible For Their Own Behaviors”

It’s obvious in our society that many people do not take responsibility for their own actions. I have been in many situations where I have done something wrong, and blamed another person for it. When I went to the Wesley Wonder Kids social skills group, one of the rules in the younger “social pathways” group was “Take Responsibility For Yourself”. For example, when I had problems getting my homework completed, I would constantly blame all the bad teachers that I’ve had in the past for my problems in school. Every time my teachers would lecture me about completing homework and studying, I would always make a negative comment about the teacher of whatever subject we were studying. I would say things like “it would be nice if Mr. Teacher would retire so we didn’t have to deal with him” or “this teacher can’t teach worth anything”. I am sure many high school kids make the same comments about teachers, so I am not alone this time! Taking responsibility for your actions is one of the keys to being successful in life, you definitively jeopardize your future. Unfortunately, people who don’t do this end up in prison, and not many criminals get a second chance in life, they have to stay there for the rest of their lives.

In one of my previous blogs, I wrote about this rule and the rule “Everybody In The World Mistakes, It Doesn’t Have To Ruin Your Day”. I did that because they tied in with each-other, but now I am going to focus on just this rule and expand on it a little bit more. We all know that the teenage years are about making mistakes and learning from them so you don’t make them later on in life. During my early years of high school, I had a problem with completing homework. It wasn’t just because I was not interested in the assignment, it was because I was afraid to ask for help when I needed it. In the past I’ve had teachers that have spoken to me rudely when I would ask for help or accidentally do an assignment wrong. For example, in elementary school I had an art teacher who had a very smart Alec personality. I don’t remember what it was we were working on, but I accidentally did the project wrong and she yelled at me and said “you don’t know what the hell you are doing, go back and fix this now!” Luckily, my teacher heard her say this and she reported it to the principal. Ever since that situation, I have always been afraid to ask for help when I needed it. My social anxiety is part of the blame for this, because of the many bad experiences I have had with people, I am still afraid to ask for help when I need it. The memories from people like my art teacher from elementary school always come back to me when I try to ask for help. I still can’t believe that a teacher would talk to an elementary student like that, that was a very unacceptable thing for her to say.

One of the obvious symptoms in a person with ASD is the lack of social skills, I’m pretty sure you all know that by now. Because of this, they don’t understand empathy, which is the understanding of another persons situation, feelings and motives. For example, I read this on an Autism forum website, it was from a mother of two boys, the older one has Asperger’s Syndrome. The youngest one is a newborn baby, who like all babies, cries when he needs something. The older brother would constantly ask his mother “why is he crying?” “Why does he do that”? “Can we bring him back to the store and find another baby?” His mother tried to explain to him that he was crying because he was hungry. Another unacceptable thing that many kids with Asperger’s Syndrome will do is use their diagnosis as an excuse for their bad behavior. The fact is that Asperger’s is not an excuse for inappropriate behavior! For example, if you get pulled over by a police officer and he gives them attitude, the officer will not care about the fact that they have Asperger’s. Giving a police officer an attitude will most likely get you into even more trouble. I also failed to mention that you could risk losing your driver’s license, and your parents will not be happy if they have to end up driving you everywhere!

Individuals with Autistic Spectrum Disorders often wish they could change the actions in other people. I do feel that way, especially if the person is my friend. I want them to change their behavior because I care about them, and I don’t want to see them face negative consequences for their actions. I am a very sincere person, and in my opinion that is the best way to show a friend you really care about them. Back to reality, the fact is “the only person you can change is yourself”. You know that you can’t change the actions of others, but you can change the way you react to them. If you remember watching trashy talk shows such as Jerry Springer and Maury, that is living proof that there are people out there who demonstrate social skills. I have seen episodes where they take blame on other peoples problems. In the real world, that is very unacceptable. People will not want to be around you if you are constantly negative and blame others for your own problems and mistakes. I know that for a fact, I have caught myself doing that many times, and did it get me anywhere? ABSOLUTELY NOT! For example, I have a neighbor who has a dog who constantly walks right in the middle of the road. Every time I go past his house, I see him sitting on his porch and reading a newspaper. One time I walked passed his house, his dog ran out into the street like it always would, and all of a sudden a car comes speeding down the street and almost hits the dog. Can you guess who this guy threw a fit at? It was me! He flipped out at me because he was too lazy to put his dog on a leash and make sure it stays in the yard. I am just glad this dog was not aggressive, because then I could have pressed charges against the owner if it hurt me in any way. I usually am walking my dog when I go past his house, and she doesn’t like this dog at all. I’ll bet if the dog got hurt by the car that came speeding down the street, he would take all of his anger and frustration on me! This guy seems to think he owns our street. It’s not my fault that he can’t keep control of his, it’s his responsibility.

To wrap up, parents do not teach their kids this rule enough. If they want to be accepted in life, they have to take responsibility for their actions. I can’t think of anything else to say, so I am just going to leave it at this. I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I will be back to write again next week!

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/02/can-social-skills-groups-really-help-all-students-on-the-spectrum/

by Derek Warren on October 28, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Life, People Are Responsible For Their Own Behaviors

Posted by Derek Warren on October 28, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/28/people-are-responsible-for-their-own-behaviors/

Five Bad Personality Traits In A Therapist

Most parents want their kids to know that they want the best for them. Because of my Asperger’s Syndrome, social skills and making friends are very difficult for me, The bad therapists that I’ve had in the past have made my problems even worse. The fact is that counselors and teachers want their kids to work very hard on “social skills”, but some of them demonstrate behaviors that show a lack of “social skills”. After my past experiences in the Wesley Wonder Kids “social skills” group, and my former therapist, Mike, I know that for a fact. Mike and the staff members at Wesley are not the only bad therapists that I have experienced, I have dealt with many of them over the years. There are people like this everywhere, but if you are considering being a therapist and demonstrate these kind of characteristics, this is not a career choice for you. I am not doing this to offend anybody, but I am stating the truth. I Google searched “bad therapist” and “bad counselor”, and the only things that came up were complaints about bad marriage counselors. I found nothing regarding complaints about bad counselors who work with kids who have Autistic Spectrum disorders. I wanted to talk about this so parents can be aware of who not to hire when looking for someone to counsel their kids.

1.) Incompetence:

A Webster online dictionary definition of the word incompetent is inadequate to or unsuitable for a certain purpose. Simply put, it means the person or thing can’t do the job right. My former therapist, was named Mike would always try to push me to the limit and make me do things that I really was not comfortable doing. “pushiness” is one of the other qualities I will talk about later on this list. Back to incompetence, Mike’s personality was “in your face”, he seemed to enjoy shoving “social skills” down peoples throat. Because of my Asperger’s I had a difficulty making friends and socializing in school, I didn’t seem to understand why people didn’t want to be friends with me. One of the things Mike always did with me that I absolutely dreaded doing was role-playing. Role playing is when you act out a situation to understand another person’s behavior. The only things Mike would do in social role plays was have me ask questions like “what is your favorite sport?” How is answering questions like that going to give me advice and help me make good friendships with people I can relate to in school? We always did role-playing in my house, and sometimes he would have me do it with my parents and my sister, which made socializing in general even more awkward and more dreadful. I have never felt so awkward around a therapist in my life, and the personality clash between him and I contributed to it mostly.

2.) Sarcasm

In my opinion, sarcastic therapists are the ones that are the most difficult to deal with. Some sarcastic people are just angry, and some of them do it to be funny. A sarcastic joke is okay every once and a while, but if it keeps up it can get on people’s nerves really quick. I have been around sarcastic people who make jokes about peoples religion, race, sexual orientation, size, and so on. If a counselor ever makes those jokes, you should not take it lightly at all. To see a counselor demonstrate a characteristic like this is unacceptable, they are supposed to be a person you can trust and seek for advice, not hurt you and make your problems worse. In kindergarten, I had a counselor who worked with me during school, and he would ridicule me with the most sarcastic jokes that were about very sensitive topics. When I informed my parents about his actions, they finally decided to end services with him. Shortly after we discharged with him, I heard a rumor that he got fired. I don’t know if that was true, and if he did I don’t know if it was because of the way he treated me in front of everybody in school, but I was glad that he was finally out of my hair. Not only was that unacceptable for a counselor to do, but it is beyond unacceptable to do it to a kindergartener of all people! It is sad that these rude, sarcastic people who consider themselves “therapists”.

3.) Forgetfulness:

Have you dealt with that incredibly forgetful person? Can you not stand that employee who constantly arrives to work late? What about that person who constantly forgets deadlines? I have dealt with therapists who are like that, and I absolutely can’t stand them! I realize that you should not judge other people, but forgetfulness is bad when you are trying to find any job. Counselors are supposed to be people who help you with your problems, and it is very frustrating when they can’t remember anything. I had one particular therapist who would constantly ask the question “Do you remember what we did during our last session?” I’ve had to spend most of the time reminding her what we did during our last session, which was very frustrating. It was a major waste of time, because it seemed like I was counseling her. She met with me at my house, and she would constantly arrive late. Because of that, we never had time to get anything accomplished. Another thing she did was make excuses about why she arrived late, her excuses were something like “there was traffic on the Route 28 expressway”. I noticed that she came up with that excuse every time she was late, I met with her three times during the week, and she would arrive late at least two days during the three sessions. I am amazed that there are people who push their clients to work really hard on social skills, and they demonstrate behaviors that show a lack of social skills. That is the sad truth.

4.) Pushiness

I don’t like people who stand there and constantly try to shove things down my throat. Like my friend Aaron, I am a pretty calm and laid back most of the time. You can’t shove social skills down an Autistic person’s throat, it will overwhelm them and they won’t want to learn social skills anymore. The thing about my old therapist, Mike was that he would constantly overwhelm me and put me in social situations where I felt really uncomfortable. From my perspective, his style of therapy was pushing the client to the limit until they think like he does. One particular situation was when he was observing me at the Computing Workshop summer program when we were at LaRoche college. Mike wanted me to introduce him to four people who don’t know him, and I was overwhelmed even thinking about that. I was afraid of the students knowing that he was my therapist, so he told me to tell him that he was my “friend”. First off, a therapist is not supposed to be your friend, they are supposed to be your helper. You need to have a professional relationship with a client, not a personal one. I did not want to introduce him as a “friend” because I simply don’t consider a therapist a friend. I did not want to introduce him to these people because I was to overwhelmed by what he wanted me to do, and that I don’t connect with him well in the first place. He asked me if I was going to do it and I refused to do it. I am not going to let somebody force “social skills” down my throat, being pushed to the limit and overwhelmed makes my social anxiety and depression even worse. Nobody can change anything about me, it is who I am!

5.) Intolerance:

A therapist should not have the right to push religion or spirituality on their client. Because everybody has different religious beliefs. If you have a therapist who tries to do this, you should definitely find somebody else to work with. The type of people I can’t stand the most are people who take everything from the bible literally, and who try to rub their beliefs into your face. When I worked with Mike, he would try to ask me questions regarding my religious beliefs. I find that very offensive, and I will get very angry if somebody does try to do that. In America, we have the right to believe what we want to, however, it does not give you the right to harass people who don’t believe the same things you do.

To wrap up, I wrote this blog just to remind parents to be aware of who they are hiring to work with their Autistic children. I am not using this to offend anybody, I am just doing this to inform you that there are bad therapists out there, just as there are bad teachers and lawyers. Hopefully you will take this information into consideration when finding a therapist for your child.

Here are some other blogs about similar topics:

Do social skills groups help all students on the spectrum?

Do social skills groups help all students on the spectrum? (part 2)

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/02/can-social-skills-groups-really-help-all-students-on-the-spectrum/

Should an Asperger’s teen try to be “normal”?

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/should-an-aspergers-teen-try-to-be-normal/

My experiences with mobile therapy

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/my-experiences-with-mobile-therapy/

What turns me off?

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/what-turns-me-off/

What turns me off?

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/10/09/what-turns-me-off-part-2/

by Derek Warren on November 9, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Forgetfulness, Four Bad Personality Traits In A Therapist, Incompetence, Intolerance, pushiness, Sarcasm, Therapist

Posted by Derek Warren on November 9, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/09/five-bad-personality-traits-in-a-therapist/

“People Act Differently In Public Than They Do In Private”

If you remember my blog titled “Not Everybody Who Is Nice to Me Is My Friend”, it talked about how when you first meet a person, they may seem nice, but when you get to know the person their real personality comes out. This is rule # 7 in Temple Grandin’s book “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships”. People who are on the Autistic Spectrum often take things literally, as a result of that they don’t understand jokes and humor, because pf this, they are often teased and picked on in school. When a child with ASD meets a new person who has a smile on their face, they tend to think that they are happy all the time. In the book, Temple gave the example of when you Google search the word “happy”, the only results that show are information about the word “happy”, they don’t show anything about the word “sad” or “angry”. To put it in simpler terms, an extremely happy person may be hiding that they are angry or sad about something. As mentioned in the book, kids on the Autistic Spectrum demonstrate black and white thinking, which is taking everything they see and hear literally.

In the book, Temple mentioned that “If people acted any way they wanted, at any time, in any setting, we would be living in a chaotic, messed up world. We wouldn’t have basic structures that provide us with the essentials we need to survive, like food, clothing and shelter.” As I have said before, kids on the Autistic spectrum don’t understand boundary issues, in this case it is what is appropriate in public versus in private. Go back to Temple’s example from the book, it mentioned how her mother would not tolerate her messing up the living room, but she will tolerate it if she messes up her own bedroom. The fact is that parents do not teach their kids appropriate behaviors when in public. There are some teenagers and young adults with Asperger’s Syndrome that want to make friends, and take part in activities like dating, but not respecting boundary issues and public versus private behavior will prevent them from doing so successfully.

This rule also related to another characteristic that individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome may show, and that is making assumptions and generalizing. Shaun Barron mentioned how when he would go to public places like a shopping mall or a restaurant, he would see young couples holding hands. That got him very tense and upset. When they came home, he angrily made the comment “Everybody is in a great relationship but me”. This was another “black and white thinking” situation. When you see a teenage couple at the mall or at any other public place holding hands, they look happy, therefore they are happy together. That unfortunately is not always true, they hide their relationship issues by holding hands and acting happy. It is not a good idea to make generalizations about people because you don’t know their real story. Their private life could be completely different, they could be arguing and fighting about things you never could have guessed they were going through when you saw them happily holding hands, smiling and kissing in public. This is true when you meet any person, for example, there is a kid that talks about you rudely behind your back, and you are really getting sick and tired of hearing him do it. I strongly agree that it is extremely rude and inappropriate to do that, but the person may be having similar feelings of not belonging with their friends, and they make fun of other people to try to stand out with their friends. It could also be because of the mood they are in. When somebody is ill, they usually are not very sociable and friendly. Being sick, even if it is just a small cold can really affect a persons mood and ability to do their job. As I mentioned before, when you see a person who is demonstrating the characteristics of a “happy go lucky” person, that doesn’t always mean they are “happy go lucky”. They could be hiding that they are angry or sad about something. I am going to give you an example that every single high school and college student can relate to. It’s Wednesday in Chemistry class, and your teacher gave you a lab assignment that was to be completed by the end of the class period on Friday. You really do not want to do this assignment, and to make matters worse, your assigned partner is a person you are not very fond of. While you work on the lab, you and your friends make up jokes about how much you enjoy the lab and the person you are working with. If somebody on the Autistic Spectrum was in this situation, they would take their jokes literally and think that they really enjoy working with you and that they love the teacher and the class. Kids with Autism often don’t understand sarcasm, which very well could lead to teasing and bullying in school. I have been in situations where people have told me jokes, and I took them the wrong way and became upset about it. Kids with Aspergers Syndrome often don’t understand that some jokes are inappropriate for certain settings, which could also lead to teasing, bullying and trips to the principals office. Going back to my example, humor makes getting through a situation easier than complaining about it. It is not socially acceptable to complain about things that don’t go your way, because the simple fact of life is that things won’t always go your way. I completely agree with Temple and Shaun when they talk about that particular unwritten rule being unfair, because it is unfair. The cold hard truth is that nobody wants to be around somebody who complains and mopes about things all the time. Complaining about things is more appropriate to do in private than in public. Once again, that is because nobody wants to listen to a complainer.

To wrap up, I have been around many neurotypical people who demonstrate a lack of social skills and understanding of this rule. My philosophy is that the “normal” people are the ones with problems. Many of them are ignorant enough to call people names just because they are different from you. The best thing you can do is to not listen to them, and think of them as the ones who lack social skills. Hopefully after reading this, you have a better understanding of some of the experiences I have been through in life.

by Derek Warren on November 7, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Life, People Act Differently In Public Than They Do In Private

Posted by Derek Warren on November 7, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/07/people-act-differently-in-public-than-they-do-in-private/

Showing Gratitude

One of the most important things in life is showing gratitude. I thought this would be a very appropriate topic to write about since Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner. If you don’t show gratitude to people, they won’t want to be around you. One of the characteristics that some people with Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism show is the tendency to use people. One example of that is if a guy dates a girl just to make the other girl feel jealous. I hear gossip and rumors about that all the time in my junior high and high school years, and it is absolutely ridiculous that a girl would want to date somebody who treats them like trash. Another example of using somebody is asking a friend to do things for you without showing gratitude and thanking them. A perfect example of that is when I was in second grade, there was a boy in my class named Lucas. I had a toy plane that he really liked, and he asked if he could borrow it. I said yes, without even thinking about the consequences. About a week passed after that, and I politely asked if I could have it back, he then said “Oops, I forgot, I’ll give it to you soon”. I asked him about three days after that, and he still didn’t have it. He finally gave it to me about two days afterwards, and he gave it to me broken in four pieces. I asked him why it was broken, and he gave me absolutely no answer. I eventually gave up on him, and I decided not to talk to him ever again. I never even got a “thank you” from him when he asked if he could borrow it. A “user friend” will ask you to do things for them without even thanking you. More to the point, he was using me just because he wanted to borrow my new toy airplane which was then broken.

Back on topic, a simple definition of the word gratitude is the state of being grateful. Being thankful for the things you have and for what other people do for you will get you more friends in life. Going back to the friend who “borrowed” the toy airplane from me, he didn’t even offer to find someone who could fix it, or find a store that has a replacement model of the same plane. That was the main reason I never trusted him again after this whole incident. I have another example of something I have caught myself doing many times before, when I am at the dinner table, I tend to get up and leave without asking first. I am not the only one who has done this before, I see many people do it. I tend to get irritated when I see other people do it, but I catch myself doing it as well. A few years ago my church had its annual congregational Thanksgiving dinner, and there were two kids sitting behind us at another table. The only words I heard out of their mouths was a “hello” when we first sat down. When they called our table to get our food, they cut in front of my mother, who was about the fourth person in front of me. When everybody else was finished eating, I noticed they took their plates, silverware and glasses to the kitchen to be washed. One of the kids just got up and walked away, with his plate still half full of food. His parents payed no attention to his actions, and then his mother got up and took his plate and silverware into the kitchen herself. Another thing I noticed about this family is that as soon as they finished eating, they got up and left. When you are at a dinner party, you should stay and talk with everybody until they all leave the table. That is one thing that shows your gratitude for the hosts. If this family was busy, it would have been polite if they would have said goodbye to the pastor before they left and explain why they had to leave so early, but they didn’t do that either. They just got up and left and that was it.

Because of my depression, when I have a real bad day I tend to be negative about everything. Depression is something that I will live with for the rest of my life, but I think I will be able to get through it without any problems. On Facebook somebody left a comment telling me to “relax and enjoy life”. I was offended by this because of two reasons, one being that I have been teased, harassed and labeled by people all my life, which makes it very difficult to trust people in school. Most neurotypicals seem to fit right in when they meet new friends, that is not the case for me. My social anxiety is part of the reason for this, the fear of being teased or harassed always stops me from interacting with people in school. There have been instances in the past where I have tried to interact with somebody, but they usually don’t seem interested in talking to me, they are only interested in talking to their own little “cliques” of friends. I have caught myself thinking that the only people who know I exist are the ones who want to belittle me and make fun of me for no reason. The person who put that comment on my Facebook page was judging my habits without understanding why, that is not a way to go through life.

Even though I don’t have friends in school, I am thankful that I have friends to talk to outside of school. My good friend Aaron is a perfect example. I met him about five summers ago, but we didn’t really become friends until the summer of 2008. I noticed that we had some things in common when we started talking to each other, and we exchanged phone numbers. When I talked to him, he seemed interested in being around me, unlike most people I know. This past summer he invited me to his house, which was something that no-one has ever done in a long time. I never had that one true friend who was really interested in being around me and that made time to spend with me. I don’t get to see during the school year as often as I do in the summer because he is in college now, but he does keep in touch with me when he can. I do miss him, but I am thankful that I had the great opportunity to make a friendship that will hopefully last for a long time!

To wrap things up, showing gratitude to your friends, family and the people close to you will make them want to be around you more. People want to hear that you are thankful for what they do for you. Even if it is something as small as holding a door open for you, they like to hear some kind of appreciation for what they did for you. You should also remember that nobody wants to be around a “friend” who uses people.

Thank you for reading this, and I will be back for another blog soon!

by Derek Warren on November 11, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, friends, gratitude, thankful

Posted by Derek Warren on November 11, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/showing-gratitude/

Asperger’s Syndrome and Sensory Issues

Life with Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome can be very hard, not understanding social skills is one of the main symptoms of the disorder. Aside from that, kids with Autism often are very sensitive to sounds, touch and sights. This is called either sensory integration or sensory processing disorder. They also tend to react so sights and sounds that typically don’t bother most neurotypicals. As a result of this, they can’t participate in many every day activities that people do. The thing that really bothered me was loud noises. I couldn’t go to things like restaurants and amusement parks because the loud noises would overpower me. This really stressed my parents out because they couldn’t do things that most kids really enjoy doing, such as going to amusement parks, birthday parties, firework shows and some school events.

I was about four or five years old, and we were waiting for our flight back to Pittsburgh from the McCarren International Airport in Las Vegas. We just finished a week long visit at my aunt and uncles house who lived in town, and from what I heard, our plane was delayed until about three or four o’clock in the morning. We were sitting at the gate and waiting for our plane until we heard a real loud “whoop, whoop”. Somebody seemed to have set off the airport security alarm, which went off throughout all the airport gates. I sat, held my ears and dealt with it for about three minutes, when my mom put ear plugs in my ears. The noise became very overpowering and I started crying and screaming. My parents, along with my sister decided to get on the tram and go into the terminal. It was noisy in there, but at least we didn’t have to listen to the security alarm in the gate. We stood there for about thirty minutes and we had to go through security to get on the tram back to the gate. When we got off the tram and went back to the gate, the alarms were finally turned off. We sat down at the gate and I was fine. We got on the plane and we went back to Pittsburgh without problems. I am sure there are parents out there who would just sit there and let the kid scream because they thought that I was crying just to get attention.

I can’t stand going to parties, it’s not necessarily because of the loud music, but it is because of how shy I am when it comes to meeting new people and social interaction. When I was younger, one of the things I couldn’t stand was loud parties and balloons popping. Anytime I would see a balloon, and I would tense up and become very irritated and nervous because of the fear of the balloons popping. I was afraid of them popping because of how sudden the popping sound was. It always happens when you least expect it to, and I would cry and scream when they would pop. Most of the people around me when I would go to birthday parties thought I was upset because I was trying to get attention, like a baby. One of my neighbors down the street was babysitting me, and they had balloons left over from a family member’s birthday party. One of them popped because they were sitting underneath the heating vent, and I started crying because the sudden noise frightened me. The balloons were in their kitchen, which was next to the living room. I would not go in the kitchen or the living room because I had the fear of the balloons popping again. I didn’t stop crying because of that fear, I cried for about thirty minutes because I was so afraid of the balloons popping. My mother came and picked me up later on, and I finally calmed down. One of the things that upset me when I was at my neighbor’s house was the change in the environment. One of the symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome is the difficulty adapting to change, I think that was also one of the things that upset me when I was at the neighbor’s house. They thought I was only upset about the balloons popping, but I was also upset about the change in the environment.

A few years ago I went into Mrs. Casey’s third grade class at Buffalo Elementary School. They just finished remodeling the first part of the school building. We were all adapting to the change of being in a brand new building. A few weeks into the school year, we were getting ready for lunch. When we went in line to go to the lunch, we heard a very loud, high pitch chirping and screeching sound. I had no idea what the noise was, until I saws the alarm strobes flashing. When we walked outside, I held my ears and cringed from the shrill, loud noise. When we went outside, everybody complained about how loud the alarm was and how their lunch time got interrupted. When we went outside and walked to the cafeteria, I started talking about how loud the fire alarm was and how it scared me when I first heard it. I went on about the fire alarm for about thirty minutes until somebody finally blurted out “Derek, we are sick of hearing about the fire alarm. Stop talking about it”. It was obvious that they didn’t want to hear about the alarm anymore, I kept myself quiet the rest of the lunch period. Looking back at that situation, I realize that I talked about the fire alarm because I had the fear that it was going to go off and hurt my ears. My method of getting rid of the fear of the alarm going off was obsessing about it. I didn’t understand that talking about the fire alarm and fire drills got them angry, because there are other things to talk about besides that. When I would start talking about it, they would just ignore me or rudely tell me to talk about something else.

Aside from the fear of balloons and the fire alarm, there were quite a few things that have bothered me in school and at home. These, however are not fears, they are just sounds that really bothered me and distracted me from my schoolwork. I remember when I was at Buffalo Elementary, we had these carpeted areas around each of the grade level sections called “pods”. Our teachers would send us out there to study or finish homework assignments. The thing that really bothered me about these “pods” was that they were right beside the hallways. When people would pass by, it would really distract me. The school had a “no talking” rule when we were in the hallway because people are usually sitting in the pods working. When teachers were not looking, they would still talk and goof around. My teachers aide always took me out there to finish worksheets, and anytime I would get distracted from people walking by they would rudely yell “Derek, look at your paper and quit looking around”. I can’t tell you how many times I heard that annoying line when I was at home and at school.

Another thing that really distracted me when I was in elementary school was when the heater or air conditioner would come on. I would make a comment about it, and most people usually don’t even notice it when it comes on. When I did that, people thought it was strange. That was one of the things that caused teasing, name calling and labeling. I have gotten over my fears of loud noises like balloons popping and the fire alarm. As I got older, I naturally found out appropriate ways to deal with sensory issues. Kids need to be sure to tell somebody that a noise bothers them. People won’t know something bothers you unless you tell them. Parents, if you have a school that is unwilling to address your child’s needs, it is time to find a different place for them to get their education. If you stay with the school that is uncooperative with you, school life will become miserable.

To wrap up, when I look back at situations like this, I realize that it is typical for many people with Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. I have been in many situations where people have thought of those things as “weird”. I think the people who label and make fun of me because of my differences are the “odd” ones. My best advice for that is to just sit back and pretend it doesn’t bother you. It is not worth getting upset about people who label and make fun of you. Hopefully after reading this entry, you learned more about me and my Asperger’s Syndrome. Thank you for reading!

by Derek Warren on November 15, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, loud noises, sensitivity, sensory issues, sights, smell, taste

Posted by Derek Warren on November 15, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/15/aspergers-syndrome-and-sensory-issues/

Making Social Plans with Friends

I am currently reading two books that I bought recently, one of them is “Look Me In The Eye” by John Elder Robison. Just like me, he wanted to connect with other people, but he didn’t have the skills to do so. The most obvious behavior he exhibited was not looking people in the eye, you can tell that from reading the title of the book. His father was an alcoholic, and his mother suffered from severe depression. Because of his odd social behaviors, his parents thought he would grow up “pumping gas for a living”. Robison had the ability to visualize electronics circuits, as a result of that he found a job with the rock band KISS. When he was with KISS he designed special effects guitars. After that, he landed a job as an engineer in a toy and game company. His lack of social skills prevented him from advancing in the field, as a result he left his job. That still didn’t prevent him from working with machines, he still kept fixing his own cars. His passion for working with cars inspired him to open his own business, J.E Robison Service. There he repaired and customized cars. Despite his social difficulties in school, he became a very successful person.

The other book is “Freaks, Geeks and Asperger’s Syndrome” by Luke Jackson. The book simply talks about his teenage life and how he suffered with Asperger’s Syndrome in school. It is written as a guide for Aspergian teenagers on how to deal with issues such as bullying, friendships, issues in school and dating. I strongly reccomend both of these books for Asperger’s teens, parents and teachers.

These books do talk about how to find, make and keep a friendship with somebody, but they don’t necessarily talk about the high importance of making plans. The fact is, everybody makes plans. When I lay in bed at night trying to go to sleep, I try to think about what I am going to do the next day. Most aspies are good at making plans for themselves, but when it comes to making plans with other people is when they have the most difficulty. The fact is that you are dealing with another person other than just you, the person you want to spend time with may be busy, or they just don’t want to spend time with you. I knew how to reach out to somebody and ask if they want to spend time with me, but I just didn’t have the confidence to do it because I didn’t really have that many friends to spend time with in school. When kids are younger, parents usually make social plans for them, when you get older you have to learn how to do them for yourself. If you are a teenager and your friend calls you and asks your friends parents if you can spend time with them, it would be pretty awkward. Of course, that depends on the aspie teens functioning level. This is a social skill that is very important, especially if you want to keep the friends you have. Nobody wants a friend that won’t spend time with them, regardless of what their excuse is. These are four easy steps when you are calling a friend and asking them if they want to hang out. I really hope they help you!

1.) Be sure to know who you want to hang out with, and ask them at least three hours in advance so they can have some time to plan and get anything else they have to do out-of-the-way. As a common courtesy rule, don’t call them before 9:00 in the morning or 9:00 at night. Their family won’t be very happy if you wake them up and it could jeopardize your chance of spending time with them in the future. If they answer, be sure to give them an appropriate greeting and have a short small talk conversation. When there is a break in the conversation, that is when it is appropriate to change the topic and ask what their plans are.

2.) Talk about what you want to do. If at all possible, try to think of some things you would like to do with some things you would like to do before you call them. I don’t normally like to call people on the phone, and when I have to I usually spend about a minute thinking about what I want to say. In this case, think about what you would like to do and where you would like to do it. This is especially true if it is a person you haven’t hung out with before. It will make phone conversations seem a whole lot less awkward. You should also ask them if they have a suggestion on what to do. Remember to listen to them and acknowledge you are doing it by making interjections.

3.) Tell them where and when you want to do it. This is the most important thing when you are giving somebody an invitation to spend time with you. If your friend can drive, be sure to ask them if they know how to get there. If they don’t, be sure to give them directions that are easy to understand. Be sure to include landmarks that you will see along the way and about how long it should take to get there. Be sure to include the date and time you want to meet with them, and make sure that time works out for the person. If that date or time doesn’t work out for them, be sure to ask them what date would be best for them. You don’t have to ask them a specific time, just ask them a general time, such as “Can we hang out sometime next weekend?” If they are not sure about their plans, wait a few days before asking them again. Then be sure to ask them what date and time will work out for them.

4.) Be sure to ask how you are going to get there. If you have a friend that drives, kindly ask them if they could give you a ride to or from the outing. If it is a lengthy drive, it would be nice if you offered your friend money for gas. It is a lot to ask a friend to drive them to and from an outing, especially if the ride is longer than twenty minutes. As you know, gas is very expensive. This is a courtesy rule, your friend will think that you are using them for a ride if you don’t give them money back for a long drive. It shows them appreciation for what they did for you.

Additional Points to keep in mind

Ask your parents for permission. Be sure to give your parents information about everything you plan to do with your friend. Always make sure you have the phone number of at least two trusted family members in-case anything goes wrong.

If your friend is picking you up from your house, be sure to be ready fifteen minutes before they arrive. That way you can leave as soon as they pick you up, and you won’t be late if you are meeting other people at the destination you’re going.
Don’t take it personally if your friend rejects you, they could be busy and just not have time to spend with you. If it does seem like they are avoiding you, just move on and find another person to be friends with. It is their loss if they don’t want to be your friend.

by Derek Warren on November 13, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Life, Making Social Plans, social skills

Posted by Derek Warren on November 13, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/13/making-social-plans-with-friends/

“Look Me In The Eye” by John Elder Robison

Recently my parents bought me the book “Look Me in The Eye” by John Elder Robison. I found an audio CD of the book that was read by the author for sale on Amazon.com. I find it easier to listen to the author read the book then just sit there and read it. Depending on the material we’re learning about, I learn it easier by listening. For the most part, I consider myself an auditory learner. The book talked about his life with Asperger’s Syndrome, and how it affected his social performance throughout his life. He lived a very tough childhood, his father was an abusive alcoholic and from what I remember his mother suffered from severe depression. Because of this, his parents never gave him support about his social difficulties. Because of these issues, he dropped out of high school in the 10^th grade. John Elder started his successful career when he started working with the rock band KISS. There, he designed exploding, fire-shooting special effect guitars for Ace Freshley.

After years of working with KISS, he was employed at a company that designs electronic games. His social difficulties prevented him from advancing in the job, as a result he quit his job. From there, he started his hobby of working with cars. He worked on cars when he was in high school, and he wanted to start it again. He wanted to make money doing the thing he loved, but he wasn’t sure how. Then came J.E Robison service. His business repairs and customizes cars, and it became one of the most successful independent repair shops in New England. He discovered he had Asperger’s Syndrome from a therapist who came to his repair business. He showed him the book “Asperger’s Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals”. When he read the book, he said the book perfectly described him.

I am glad I found out about Asperger’s Syndrome when I was young. I was in about second or third grade when I found out about it. If John Elder found out about it long before he did, things would have been much different for him. Because of his father’s abusive drunkenness and his mothers severe depression, he did not get any help from his disorder. Professionals often misdiagnosed him for disorders like schizophrenia. I am getting very sick of people gossiping about me and giving me labels such as “anti-social”, “psychopath”, “retard”, “loser” or “freak”. I am not any of those things, I want social interaction with people and I want to fit. I’ve dealt with pushy, overly involved therapists and counselors who thought they understood my diagnosis and how it affected me. They obviously didn’t! I am perfectly capable of making friends with the people I want to be friends with, and if they don’t want to be friends with me it is their loss. I am willing to be friends with anybody who accepts me for the kind of guy that I am and who won’t be judgmental and give me stereotypes. I am not going to be upset about not having twenty “casual friends” like most teenagers I know. I am going to try to find one close friend who will respect me and stand up for me. I don’t really have friends that will let me be myself, and I am real upset about that. Kids my age believe the labels the fools give me. Because of that, I don’t have that many friends in school. If I didn’t find out about my Asperger’s Syndrome when I did, I could have considered dropping out of high school like John Elder did.

I am thankful that I have people who support me and accept me for who I am. This book was very painful to read because of the things that John Elder had to experience. His father mistreated him by hitting and not just plain not believing in him. He is very lucky to have gotten where he is now. These days, you need to have education to get just about anywhere. I realize the importance of education, but the thing is we don’t have teachers that are certified to work with Autistic kids. A classic example of this is the story “Gerald Mcboing-Boing” by Dr Seuss. The story is about a young boy named Gerald Mcloy, instead of using real words he would make a “boing boing” noise. His parents called a doctor to try to find out what was wrong with him, but the doctor could not figure out what was wrong with him. His parents thought that sending him to school would teach him how to use words instead of making noises, but it didn’t go well. When he got home from school, his parents left him a note telling him that he was completely hopeless and that he would keep making noises for the rest of his life. Gerald did not realize that when he makes noises, nobody wanted to be around him. He then became very upset and ran away from home. Gerald’s “inappropriate noise” making eventually landed him a job at their local radio station. He got a job doing the thing that people love to do the most, which was make noises. When a child with Autism or Asperger’s demonstrates any kind of inappropriate behavior, teachers often get the impression that they are “ignorant and hopeless”. John Elder Robinson struggled in school because of his fathers alcoholism and his mother’s severe depression and, as you heard earlier he dropped out of high school because of the social shunning and his difficulties at home with his parents. He overcame that depression and he eventually became one of the most successful aspergians to ever live. This book is recommended for all people to read, especially parents and teachers. Hopefully after reading both the book and my review of it, you understand Asperger’s Syndrome more.

by Derek Warren on November 17, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, biography, Book Review, John Elder Robison, Life, Look Me In The Eye

Posted by Derek Warren on November 17, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/17/look-me-in-the-eye-by-john-elder-robison/

Why Did People Avoid Me?

Everybody in the world needs at least one close friend. We all need that friend who will stick up for you when somebody is mistreating you and that will always be there in time of need, whatever it may be. In life, I have never really had that one person that I could consider a “true friend”. I have been through a real sad and depressing time in high school and I have never understood why people didn’t want to be friends with me. There have been days where I have come home crying because I didn’t have friends. As a result of that, I became severely depressed and anxious. If you remember my blog titled “Honesty Is Different Than Diplomacy” it talked about the word “tact”. A definition of the word “tact” simply is “a keen sense of what to say or do without giving offense; skill in dealing with difficult people and situations”. The word “diplomacy” simply meant “tact and skill in dealing with people”. Many children with Asperger’s want to make friends, but they don’t have the understanding of what is appropriate and what is not appropriate when trying to establish any kind of social relationship with someone. I wanted to write about some of the experiences I’ve had with people and I wanted to write about some of the things I have done with friends in the past that have caused them to not want to be around me. I hope that after reading this, people realize the things I have done, and that you won’t make those same mistakes.

I’m sure people have dealt with that one friend who treats you like you’re an unpaid servant. This friend is always bossy, and they want things to go their way. If things don’t go their way, they get very angry and uncooperative. In my opinion, these are the most difficult people to deal with. For example, you and a few friends decide to go to a movie, but one person wants to go see a different movie. That one friend argues and argues with you until everybody gives in and see’s the movie the friend wants to see. Nobody enjoys the movie because they are so irritated with the friend that argued and argued with them. As another example, at the Computing Workshop summer camp we went on a field trip, and at the time we ate at the LaRoche College cafeteria for lunch everyday. The group wanted to find a fast restaurant in town so we could get back in time for the afternoon class periods to start. We had a student that did not want to do that, so instead of going with the flow and doing what everybody else wanted to do he decided to throw his water bottle on the floor, swear and throw a temper tantrum at everybody. We eventually decided to give in and hurry back to the cafeteria before they closed it for the day. We luckily made it back on time, we had only twenty minutes to eat our lunch, and we could have had plenty of time to eat if we found somewhere to eat in Pittsburgh. The fact is, when you are out with a group of people, and you don’t want to do something everybody else wants to do, you sometimes have to just suck it up and do what they want to do. We never took this student on any field trips for the rest of the summer because of his behavior.

One thing that I have caught myself doing, which has also caused friends to not want to be around me is expecting too much from them. On an Autism forum website a few weeks ago, a teenager was complaining about a friend ignoring his messages. He mentioned that he had a friend in school that he would text message a lot, but he would become frustrated about his friends not replying to every single text message he would send. In the post, his tone sounded very demanding. It pretty much sounded like “I expect my friends to reply to me when I text message them, I don’t care if it takes them a few hours to text me back, I just want them to reply”. If this person wants to keep his friend, he should not make demands like that. Doing so can make the friend feel like you are a burden to be around. Nobody wants to be around someone who acts like a burden. I agree that it is upsetting when friends don’t keep in touch as often as you would like them to, but sometimes they just don’t have the time to do it. I used to get very upset about this and feel that every time a friend does not answer messages that they have something against me. I try to be cool when I am around my friends, because if I act pushy they will definitely start avoiding me.

This brings me to my next topic, which is jealousy. You may think it is stupid to write about, but I have dealt with people who are jealous of me for many reasons. These were the people who tried to convince me they were trying to be my friend when they really weren’t. I am good at making PowerPoint presentations, and I have done many school projects with the program in the past. Most of the PowerPoint projects I have done in school are group projects, and I was usually the one that was in charge of doing the PowerPoint presentation. People realized my ability to do PowerPoint presentations like that, and they would take advantage of me and make me do most of the work. When the teacher was not around, most of my group members would sit and socialize with their friends instead of helping me work on the project. When the teacher would come in the classroom, they would sit there and pretend to do be working. When I would add a slide background they didn’t like, or a font they didn’t like they would rudely tell me how much they didn’t like it and to change it to something else. I talked to the teacher about it the next day, and he gave the group members the typical “do your work” lecture. They were pretty angry that I complained to the teacher about how rude they have been to me, they then proceeded to yelling at me and telling me what to do throughout the project. After that, I had enough and asked the teacher to give me an alternate independent assignment. I got full credit for the assignment, and I never had to work with those people again. Another funny thing about this was that they asked me to sit with them at lunch one day, and I simply said “no”. They then asked me “But we thought you were our friend”. It was obvious they were not my friend because of how they took advantage of me, and they knew how disrespectfully they treated me.

I am not trying to blame everything on other people, I have caught myself being jealous of people many times. Some of the people who I have gotten jealous of were my close friends. One or two of them do have girlfriends, and there have been times where it seemed like they were spending more time with the girl and her friends instead of with me. I started becoming extremely angry and jealous when I would hang around them. The anger then turned into sadness, I can remember asking myself “why are they spending more time with the girl and her friends instead of with me?” I asked my counselor and my parents about it, and they both told me to talk to them. I did exactly what they told me, but I said it in a tone of voice that was not appropriate or friendly. I made the mistake of saying incredibly rude and inappropriate things about their girlfriends. They then proceeded to walking away from me, and that was the last time I ever heard from them. Going back to my blog about Honesty, I was honest, but I said it in a crude and inappropriate way that caused me to lose my good friends. The words “tact” and “diplomacy” never existed in my world then. I could have changed the way I talked to my friends about the situation, I could have politely and sincerely told them my feelings, and that I am upset that they never spent time with me. I don’t think I should have been that jealous of them in the first place, if they spent more time with me instead of their girlfriends, their girlfriends would be jealous and upset. I should have waited a few days, then talked to them in private about it. I didn’t do that either. As soon as I found out they were dating the girls and hanging out with their friends, I got angry and overreacted to the situation. Like I said, I said some things about their girlfriends that were pretty mean and inappropriate, but I am not going to talk about it on here. Just because a friend gets into a relationship with somebody doesn’t always mean they are going to drift away from you and forget about you. They still liked me, but I just had trouble dealing with the change. I should have just accepted the change and stayed friends with them.

To sum things up, I now understand why many people avoided me in the past. Every mistake I make will help me become a better person, because I learn not to do it again. I learned not to treat a friend like an unpaid employee, expect to much from them, or be jealous of them. I realize that will cause people to avoid me and not like me. If I didn’t get the opportunity to meet my friend Aaron, I probably would not be the person I am now. I would still be the depressed, unhappy person that John Elder Robison was as he described in his book. Hopefully all the school work he is doing right now will pay off and give him a job he will like. I am proud of him for that. Anybody enjoys seeing their good friend succeed. I will learn more social skills as I grow older, and they will hopefully make me become a very successful person. Hopefully after reading this, you will not make the mistakes I made. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them. I thank you for reading this, and I will be back to write next week!

by Derek Warren on November 20, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, avoiding, bossy, expecting to much, jealousy, Life, mistakes, social skills

Posted by Derek Warren on November 20, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/20/why-did-people-avoid-me/

From My Perspective: Keys to Writing a Good Blog

One of the things that people have asked me is how I can write the way I do. Writing blogs has helped me figure out why I am the way I am and realize that some of the things I have said and done have caused people to avoid me, harass and judge me. It also taught me not to make the same mistakes I made again, as you read in my last entry “why did people avoid me?”. In this entry, I wanted to talk about the keys to writing a good blog. Writing blogs helps people pursue hobbies they are interested in, and it helps people learn things they may not have even known about that certain topic. They are also very often used to prove a point about something, which is something I do very often. When I write blog, I try to prove a point and explain why I feel that way. My style of writing is similar to writing a persuasive essay, which is an essay that tried to convince people to think the way you do about a certain topic. These are five tips that make a good blog.

1.) Find your target audience:

Target audience is a group of people where something is performed of marketed. In my case, I wanted to write my blogs for teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome, teachers and my family and friends. In school I can remember when we were preparing for speeches and writing assignments our teachers would give us a worksheet had us write an introduction to the speech or essay. One of the questions they asked “who is your intended target audience”? I remember last year I presented a speech about the dangers of online chat rooms. The assignment was to persuade people into thinking that chat rooms were indeed not safe. When I did research for that speech, I saw on a news headline “social networking websites and chat rooms have changed the way millions of teenagers interact online”. I then decided that my target audience would be middle school and high school students who use social networking websites and chat rooms to interact with their friends and family.

2.) Do research:

When you write a blog about anything, you have to find some factual information about your area of interest. People will not read your blog if you only post information about a personal opinion on something and not find any factual information that proves your point. Acceptable examples would include a personal story or a news story. When I did my speech about the dangers of online chat rooms, I found a true story about a kidnapping that happened not too far from where I am from. Alicia Kozakiewicz was a thirteen year old girl from Pittsburgh, who was kidnapped by a man who pretended to be a girl named Christine. They became very close friends and “Christine” introduced Alicia to a friend named Scott Tyrie, a teenager from Virginia. They decided to meet in Virginia on New Years day 2002, where she eventually discovered that she was going to be tortured and raped by a middle-aged pedophile. Three days later, she was rescued by the FBI. “Tyrie” was arrested and given a twenty year prison sentence.

3.) Start writing

Find a blogging website, such as blogspot or WordPress and being writing. At the beginning of the blog, use a hook sentence that will get your reader’s attention. Teachers in school have probably made you use in school when you were assigned an essay. If you go back to my blog titled “My Experiences in public high school”, my hook sentence was a question. The question was: When was the last time you heard the phrase “high school years are the best years of your life”? From reading that first sentence, you could probably tell that I was writing about why I disagreed with that phrase. After you write your hook sentence, be sure to write at least four sentences summarizing your why you think the way you do about a certain issue or topic. DON’T STATE OR LIST ALL OF YOUR POINTS IN THE INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH! The same thing is true when you write any essay for school. It sounds very boring because you are really going to repeat them when you go over your points.

4.) Make your points

When you state your points, be sure to keep them informative. Also, remember to find facts about the issue or hobby you are writing about, nobody wants to read a blog that is just full of biased opinions. Also remember “the three c’s” when you write a blog. They are clear, concise and conversational. To be concise means to express a lot of information in just a few words, and conversational pretty much means characteristic of a converstaion. In a blog, it is okay to use “I”, “you” and “me”. To be conversational means to write or speak in a way that is easy to understand. The former opto electronics instructor at Lenape Tech, Mr. McCauley was a perfect example of that. He just had the ability to speak in a way that even a five year old could understand electronics. When you write something that people can’t understand, people will not read it!

5.) Conclude it:

Writing the conclusion is different from writing the introduction, the introduction in most of my blogs are pretty long, but I try my best to keep my conclusion short and to the point. The best way to close your blog is to sum up the information without restating all the points you made in the body. The best thing to do is to have one sentence be your thesis statement, and the other one to be your summary statement. That’s it!

Hopefully after reading this, you have a better understanding of my perspective to writing a good blog. Before I go, here are some additional points to keep in mind.

Remember to ask permission before mentioning the names of your family members or friends.
Use only their first name unless you are given permission from them to mention their last name.
Keep your comments about those individuals positive.
Names of businesses and insitutions are acceptable, but don’t mention the names of co-workers or managers (current or previous).

by Derek Warren on November 26, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Uncategorized

Tagged blogs, do's, don'ts, how to write blogs

Posted by Derek Warren on November 26, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/26/from-my-perspective-keys-to-writing-a-good-blog/

“Being Polite Is Appropriate In Any Situation”

Can you remember the last time you had to be around a person who has the worst manners you have ever seen? You and your family are sitting at a restaurant and one of the members of your party burps out loud, where everybody can hear them. Everybody turns around and looks, but the parents do absolutely nothing about it. After it happens, everybody continues with their meals. A few minutes pass, then the child acts up again. This time, he starts asking people inappropriate questions, the questions dealt with the three major “turn off” topics, which are sex, politics and religion. The kid is so loud that people from across the room can hear every word he is saying. Their parents pay absolutely no attention to the child, and everybody else in the restaurant gets irritated. The other customers finally had enough and they complain to the waitress. Because of the kids inappropriate behavior, they ask the party to leave without their money back.

I actually did witness something like this happen, but this time it was not a kid and the parents not paying attention to them, it was a group of college kids and their girlfriends. My family decided to go out to eat at an Applebees, and we did not enjoy our meal because of the behavior coming from these kids. I am surprised that their girlfriends didn’t even walk out on them, I most certainly would not want to be around someone who acted like that. They obviously didn’t understand this unwritten social rule. Manners is a must have skill if you want to have social interaction with people.This is rule # 5 in Temple Grandin and Shaun Barron’s “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships”.

Temple mentioned something that I thought was pretty interesting and true, the quote from the book states “As a whole, people in our society have become ruder and cruder than ever before. People behave in social settings today in ways that would have been considered really impolite when I was growing up in the 60′s and even in the 70′s and 80′s, and it’s tolerated. Over the past twenty years or so, having good manners and being polite in social interaction — the whole idea of there being a “right” and a “wrong” way to act in social settings– has become less and less important. Fewer parents take the time to instill manners and teach proper social etiquette to their children. It’s having a ripple effect. Young parents today aren’t even conscious of some Miss Manners’ rules, which used to govern society when I was growing up”.

Asperger’s kids are not alone, there are neurotypical adults who show behavior that demonstrate a lack of social skills. A perfect example is a therapist I had to deal with when I was in about first or second grade. There were two times when she wouldn’t show up for our sessions, and she never called us and informed us she was running late. We were supposed to meet two times a week, and there was no sign of her both sessions. The next week she arrived thirty minutes late and said there was “traffic on Route 28″. I have heard from many people who traffic congestion and car troubles are both not an excuse to be late in the work world. I was scheduled to be her first client of the day, and she only lived in Kittanning, which is only about 20 minutes from Sarver. I also noticed that she would make that excuse more often as the weeks went on. That wasn’t the only issue we had with her, there was a major personality clash between her, my mother and I. Instead of teaching me social skills, she talked to me in a very threatening tone. She was only focused on reprimand me for my behaviors instead of teaching me social skills. Her attitude pretty much sounded like “I will fix that f***up if he continues acting like this. I am the boss and he does everything I say.” I told my parents I was sick of her, and we finally decided to discharge services with her. When a child demonstrates inappropriate behavior, their parents and therapists need to explain to them why the behavior was wrong and a more appropriate way of handling whatever the situation was. Parents, teachers and therapists need to also help them understand why their behavior will cause people to not want to be around them. They need to keep practicing until they get it. Repetition is a must in social skills training because later in life they may make a mistake that will help them realize why it was inappropriate. The child may not like every activity their therapist or teacher does with them, but they should realize that he or she may not function well in the work world if they continue to act the way they do. You should also teach the child that teaching them social skills is not a punishment, you are doing it to help them. Just verbally reprimanding them and saying “don’t do that again” won’t change their behavior, they will just keep doing it even more.

Remember what the word “tact” meant? The rule “Honesty Is Different From Diplomacy” goes with this rule as well. Sometimes kids with Asperger’s Syndrome are too honest and the things they say offend people. Here are some basic conversation don’ts that I have learned along the way, Temple did not mention some of these in the book.

Don’t ask another person about the cost of their possessions.
Don’t talk about the three major turn off topics (sex, politics and religion)
Don’t use swear words in public.
Don’t use swear words on social networking websites. (Facebook, MySpace, Twitter)
Don’t talk about people behind their back.
Don’t laugh about people’s age, appearance, weight, sexual orientation, etc.
Don’t call adults you don’t know well by their first name. (Use “Mr.”, “Mrs.” or “Ms.” instead)
Don’t burp, belch or pass gas any time you are around other people. (remember to apologize appropriately if it slips out)
Don’t make comments about another person’s bodily functions.
Don’t hug a person unless you are in a romantic relationship, or they are a close family member or friend.

As I have said before, teaching a child manners in social interaction is not a punishment, it is intended to help them function in life. Learning these manners will help them succeed in the social and work world. I hope you found this very interesting and informative, and I hope you will use this as a guide in the future.

by Derek Warren on November 26, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Being Polite Is Appropriate In Any Situation, Life, manners, respect, social skills

Posted by Derek Warren on November 26, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/26/being-polite-is-appropriate-in-any-situation/

Intro to Memoir

I am going to ask you to do one thing before you read on, stop and imagine what it would be like if everybody in the whole world was the same. When I was younger, I was very into the TV channel Nickelodeon. One of the shows I watched on that channel was “The Fairly Odd Parents”. It was about a teenage boy named Timmy Turner who lived with his parents and had to deal with his evil sixteen year old babysitter named Vicky. Timmy had two magical fairy godparents who would grant him any wish he wanted. But, they couldn’t violate the rules in the “DA rule book”. In this particular episode, Timmy was being harassed by his neighbor, Dr. Bender the evil dentist and his son because of his buck teeth. They would not give him his playground ball back. In order to stop all of the harassment, he wished that everybody in the world would turn into gray blobs. All of the gray blobs looked identical to one another. This wish eventually caused problems to ensue, which cause Cosmo and Wanda to lose track of who he is. Because of this, Timmy couldn’t wish the world back to normal.

Now, you probably think it was strange for a seventeen year old to remember a Nickelodeon show so vividly. From my perspective, the hidden message of this episode is that people are meant to be different. It showed what a messed up place the world would be if every single person acted and looked the same. I admire the fact that a lot of these shows on TV send a message in a humorous way. Not one single person in the world is exactly the same as another. Unfortunately, the world does not have tolerance for people that are different. Today, there is more discrimination, hate crimes and murders than ever before. Statistics have shown that the top three groups of people that experience discrimination in the twentieth century are Jews, Homosexuals, and people with disabilities. Like I said before, you can’t stop things like discrimination, but people need to learn how to deal with them in a civil manner.

There are three main people that I am writing this memoir for, the first being individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome, which I will talk about later. I want them to know that Asperger’s Syndrome does not mean that they are a “loser”, “freak”, “retard”, “sociopath”, or “psychopath”. Luke Jackson thinks of the “disorder” as a gift in his book “Freaks, Geeks, and Asperger’s Syndrome”. I think that every single Aspergian in the whole world should write a memoir of their life. Even if it is not published, it will be something that family members and friends can keep in their book shelf for a life time. I think that any person who has been through a personal struggle should write a memoir, even if it is something as small as a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or the loss of a loved one. It helps to write it on paper and write as much as you can about the situation. My second reason for writing this book is so that I can let the people in my life know about the impacts they have made on me. I am going to talk about the positive people in my life, and how they changed me, and negative experiences I’ve had with people. Some of the people I will mention won’t be happy with the things I say, I accept that. I am not trying to get revenge from these people, I just want them to know about why they made my diagnosis even more difficult to deal with. I am also going to talk about the lessons I have learned about dealing with them. I must say that I have handled some of the people I have dealt with inappropriately. I now know that the mistakes I have made with those people affected the way I interacted with my family, friends and peers. My third reason for writing this book is to give educators tips about teaching kids with an Autistic Spectrum Diagnosis. I have dealt with some really good teachers and some really bad ones throughout my eleven years in public school. Some of the bad educators I’ve dealt with still affect my way of learning today, both positively and negatively. I want them to know about the ways they have affected the way I learn and my attitude about life today. This book will take you on the journey of my life with Asperger’s Syndrome, Depression and Social Anxiety. I really hope you find this book informative and inspiring. I am sure that by the end of this book, you will realize that as Luke Jackson put it, it is a gift, not a “disorder” or “disease” as many people call it. It will show that even though kids like me have difficulties with social skills, we will be successful in life. We are not “losers”, “freaks”, “retards”, “sociopaths” and “psychopaths”.

by Derek Warren on November 30, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome, Life

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, disorder, freak, intro, Life, loser, memior, psycopath, retard, sociopath

Posted by Derek Warren on November 30, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/11/30/intro-to-memior/

From My Perspective: Why Write A Memoir?

One of the things that I hope to have in my stocking this year is a book called “You Don’t Have To Be Famous: How to Write Your Life Story”. Just reading the title made me want to buy this book. My last entry was the intro to my memoir, and I wanted to expand on reasons why it is a great idea for anybody in the world to write a memoir. Everybody goes through a hard time in their life, whether it is a break up with someone, a struggle with a disease or drug addiction, or the death of a family member. The most famous memoir ever written was “Night” by Elie Wiesel. The book was about the terrible experiences he went through during the Holocaust. You also saw my review of John Elder Robison’s “Look Me In The Eye”. This book talked about his life with Asperger’s Syndrome. I wanted to write this blog to encourage as many people as I can to write a memoir. As I said in the intro to my life story, it does not matter if it is published or not, you will be proud that you wrote it once it is complete. Writing a book will take more time than writing a blog would, but all the hard work will pay off when you are finally finished with it. Here I am going to talk about reasons why you should write it. I will also write this blog to inform you of the “dont’s” if you are considering having the memoir published.

One of the things I absolutely dreaded when I went through counseling sessions because of my depression and social anxiety was having to sit for two hours and talk about my feelings about the situation. If you are going through any kind of hard time in your life it is not easy to talk about it around other people. My freshman year in high school we listened to a World War II veteran from Freeport speak, and I could tell that he was about to tear up. Those bad memories from the war most likely still upset him today, and they probably will for the rest of his life. It a lot of guts to go up there and talk about something as extreme as a war. I dreaded “social skills” groups because they were entirely too structured and mundane. Pretty much everything you did was planned, and the staff members were expected to do it with the group members, even if it wasn’t something they didn’t like. A synonym for the word “mundane” is ordinary. I think the “normal” teenagers are the boring ones. Writing a memoir will hopefully convince people who I am proud to be an Aspergian, even though I have to deal with all the social politics in high school. My memoir will hopefully convince all people who it is better to be different then to be an “average joe”. My point in this paragraph is to inform you that it is easier to write about an experience than talk about it in front of a lot of people. Writing is an awesome way to inform people about your life. I have gotten comments on my other blogs telling me they never knew I had Asperger’s Syndrome, and they never thought that I would be able to write the way I do. Writing my blogs has given people a chance to know me better, and hopefully writing a memoir will give them a chance to know me even more.

The second question you are probably asking yourself is “what all should I include in my memoir?”. The most difficult part of writing anything is getting started. Don’t feel bad about thinking this way, I am sure every author out there has a difficulty coming up with how to start and what all to include. But first, I must say that a memoir is different from an auto biography. An auto biography is simply writing your own story. It just talks about events in your life all the way up to now. A memoir, however is pretty much a novel about ones own experiences throughout life. A memoir is supposed to have a certain theme. As I mentioned in the intro to this entry, some of the themes mentioned were a personal struggle, a personal tragedy or a relationship or friendship. Once you have come up with a theme, think about events that have happened related to that theme.

Before you start writing, it is best to write a list or an outline of as many of those things as you possibly can.

Be sure to include as much detail as you possibly can. What did you hear, see, smell, touch and taste when that particular event happened. Most importantly, you should include how the event made an impact on your life.

If you are writing about a personal struggle, make sure you include how that event made your personal struggle even more difficult to deal with. At the end of the memoir, be sure you include how you overcame that personal struggle and how it changed your attitude about life now.
If you are writing about a relationship or friendship with someone, talk about as many memories with that person as you possibly can and tell how your relationship with that person impacted your attitude about life now. This is also true for talking about your family.

If you are writing about your dreams for the future, make sure to include what made you want to live that dream, and the steps you are going to take to get there. How are you going to convince other people that they too can follow those same dreams?

Those were just a few suggestions, just Google “memoir topics” and many results should come up. You can be sure to find something you will want to write about. But wait, don’t start writing just yet! If you are seriously considering having the memoir published, here are a few “don’ts” you should be informed of.

Don’t mention anybody, regardless of your relationship with them without their permission. If the person you want to mention is under 18, be sure to ask their parent or guardian before you ask them. If the person says “no” then give them an alternate name. And, remember to keep your comments about the person positive! Use an alternate name for anybody who made a negative impact on your life.
Don’t mention another person’s medical diagnosis, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, skin color, etc. without their permission. That can easily offend some people.
Don’t mention an employers name without their permission (past or present)
Don’t quote from another person’s work without the authors permission (especially song lyrics)

Hopefully this gave you a better picture on why you should write a memoir and how you should write it. I hope this blog inspired you into writing your own memoir someday. But I must say one more thing before I go, try to read other people’s memoirs as well. Those can give you some pointers on what to include in yours. I hope you enjoyed reading this and I will be back to write soon!

http://www.amazon.com/Curious-Incident-Night-Time-Today-Show/dp/0385512104

by Derek Warren on December 9, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on December 9, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/12/09/why-write-a-memoir/

“The Curious Incident of The Dog In The Night-time” by Mark Haddon

When was the last time you have ever gotten fed up with the media about something? Recently, we have heard about things like the Tiger Woods affair, Obama sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, and the H1N1 virus (the swine flu). The sad fact is the media focuses on just about everything negative that happens. When I turn on the news every day, you expect to hear about which bank in Pittsburgh was robbed, who is cheating on who, and who has gotten arrested. If you watch Fox News, you also notice the people yelling and arguing about political and social issues that are happening in the world. There are also many people in the media who disrespect the private lives of celebrities. When I check out at Wal-Mart, you see all of those celebrity gossip magazines. Those magazines are the reason for why punk rock band Bowling For Soup wrote their song “High School Never Ends”. The social politics of high school still exist in the media. You will always hear about who is having sex, who is arrested for drugs, and who has gotten caught drinking.

As you know, I experience one thing that has always been a very controversial topic in today’s society. It is Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a mild form of Autism. You hear about non-profit organizations like Autism speaks and how they are trying to search for a cure. They still think Autism is a “disease” even though scientists have proved that it is not true. Autism is really a neurological brain disorder. A neurological disorder is a disorder that affects the nervous system. Like all neurological disorders, Autism is not curable and the symptoms are very difficult to treat.

You read my review of John Elder Robison’s “Look Me In The Eye” and my blogs explaining the rules from Temple Grandin’s “Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships”. People don’t understand what Autism really is, and people never will fully understand what it is. These books have given people a better understanding of what Autism is, and they have given people a better understanding of what their Autism means to them. Like I said in the dedication for my book, people will understand your diagnosis more if you think hard about your experiences and write about them. And again, it does not matter whether it ends up being published. That is the main reason I encourage people to write about their life experiences.

One particular story that helped me understand my diagnosis even more is Mark Haddon’s “The Curious Incident of the Dog in The Nighttime”. The book is an “autistic account” of the Sherlock Holmes murder mysteries. The case he is investigating is the death of his neighbor’s dog Wellington, who belongs to Mrs. Shears, a woman who lives across the street from him. He found a fork impaled in Wellington’s body. His parents are a working class type of couple, and they don’t have the patience or the education to understand his diagnosis.When the police came to investigate the situation, Christopher hit a police officer because he touched him because he was trying to help him stand up. As result of that, he was sentenced to a night in jail. Christopher John Francis Boone is a teenage autistic boy from Europe. He is a teenager with an above average IQ who knows all the worlds countries and their capitals. He also knows every single prime number up to 7,057. Because of his quirks and his parents not understand his diagnosis, he has been through some extremely difficult times as a teenager. I have been through many similar situations in my life, so I can relate to Christopher in many ways.

Because of his above average intelligence and his odd interests, he has experienced quite a bit of discrimination throughout the book. In my memoir, I am going to touch on some of the false things the media says about Autism. Like I said in the beginning of this blog, the media often thinks that Autism is a death sentence and a disease that “somehow” will be cured. People believe what the media says, no matter what the issue is. Because of the ignorant things the media says, people believe it. There are numerous parts of the book that people have discriminated Christopher. Because of how people thought he was “socially hopeless”, they have told him that he would only be capable of getting a job “collecting super market trolleys” or “scooping donkey shit at an animal sanctuary”. Christopher was told this by a boy named Terry, who was apparently jealous of Chris because of his above average intelligence and cleverness. Terry would call him named like “spaz” and would say “they don’t let spazzers drive rockets that cost billions of pounds”. Terry thought he was “spastic”.

I have been through similar experiences, and I have seen other kids on the spectrum go through the same thing. One students shared a particular experience at Computing Workshop, the summer camp program I work at. We had a staff member who told a story about one of his former computer teachers in high school. This particular teacher didn’t like the fact that this student had a difficulty with spelling. In the class, the students would often do activities that involved researching things on the Internet. This particular student really enjoyed researching things on the Internet, and he was very gifted at it. He wanted to participate in the activities, but the teacher wouldn’t let him. One day he asked if if he would participate, the teacher then snapped and said “You will not participate in the Internet research activity until you can spell perfectly”. Instead, the teacher would have the student correct all of the spelling mistakes he made on all of the previous projects they participated in. The teacher was punishing him for his difficulty spelling words correctly.

Kids with Asperger’s Syndrome often have difficulty understanding humor, idioms and sarcasm. At the beginning of the book, Christopher quotes “This will not be a funny book. I cannot tell jokes because I do not understand them”. One thing about humor and sarcasm that can be risky for kids like me is we have a difficulty understanding whether or not someone is being serious versus being sarcastic. I have been through many situations where people have tricked me into thinking they were just merely trying to be friends with me, but they were really trying to belittle me and set me up. Throughout my years in school, there was one particular kid that seemed to realize that I didn’t understand whether someone was really my friend or not. They would walk up to me in a very friendly and polite manner, then I turned around and they would say something really rude and disrespectful to me. I didn’t understand the social rule “Not Everyone Who Is Nice To Me Is My Friend”. In elementary school, this kid tried to convince me into saying something inappropriate to a teacher, he thought it would be funny for me to get into trouble. I went with his “advice” and I recieved lunch detention for a whole week. During my freshman year of high school, this person tried to pull off another stunt like that, but this time I ignored him. I wasn’t going to fall for his tricks this time.Teenagers often playfully joke around with each other, it is their way of bonding with their friends. There have been instances where people have told me jokes, and I took it the wrong way and thought they were really trying to “badly tease” me. Playfully joking around is “good teasing” and bullying and harassing is “bad teasing”. When the kid in elementary school convinced me into saying that inappropriate joke to the teacher, I made the mistake of thinking he was playing around with me when he really was trying to bully me. I don’t like it when people I barely know use sarcastic humor around me because it will make me think they are trying to belittle me. I am afraid I will take the joke the wrong way by saying it to someone else and getting into trouble, or being offended by it and overreacting. I will use humor around people I know well, not people I barely know.

In this blog, I just wanted to give people a general description of the book. If you want to find out more about the book, I would recommend reading it. This book is great for anybody who enjoys murder mysteries, and it is great for anybody who wants to understand the Autistic brain. On the bottom of the page, I have provided a link to the book and an unabridged audio version of the story.

Book:

Unabridged Audio book:

http://www.amazon.com/Curious-Incident-Dog-Night-time/dp/1402568851

The 10 myths about Autism: (Wrongplanet.net)

http://www.wrongplanet.net/article361.html

by Derek Warren on December 24, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, Bowling For Soup "High School Never Ends", Life, Mark Haddon, media, school, social difficulties, The Curious Incident of The Dog In The Nighttime

Posted by Derek Warren on December 24, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/12/24/the-curious-incident-of-the-dog-in-the-night-time-by-mark-haddon/

Memoir Dedication and Welcome

I dedicate this book to:

My family, for supporting me through all of the difficult times

Aaron Barker for being an amazing friend with a great personality

Mary Hart and all staff and students from the Computing Workshop

All parents and educators who work with kids on the Autistic Spectrum, and who try to make school a better experience for them

All teenagers on the Autistic Spectrum who try to make friends and interact with people, but who don’t understand how to do it

All educators who try to make learning a better experience for each and every student

I thank all of you for buying this book. I am hopeful that after you read this story, you will understand Asperger’s Syndrome through my eyes. People don’t fully understand Autism, and they never will fully understand it. I can’t tell you how depressing the clinical reports about Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome are. When I read these clinical reports on the “disorder”, I tend to feel that I am being singled out. I think that I am the only one going through this disorder. There are tons of people out there who go through the same difficulties I do. In recent years, many people have written books about their lives with the disorder. Some of them include John Elder Robison, Sean Barron, Temple Grandin and Luke Jackson. These individuals have given teachers, parents and peers a better idea of what Aspergers really is. I am also amazed in the personality differences from all of these people. Each of these authors have told people about the diagnosis from their eyes.

I am also amazed in the differences from all of these people. They all grew up in different family situations, and they all have different hobby interests and different outlooks on life. However, they do have something in common. They are all Autistic, and they have all been through similar situations that I have been through. They have all been through situations of not belonging, but they got through these situations and became very successful people. Every time somebody writes a book about their experiences with Asperger’s, the more people will understand kids with the diagnosis. With this book, you will have a better idea of who I am and what my Asperger’s Syndrome means to me.

by Derek Warren on December 19, 2009 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Dedication, Life, Memoir, Welcome

Posted by Derek Warren on December 19, 2009

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/12/19/memoir-dedication-and-welcome/

How Do You Define A Perfect Person?

If you read my last post about the book “The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime” the main character Christopher John Francis Boone didn’t like it when people referred to him as “special needs”. There was one particular part of the book that I found pretty interesting. During this particular part, he was stepping off of the school bus and he started walking home. As the school bus left his stop, the kids yelled out the bus window as loud as they could “special needs”, “special needs”. He did not respond to them at all. Afterwords, he described how he felt about people giving him names like that. His outlook on life was that everybody in the whole world has a special need. I know people who take medications everyday, that is a special need. In one of my earlier posts I stated that everybody in the world is quirky in their own way.

I simply am trying to state that nobody is perfect. On the Webster online dictionary, the definition I found that pertains to my message on this entry is “corresponding to an ideal standard or concept”. On dating sites such as E-Harmony or Chemistry.com, they say they are going to help you “find the perfect mate”. They take personality surveys that help you determine which person was right for you. I think it is rather insulting when they say “find the perfect mate”. I have listened to people, both teens and adults complain about their husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, or even their friends. There is one person I knew who in their “About Me” description talks about how her boyfriend means the world to her, and how she wouldn’t give him up for anything. In school, however it seems like a totally different story. She stands there and rants about all the arguments she has had with him, and about all the things he does that make her angry. This almost happens on a daily basis. I realize that relationships have their ups and downs, but if she complains about him so much why would she still be dating him?

One of the things I wish therapists would do with their clients is to not focus on the negative things about them all the time. I have been through this far too often. In the introduction to my memoir, I talked about how depressed I get when I read all the clinical reports written Asperger’s Syndrome and how my diagnosis personally affects me. They pretty much read this “Derek lacks social skills, doesn’t have friends and needs psychiatric help”. I wish therapists would come up with ways to help their clients express themselves using their strengths. For example, I write blogs to help people understand my diagnosis, and to help others with Asperger’s Syndrome realize that it doesn’t have to be all bad. A quote from the introduction to my memoir states ” Asperger’s Syndrome does not mean that they are a “loser”, “freak”, “retard”, “sociopath”, or “psychopath”. I know that I am not a perfect person, but I have helped people understand my diagnosis more by my writing skills. I have written over forty blogs so far, and writing it on paper has also made me understand myself more.

I am not trying to sound egotistical, but when people say nasty things about me behind my back I think “they could never write a blog or a memoir even if they tried to”. When I am around my friends or family, I try my best to appreciate the good things in both myself and other people. That can be difficult sometimes. Sometimes I obsessively worry about a person because I am concerned about them. For example, let’s say your best friend started spending more time with one of their new friends. You recently noticed the friend is spending more time with the new person than with you. You hear rumors that this friend got fired from his job at the grocery store for stealing $200.00 from the cash register. This new friend also has been in trouble with the police for use of illegal drugs. If I were to put myself into this situation, it would be very difficult for me to come up with a resolution. I know it is not good to be judgmental about this new friend. If I had a friend who was a drug addict, I would want to try my best to help them with their habit. One thing I would definitely be afraid of is my friend giving into peer pressure regarding the illegal drugs. Once you start getting into those drugs, it is not easy to stop. I would be pretty angry and sad that my friend is spending more time with their new friend than with me, but if I talked to them I would have to be respectful and honest. Many kids with Asperger’s are too honest, which causes them to get into trouble in school and loose any friendships they have. Both of those are equally important when talking to a friend about a situation like this. The best way to start this conversation is to ask them if you are still friends. I would then tell the person they haven’t talked to me in a while and ask them if they had plans for the weekend. What if they talk to me rudely or tell me they don’t want to be friends? I would then move on and find somebody else to be friends with. Sometimes that friend you thought was “perfect”, didn’t turn out to be the person you thought they were. It is really sad when a close friend changes, moves on to other people and they forget about you. It is just one of those things that happen sometimes.

To sum things up, I have realized that no person in the whole world is perfect. People mainly judge my behaviors because they don’t understand my Asperger’s Syndrome. I am not perfect, they are not either. When you are meeting a new person, it is good to see beyond their quirks. It is difficult for me sometimes, but I do try my best when I meet a new person, or around my friends or family. I pretty much answered the title question for myself. You can’t define a perfect person. One person who is good at drawing or painting may not be good at sports, or vice versa. I ask all of you to keep that in mind when you meet a new person. There are still people out there who don’t see beyond my quirks and make judgmental comments about me. I try my best to ignore them. I thank you all for reading this, and I will be back to write again next week!

by Derek Warren on January 19, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Dating, friendships, How Do You Define A Perfect Person?, new people

Posted by Derek Warren on January 19, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/01/19/how-would-you-define-perfect/

Lenape: Full Day or Half Day?

Below was an email I sent to the director of the Computing Workshop summer program. Since their first summer session in 2001, they have provided adapted one on one computer instruction for students on the Autistic Spectrum. These students usually don’t get the chance to learn these skills because of their differences. The program is a safe environment for them because they know it is safe to be themselves. In the school environment, many of these kids were and tormented on a daily basis. Because of this, they lose the confidence to be themselves. Computing Workshop is an environment where it is safe to do so. They know people will not discriminate them because of their differences.

The program has been held at four different locations during its past ten years of operation. This past fall, the program leased their own space off of Forbes Avenue in the Squirrel Hill section of Pittsburgh. In the past, the program rented space at Carnegie Melon University, La-Roche College in the North Hills, and The Community Day school, also in Squirrel Hill. In 2006, I started out as a student in this program. The staff members in this unique program have experience in many fields related to computers. In the summer of 2010, I will finally be a staff member. I have made many friends at this program, including my good friend Aaron.

One of the projects I really enjoyed doing in this program was something related to the field I am studying at Lenape Tech in Ford City, Pennsylvania. They ordered a laser light show kit, which was simply a circuit board with two rotating motors. You stick two mirrors on the motors, and they come with two adjustable knobs that control the speed, two switches that control the direction they rotate, and a slot where you shine the laser into the mirrors. Along with that, it also came with some resistors, batteries, solder and wiring. When you shine the laser into the rotating mirrors, it projects a design on the wall. I was amazed by the many shapes the laser made when I would project it on the wall.

I wanted to learn more about laser technology, but I didn’t like the science courses Freeport had to offer. When I first heard about the Opto Electronics Engineering Technology program during the tenth grade tours last school year, I wanted to find out more information. In January, I went to the parent nights and I met Mr. McCauley, their former opto teacher. I was concerned about the math part of the program, because it is not one of my stronger subjects. He told me a story about how he failed his algebra class during one of his years in high school. The teacher didn’t really connect with him well.Because he failed that class, he had to take it again the next year. This time, he had the other algebra teacher. He mentioned the teacher was his school’s football coach, and he had a better attitude than the teacher from the previous year. His grade in the class turned around completely in the class. That teacher made a difference in his academics in high school.

I went to observe his class in March of 2009, and I was amazed at how he could make even the hardest circuits sound so simple. Back then, I had absolutely no clue what he was talking about. I didn’t know what a resistor, potentiometer, diode or a capacitor was. All I knew was if it zaps you hard enough it can kill you. He mentioned to me that many of the people in his shop knew much of anything before they came to Lenape.

Unfortunately, I was also informed that he was going to retire from Lenape at the end of that school year. I do wish he was still teaching with us, but I am still glad I had the opportunity to attend Lenape Tech. I am only a junior at this school, and there are still many things I need to learn before I can obtain a successful career in Electro Optics. The Armstrong school board is yet again attempting to make Lenape a half day program. This email I wrote to the Computing Workshop staff gives you a general description of what the district is proposing.

“I have recently been informed about a change in the Lenape schedule that may take place starting next school year. The Armstrong County school districts proposed to only send students to Lenape tech for a half day instead of a full. That means students will have to go to their sending school for a half day for their core academics, ride a bus down to Lenape for their technical program, and ride a bus back to their sending school. I was also informed that if you attend Lenape, the only option is to ride the bus. You are not permitted to drive down to Lenape. The main concern from the Armstrong schools is because of money. It costs more to send students to Lenape for a full day program than it would for a half day program. As you know, Lenape teaches both academic and technical programs.

My parents and I are going to attend a meeting tomorrow regarding this concern. The meeting is open to the public and everybody who wants to keep the school open all day will try their best to negotiate with the Armstrong county schools about this issue. I personally think that is a preposterous thing for the Armstrong county school districts to do. THEY ARE ONLY CONCERNED ABOUT MONEY, NOT THE STUDENTS EDUCATION. They already changed the focus of my electronics program, and now they try to come up with this. Freeport is not part of the Armstrong County School district, but they still use Lenape as their tech school. If they go through with this, it will apply to all students from Lenape’s six sending schools (Freeport, Elderton, Ford City, Kittanning, Apollo Ridge, Leechburg).

If they go through with this, I will not stay at Lenape. This is mainly because I didn’t enjoy my experiences at Freeport. Riding buses four times a day (To Freeport, To Lenape, Back to Freeport, Home) is going to take time out of being at school learning. There are tons of things all of their sending schools will have to change in order for this to work out. (Vacation and In-service days, Graduation dates, P.S.S.A test dates, Lunch Schedule). I may consider Mary’s charter school in Squirrel Hill, or cyber school if this happens.

I am hoping for the best regarding this meeting tomorrow, and I hope Lenape will stay open all day. Please wish us luck and I hope to be seeing all of you this coming summer!”

This is not the only time Freeport tried to change our technical program, they tried to send students to the Northern Westmoreland Career and Technology center in New Kensington for a half day. You may think the program there is “wonderful” but it does not give students the opportunity to make a completely new start simply because they are still at their home school for a half day. At this meeting, I heard stories from tons of people about the miserable experiences they had at their sending schools, and how they became a completely different person when they attended Lenape.

At Freeport, I wasn’t really treated like I was worth anything. People called me named, spread rumors about me and made fun of me for how quiet I was. They thought “this kid is a retard, there is nothing going on his brain because he never talks to anybody”. I felt like the kid in the story “Holes” who was nicknamed “Zero”. The thing is, I did try to interact with other people during my years there. People would say things like “shut up, nobody cares about you”. In my TV production class, people would demand me to do things for them just because they were too lazy to do it themselves. People just used me as someone else to make fun of or push around. I would talk to the teachers, but all they would say to them was “if you do that again…” It took three complaints to the administration for them to finally resolve the situation. At Lenape, if you even try to make someones social experience a nightmare, you are kicked out and sent right back where you came from!

In conclusion, the Armstrong school boards obviously doesn’t care what the students think. They want to treat the students like dollar signs and not human beings with potential. Freeport also refused to pay tuition for me to attend the Computing Workshop summer program. These situations have quite a few similarities. They are both related to money. Many of the board members have not seen Lenape’s Technical programs, and none of the Freeport school board members have ever seen what it’s like to be at Computing Workshop. If Squirrel Hill wasn’t so far away from Ford City, I would invite my teachers to see what the program is like for themselves.

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/01/22/lenape-full-day-of-half-day/

by Derek Warren on January 22, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Education, Half Day or Full Day, Lenape Tech, Money

Posted by Derek Warren on January 22, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/01/22/lenape-full-day-of-half-day/

Lenape: Full Day or Half Day (part 2)

Below is a letter I sent to the members of the Freeport Area School Board and Lenape Tech’s Joint Operating Committee. In this letter, I tried my best to explain why Lenape Tech should remain a full day school. Freeport Area School District is proposing a hybrid option, which means students will have the option to go to go to Lenape full day for core and technical academics, or half day to receive their core academics at Freeport and their technical academics at Lenape. This letter clearly explains why I think there should not be any changes made to Lenape.

This issue has been brought up by the sending schools before, and I feel their real motive is because they don’t like that Lenape does core and technical academics. The schools want control over the students core academics so they can use that as a cheap excuse to save money. Many things in Armstrong county Pennsylvania are not right, and Lenape is one of the few things the county is doing right. If this change were to go through, there are going to be fewer jobs that many people in the area obtained because of Lenape.

Here is the letter:

Dear Freeport Area School Board,

I am currently a junior from the Freeport Area School District. I was informed about the efforts to turn Lenape Tech into a half day school, and I have a few concerns that I would like to share. I do think changing the program at Lenape Tech would have some dramatically negative effects on me and the students and faculty currently attending, as well for those who plan to attend the school in the future.

When I first toured Lenape during my sophomore year, I knew I really wanted to go. I was very unhappy and anxious during my years at Freeport. I encountered some bullying situations that still have an effect on my life today. Freeport claimed to have a “zero tolerance” policy towards bullying, but I must say they did not enforce it very well during the high school years. There was a student in my grade who would harass me in the gym locker room and online. He seemed to understand that I had difficulty understanding whether or not people were really trying to be my friend or set me up. He would purposely make derogatory remarks towards me. It would continue until I became very agitated. My mother contacted the guidance office about the issue, and they only gave him a warning. It took three complaints to the office before they finally decided to remove him from school. A similar situation did occur at Lenape, but he was immediately removed from the school as soon as it was reported. This student not only bullied me, he also exhibited some behavior issues that were very disruptive to the learning environment. His behavior was clearly not appropriate for our school environment. I must say that Freeport handled the bullying situation in an unprofessional manner, and if it was resolved sooner it would not have escalated and I would have been less anxious and unhappy.

Because of that situation, I wanted to go to a place where I could make a new start and promote something I am interested in. Lenape has shown me how many of the core academic skills will be applied in my everyday life and in my technical field. It seems to me that Freeport only has these courses because they are a graduation requirement and many of the topics covered are on the P.S.S.A tests. The teachers at Lenape not only want us to graduate, they want us to be the most successful citizens we can be. I may not be a perfect person, but I am trying my hardest to be successful there. If Freeport were to go through with the “hybrid” or half day only option, the academic teachers would have no idea what their students were doing in their technical field. If they were having any trouble in their shop, the teachers at Freeport would not be able to help them. My Lenape experience thus far has shown that all of the teachers at Lenape work well together, and they make sure their students are doing well in every class. It is very easy to discuss issues with Lenape teachers because they all work in the same building. On a regular schedule day, the class periods are about an hour long. That allows plenty of time for students to get help with an assignment they may be struggling on. Class periods at Freeport are roughly forty minutes. Because of that, it is very hectic and rushed.

It would also take about five to ten minutes to load a school bus full of kids and about twenty-five minutes to drive down to Ford City and back to Freeport. Road construction and inclement weather can also take away valuable learning time. In-service and vacation days will have to coincide with all of Lenape’s sending schools. During P.S.S.A testing week, students would either have to take them during their academic classes or miss their technical instruction at Lenape. Board members who are for making Lenape a half day school most likely have never thought about those changes that could interfere with my education.

Lenape strives to support the needs of every student, and they try to make school a better experience for them. Freeport did try, but I think they could do much better than they did with me. Because I am critical of Freeport Area School District, please do not assume that I think all Freeport staff members are bad. I have met and worked with many great teachers and staff members with caring personalities. These people advocate as best they can for students, particularly students with special needs, like myself. I thank you for reading this letter and understanding my concerns.

Sincerely,

Derek Warren

Freeport already tried to convince me into going to the Northern Westmoreland Career and Technology Center for a half day, and I didn’t go with what they wanted me to do. They thought it would be a better option for me because I would have the same teachers, and I would be in the same building with the same students who back stabbed me for many years. I had the impression that the school board wanted the teachers to convince the students into going to Northern Westmoreland because they didn’t want to pay the money for students to attend Lenape.

When I toured the Northern Westmoreland school, they acted like they didn’t even know we were supposed to be there. The communication between Freeport and Northern Westmoreland was very poor. There were a few programs where the instructor wasn’t in the room, and a student stood there and talked for fifteen minutes. Lenape had set dates for the tenth grade tours, and many of the shops had a hands on activity to show what the program was about. The Culinary program had assorted cookies to sample that were made by the seniors. At Northern Westmoreland, the culinary teacher wasn’t even in the room. The teacher aide was, but he acted like the last thing he wanted to do was show us the shop. Lenape’s Advertising and Digital Technology instructor let the students try out their I-MAC computers. He told the students to take a picture of themselves with the IMACs and then edit it with Adobe Photoshop. The Northern Westmoreland school was the complete opposite. Lenape had very close communication with the teachers, and it Lenape goes half day that communication will be lost. It will be extremely difficult to help a student that is having a difficulty in their technical program.

To wrap up, I am a firm believer that you shouldn’t let other people convince you into what they want you to do. Even if it means your decision won’t save money. Freeport teachers tried to convince me into thinking Northern Westmoreland was better precisely for that reason. Many students have spoken at the school board meetings and explained how Lenape has changed their life. Depression and Anxiety still do affect me, but not as much as it did at Freeport. As I said in “Part One”, changing Lenape would be absolutely preposterous. If it weren’t for Lenape, I probably would have been falling asleep in every class or dropped out of school altogether. Freeport had the impression that I would fail just because they don’t have a “structured learning support period”. Freeport treated me like I was a first grader, and Lenape treats me like I am an adult. I will most likely will consider cyber school or the Computing Workshop charter school. Freeport is not going to convince me into doing what they want me to do no matter how hard they try.

“Part 1″

by Derek Warren on February 6, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Core Academics, Education, Freeport Area School District, Joint Operating Committee, Lenape Tech, Money, Technical Academics

Posted by Derek Warren on February 6, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/02/06/lenape-full-day-or-half-day-part-2/

Do They Really Think Of Me As A Friend?

Below is a poem I found from blogspot.com. The poem is titled “Good Friend vs. True Friend”. You have heard about some of the problems I’ve had with friends in my earlier posts. It was very difficult to decipher the difference between a “good friend” and a “true friend”. I wrote an entry titled “Why Did People Avoid Me”, and it described some of the mistakes I made that caused people to avoid me. I wanted that one person I considered a “true friend”, but I just didn’t know where to find that person. It took me quite a long time to realize that I am not the only one who feels like that. In fact, every single person in the world has probably felt like they don’t belong. The thing is, we all need that one person in our lives who will always look out for you and who will accept you no matter what. This poem does a perfect job showing a “good friend” vs. a “true friend”.

A good friend will tell you what you want to hear.
A true friend will always tell the truth.

A good friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A true friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A good friend will be there for you all through school.
A true friend will be there till the day you die.

A good friend will bail you out of prison.
A true friend will be sitting next to you saying
“damn that was fun!”.

A good friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A true friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A good friend hates it when you call after they’ve gone to bed.
A true friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A good friend wonders about your romantic history.
A true friend could blackmail you with it.

A good friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A true friend calls you after you had a fight.

A good friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A true friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A good friend has never seen you cry.
A true friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A good friend doesn’t know your parents’ first names.
A true friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A good friend expects you to always be there for them.
A true friend expects to always be there for you.

A good friend is someone you enjoy hanging out with.
A [true] friend is someone you need. (Neil Diamond, Heartlight)

http://friendshipgreetings.blogspot.com/2007/03/good-friends-vs-true-friends.html

Growing up, I really enjoyed watching the popular kid show “Nickelodeon”. Along with “The Fairly Odd Parents” I enjoyed watching the show “As Told By Ginger”. The show was about a girl named Ginger Foutley. She enjoyed writing about her experiences at Lucky Junior High in her writing journal, which she updated every day. She is a remarkable poet and a science whiz. Growing up, Ginger didn’t really have that many friends to hang out with. That changed when she got to know her three best friends…

Dodie Bishop: Dodie is a very outgoing person, who enjoys keeping up on the latest gossip at Lucky Junior High. She is into fashion, but doesn’t have enough money to buy all the clothes she wants. In high school, she wanted to get into the cheer-leading squad, but her coach didn’t let her on because freshman have never made it on. Dodie also tended to be a very selfish person, in one particular episode she wasn’t invited to a party that Ginger and Macie were invited to and she got very upset and them because of it. The selfishness came from her mother, Joanne Bishop, who is not the happiest character on the show. Dodie is very proud of her unique fashion sense, even though she is not as rich as Courtney Gripling, the most popular girl in school. In the episode “Far From Home”, Dodie’s selfishness really caught my eye. Ginger signed up for a semester long writing scholarship at the Avalanche Arts Academy, which was a boarding school about four hours from Sheltered Shrubs. Ginger had the impression she wouldn’t get the scholarship, but it turned out that she did make it. Dodie got very upset about her best friend being away from her. She treated Ginger disrespectfully because she seemed to think Ginger signed up for the scholarship just to hurt her feelings.
Macie Lightfoot: Macie met Dodie the same time she met Ginger. As many people have put it, Macie is not in the best of mental or physical health. There is a big list of foods she is allergic to, and she has many phobias as well. Because of her many allergies, she has a very nastily voice. The most notable phobia is the fear of change. She is the more childish one in the group, because her parents are so focused on work and not helping her during the adolescent years. Aside from her health conditions, she is very knowledgeable in many topics, one of them being science. One of my favorite episodes with Macie is the one titled “Come Back Little Seal Girl”. The three girls signed up to perform at the Lucky Junior High talent show. The little seal girl was their favorite idol growing up. The song the little seal girl sings is about friendship. Dodie and Ginger didn’t want to do the “Little Seal Girl” dance because they thought it was too childish. They voted on it two to one. Instead of the seal dance, they decided on doing a jazz dance routine. Macie got very upset about her friends breaking their tradition, because they looked up to the seal girl since they were little kids. During Macie’s act, the tape recorder broke and she sang accapella. Surprisingly, Macie won the school talent show.
Darren Patterson: Darren is Ginger’s next door neighbor. He is a very calm, easy going and reliable person. Ginger knew Darren before she met Dodie and Macie, because they have been next door neighbors their whole lives. Darren suffered from orthodontia, which (from what I read) is a condition that causes teeth to form on incorrect places inside the mouth. The headgear is used to move the teeth into the correct places. (That is what I read about it, please correct me if I am wrong). His older brother, Will Patterson is a very loud, outgoing popular and self centered high school student. That caused a personality conflict between the two of them. Darren eventually became Ginger’s boyfriend. That lasted for a year, until their freshman year in high school. In the episode “A Lesson In Tightropes” Darren broke up with Ginger to go out with a cheerleader named Simone. In the series finale, which wasn’t aired on television in America, they reconciled. They got married and had a child.

Ginger, Dodie, Macie and Darren were what I would consider “true friends”. They had an inability to hold a grudge against each other. There have been several instances where I had someone who I considered a “good friend”, but they would just come and go. There was one situation that I mentioned in one of my earlier posts. I started talking to a kid in my school who went to the same gym worked out at. We started talking on AIM, and we would text message each other on occasions. One night I inadvertently sent a text message to him that I meant to send to someone else, and the next day he threw a fit at me over the phone for waking him up. I explained to him that I didn’t mean to do it, but he said these exact words “I don’t care, just fuck off and don’t talk to me”. I got angry at him and started sending mean text messages to him, which got him even more angry. The only thing I wanted was a friend my age to talk to, but he held this grudge against me for something I didn’t even mean to do. Looking back, I realized that it wasn’t something I should have gotten angry about. It isn’t my fault he doesn’t want to be my friend, and it is not my fault he doesn’t turn his cell phone off or put it on silent mode at night.

There are times when it still is difficult to decipher who my “good friends” and my “true friends” are. I realize that not everybody in the world will be your best friend. My best piece of advice is to keep looking for that one friend. It may be difficult to find that one person in a hicktown similar to Sarver, Pennsylvania, but it is a bigger world than you think. There are many people out there who feel the same feelings Ginger felt before she met Dodie and Macie, so don’t feel that you are alone. When you look back after high school, these people will not mean a single thing to you.

by Derek Warren on February 13, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged As Told By Ginger, Aspergers Syndrome, good friend vs. true friend, Neil Diamond, Nickelodeon, poem

Posted by Derek Warren on February 13, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/02/13/do-they-really-think-of-me-as-a-friend/

Lenape: Full Day or Half Day (Part 3)

On Thursday, February 18th 2010 I attended a special meeting at the Lenape Technical School. The main purpose of the meeting was the full day vs. half day “delivery system”. It was quite an interesting experience, because I have never seen a large group of people advocating the education they wanted. Nearly 200 people crowded inside Lenape’s cafeteria. Most of them were former board members, alumni, current staff members, students and students who plan to attend the school starting next school year. I honestly didn’t know what to expect when I arrived at this meeting. As I have said before, there are board members who want Lenape to stay like it is, and there are board members who want to change it. In the end, I was glad I had the opportunity to attend this meeting.

The Joint Operating Committee did not make an “official vote” during last Thursday’s meeting, they decided to explore another option. They are considering a hybrid program, which means that students will have the choice to attend Lenape for full day or half day. Dr. Meredith Christy, the boards chairperson thinks this will give more options to the students. They claim this won’t happen, but I fear that someday it will completely jeopardize the full day program at Lenape. During my sophomore year at Freeport, I talked to several people who talked about why they didn’t want to attend Lenape. Their main reason for this is because they “don’t want to leave their friends.” I can understand this, but that is one of the changes that people need to learn how to embrace sooner or later. Lenape gives people an opportunity to make new friends, but they still get the opportunity to perform activities at their home school (sports, theater, band, chorus, dances). Lenape is a big change for everybody. I was scared to death on the very first day of school. I didn’t know anybody. However, it has been a very beneficial experience for me. I came to Lenape to make a new start and promote interests in a career I am in perusing after high school. It is a different building, with different people. As I said in my letter in “Part 2″, “The teachers at Lenape not only want us to graduate, they want us to be the most successful citizens we can be. I may not be a perfect person, but I am trying my hardest to be successful there.”

One of the Armstrong county board members made a very disrespectful comment about Lenape. He referred to Lenape Tech as “Skater University”. He claims that if you want to “skate through” your last years of high school without putting forth any effort whatsoever, you should attend Lenape Tech. One thing about this you probably haven’t even known was the Mr. Markalinski is a Lenape Tech graduate. I thought that a person who graduated from Lenape would be proud of their experiences. I would seriously recommend they consider coming to Lenape. It turns out that I stand corrected. Lenape Tech has it’s differences and similarities from a typical public high school. People often say that attending a vocational technical school will hurt your chances of getting into college. It may be true in some half day schools, but not at Lenape. You are given a chosen technical field (in college they call it your “major”). They offer core academic classes (English, Math, Social Studies, Science, Health and Physical Education). As I mentioned in my last post about Lenape, the teachers try to apply the topics covered in the class with your chosen technical field. I am in the electronics technology program, and that job will require most of the core academic skills. If I want to find a job at as a Laser Systems Engineer, I will have to write a resume that looks professional. If you don’t have a resume that looks professional, people will not want to hire you. Technical Communications is one of the English classes offered at Lenape. It is the general English class. In some ways it is very similar to our English class, we do vocabulary, journal writings and write an occasional essay. However, there is one thing that is different. We learn skills that will be beneficial to us in life. In Technical Communications 1 B, we do mock job interviews. They cover the “do’s and don’ts” of a job interview. They gave us a list of the common questions an interview will ask the person applying for the job. They expected us to dress in attire appropriate for a job interview, and they graded us on how we responded to each question. Many people have told me they didn’t like doing this, but I guarantee it will be extremely beneficial to them in the long run.

Making a fresh new start was just what I needed. Freeport and Leechburg wanted to send their student’s to the Northern Westmoreland Career and Technology Center in New Kensington. I have talked to a few people who attend that school, and they are contemplating dropping out. Northern Westmoreland was an unprofessional school in many ways. I went into detail why I felt that way in another post, but I am going to tell you the one that disappointed me the most. We got on a bus, toured the school and the teachers had no idea we were supposed to be there. Some of the teachers were not even in their classrooms. The strange thing was that Freeport tried to convince me that it was a better place than Lenape. Lenape teachers communicate with each other very well because they are in the same building all day. If I had an issue in my technical program, how could my instructor help me? Those are many of the questions about a half day program that will be extremely difficult to answer.

The main reason the school board is pushing this issue is because of the Armstrong School District is officially reopening Elderton. One of the Leechburg board members spoke during the meeting about this issue. My favorite moment during his speech was “Most of us from Freeport, Apollo and Leechburg don’t give a damn about what you do you to Elderton. We want you to leave Lenape alone while you play games with Elderton.” I have heard from tons of students from Lenape that if they didn’t have the opportunity to go there, they would have dropped out or gone into cyber school. Another moment that I will never forget was when a senior from the Culinary arts program spoke after the Leechburg board member. The board chairperson tried to cut everybody off by adjourning the meeting after that speech. She stood up out of her seat and said “I have been waiting this whole day to speak. I stayed after school and cooked your food. I am not going to be happy if you don’t give me the same opportunity everybody else got tonight”. During her speech, she talked about her IEP, and she mentioned how her sending school didn’t give her extra time on tests and exams, even though it was written on it. She would explain to the teachers that she needed extra time to finish, but they would ignore her and fail her. Teachers would punish her for standing up for that right. She also didn’t have the confidence to speak in front of people. The teachers at Lenape helped boost her confidence.

To wrap thing up, I don’t know how many times people have tried to convince me into thinking like them. They felt they understood me, and they knew what was best for me. They were obviously wrong. As I have said many times before, I would have considered dropping out or cyber school if it weren’t for Lenape. Some of the board members won’t be happy with what I am about to say, but I will say it anyway. If you don’t listen to the students, please resign from from the committee. Freeport did try to listen to me, but I think they could do better. As I said in my letter, I am not implying that all Freeport board members, teachers and JOC members are bad. Please do not feel I am trying to do that. Some of the people who recently graduated from Lenape don’t like to admit it, but I am pretty sure they are glad they had an opportunity to attend school there. Even though they didn’t like everything they did in their classes, there may become a time where they remember something they learned in science, English or math. If a student really doesn’t like Lenape, than I suggest they go back to the school they came from. Why should you go to a school that you don’t like?

I thank you for reading this special blog, and I hope it inspired you to stand up for what you believe in and what you want. I will be back to write again soon!

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/02/13/do-they-really-think-of-me-as-a-friend/

by Derek Warren on February 21, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Apollo Ridge, Elderton, Ford City, Freeport, Full Day or Half Day, Joint Operating Committee, Kittanning, Leechburg, Lenape Tech, Part 3, West Shamokin

Posted by Derek Warren on February 21, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/02/21/lenape-full-day-or-half-day-part-3/

Is It Joking Or Bullying?

As you have learned about in my past forty-four blog posts, I have been in many situations where people have not understood my behavior. Because of that, I was repeatedly teased and ridiculed in school simply because I was not like everybody else. That was especially the case during my years at the Freeport Area Senior High school. My memoir is going to talk about quite a few situations I experiences where people didn’t treat me like I was a human being and not a number or a face, which is why I am writing about why I think the program at Lenape Tech should not ever be changed. I was officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome when I was in the second grade, and I didn’t really gain a good understanding of the “disorder” until my sophomore and junior years of high school.

I have also talked about how I had the difficulty deciphering if a person is just and acquaintance or a friend. I tended to rush friendships and become too trusting and to have too many expectations from those people. As a result, they would either feel uncomfortable around me and avoid me or they would try to manipulate me. Ever since then, it has become extremely difficult to trust people. I have dealt with therapists in the past who have pushed me into being a more “public” person, but it didn’t help me at all. It made me even more nervous and overwhelmed during social situations, especially in school.

As I have mentioned in my earlier posts, there have been situations where people who really did seem to realize I was not comfortable at school. The majority of those people were the bullies. There have been instances where they have convinced me into thinking they were trying to be my friend, when they really were not. Again, I became too trusting of people, and those individuals that bullies will most likely try to manipulate. At both Lenape and Freeport, people have asked me the same ignorant question “why are you so quiet”? When they ask me things like this, I turn around and ignore them. I consider that part of who I am, and that is something I will not change about myself. I think it is completely wrong to change somebody for who they are, regardless of the circumstance.

Because it is so difficult to me to trust people, I also find it difficult to understand whether somebody is playfully joking around with me and trying to be my friend, or purposely trying to manipulate me and cause me to become the laughingstock of the crowd. I am going to give you some examples of these situations. One of them, it was difficult to decipher at first, and the other it was completely obvious they were not trying to be my friend. The first one took place during the beginning of my freshman year at Freeport. It was about the second or third week of school, and everybody in my class was mostly settled in and the pretty much liked the overall high school experience. I was the complete opposite, I dreaded every minute of it. At lunch I would try to find somebody to sit with, but they just didn’t show the interest in including me in their table conversations. This particular person I am going to talk about was in my seventh period biology class, and she seemed to realize that I was having problems fitting in with the crowd. She would talk to me in a very patronizing tone of voice “Derek, how is high school? Do you have lots of friends?” I just responded with a one word answer, “okay”. She then started repeatedly calling my name and asking me “why won’t you talk to me”? “I’m only trying to be your friend”. I then ignored her, because there have been times where she was rude to me in the junior high. It was a lab period day, and I was in the class for sixth and seventh period. When the change bell from sixth to seventh period rang, the teachers let us take a break and visit with our friends in the other biology class next door. Students are given three minutes to change classes, and they were expected to be in the classroom when the tardy bell rang. During those three minutes, the teacher stood outside in the hallway to monitor hall traffic. I decided to stay in my seat and finish the assignment we were working on, and when she walked back into the room she started talking to me again. She then started violating my personal space, which she knew I didn’t like, and touched me inappropriately. She got a few of the other students in the classroom to laugh at me, and after that I couldn’t take it anymore and yelled out “get the fuck out of here”. She then bluntly and sarcastically responded “Derek, that is a bad word. Why would you talk to me like that? I am only trying to be your friend. I’m gonna get somebody to jump you. You are such an asshole”. I then walked out of the room to get a drink of water, then went right back to my seat. When I walked back into the door, she walked over to the table I was sitting at, and she shoved all of my belongings off of my desk. After I picked up all of my things, the tardy bell rang and the teacher came back into the room. My mother reported it the next day, and the office decided to give her two weeks of in school suspension for her actions.

The motives of the girl in my biology class were difficult to understand at first because it seemed like she was trying to be nice. The other person I am going to talk about tried to perform a similar trick on me. He was the person I mentioned in my letter to the school board about Lenape. He would harass me in the locker room by inappropriately touching me and repeatedly saying “Derek, I love you. Give me a kiss”. I tried my best to not pay attention to him, but he would keep on doing it. Just like the girl in my Biology class, he would invade my personal space and touch me to try to get me angry. I decided to ignore it because it only happened once, but the next gym class he would do it again, and this time he would do it more often. I talked to my mother that evening and she emailed the school, this time they only gave him a thirty second “don’t do that again” speech. Into my sophomore year, this behavior kept on happening. My mother emailed the school twice before anything else was done, then they finally sent him to a different school because of another behavior he exhibited.

Even though they did remove that student from the school, they could have dealt with the situation in a more professional manner. This brings me to my final point, people often tell me that I need to “loosen up” and “be more open”. That is something that still is extremely difficult for me, even after I went through counseling with many different therapists. People often think that social anxiety and depression are things you can “snap out of”. That is a very ignorant statement to make. People have told me countless times that I need to “laugh at jokes more often”. I can’t laugh at certain jokes because I don’t understand if it implies the person is trying to be friendly or trying to manipulate me. It is hard for me to come out of my shell and open up to people like that.

To wrap things up, I do fear things like this will happen in college, wherever I decide to go. I am still not sure if I really want to experience the dorm life or not, because I could get stuck with roommates who are rude and judgmental about me, and who leave me out of their activities. However, I do know they are not my real friends if they treat me like that. Programs like Computing Workshop have been extremely beneficial to me because I have met at least one person whom I do consider my friend. Even though I don’t see him often during the school year, I am glad he does keep in touch with me now and then. After reading this post, I hope people will be more understanding of not only me, but anybody else who has been through similar experiences. I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I will be back to write again soon!

Related Blog “Do They Really Consider Me A Friend”?

by Derek Warren on March 9, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged dwarren57, Freeport Area Senior High School, Is it joking or bullying?, Lenape Tech

Posted by Derek Warren on March 9, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/03/09/is-it-joking-or-bullying/

How Do I Tell Someone I Have Asperger’s Syndrome?

It is a fact that Autism will never be fully understood. It is also a fact that Autism will never be cured because it is a neurological brain disorder, which is a genetic disorder that affects the functions of the brain. People often generalize the term “Autistic” and think all individuals with the disorder are hopeless. The media focuses on just about every thing negative that happens in society. Every day you hear about the most recent bank robbery or drive by shooting that occurred in your area, then you change the channel because you hear the same old stories every single day. As I have mentioned before, people don’t know the difference between Low functioning autism and high functioning Autism. You have read about my experiences in my earlier posts, junior high and high school can be a nightmare for teenagers on with the high functioning Autism disorders. The “disorder” has become much more well-known because people have published books and written blogs about their experiences. Once again, the more people write about their experiences with the “disorder”, the more people will understand it.

One of my favorite sayings is “It’s Better To Be Hated For Who You Are Than To Be Loved For Who You’re Not”. In Luke Jackson’s book titled “Freaks, Geeks and Asperger’s Syndrome”, there was a chapter titled “To Tell or Not To Tell”? It described how telling somebody you have Asperger’s Syndrome and/or Autism can be an extremely difficult task. When people use the term “Autistic”, they normally associate it with low functioning autism. Most kids with a low functioning form of Autism usually can’t function in society and can’t live on their own. Most of them also have a below average IQ, have little or no verbal communication skills, and have little or no awareness of the world around them. I know of one example of a low functioning Autistic person. We had a student during my previous summer sessions at the Computing Workshop summer program who had severe Autism and Down Syndrome. He had no verbal communication skills. To communicate with other people, he used a special computer called a dynavox. At the end of the summer, we had a program called “parents day”, which was a day that students could showcase all the projects they worked on during the summer. We gave a short demonstration of this student’s device. One of our staff members gave him a brownie as a reward, but before he could have the treat, he had to tell everybody what it was through the dynavox. He clicked on the picture of the brownie on the device, and it spoke the word “brownie”.

These special devices have helped kids and adults with brain disorders improve their communication skills by leaps and bounds. With special devices like the dynavox, many people with neurological disorders have become very successful individuals in society. Teachers often have the incorrect assumption that people with neurological disorders like low functioning Autism are not capable of doing anything in life. These devices have helped prove those people wrong. There are several YouTube videos that show children and adults using these special devices. Look on the bottom of the page to find a link to one of those videos.

On the other hand, most students with high functioning Autism demonstrate an above average IQ. Asperger’s Syndrome is usually considered a form of high functioning Autism. Diagnosing such disorders can be very difficult because every Aspergian has different abilities and weaknesses. One may be gifted at music, while the other may be gifted in mathematics or science. I don’t need to do much explaining about high functioning Autism, because you have read about them in my past blogs. Many Aspies have been through the experiences that I have been through. Every single person in the world has experienced feelings of not belonging and not being understood in some point in their life. When you are around somebody who doesn’t understand you, it can be extremely difficult to tell them why you do the things you do. In Luke Jackson’s book, it describes how telling somebody you have Asperger’s Syndrome is like “coming out of the closet”, which is the term used when a person tells you they are homosexual. Both Aspies and members of the homosexual community feel like they don’t belong and nobody understands them. I wanted to give you some steps and tips on how to tell somebody you have Asperger’s Syndrome.

1.) Find A Person You Trust:

When you are meeting a new person, it is best to keep your diagnosis a secret until you develop some trust in the person. As I have said before, friendships take time to develop. Spend some time getting to know the person, and make sure they show interest in being around you. Because people don’t know what Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism really are, they can be very judgmental and make incorrect assumptions about you. Be sure to look them in the eye! By personal experience, I know it is extremely awkward to look at somebody in the eye. Doing so will make you seem like you are not afraid to stand up for yourself when somebody tries to disrespect you.

2.) Think About How You Are Going To Tell Them:

Take a few minutes to give the person a general description of what the disorder is about. Tell them some of the typical symptoms of your diagnosis (lack of empathy, difficulty making and keeping friendships, difficulty understanding sarcasm and humor, etc). Also, be sure to tell them how the disorder affects you personally. My many blog entries I have written provide some examples of my personal stories. Sometimes it helps to practice what you are going to say to the person by saying it into the mirror or writing it down, it may seem awkward at first but it can help get rid of the anxiety when you are actually talking to the person. Also remember not to keep the conversation too long.

3.) Choose A Location To Meet:

Like I said, every Aspergian is different. Some are more private about their diagnosis than others. When you are in a crowded place like a restaurant or cafe, people are sitting pretty close together and you can usually hear what people are saying at the table next to you. When I am trying to talk to a friend about something personal, I may choose to sit at my picnic table in the back yard, or a park where there are not people nearby that can hear your conversation. I would not recommend talking about this at your own house or apartment, because there can be interruptions by your room mates, parents or family members. To me, it is also extremely awkward when I am at a friend’s house and there is nobody home. Again, I strongly recommend a public place that is large and not extremely crowded, and that does not have people nearby that can interrupt you or hear your conversation.

4.) Be Respectful and Honest:

Always remember to be honest and open about your feelings. Chances are, you will run into people that will try to disrespect you. I say the best thing to do is ignore them. If this person really wants to be your friend, than you should be as honest and open as you possibly can. You should also give your friend a chance to ask questions they may have about your diagnosis. If you still want to learn more about Autism, try to do some research online or at your local library. Also, try looking in your local bookstore for books about Autism. Many people with Asperger’s have written books about their experiences growing up with the “disorder”. Reading these books has helped me understand both myself and others.

I was officially diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome when I was in the second grade. Even though my psychologist tried to helped me understand what it was, I still didn’t understand. I did not know why noise bothered me so much, I didn’t know why teachers would lose their patience with me because I couldn’t concentrate on my work, I didn’t know tons of things about myself. In fact, I still have yet to learn many things about myself! When I look back and think about my past experiences in school, I realize that my teachers wanted to help me, but sometimes they didn’t really understand my behavior. My memoir is going to cover many of those experiences.

If you go back and look at my blog titled “Do They Really Think of Me As A Friend”, I mentioned the old Nickelodeon show “As Told By Ginger”. Another episode I really enjoyed was one titled “About Face”. Dodie Bishop’s mother got a job at Lucky Junior High as a Home Economics teacher. Joanne Bishop is Dodie’s mother, and she is a very unhappy person that was not fit to be around kids. Dodie had the tendency to be very self centered person, and she was worried that her mother would embarrass her in-front of her friends. Dodie looked at her mother’s junior high school yearbook, and she discovered that she was voted “Missed Popularity”. She was very worried about fitting in with the popular crowd, and she would occasionally do things that were not very respectful. Joanne tried to fit in with the popular girls when she started teaching at Lucky Junior High, and she acted very disrespectful towards Dodie. The popular girls did not enjoy having Dodie’s mother in their company. I have enclosed a link to the episode on YouTube, watch it to find out how Dodie resolves this situation.

To wrap things up, I understand how it feels when people don’t understand your behavior. I have been through times in my life where I have pretended to be somebody else. Remember, “It’s Better To Be Hated For Who You Are Than To Be Loved For Who You’re Not”. I have been disrespected by people countless times, and I was afraid to stand up for myself. I hope that after reading this blog, you have been given some pointers on helping people understand who you are. Remember, the people who disrespected you in high school will mean nothing to you after you graduate.

As Told By Ginger “About Face”

Part 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZAFtPvzGIQ

Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BDpAi6PSVA&feature=related

Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA84EqqAsqM&feature=related

9 Comments

by Derek Warren on April 18, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Honest, How To Tell Someone You Have Asperger's Syndrome, Life

Posted by Derek Warren on April 18, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/04/18/how-do-i-tell-someone-i-have-aspergers-syndrome/

Lenape: Full Day or Half Day? (Part 4)

I have two quotes that I want to share with you, the first one is from Tyler Durden. It asks “If you wake up in a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?” As you have most likely heard already read in my past three blog posts about Lenape, many students have talked about how they would most likely have dropped out of school if they have never received the opportunity to attend Lenape. The second quote I am going to share with you is from William Feather “Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go”. Pennsylvania has the largest high school drop out rate in the country. Many students have spoken during the past three meetings I attended, and I was amazed to find out that many of them felt the same way I did in their sending school environment. I was always treated like a number, and nobody seemed to realize that I existed. It also seemed that the only people who actually did know I existed wanted to belittle and harass me. Because of all these experiences, I had an extremely negative attitude about school and learning. I fell asleep in almost all of my classes and still received a 98%. That completely changed when I attended Lenape, I may not have “real friends”, but at least people are nicer to me compared to Freeport.

This months meeting took place on Thursday, March 25th 2010. Over 150 people crowded the Lenape Tech cafeteria that rainy night. The Director of the Pennsylvania Department of Education’s bureau of technical career and education recently toured all the academic and technical programs at Lenape. I was very glad that Hans Meeder, the director of the Consulting Group was very impressed with the programs at Lenape. He even said it was “one of the best academic and technical programs in the entire state” Freeport and Leechburg are sending students to the Northern Westmoreland Career and Technology Center for a half day, and I have heard rumors about people dropping out of that program and wanting to attend Lenape next year. In fact, I was informed the Barker Bus Company in Kittanning already purchased two full size buses because they presume we are going to have more Freeport and Leechburg students coming to Lenape. During last months Joint Operating Committee meeting, Leechburg decided they are no longer sending students to Northern Westmoreland after the 2009-2010 school year. The main reason the students are leaving Northern Westmoreland is because they didn’t like the program. I had a great conversation with one of my teachers the other day, and they said,

The reason Lenape’s full day program is better than most of the half day school’s in the area is because they have close communication with the teachers, administration and aides. It doesn’t matter if you are the administrative director, an academic teacher, technical instructor, or an instructional aide. We all work together and make sure our students are trying their hardest so they can become the most successful individuals they can be.

I didn’t want to attend the half day program at Northern Westmoreland because of the overall presentation of the school. As I talked about in my first blog about Lenape, the teachers and administration at Northern Westmoreland didn’t know we were supposed to be there when we toured the school. They were completely surprised to see us when we showed up. That alone was a major turn off. Freeport could have called the school to verified we were still coming to tour the school. The other major turn off was some of the technical instructors were not even in their classrooms. Communication between Freeport and Northern Westmoreland was very poor, and that is pretty typical in a half day program. Northern Westmoreland may work for one student, but it most certainly didn’t work for me.

There is another disadvantage that most people probably haven’t thought about. Many Lenape students have complained about the teachers from their sending schools. It is especially difficult when that person teaches a class you struggle in. Ever since I was in the third or fourth grade, I had a major difficulty with math. It seemed to me that this particular teacher just hated her job. Students would often take advantage of her and she would take her anger about it on everybody in the class. I had math eighth period, the last class period of the day. Because it was almost the end of the school day, the students were often noisy. They would even make noise when we were taking a test, and she didn’t do much to control the noise either. I noticed she would sit at her desk and fall asleep during class. There was one particular incident that made me extremely angry. We were doing a test on fractions, which was a math concept I really struggle with at the time. The teacher was standing outside the door, talking to another teacher and paying no attention to what the rest of the class was doing. The rest of the students in the class were walking around the room, throwing paper balls at each other, talking and causing a disruption to the rest of the class. Ten minutes went by, and she came back into the room. I walked up to her and asked if I could go take the test in a different room. She snapped at me and said “Alright fine! Leave! Go to a different room and you better have this whole test done before the end of the period or else you get a zero”. I went to the other room and I didn’t get the entire test finished. I told my learning support teacher about it, and she let me finish it during the support period the next day. Because of her attitude, I still dread math and struggle with it.

A teacher makes a major difference in a students attitude towards learning. My opinion about teachers is if they don’t like the job, than they should quit and find something else to do for a living. I know every teacher has a very different style of teaching, but the ones I like the most are the energetic, funny and enthusiastic ones who want to get the students “turned on” to the subject. There are two of those who I will always remember, one of them is from Freeport and another is a former Lenape instructor.

Many people express their creativity through the form of TV and video production. You-tube, the popular video blogging site would not still exist if it were not for this career field. Many people have became famous from popular video streaming sites like You-tube and Stickam. Ms. Lunz is the teacher in charge of that class. Freeport’s Television Production program has gone through many changes in technology used in the classroom. Recently, they purchased three new IMAC’s with the most recent version of the professional video editing software Final Cut Pro. There are four TV production classes offered at Freeport, students can take all four classes if they wish. In TV Production 1, Ms. Lunz is the producer. Students in the class are expected to work in together and film the news announcements for the next day. At the beginning of the year, students are taught how to do the basic function of a camera (white balance, rack focus, etc). Students are also taught how to use the equipment in the control room. They learn the basics of controlling the audio, graphics and recording equipment. The other three TV production classes are designed to teach students the many tasks you will have to perform if you go into the field of media communications. Students in TV production 2 produce their own music video. Before you film the music video, you are required to write a shot list. It is important because it gives you a “mental picture” of how the music video is going to be shot. You are then given your own camera to film the video. After filming, you then learn how to edit After all students are finished editing their video, a feature with all the student produced music videos is then aired on Bee TV, Freeport’s cable news station. Aside from the music videos, each class period works together in producing a news magazine show titled “The Buzz”. It covers issues and events in and around the school and community. Each class is asked to choose a topic and film their own feature on it. Last year, the students in my class filmed a feature on arriving and retiring teachers. In TV production three, you produce your own documentary and in TV production four, you also produce a documentary and film the senior class graduation video.

When I toured Lenape in tenth grade, I was very interested in the Opto Electronics Engineering Technology program. At the Computing Workshop summer program, I have some experience with electronics. I soldered the components on the circuit board for my laser light show mentioned on one of my other blogs, and it didn’t work the first time I soldered it. We then kept troubleshooting the equipment until it worked correctly. Very much like Ms. Lunz, the former instructor Mr. McCauley had an attitude that really made the students want to learn. He was a very funny and enthusiastic person who really loved teaching students. Like I said in one of my other blogs, he knew how to help the students and make sure they understood even the most difficult circuits. He was the person that made me want to pursue a career in electro optics. I explained to him that I was concerned about the math part of the program, and he gave me some words of encouragement. He explained how he had a terrible algebra teacher in high school, he couldn’t understand the concept and he ended up failing the course for the year. He had to repeat the course the next year, and this time he had the other algebra teacher. This teacher was the football coach, and he had a better attitude than the one from his previous year. He was very encouraging and he made sure he understood the concept. After I met him at the parent/student night in January, I wanted to shadow the class and see what a typical school day at Lenape was like. I was very impressed with how helpful the students in the class were. They were very much like family. I was nervous because it was a completely new experience. I didn’t know the people there, and I didn’t know what to expect come the beginning of this school year. As you read in one of my other posts about Lenape, Mr. McCauley retired the year before I came to Lenape. All of the students really do miss him, but his attitude convinced me to hang on and keep trying.

To wrap things up, I have been through many experiences with bad teachers. The one thing “certain members” of Lenape’s Joint Operating Committee needs to understand is that many of the students came to Lenape to make a new start. If they went back to their sending school, with the same negative teachers they had before, they could very well consider dropping out of school. That definitely would not benefit them in the least bit. I am grateful that students are fighting with board members from their sending schools and advocating the education they want. Mr. Markalinski’s “skater university” comment is nothing but wrong. If he took the time to listen to the students and understand how this school has positively affected many students, he would change his mind. The sad thing is, he doesn’t show the interest in doing that. I guarantee that students will not stop advocating until this issue is finally put to rest.

I thank you for reading, and I will be back to write again next week!

by Derek Warren on March 28, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Apollo Ridge, Electro Optics, Ford City, Freeport, Joint Operating Committee, Kittanning, Leechburg, Lenape Tech, Northern Westmoreland Career and Technology Center, TV Production, West Shamokin

Posted by Derek Warren on March 28, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/03/28/lenape-full-day-or-half-day-part-4/

Lenape: Full Day or Half Day (End of Junior Year)

During the 2009-2010 school year, the Armstrong School board has tried to figure out ways to resolve some very controversial issues. Many people think that the full day vs. half day issue has been completely resolved when it hasn’t. These same board members are still trying to do everything they can to turn Lenape Tech into a half day school. The anti-Lenape board members, especially the ones from Armstrong School District are doing so behind closed doors so they don’t get a public reaction. This is something I find truly amazing, because the only people that are for our school becoming half day are the tax payers and the anti Lenape board members from all the community school districts. Pretty much everybody else is for Lenape staying the way it is.

Before I started writing this blog, I thought about how Lenape could prove to those “certain board members” that it is certainly not a “skater university”. As I have said before, people have the common misconception that you will not be prepared for college when you go to a vocational technical school. People often don’t realize that a four-year university is not for everybody. I hope to go to IUP Northpointe for their electro optics program because it is a small intimate environment. Back in March we went on a field trip to Penn State University to see the nuclear reactor in their research facility. When we would walk through the campus I noticed how large and crowded it was. In fact, the Beaver Stadium can hold about 108,000 people. (That is what a teacher told me when we drove past it). The point I am trying to make is that Lenape has helped me think about what I want to do after high school.

I emailed Lenape’s administrative director and mentioned to her one way Lenape could help convince people that it indeed does prepare students for what they want to do. I talked about how the information about the technical programs on the schools website is very general. I am going to show you the email below.

I thought about this today on the way home from school after you talked to me today. I don’t know if you remember Chuck , he was one of the staff members from the Computing Workshop, which is a summer computer camp that I have attended for quite a few years now. He attended my IEP meeting at Freeport last spring. Mary Hart, the program director was supposed to attend that meeting but she could not make it. I sent them a copy of this email, along with Mrs. Kocher Taylor. Chuck made a comment at my meeting last spring about how vague the descriptions of Lenape’s technical programs are on the schools website. It only gives a general description of the skills covered in each shop, and the related careers students could obtain after they graduate from Lenape. I remember when you spoke to me at my IEP meeting last spring, you asked me what I wanted to do after I graduated from Lenape. I stated that I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to pursue a career in electro optics and maybe do something with lasers or fiber optics, but I had absolutely no idea where I could get the degree and/or certification to do so. I think that giving a more in-depth description of the technical programs would help students get more interested in their particular program and they could think about what they wanted to do after they graduated.

I feel the website for each program should also list information about colleges or universities students could consider going to, and information about local businesses that are looking for employment related to their technical shop. I am still not entirely sure what I want to do after I graduate from Lenape. I was impressed with IUP’s 2+2+2 Electro Optics summer camp. I contacted the coordinator and volunteered to help for the program again this summer. I was also informed they are going to tentatively have a level two electro optics summer camp during the first week of August. Mr. McCauley attended the program last year. He and all the other instructors at the program were very helpful in helping me think about what I wanted to do. She is working on the funding for the program, but I am hopeful that it will still take place.

I know that there are many other students who feel this way. Many of them still are not sure what they want to do after they graduate from Lenape, and I feel that it will help them think about possible career opportunities in the future.

Thank you for reading this email,

When 10th and 8th graders come to tour Lenape, they are only in each technical program for a maximum of about six or seven minutes. The instructor only has time to give a general description of what each program is about. There is not much time to ask questions during tours because they need to make time for the next group. You could email the instructor, but sometimes they can be slow to respond because of how busy their work day is. A member of Lenape’s administration actually did email me back and say they plan to have that information up by the fall of 2010.

It is amazing to me how ridiculous it is that Freeport thought I would fail if I went to Lenape. That is why they recommended Northern Westmoreland and their half day program. As you read on my last blog, people are planning to drop out of Northern Westmoreland and come to Lenape because they didn’t like the program there. In fact, Leechburg decided they are no longer sending their students to Northern Westmoreland after this year. I became unhappy at Freeport because they were only focused on making a standardized test score out of me, not preparing me for the real world. When I would ask my teachers why we needed to know this, they would say “you have to take it in order to graduate, and this is on the P.S.S.A test”. I would then respond by saying “So what? “After I graduate I can completely forget about it.” You will have to read the other four blogs I posted to find out some of the reasons why we need these skills. Do you recall me saying how I could have considered dropping out if I didn’t have the option to attend Lenape? I know that I made a good decision to attend Lenape, and what the anti Lenape faculty and staff members say really doesn’t bother me anymore.

To wrap things up, there will be many people that are going to try to discourage me from getting the education I want. The best thing I recommend you to do is just ignore them. I am happy that I did not give in and listen to what they wanted me to do. I am proud to be a Lenape Tech supporter!

by Derek Warren on May 11, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Apollo Ridge, Armstrong County, Elderton, Electro Optics, Ford City, Freeport, Full Day or Half Day, IUP Northpointe, Kittanning, Lenape Tech, Northern Westmoreland Career and Technology Center, Penn State, Pennsylvania, West Shamokin

Posted by Derek Warren on May 11, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/05/11/lenape-full-day-or-half-day-end-of-junior-year/

Re: Temple Grandin: “The World Needs All Kinds of Minds” (TED.com)

You have heard of my horrible experiences when I was a student at Freeport. My freshman and sophomore year were full of bullying and disrespect from people who didn’t understand that I was different from everybody else. I felt like they spoke an unknown foreign language. People didn’t understand me and I didn’t understand them. Asperger’s and Autism didn’t become a well-known disorder until the twenty-first century. When my parents were in high school they did not have learning support programs, social workers and social skills groups for these kids to learn they skills they needed for life. I must say that we have come a long way, but we still have a lot to work on. While Autism will never be fully understood, there are many things about society that need to change.

Temple Grandin recorded a fascinating lecture on Ted.com that described how her mind works. I must say it was one of the most fascinating online speeches I have ever listened to in my entire life. She stated that her mind works like Google Images. Words coming from another person instantly become movies in her head, equipped with sound. In her TED lecture, she described a scene in the movie. Her mother said the word “shoe” and images of shoes popped up in her head. During the 1950s, people had the common misconception that people with Autism would not amount to anything in life. Children with Autistic Spectrum Disorders were usually sent to mental institutions. They had no idea about the continuum of traits from Autism. Anytime they would hear the word “Autistic” they would think they are non verbal and psychologists would recommend they go to a mental institution.

When I was a student at Freeport, I absolutely hated math and science classes because it mainly involved reading books and taking notes. I looked around and noticed that students falling asleep and looking out the window. That obviously meant they were not the least bit interested in the material we were going over. During 10th grade I had physical science during eighth period, the last class of the day. This speech directly relates to another topic I have posted several blogs about.

To reiterate my Lenape blogs, I talked about how Freeport tried to make a standardized test score out of me and not the best person I could be after I graduated from high school. Every day I had a structured learning support period. The learning support class is pretty much a structured study hall. It pretty much consisted of completing homework you didn’t do at home, or reviewing for upcoming tests. Every day I would complain about how much I hated that particular test I was studying for and I would say the material was pointless. My teachers would then respond “Derek, you can complain all you want but this material will be on the P.S.S.A tests and you need to take the class to graduate”. I then decided to keep my mouth shut because arguing would result in a trip to the office. After that, I would think “so what, I will never use this crap after I graduate so why should I care about this class?”

This is directly related to another point Temple made during her speech. There are many teachers out there who are not certified to teach but have a degree in science fields like biology, chemistry, physics or music. Any person in this country can get the certification to become a teacher, but the question I would ask my self if I were hiring a new teacher would be “are they willing and able to show how this particular class can apply to the real world”? I admire the fact that it is part of the curriculum at Lenape. They prove to you that they don’t make you learn algebra, trigonometry or geometry just because it is a graduation requirement or it is on the P.S.S.A tests. In our Technical Communications (English) class, we are required to write an essay about a career related to our chosen technical field. It has to be five paragraphs long, and you are required to put citations from your research sources at the end of each paragraph. After the essay is thoroughly edited and completed, you are then required to give a ten minute speech about the career.

Freeport requires juniors to give a ten minute speech about a career you wanted to pursue in the future. You are randomly assigned a teacher to grade you on the speech, who most likely doesn’t know enough about their chosen career. I had to give a five-minute graduation speech during tenth grade about a chosen career field, and I chose an Electronics Engineer. My English teacher obviously knew nothing about the career, so she gave me a 100% for the effort, because I only knew general information about the career field. The graduation requirement for your senior year at Lenape is more hands on. You are required to present a twenty-minute demonstration of a hands on task related to your technical area. It has to be ten minutes long and you must use correct terminology when identifying any of the equipment you are using. I am in the electronics program, and I will have to do this project for my senior year. You will have to explain how each component specifically functions in the circuit.

There is one more thing I will have to keep in mind about my job skills project. It will be graded by somebody that is in the industry. Simply put, it will be graded by somebody who works in a profession related to my chosen technical area. I will have to make sure I not only know what I am talking about, but that I am dressed appropriately and practicing proper safety techniques. A twenty minute long presentation is a lot to prepare for, especially when it is a graduation requirement. The best thing to do is think of this presentation as a learning experience. In the future, you never know when you will have to demonstrate something.

Temple Grandin is the reason many people on the Autistic Spectrum have gone to college and obtained successful careers. Usually, the so called “obsession” these individuals have when they are kids could have their children obtain a successful career in something related to it. I completely agree that schools need to stop teaching abstract skills. I never functioned well in classes like that, especially abstract math. If you can prove to me why I need this in real life, I will do well in the class. Lenape changed my opinion about school, and I think there need to be more full day technical and academic schools with a similar curriculum as Lenape. Education as a whole needs to become less abstract and more specific and related to the real world. If that changes, I feel we will have less students falling asleep in class and looking out the window and not being interested.

Click Here To Watch Temple’s Lecture:

by Derek Warren on June 22, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on June 22, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/06/22/re-temple-grandin-the-world-needs-all-kinds-of-minds-ted-com/

What Does “Cool” Mean?

High school is the place for cliques and stereotypes. When you walk through the lunch table, you often notice that the same cliques always sit together. I felt like I didn’t belong with any of those so-called “cliques”. I felt as if I was a number during my junior and senior high days. I had trouble figuring out where I wanted to sit, so I decided to sit at a table in the back of the cafeteria by myself and would start crying because I was so lost. People really didn’t seem interested in getting to know me, so I didn’t really want to get to know them. Bullying was a major issue during freshman year and the beginning of sophomore year, but the boy who kept bullying me got kicked out of school during the second or third month of school during that year. The teachers and administration most likely became tired of all the complaints coming from my mother about his immature and disrespectful behavior. The positive side was I never had to see him again.

The “popular” kids are the ones who have lots of friends and who own the expensive cars and live in a big house. They are the ones who are always elected president of the student council, which is pretty much a popularity contest on its own. The same people run every single year and they end up winning because everybody thinks their “cool”. I wasn’t interested in running for student council at Freeport because I was an outcast. These same people were on the sports teams and had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I felt like people didn’t even know I existed on this planet, and the only ones who did know I exist enjoyed belittling me and making my life a living hell. I tried hiding my Asperger’s and reaching out to the “cool” crowd, but they would either just tolerate me, ignore me or tell me they would “rather not talk”. I have said many times before that a true friend should not just “tolerate” me, they should want to spend time with me and they must always be willing to make time to spend with me.

I do look back and realize that I am better off without people like “Mr. Cool President of Student Council”. As described in my blog entry titled “Four Important Qualities of a Best Friend” I had an unfortunate incident with this same kid. I inadvertently sent a text message to the wrong contact, and he was the person who received it. We chatted online quite often and I thought we would become good friends. He used to pick on me back in junior high, so I thought “maybe he changed and wants to be my friend”. When summer came around, he would start ignoring me when I would start instant messaging him. When I greeted him he would sign off and ignore me. I would then write on his My-space wall then he would Delete my posts. It became even worse when the whole cell phone incident happened. The next day, I text messaged him and his friends. I asked them what they were up to, and then “Mr. Cool” snapped and said “You woke me up at midnight! What the fu** is your problem”? I then asked him what he was talking about, then he told me about the text message. I looked at my sent messages and I saw I addressed it to him instead of the person I intended to send it to. I explained to him that I did not intend to send that message to him, but he then said “whatever, just don’t talk to me”. I asked why he was being so rude to me and he said “I don’t want to be friends with you. Don’t talk to me”. I then started making nasty comments to him, and said things like “You are only going to work at Burger King after you graduate from high school. You may be Mr. Cool now, but you will be a loser after you graduate”. He then responded to me “Yeah, my friends and I are Mr. Cool. You just fu** off and leave me alone”. I continued to send him disrespectful messages, but he just ignored me. I was upset that he became angry with me about something I didn’t mean to do. For the next few days, I continued to experience negative feelings about myself. I felt that everybody in the world didn’t know I existed, and the only people who did know I existed wanted to belittle me. I wasn’t considered “cool” (according to the Freeport Senior High School standards) and I hated that about myself.

I looked up a definition for the word “cool” on the popular website Urban Dictionary.com, and this particular one caught my eye:

“Socially appealing; used to describe any behavior, object, ability or quality contributing to one’s social prowess”.

I laughed at this one because it was perfectly true about the kid in this situation. During junior high, he enjoyed talking about me behind my back. He would mock some of the Autistic behaviors I exhibited. I tended to look around the room and stare at things like the wall or the ceiling, and he would start staring at me. When I would look over at him he would point and laugh at me. He seemed to realize I didn’t like it by my facial expressions and laugh at me in front of his friends. His friends would either acknowledge him with a fake smile or try to change the subject. I talked to my mother about it, and she said “Maybe he wants to be your friend”. I found out that was not the case after the cell phone incident a few years later.

You can probably tell that I don’t really need to pay attention to the stereotypes from high school. The social politics make it seem that if you don’t go to events like football games or the prom, you are a nobody. The Computing Workshop summer program I am working teaches kids that would most likely be considered “uncool” in a regular high school. Schools often think they will not be successful in the career field they want to pursue. This program came into existence because the staff members want to prove these school districts wrong. These school districts are not willing to try anything new. They just want to do things the way they are used to. They also try to discourage these students into obtaining a post secondary education because they feel they won’t succeed. They use these threatening tactics by saying things like “college is rough, you get a lot more homework”. They focus on the negative things about college and not the positives. Helping the “uncool” kids has really turned out to be a “cool” thing to do during the summer.

During the board meetings at Lenape, I was amazed at how well students expressed their concerns about the half day issue. Many of these students were also considered “uncool” in their original school of residence. The teachers really cared about them and they want them to be the most successful individuals they can be after high school. I think that is a very “cool” thing.

I am only willing to stick with the friends that accept me for who I am and who will not try to change me into a different person. I will only hang out with a person who will ignore the high school stereotypes and not try to make me into a “normal person”. I made the mistake into trusting “Mr. Cool President of Student Council”. Having at least one friend that really likes you is a very “cool” thing. Aaron likes me for who I am and he doesn’t try to magically make me into a “normal person”. If it were not for places like Computing Workshop and Lenape, I don’t even know if I could have finished high school. I would most likely be working at a fast food restaurant making minimum wage. I have learned that I should be thankful for the things I have and not focus on the things I don’t have. I didn’t have the pleasure of being “cool” at Freeport, and that doesn’t mean a single thing to me because I am not there anymore. I am cool to my real friends and my family, and that is the only thing that matters to me.

by Derek Warren on July 8, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, bullying, computing workshop, Ford City, Freeport, friendships, high school, Lenape Tech, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, popularity, stereotypes

Posted by Derek Warren on July 8, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/07/08/what-does-cool-mean/

“Why Don’t You Find Friends Your Own Age”?

One of the most popular Autism websites out there is one called Wrongplanet.net. The website is an online community for people on the Autism Spectrum. It was first founded in the year 2004 by George Mason University student Alex Plank. The title of this blog is identically named after a post from a user on the “Social Skills and Making Friends” forum. I feel this user’s pain, Adults have asked me this irritating question many times. You most likely can tell from my other fifty-three blog posts that I was not satisfied with the experiences with my peers from Freeport. My last post talked about the meaning of the word “cool” and how it is often misinterpreted with the word “popular”. According to Freeport standards, I wasn’t considered “cool”, nor was I the least bit interested in becoming “popular”. Most of my so-called “normal” peers from that school were mainly interested in things like dating the opposite sex, going to school dances or parties, or competitive team sports. I didn’t have the confidence to ask anyone out on a date, the interest to associate with my classmates at social events, enough hand eye coordination the hand eye coordination to play competitive team sports.

I did try to sit with a few people at lunch, but they would avoid being around me with the lame excuse “I saved this seat for somebody”. If I would try to interact with somebody at school, they would either ignore me, laugh at me or talk about me behind my back. Because of this, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with anybody in school, regardless of whether or not they were a freshman, sophomore, junior or senior. As a matter of fact, most of my real friends have previously graduated from high school or were high school students from another district. Growing up, I was often seen playing with kids that were not necessarily in my age group. I would often play with the kids in my neighborhood during my elementary school days, and they were kindergarten and preschool age. One might find it odd to see a fourth grader hanging out with kindergarten and preschool age kids.

My parents would always try to encourage me to ask for my classmates phone numbers, but I didn’t really have the nerve to do so. During my older elementary school years (4th, 5th, and 6th grade) my classmates started noticing I was different from everybody else and would start ridiculing me when teachers were not around. The kids in my neighborhood were the complete opposite, they didn’t realize I was different and they didn’t try to make fun of me. My parents were not too crazy about me spending time with them so often. This is when they would say “Derek, you need to find some friends that are in your age group. It is weird that you hang out with the little kids in the neighborhood”

During my freshman and sophomore year at Freeport, both my teachers and my classmates enjoyed using threatening and scaring tactics when they would tell me about college. They would cook up stories like: “College is hell, you have to do so much work. My cousin (name) dropped out because he couldn’t handle the work load”. Many people at Freeport and Lenape (myself included) have complained about teachers nagging them because their work is not done. I have heard from many people that one of the crucial differences between a high school teacher and a college professor is they will not nag you about getting your work done. You are always expected to do it, and you could wind up in academic probation or get kicked out. While that statement may be true, there will still be people who will become intimidated by that and decide not to pursue any post secondary education.

When I started hanging out with my good friend Aaron from the Computing Workshop, he didn’t know that much about me. I was comfortable about opening up to him because it was a safe environment for me to make a social relationship with somebody. In high school, it seemed like they knew absolutely everything about you. When they see you hang out with your “clique”, they immediately give you labels. People threw labels like “retard”, “sociopath”, “psychopath”, “loser” and “freak”. At Freeport, I decided it would be better off not to hang out with anybody because I didn’t want a label thrown at me. I became so sick of the labeling and gossip I didn’t really care about anybody or anything that went on in school. There are still people who give labels at Lenape, but I eventually learned to ignore them because that is not what I went there for. I went there because I wanted to learn the basic skills I will need for a career in Electro Optics.

If Aaron was a student at Freeport, I most likely would not have the confidence to open up to him. I was afraid to open up to anybody my age because I had the fear they would make fun of me and make my life miserable. While I have overcome many obstacles in life (related to connecting with people), I am still very nervous about what the future will hold for me. I am happy that the staff members at Computing Workshop and the teachers at Lenape Tech have been very encouraging about my future, I still don’t know what it will hold. That is one of the reasons I think senior year will be stressful. You never know what college is really going to be like.

To wrap things up, I have been around many confusing and upsetting situations with people my age. I think it is easier to communicate with people older than me because of that. There is a slight possibility that my attitude about this will change when I grow older, but this is how I feel about people my age right now. That won’t happen until I finally meet that one person who will accept me for who I am and not misjudge me or try to change me. I just have to keep trying to find somebody who will be willing to do that. I hope Aaron and I will stay friends for a long time. If it were not for him, I don’t think I would have even made it this far in life. It doesn’t matter what age your friends are, it matters if they really like you.

I hope you enjoyed reading this, and I will be back soon!

by Derek Warren on July 17, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Advice, Armstrong County, Aspergers Syndrome, computing workshop, Ford City, friendships, high school, Lenape Tech, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Squirrel Hill, Why Don't You Find Friends Your Own Age?

Posted by Derek Warren on July 17, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/07/17/why-dont-you-find-friends-your-own-age/

“No More Talking About Fans!”

Obsessions are one of the most noticeable traits in a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. It is the most difficult thing for a parent to deal with, mainly because the child doesn’t know how to initiate a normal conversation that is not about that particular topic. Teachers can easily become frustrated because obsessive compulsive topics and behaviors can possibly prevent the child from learning at school. Before I discuss this topic, I want to emphasize that it is not very likely that these obsessions will be completely eliminated from your child’s daily ritual. However, it is possible to help your child or teenager understand how and why these obsessions can affect their ability to interact with other people and function at school or work. It is something that takes tons of practice and cooperation.

As I grew from a child to a young adult, my obsessions changed. I obsessed about something for about five years, then I outgrew it and became obsessed with something else. Many of the therapists and teachers I have worked were like the people I emphasized in the first paragraph. They seemed to think I would “magically outgrow” my obsessions by screaming at me and forcing me to act “normal”. In one of my previous blogs I touched on obsessions a bit. When I was around three or four years old, I became obsessed with fans, the mechanical devices with blades that spin and keep you cool in the summer. Anytime I would see a fan, I would stare at it and immediately become mesmerized by the blades spinning around. My parents were totally puzzled. They kept asking themselves “Why is our son so fascinated by a simple old fan? There are millions of other things out there to talk about”. My parents tried to convince me into changing the subject, but it only worked for a few minutes. I would pretend to listen to my mother, then I would go right back to talking about fans again.

My mother told me that the main reason I was obsessed with fans was simply because they spin. In my memoir that I hope to someday have published described an unusual talent I possessed when I around five or six months old. I would crawl into a cabinet that was closer to the ground, and I would take out the lids for the pots and pans used on the stove. I would pick my favorite ones and lay them with the handle touching the floor and spin them around. I was in my own little world, and I had no idea what was going on around me. My mother said this was the first Autistic characteristic I exhibited. When I look back and think about this obsession, I try to think about possible reasons why I was so obsessed with something as simple as a fan. The subtle movement of a fan spinning is very mesmerizing. Just staring at a fan for a few seconds could cause some people to go into instantly go into a trance like state. Also, there are many Autistic kids who enjoy something called “white noise”. The sound of a ceiling fan blowing is usually noticeable when it is on it’s high or medium setting. It is a very calming noise. I purchased a ceiling fan for my bedroom a few years ago, and the sound of it blowing over my bed is very relaxing. During the warm months, I have noticed it helps me get to sleep faster.

I didn’t really notice my obsessions affected the way I interacted with people until I was in the fourth grade. After they remodeled and expanded my school, there was one thing I became obsessed with fire drills. This was not like my fascination with fans when I was younger, it was something I was afraid of because of the loud noise. Along with updating the entire school, they updated the buildings fire alarm system. I was in third grade the very first time I heard that horrible, shrill noise. The class was lining up to go to lunch, and the fire alarm went off by a mistake. It sounded like a cricket screaming through a megaphone, and it was also equipped with flashing strobe lights. I covered my ears, and we walked out of the building like we were supposed to. When we were instructed to walk back into the building, I made the commented to the person standing in front of me “that fire alarm sounded like a cricket screaming through a megaphone”. My teacher heard me and said “that’s an interesting observation, Derek”. During lunch, I kept bringing up the alarm and nervously making jokes about it. I would obsessively bring the topic of the fire alarm into conversations, it lasted until I was in sixth grade, my last year in elementary school. One day I brought it up to my friend Jason, and a boy named Connor said “You are obsessed with fire drills. Why is that?” I ignored him, and sat there quietly.

My classmates didn’t understand how that noise really hurt my ears when I heard it. Fire drills always happened when we least expected them to, and it really startled me. I didn’t really understand how to verbalize the sound bothered me. My mother talked to my teachers and the principal about it, and they put in my IEP “teachers must inform me about scheduled fire drills in advance.” That seemed to help, because I noticed I didn’t bring them up as often as I used to.

When I made the transition from elementary to junior high, I outgrew my obsession with fire drills because the alarm at the junior high wasn’t as loud and shrill. Seventh and eighth grade was the time I really started having problems fitting in. There was a boy named Eric, who was in my grade. He also went to the same gym I received personal training at, and we would occasionally strike up a general conversation with each other. I told my mother about him one day, and she told me I should ask for his IM screen-name and see if he wanted to chat. I really wanted to get to know him until one day I noticed something peculiar about him. I noticed he would say mean things about me behind my back, then look over at me and see if I could hear what he was saying. He made comments like “Derek is such a f***tard. I shared it with my mother when I came home that day. She told me he could still be interested in becoming friends with me. Sometimes people gossip about you because they want to become friends with you. I thought about that, but decided to keep my distance. This behavior continued into high school, until I finally realized he did not have friendship in mind.

High school was the time I started obsessing about people who made my life miserable. Every day I would talk to my mother about how I hated that I didn’t have any buddies in school, or how people would always make fun of me. I am not going into detail about bullying situations in this blog entry, but I am going to talk about how it affected my interaction with people. I described in my blogs about Lenape where people would pretend to be friends with me, then turn around and say or do something disrespectful. I experienced that so much I would have this generalization that every single person was trying to be mean to me. Anytime my mother would ask if I tried to socialize with somebody at lunch, I would say “Why do you care? Eric didn’t want to interact with me, why would anybody else want to?” I would go on and on about the things he said about me and how much I hated him and his friends. My mother would then say “Why do you keep bringing him up? He is not worth it. You need to move on”.

When I look back, I am glad my peers brought up the fact they were annoyed with me talking about fire drills. The unwritten social rule from Temple Grandin’s book is “Know When You Are Turning People Off”. Situations like that helped me realize that one-sided conversations and negativity can really draw people away from me. I never really understood this from role playing or talking about feelings with a therapist. I am glad I had the opportunity to put my social skills to the test when I would spend time with Aaron. Making one friend was the perfect remedy to help me forget about the negative experiences with Eric from school.

In conclusion, I hope you realize that just telling your child to stop talking about their obsession will not work. You have to take time and help them understand why it can affect their ability to interact with people.

16 Comments

by Derek Warren on August 1, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, computing workshop, Freeport, high school, Lenape Tech, Life, No More Talking About Fans, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh

Posted by Derek Warren on August 1, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/08/01/no-more-talking-about-fans/

“Why Are You So Quiet?”

Take a look at the title for this blog. You have most likely been asked that question if you are on the Autistic Spectrum, or are a quiet person when you are amongst a lot of people. I have been asked that question many times, and I must say it still does annoy me quite a bit. For anybody on the Autistic Spectrum, initiating conversations with people and making friendships is especially difficult in the school environment. I have described many of my experiences during seventh through tenth grade at Freeport, and many of them had to deal with people not wanting to associate with me just because I was “not like everybody else”. I would try to start conversations with people, but they would ignore me or pretend to listen to me.

A few of my teachers suggested that I tell my classmates about Asperger’s, but I immediately said no. My main reason I said no was because people can be very judgmental if they find out you have an Autistic Spectrum Diagnosis. People believe the negative stereotypes that come from the media. When most people think of Autism, they think of the child with severe Autism who sits in a wheelchair and can’t talk. There are also many people out there who have heard of Autism, but not Asperger’s Syndrome. They do not understand that every single Aspergian is different. They all have different weaknesses, strengths, interests and personalities.

I did a blog a few weeks ago called “Why Don’t You Find Friends Your Own Age”? It talked about why it was and still is difficult to interact with people my age. This post is somewhat related to it. The reason why I had trouble interacting with people in my grade was because they just didn’t understand me. I didn’t feel it was worth telling my classmates about it face to face, because I don’t think they would really care. Most of the students at Freeport were very close minded, and they only focused on their friends and their own lives. During my freshman year of high school, I came to realize that people really were not that interested in getting to know me. On the first few days, I walked over to four or five groups of people, and they all either rolled their eyes at me, or told me it was “reserved for somebody else”. I thought about telling my teachers about it, but I thought I eventually decided it wouldn’t help because they most likely disrespect me even more. Close minded people most likely won’t change. I eventually decided to sit at an empty table by myself.

In my past blog posts I have also described situations where people have tricked me into thinking they were just merely trying to be friendly, then they would turn around and say or do something mean to me. I felt as if all people were out to get me. I wanted nothing to do with people in my school as a result. There were also some people who tried to start a conversation with me, but I would just sit there and ignore them. In my mind I said “I’m afraid they are going to be mean, so I should just not talk to them at all”. After all, I didn’t have any “real friends”, so why should I bother talking to people in the first place? When I would ignore people who tried to talk to me, they would patronize me and say things like “You are supposed to say good when people say hi to you”. There were also people who would talk to me in the same tone of voice that a kindergarten teacher would speak to their students. There was a girl in my grade who sat behind me on the bus and she asked me “Derek, how do you like the high school? Do you have lots of friends to talk to?” I rolled my eyes and ignored her after she asked me that irritating question. When I would walk by, she would whisper about me and laugh at me behind my back. I could obviously tell she wasn’t really interested in getting to know me. She enjoyed shoving the fact that I didn’t have friends down my throat.

With that in mind, take a minute and look back at my post titled “What Does Cool Mean”? It talked about how the word “cool” was often mistaken for “popular”. As my freshman year went on, I tried to fit in with the “cool” crowd and they obviously did not really enjoy my presence. I completely regret trying to “fit in” with that group of people, because I came to realize they were not my kind of people. When I started interacting with some of those people online, they seemed to enjoy talking to me at first. But after a while, they would start ignoring my messages and signing off of AIM when I would try to start a conversation with them. Ever since then, I only interact with people on chat rooms who I know in person and consider close friends or family. My reason for this is because you don’t know what they are really thinking. The person you are Instant Messaging could say “that’s cool” when they could really be thinking “I don’t give a sh**, why are you talking to me? I’ve got more important people to talk to”. I have noticed that people who give you one or two word responses usually are not that interested in talking to you. When I talk to my friends or family online, I try to give them a reply that is at least two or three sentences long. It helps your conversation sound more interesting.

Instant messaging was and still is easier for me because recognizing facial expressions and looking people in the eye was extremely difficult for me. Very much like John Elder Robison, people didn’t like it when I would not look them in the eye. They would tell me to look at them, then I would forget about it and look away. They would then become angry with me, which made me even more afraid of looking them in the eye. People would also yell at me for exhibiting inappropriate facial expressions for the mood of the current situation. I would expect to hear teachers say things like “Stop staring at me like a deer staring at headlights”, or “Why are you smiling?! That is not funny! Shame on you for laughing!” People sometimes use emoticons to express their emotion, and that helps me recognize how they are feeling.

To wrap up, there are many things you should never ask somebody like me, and the question I put in the title is one of them. My best advice I can give about this is ignore them if they ask you that irritating question. It may seem rude, but they will eventually give up on trying to talk to you. There really is no better way to explain this than say “It’s just the way I am”. I only associate with people who I know will support me and won’t be judgmental about my diagnosis. Those people are my close family members and close friends.

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by Derek Warren on August 15, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Advantages, AIM, Armstrong County, Dangers, Disadvantages, Face to Face, Facebook, Ford City, Freeport, high school, Lenape Technical School, Myspace, Online Interaction, Pennsylvania, Skype, Social Interaction, Why Are You So Quiet?

Posted by Derek Warren on August 15, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/08/15/why-are-you-so-quiet/

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“Why Don’t You Find Friends Your Own Age?”

by Derek Warren on August 13, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Facebook Fan Page, Join

Posted by Derek Warren on August 13, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/08/13/facebook-fan-page/

Good Friend vs. True Friend

By: Derek Warren (My version of the poem by Neil Diamond)

A good friend will mail you a get well card when you are sick or injured.

A true friend will visit you and hand it to you in person.

A good friend will have sympathy for you when they see a bully harassing you in any way.

A true friend will confront the bully, and will make sure it never happens again.

A good friend will answer your phone calls at their convenience.

A true friend will talk to you anytime you need them.

A good friend will believe rumors people spread about you or himself.

A true friend will respond to gossip by saying something like “We’re rubber and you’re glue”.

A good friend will want gifts from you at his birthday party.

A true friend will think of your presence as a gift.

A good friend will come to your wedding ceremony.

A true friend will be your groomsman or bridesmaid.

A good friend will expect you to change for them.

A true friend will always like you for who you are.

A good friend makes jokes about topics you find sensitive.

A true friend knows just what makes you angry, and will never “go there”

A good friend will be with you until graduation.

A true friend will be with you until the end.

I wanted to write my version of this poem because even though I have written about my experiences with “friends” in the past, I still do have problems deciphering who my friends are. The experiences I have written about, and have told other people have made me realize that “good friends” are people who come and go, but “true friends” are people who will always stick with you. I know people will make comments and ask questions like this:

“Why Are You So Quiet?”

“No More Talking About Fans”.

I have also come to realize that “true friends” are rare. They only come once or maybe twice in a lifetime, but that doesn’t mean one should be discouraged when they have a bad experience with a so called “good friend”. I have learned that there are jerks everywhere you go. It is best just to ignore them and go on with life, which I know it can be very hard for somebody with Asperger’s Syndrome. I speak from the heart when I say that. However, it is something you have to do. You will be a very unhappy person if you let rude people get to you all the time. I still do struggle with this. It’s not fun to be unhappy, because many of them end up becoming criminals.

I hope this inspired you to be more open minded and understanding of some of people in your life who are not who you consider “true friends”. It does feel like the world is small, but it’s really bigger than you think! I will have more posts coming soon.

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by Derek Warren on September 1, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, friendships, good friend vs. true friend, My version, Neil Diamond, poem

Posted by Derek Warren on September 1, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/09/01/good-friend-vs-true-friend/

Temple Grandin (2009 HBO Biopic)

Most of us on the Autistic Spectrum know who Temple Grandin is. She was the very first person to change the face of Autism and the livestock industry. Actress Claire Danes portrayed Ms. Grandin in a film about her life, simply titled “Temple Grandin”. I wanted to write about this movie because it is very important to me. I say that because she was raised in the 1960s, and very little was known about Autism. I am not going into great detail about it, but I want to tell you about a few of the characters and some scenes I liked in the film. The film portrays what life was like for people on the spectrum during that time period. When it comes to helping other kids with my diagnosis, I must say we have come a very long way. However, we still have a very long way to go. I want to emphasize that I do not believe in a “cure”, but I do believe that we still need to do a lot more in the way of researching and finding ways to help kids on the spectrum. (Especially those who have experienced similar struggles to the ones I have been through).

One thing I really enjoyed about this film was the opening scene. She stood in the Ames room, introduced herself and explain that you need to think differently when watching this film. I thought that was a perfect way to open the movie, because it helps the viewer realize you need to try to see the world as Temple sees it. She “thinks in pictures”, which means she is a very visual thinker. When she was younger, she didn’t understand that her style of thinking was quite different from everybody else. She worked in the cattle processing industry, and she would often ask very complex questions about the systems they used. People would often become frustrated because they couldn’t answer those questions. They were very detailed questions, and a neurotypical person often doesn’t think about the detail. When she designed systems for the cattle industry, she noticed many things that can cause the cattle to balk or become frightened. People would leave articles of clothing and equipment hanging on the equipment and on the floor. In her TED.com speech, she talked about how she noticed how the waving of a flag would cause the cattle to become frightened or stubborn.

There were also people who didn’t embrace her mind and they didn’t believe her systems would work. She also had to learn how to put up with harassment from some of the more ignorant people in the industry. When she was researching how cattle acted, she would often go into the chutes to see the things cattle were seeing. People obviously didn’t think that was “normal”. It was frustrating for her because many of the people in the slaughter-house were very uneducated and hostile. In one scene, they dumped bull testicles on the windshield of Temple’s car. I also noticed how they workers would stare at her and laugh when she became angry. The film portrays some of the prejudices she had to endure not only because she was Autistic, but also due to the fact that she was a woman. After I had the opportunity to watch the entire film, I watched the movie again and listened to the audio commentary. The writer, executive producer and Temple herself discussed all the scenes throughout the movie. She mentioned that people eventually started to respect her when they actually realized her systems not only worked, but they were more humane and efficient.

During the 1960s and 1970s, people with Autism were usually institutionalized. It was not an enjoyable experience to be put in an institution, Understanding of Autism took a turn for the worst in the 1960s, thanks to Bruno Bettelheim. His theory stated that lack of bonding between the mother and the child caused Autism. Luckily, modern technology and research has shown that he was indeed a fraud. Autistic people were mainly thought of as infant schizophrenic until the late 1960s. Temple’s was very fortunate to have such a dedicated and loving mother, Eustacia Cutler, because she obviously wouldn’t be the person she is today if it were not for her. She was one of those mothers that refused to institutionalize her. She knew she could become somebody in the future. I hope to buy the book “Thorn in My Pocket”, which was beautifully written by her Cutler. It explained her fight to make her the person she is today.

Aside from her mother, Temple was also fortunate to have her high school science teacher, Dr. Carlock as a mentor. I firmly believe that everybody (Autistic or not) deserves at least one person who will set a good example and will always respect you. I consider Aaron from Computing Workshop as a friend and a mentor. I started spending time with him three or four years ago, and he was still in high school at the time. It felt great to know that somebody was actually excited to see me, because nobody at Freeport really was. David Strathairn portrayed Dr. Carlock, and he was probably my favorite character in the movie. He used to work at NASA, and Temple got along with him really well because she was interested in science. I liked him because he was one of those dedicated science teachers who would always show their students interesting things. He was also one of the few teachers who actually recognized Temple’s visual skills and actually tried to understand her Autism. Dr. Carlock really convinced Temple that it is important to study and do well in school. He also encouraged Temple into going to college. In life after high school, Temple sought him for advice quite often, until his death.

As I said in the very beginning of this blog, understanding of Autism has really come a long way since the 1960s and 1970s. However, we still have a very long way to go. Public high schools are not set up right for kids on the spectrum, you know that from the experiences I have written about in the past. Public schools are not doing enough to educate faculty, staff and students about this disorder. I am trying the best I can to help people become aware about Asperger’s and Autism by writing my blogs. I am proud to say that 5,537 people have clicked on and read my writing so far. Every time people read my blogs, they become more aware of this disorder. Even thought we will not fully understand Autism, we most certainly can raise awareness and research ways to help kids on the spectrum. I do see this happening in the near future!

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10 Comments

by Derek Warren on September 26, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Autism, Bruno Bettelheim, Claire Danes, computing workshop, dwarren57, Eustacia Cutler, Freeport Area School District, HBO film, Lenape Tech, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Temple Grandin

Posted by Derek Warren on September 26, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/09/26/temple-grandin-2009-hbo-biopic/

“How Were Your Interests Shaped From Your Upbringing?”

Most of you know that I am in my senior year of high school. I am applying for the Indiana University of Pennsylvania (IUP) for an Associate Degree in Electro Optics. My application is almost finished, and I plan to have it mailed very soon. One of the things in the application process was writing the essay I am sharing in this blog entry. This essay was completely optional for all Undergraduate majors, and they gave no specific information about the content, format and length requirements. My parents, teachers and friends all encouraged me to write this essay because it most likely would increase my chance of being accepted. I searched for some prompts online and I chose to write about this one. I thought it fit my experiences with Asperger’s Syndrome really well.

Here was the prompt question.

“What are the reasons for your interests? Analyze your childhood. How were your interests shaped from your upbringing?”

“There are many students from typical public high schools who have no idea what they want to do after they graduate. I am attending the Lenape Technical School for Electronics Technology, and it has really helped me learn some of the basic skills I will need in order to obtain a career in Electro Optics. Throughout my junior and senior years at Lenape, I have come to realize that my interests as a child really led me to pursue a career in this growing field.

My interests as a young child were not thought of as “normal”, according to adults and my peers. I started out my young childhood with a big interest in things that spin, in particular fans. Anytime I would see a fan that was on, I would become mesmerized by it and watch it spin. My parents could not figure out why that was the case. They were thinking, “It’s just a simple old fan, there are other things in the world to talk about besides that. Why can’t I expose him to other things?” I not only enjoyed watching the blades spin, but, I also enjoyed the feel of the air and the subtle noise of it blowing in the room.

My favorite holiday has always been and always will be Christmas because of all the lights and the decorations. Two of my favorite pastimes during this busy season are decorating the Christmas tree and driving past other people’s decorated houses. I always enjoyed helping my mom put the lights on the Christmas tree. We would cover our ten-foot wide Christmas tree with multi colored lights and ornaments, and sometimes we would string popcorn. While we were putting the lights up on the tree, it was my job to search for any bulbs that didn’t work. Mom would send me over to the bag full of spare bulbs and I would hand it to her. Any mention of Christmas brings these moments as I picture this time with my family.

My father has been an engineer at Alcoa for thirty years. As a result, he will take any household appliance apart and try to figure out what is wrong with it. When I was in about the fourth grade, my father took me to Lowes and I asked him if I could buy a ceiling fan for my bedroom. He discussed it with my mother, and they decided to let me buy one with my own money. The fan I bought was a Harbor Breeze model with a light and a remote control. My father and I had no trouble putting the fan together and the light worked, but we had trouble getting the remote to turn the fan on. It was time to troubleshoot, which can be a very tedious and frustrating step in working with anything electrical or mechanical. It finally did work after about four hours of troubleshooting. I was not only happy I had a ceiling fan in my room, but I was also glad I had the opportunity to watch my dad install it.

My first experience where I actually worked with electronics was at the Computing Workshop summer program. I had the opportunity to build my own laser light show kit. The kit was a circuit board with two rotating motors with mirrors on the end. The kit came with components that required soldering. It had two knobs that controlled the speed of each motor, and two switches that controlled the direction each motor turned. The laser pattern would change every time I would adjust the switches and knobs. My relatives were amazed by the patterns and shapes the laser would make.

Many of the things I was interested in as a child determined why I feel I should obtain a career in electro optics. That is a statement people often don’t understand when they say my interests are not “normal”. Organizations like Computing Workshop and the Lenape Technical School deserve the credit for helping me learn about the skills I will need for this growing field. These organizations helped me “see the light” in electro optics. I am proud of the educators that have made me what I am today”.

I hope everybody enjoyed reading this, and that it made you think how their interests as a child could eventually shape them to pursue a successful career in a field related to their interests. That is something people don’t think about very often. I am planning to write a blog about the Temple Grandin movie, and she is the first person I think about when I write this essay. She empathized with animals growing up, and she went to college for Animal Husbandry (Animal Science). She went through teasing and harassment from people her entire life, but she didn’t let it discourage her. I know I will not let the harassment discourage me either, because it’s not about them, it’s about me.

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by Derek Warren on September 17, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, College Application, dwarren57, Electro Optics, How Were Your Interests Shaped From Your Upbringing, Indiana Univeristy of Pennsylvania, Lenape Technical School, Life

Posted by Derek Warren on September 17, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/09/17/how-were-your-interests-shaped-from-your-upbringing/

“Why Are You So Negative?”

I am going to talk about another one of those irritating questions people often ask me. The question is along the lines of “Why Are You So Negative”? I was asked this question throughout my years in school, and I couldn’t really come up with any other answer than just “I don’t know”. I would mainly hear this from neurotypicals (people with “normal” minds). Each one had their own unique way of asking the question. Ms. Stuckley, one of my teachers in junior high would ask “Whats wrong Derek, you seem depressed”. One of the slackers in my TV production class at the Freeport Area Senior High School would say “Why are you so unhappy all the time? You’re just like a serial killer”. I would simply avoid even speaking to the ones who asked me that question because they just don’t understand. It really wouldn’t be worth telling them I was Autistic, because most of them don’t know what it is and they wouldn’t care if I told them.

Negativity is a common characteristic teenagers with Asperger’s Syndrome often show. There are many reasons why this is true, the most common one is because they don’t “fit in with the crowd” at school. While most of the students at school talk about going to the football game on Friday night, a student diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome will most likely spend the evening playing computer or video games, or research information about their favorite topic on the internet. When you live in a place like Freeport, football is probably the most popular high school sport. It is often said that “everybody who’s anybody” comes to see the football game. The problem with that statement was, I was the complete opposite of “anybody”. Freeport is a very cliquish school, and I didn’t fit in with any “group”. As described in my entry “Why Are You So Quiet”, I would try to interact with people, but they would either ignore me, tell me to leave or spread rumors about me. I became so frustrated with the fact the people didn’t want to get to know me, I just walked over to an empty table and sat by myself. The cafeteria was always extremely loud, and I just couldn’t wait for the bell to ring so I could get out of the cafeteria.

Aside from social issues in high school, there is also quite a bit of negativity coming from the media about Asperger’s Syndrome and other Autistic Spectrum Disorders. The morning news is always full of negative stories to talk about. Some of those include murders, car accidents, house fires and political rallies. Autism is often discussed on news stations as well. They only read information from clinical reports and believe that people with an Autistic Spectrum Diagnosis (ASD) are completely hopeless. Clinical reports don’t show the benefits of having an ASD. My mother would always become extremely depressed when she would read clinical reports and see news stories about it. Social skills groups and therapists often enjoyed overstimulating me, which made me even more unhappy with myself. The staff members from Wesley Wonder Kids would say “you are not doing enough” or “you need to try harder”. I was trying as hard as I could, and on top of that I was trying to figure out who I was as a person. This was one of the reasons I was very happy at the Computing Workshop. They let me learn things at my own pace and they were patient with me.

One should be very thankful for people like Temple Grandin and John Elder Robison because they helped people realize there is hope and I am capable of getting through this. In my most recent post before this one I talked about the Temple Grandin film starring Claire Danes. I emphasized how important it is for a person (Autistic or not) to have somebody they have things in common with, can look up to, who likes them for who they are and whom they want to be like when they grow up. I talked about my friend Aaron and how he eventually changed my attitude because he was the first person who was actually excited to see me. We all need that one person in our lives who we enjoy being around. If you were to invite them to your birthday party, you consider their “presence as a gift”. After meeting Aaron, I realized that quality of friends is better than quantity.

There are many kids with Asperger’s Syndrome who have it worse than I did in the past. Some of them have parents who are not willing to provide for their children, others have worse experiences in school, and some have an even more severe diagnosis. Some of those people have commented on my blog and thanked me for sharing my experiences. Many of them are from out of Pennsylvania and some of them are even from out of the United States. Reading John Elder Robison’s “Look Me In The Eye” has made me realize that everybody experiences feelings of not belonging. Some of those experiences even occur after high school. However, I still do experience difficulties in school. I am a senior in high school, and I am extremely nervous about college. The closer I get to graduation, the more nervous and excited I get. Getting used to the fact that I am graduating this year, along with getting my work finished is an extremely stressful combination of tasks.

The thing about negativity that kids with Asperger’s Syndrome should remember is that negative thoughts can eventually lead to negative consequences. When you say negative things about yourself, people will notice it and it will draw them away from you. That could eventually make you even more unhappy. Positivity is the best approach when you encounter frustrating situations with people, and it can be very difficult. With this advice, you will hopefully find friends who will accept you or who you are.

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by Derek Warren on October 6, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, college, dwarren57, Ford City, Freeport, high school, Lenape Tech, Life, Pennsylvania, Why Are You So Negative?

Posted by Derek Warren on October 6, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/10/06/why-are-you-so-negative/

“You’re Not Even Trying”

Throughout the many experiences I have been through in my life with Asperger’s Syndrome, one of the things I would expect to hear from people was “you’re not even trying”. I would hear this from teachers, therapists, my parents, other kids parents and even my peers at school. I would either ignore people when they would say this, or I would react by shrugging my shoulders, rolling my eyes or by simply stating “I don’t care”. I worked with a therapist who was extremely demanding and pushy, and he made coping with my diagnosis even worse.

I attended the Wesley Wonder Kids program in Gibsonia, PA for a few years, and I noticed several behaviors coming from the staff members that I thought were pretty unprofessional for qualified and trained counselors. When we had a group member that was difficult to deal with, I noticed some of the staff members would whisper about them and laugh at them while they were not looking. That was something that really bothered me, because I really knew how it felt to be teased and whispered about. I thought about telling the coördinator about it, but I figured I should only tell them if I knew they were whispering and laughing at me. While gossip is something you can’t stop, this kind of behavior is the reason I believe that counselors need to be evaluated on how they demonstrate the “social skills” they constantly preach to their clients.

From the many behaviors I noticed in these “qualified counselors”, one made me decide it was time to quit Wesley Wonder Kids. There was a social activity we had each week called coffee talk. Each group member was assigned a date to pick a topic and bring a snack to share with the group. They had to choose a topic that would keep a conversation going for the entire duration of the activity. One night, a group member chose plans after high school. The girl sitting beside me stated she wanted to attend CCAC (Community College of Allegheny County). Just then, a kid sitting across the table blurted out “CCAC is where all the retards go to school”. The only thing the staff members ever did was reprimand him. I thought that was pretty unfair, because the staff members treated me in a way that made me feel like I was being singled out.

I was in the older teen group for about four or five months, and I became frustrated at how I was always put on the spot during the “coffee talk” social activity. The coordinator called the staff members on the phone and wanted them to speak with me about this issue. They explained to me that I was “not being verbal enough” during group and that I needed to “stop making noises”. She told me that if I didn’t start being more verbal and stop making noises the coordinator was going to demote me to the younger group. Difficulty with verbal communication and noise making is a common characteristic in kids with Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism. In other words, they threatened to demote me to the younger group for being Autistic. My mom talked to her a few days later, and we both finally decided it was time to quit Wesley Wonder Kids. I am pretty happy that I made the immediate decision to do so, because I don’t need anybody telling me to stop being who I am.

I always hated doing role plays with therapists because they didn’t really seem to help me improve my social skills. The reasons why I am so against role-playing is because you can’t really predict how people will react when you try to initiate a “real world” conversation. My social goal at the Wonder Kids club was to “initiate spontaneous social communication with peers”. There was one thing about role plays that most therapists don’t know about, and it is they are not spontaneous. I wanted real interaction with people besides a therapist or my parents. It seemed like everybody in my school had it all and I had nothing. Everybody else had friends to hang out with at the football games, friends to take to the mall and who they can trust. I felt like I was worthless.

I quit Wesley Wonder Kids at the beginning of the summer before my junior year in high school. Lenape Tech gave me plenty of social opportunities because I was not around the same people I have known since kindergarten. I have lived in the Freeport Area School district my whole life, and I have heard many of the gossip and rumors that were constantly spread about me. If you remember my last blog about negativity, people used to say I would end up becoming a serial killer when I grew up. I later came to realize that I should either ignore those kinds of comments or just laugh at them. I have realized that people do it to make themselves look cooler, when most of the people who were friends with the people who bullied me either ignored them or tried to change the subject.

I have noticed that some of the problems in education are the reason why we have kids that really aren’t trying in school. I have noticed that most public high schools are shoving standardized tests and numbers down their throats. In my blogs about Lenape, I have emphasized the fact that schools need to start teaching their students that algebra, geometry and trigonometry don’t go away after you graduate from high school. There are tons of career fields out there who use these skills in their typical work day. When students complain about these classes, the teacher usually says it’s a graduation requirement or it’s going to be on the P.S.S.A tests. Most typical high school teachers are only required to teach students how these skills will benefit them on a test, and they forget about it after the test is over with. I was one of the kids that wasn’t challenged at Freeport, and I was put in the basic math class. It was pretty much a repeat of everything I learned in elementary school. The teacher absolutely hated her job, and the kids didn’t take the class seriously.

To sum things up, the point I am trying to make in this blog is something that anybody should be able to understand. Attitude is something that makes a difference in a teenager’s success in high school, college and the real world. I hope that is something people consider when they see somebody who may have a bad attitude about schoolwork or have trouble making friends. I started to wonder if comments like the “future serial killer” would become reality for me after I graduated. I have learned that you should either brush it off, or go the extra mile and prove them wrong. That is the message I hope people get after reading this.

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by Derek Warren on October 24, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged "You're Not Even Trying", Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, bullying, Freeport Area School District, gossip, high school, Lenape Tech, neurotypicals, role playing, social skills, therapists, Wesley Wonder Kids

Posted by Derek Warren on October 24, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/10/24/youre-not-even-trying/

“Scary Stories From the Real World” (Engage and Teach, Don’t Preach!)

I am often shocked at how little some of my former teachers have actually taught me about the real world, going to college and getting a job. This was not the case with all of my teachers, but it was true with most of them. Typical public high schools are only designed to prepare students to graduate from high school, not be a success in the real world. As a follow-up to “You’re Not Even Trying”, I am going to talk about some things related to the “real world” many of my teachers and counselors used to preach to me all the time. Instead of “teaching” and “counseling” me about the real world, they mainly would tell me all kinds of horror stories about how terrible of a place it is.

My experiences with the school system at Freeport and many of the therapists I have worked with were not beneficial in the least bit, especially when it came to preparing me for life after high school. I honestly felt that most of the work I was expected to do at Freeport was worthless busy work. I had a driver’s education class in tenth grade, and the teacher was absolutely horrible. He would give us worksheets, and we would watch videos the entire period. Anytime I had a question about something, he would just tell me “read the book and figure it out”. Driving is a real world skill, and I had this incompetent person “teaching” it. My dad tried to teach me some basic driving skills in the parking lot of the high school, and even the most simple parts of driving a car seemed like gibberish to me. Driving is something that almost any teenager becomes excited about in high school. Because of that, I decided to wait until I turned eighteen years old to obtain my driver’s license.

I have always experienced trouble with math, and I had an awful math teacher. Because of her grouchy personality and her negative attitude towards everybody, I refused to pay any attention to her. I couldn’t understand any of the material we were covering in class, and she was absolutely no help when I asked her for it. The math concept I struggled with the most were multi step fractions. Anytime I would ask her for help on my fractions, she would rudely respond by saying something that basically sounded like “Derek, you do this, this and this. I want it done by tomorrow, I want all work shown and I want it done correctly”. I refused to do it because I had no idea how to do it. On the rare occasions I actually did my homework, she would put me on the spot and make me right my answer on the board. The class would become very impatient with the fact that I didn’t know how to do it after we have gone over it for the past two weeks. The teacher would become so impatient that she would resort to berating me not because I didn’t do my work, but because I didn’t understand how to do it. The students would just sit there and stare at me while I wrote down random answers to the problem.

I was in the learning support class when I was at Freeport, and it basically was a “babysitting version” of a study hall. You were either required to work on homework or study for a test that was coming up. I wanted to opt out of it, but my parents wouldn’t let me. The teachers and aides in that class spent most of the time nagging me about getting work done, or reprimanding me for my negative attitude about high school in general. When they would try to “help” me study for a test, I would stare off into space and guess random answers. I would often stand there and ask “What is the point of learning this”? The aides would then respond “you have a chapter test coming up, it’s going to be on the P.S.S.A (Pennsylvania System of School Assessment) test and you have to take it to graduate”. I would roll my eyes and say “It’s still pointless. I won’t need to know any of this after I graduate and the P.S.S.A test won’t mean a thing ten years from now”. I would then expect to hear “Derek, in the real world you have to do things you don’t want to do”. I still wasn’t very convinced.

Teachers were not the only group of people who would try to taunt me about the real world, some of the “social skills” professionals would do it as well. In my blog “You’re Not Even Trying”, I talked about the “coffee talk” activity at Wesley Wonder kids. Each group member was assigned a date on the calendar, and on that specific date you were supposed to bring a desert type snack and choose a topic the group can easily discuss for fifteen minutes. On one particular day, it was another group member’s turn to choose a topic. When it came time for coffee talk, he didn’t have his topic chosen like he was supposed to. It took him five minutes to finally choose one, and he finally chose “pop culture”. Everybody had their favorite movie, band or television show to talk about and I had absolutely no idea what to say. All of the group members would talk over each other, and the parents could hear them in the lobby next door over the air conditioning vent. Because coffee talk was the last activity of the night, I was only focused on going home and going to bed. Then a voice from one of the staff members rang out “Derek, we haven’t heard from you yet. What do you have to contribute to this discussion?” I responded by saying “I don’t know”. The group members turned around and started pressuring me to say something, similar to most of my peers in school when they would ask me things like “Why Are You So Quiet”? When it finally became time to leave, I muttered in disgust “I hate being put on the spot”. Another staff member heard my remark and said “You have to suck it up, you are going to be put on the spot for the rest of your life”.

A few weeks later, I made the decision to stop attending Wonder Kids. After all, I was going to make a new start at Lenape and try to overcome the obstacles I faced at Freeport and at Wonder Kids. If you look at what I wrote in parentheses beside the title it says “engage and teach, don’t preach”. I received strength based therapy for about a year, and I remember it was the only type of therapy that actually benefited me. They tried to use my strengths and make me use my talents to make friends and connect with people. The therapists were actually allowed to take me out into the real world and practice social skills. At Wesley Wonder kids, the group had to stay in the building for the entire group session. They overstimulated me and reprimanded me for going into sensory overload. A teacher can’t convince students into believing why a certain class is important for their success in the real world unless they actually show real world examples. A student will not become interested in the material unless you make the effort to engage them.

To wrap up, the message I am trying to teach is that one should never let a bad teacher or counselor determine their success in the real world. Many people with Asperger’s have expressed their belief that some of the disrespectful neurotypicals (“normal” people) are the ones with disorders. While it is important to be proud of who you are, you should not let it define you. Asperger’s is no excuse for disrespectful and/or illegal behavior. It’s not about their opinion, it is about what you want. I hope you will always remember that in the future.

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by Derek Warren on November 9, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Armstrong County, Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, Don't Preach, dwarren57, Engage and Teach, Freeport, Lenape Tech, Pennsylvania, Scary Stories From The Real World, Wesley Wonder Kids

Posted by Derek Warren on November 9, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/11/09/scary-stories-from-the-real-world/

Bullying: Ignore or Report?

On April 20, 1999 Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold went on a shooting rampage through the Columbine High School in Littelton, Colorado. They killed 15 people, injured 24 others and then killed themselves. On April 16, 2007, (eight years after the Columbine Shootings) Sheung-Hui Cho went on a shooting rampage through the campus of Virginia Tech. He killed 32 students, wounded many others and then committed suicide. All three of these people suffered from severe depression and were bullied in school. Since these tragedies, 44 of our 50 states have passed laws requiring schools to address the issue of bullying. Good has come out of these terrible tragedies. There are only six states who do not have a bullying law. They include the District of Columbia, Hawaii, Michigan, Montana, North Dakota and South Dakota. The people at Columbine never thought this tragedy would happen. They never took this issue seriously until a tragedy did indeed happen. Lawmakers have finally taken action and realized the potential outcomes, but I still believe more action needs to be taken to prevent this issue.

There was an incident that took place about a year before Columbine. It was tragedy that didn’t bring national attention until years after the shootings. I think telling this story will help people realize how serious this issue is. The story is about Jared High, a sixth grader at McLoughlin Middle School in Washington. Jared was enrolled in the special education program, and he was excited to find out he was just selected to be the manager of the eighth grade baseball team. Eighth grade student Andrew S. was on the team as well. He assaulted Jared inside the gymnasium. The incident was so bad that Jared contusions on his back, neck, abdomen and right thumb. The vice principal met with the two boys the day after the incident, and considered the incident a “mutually engaged fight”. Both boys were suspended for three days. The brief also stated the principal did not refer to either boys discipline and conduct history.

On September 29, 1998 his father was at his office working and the phone started ringing. It was Jared calling to say “goodbye”. He tried to talk to him, but it was too late. He heard a loud pop and a few seconds later he heard something hit the floor. When he arrived at home, he saw police cars lined up outside the house with their lights flashing. He immediately knew something was not right when he noticed police officers shaking their heads in disbelief when they were walking out the front door. He went into his family office and Jared was lying on the floor dead with a self-inflicted gun shot wound to his head. The weapon was a 22 caliber pistol and it was sitting on the floor next to him. The physical and emotional pain from the beating was unbearable. Again, this happened before the shootings at Columbine High School. Most people didn’t think bullying was a cause of suicide or violence.

I have always been one of the taller kids in my grade, and from what I remember I was never physically bullied by anybody. I mainly was harassed by people electronically or verbally when teachers were not around to supervise. The vice principal at Jared’s school did not handle the situation in the professional manner he should have. Again, he only gave the two boys a three-day suspension for a “mutually engaged fight”. The district was very well aware of his behavior and the school did not refer to their discipline history when dealing with this incident. The principal was a very arrogant person, and has also been known to bully students.

Freeport also did not handle bullies in the professional way the should have. There was a student during freshman year who kept sending me inappropriate pictures of himself to my phone, and in the text description he wrote “this is for you Derek”. I replied “stop sending me these pictures”. He probably sent me about ten more pictures when I told him to stop again. He then said “Wanna fight you fag”? My mother called the school the next day. I had erased all the pictures from my phone, because I became sick of looking at them. However, I still had the threatening text messages he sent me. I showed him the messages and he talked to the boys who sent the pictures, and all the principal did was give them a warning. The next day one of the boys walked up to me and started threatening me, calling me a “liar” and a “faggot”. He made the excuse “I was only trying to be your friend, and you told the principal on me”. There was also one incident where he grabbed my backpack and threw my things around the locker room. He also touched me inappropriately and I told him to “get his f***ing hands off me”. He then said “Derek, you shouldn’t swear. I am going to tell the principal and you will get detention. I am only trying to be your friend. Why are you not talking to me”? I obviously didn’t buy that, because I have made the mistake of believing that line before. My mom reported the incident again, and all they gave him was a warning.

The thing about this particular bully was that he was short and skinny. He used that as an excuse to get away with things like disrespecting me. He was a real obnoxious kid who always disrupted class and would give teachers attitude. This same harassment continued into my sophomore year and they kept giving him warnings. I was not the only person who complained about his disruptive and disrespectful behavior, other teachers and parents were calling and complaining too. After my mother complained about it again, Freeport finally decided to kick him out. While I was relieved I never had to be annoyed by him again, I was pretty bitter because I felt like the only people who knew I existed were the ones who enjoyed making negative comments about me or harassing me. I endured some bullying after this kid was kicked out, but I didn’t really care. The administration would most likely give them warnings, and the bully would start threatening me. Because of that, I started not caring about school. My teachers would always get on my back about completing work and I would just shrug my shoulders. I felt as if the whole world was out to get me, and it wouldn’t matter whether or not I completed my work because I felt I had no potential whatsoever.

Suicide and violence were never behaviors I would have seriously contemplated, but I often wondered if that could have been the possible outcome if I didn’t have people who actually cared about me. There high school students throughout the whole country and the whole world who have felt the same emotions I’ve felt. For me, the only outlet for these emotions was going to Lenape Tech. I got to start at a new school, with people I have never met before. We also have committed teachers who care and want them to be a success in the real world. I have come to realize that bullies are just people who want to make life unhappy for somebody else. I try my best not to worry about them and know that I am really the only person who matters. It still is hard sometimes, because it brings back memories of the bullying situations I have endured. I have realized that most of them are not going to end up doing for themselves in the future, so why bother worrying about them?

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by Derek Warren on November 20, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, bullying, dwarren57, high school, Ignore or Report?, Life

Posted by Derek Warren on November 20, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/11/20/bullying-ignore-or-report/

How Does A Teacher Earn Respect?

It is a fact that one will deal with “good teachers” and “bad teachers” throughout their career in school. The funny thing about this is the majority of my teachers I can vividly remember are the “bad” ones. One of my past blogs described a bad math teacher I had when I was a freshman in high school. Math was never one of my easiest subjects in school, and my final grade for that class was a seventy six (76) percent. It was a very low “C”. One of my favorite websites is one called “Rate My Teachers.com” (Similar to “Rate My Professors.com”). The name describes the purpose of the website pretty well, it is a website where students, parents or even colleagues can anonymously rate and comment on a teacher. They rate the teacher on a score of one (bad) through five (wonderful) based on each of these four categories.

Easiness: This category is pretty self exclamatory. Your algebra teacher should get a rating of five if they give a reasonable amount of homework and they give you time to work on it in class. They should receive a rating of one if they expect thirty multi-step problems finished on the next day, or if they give a large packet for you to remember for a test that is happening on the next day.

Helpfulness: Your chemistry teacher gives you a lab that is due by the end of the class period. If they walk around the classroom and check to make sure each student understands the material, they should receive a rating of five. If they are sitting at their desk and ask them for help and they tell you to “read the book” or “figure it out”, they will most likely receive a one.

Clarity: Your English teacher gives you a novel to read and they want you to write an essay about it. If they give you the prompt and they explain the requirements in detail and in a way every student will understand, they will most likely receive a five. They will most likely receive a one if they only say “write this paper” and “it’s due in two days”.

Popularity: This category is not displayed after the rating is submitted, and it is also pretty self explanatory. Your science teacher knows their stuff. They will most likely receive a rating of “five” if they are approachable, friendly and have a good sense of humor. However, they will receive a “one” if they are grouchy and disrespectful.

There has been an ongoing controversy about “Rate My Teachers.com” since it was first created in 2001. Many teachers have seen the ratings posted by students and they’ve all reacted to them differently. Some teachers really appreciate the feedback they have received, some have made a conscientious effort to improve and others have threatened to sue the creators and get the website shut down. This is really the only website where you can anonymously voice their real feelings about a teacher, whether they are good or bad. With that being said, you can’t always rely on an anonymous rating website to decide whether or not you will like the teacher right away. There is an age-old quote that states “you never know unless you try”. Most people “rate their teacher” because they either really like them or hate their guts.

As I said in the beginning, I have encountered “good teachers” and “bad teachers”. I have come up with five guidelines a teacher can follow to truly earn respect from their students. Most of the “bad teachers” I have dealt with did not follow these guidelines, and as a result students rebelled against them.

1.) Keep rules short and to the point, but strictly enforce them.

I had a Computer Applications teacher during my freshman year of high school who had about twenty rules on her course outline. Most of them were self explanatory, and rules an elementary school student should know they are expected to follow. She spent over four days explaining every single rule in detail (“no cell phones, no internet without permission, raise your hand to speak, no printing without permission, no talking during a test, no talking while the teacher is talking etc”). I have found that most students rebel against teachers who have lots of rules in the classroom. With that being said, rules that are short and to the point should also be strictly enforced. Briefly and clearly state the consequences of not obeying the rules. Have students sign a contract at the beginning of the school year stating they have read and understood them.

2.) Get to know your students. (Personally and Academically)

I have come to realize that teachers who try to get to know their students are the easiest ones to get along with. There are many students out there who come from dysfunctional families, or who have trouble interacting with their peers in school. They need an adult who they can look up to and respect. I have heard stories about students who have stayed in school because just one teacher actually cared about them. You should also try to figure out ways to help a student who may be having trouble in the class. You have to put yourself in their shoes and figure out how that individual student learns best. There are unfortunately teachers out there who only teach material in the way they know how to do it. They are frustrating to deal with, simply because they didn’t “translate” it into my style of learning. My mind is a specific mind, I am good at one thing, and I am bad at another thing.

3.) Make Learning Fun. “(Engage and Teach, Don’t Preach!)”

I find that teachers who constantly teach from the textbook are the most difficult to deal with. It’s not because I find the textbooks “boring”, I also felt they were difficult to understand. This was especially true for my science and math textbooks. Most of my math classes at Freeport were very generalized and abstract. On the bottom of the page there is a YouTube video made by the students at Oakland Christian School in Aburn Hills, Michigan. It shows the differences between hands on/interactive learning and traditional learning. (I posted the link on the bottom of the page). I posted a blog a few months ago about a lecture on TED by Dr. Temple Grandin. She was fed up with some of the schools in other parts of the country and the world who don’t have the resources to show the kids interesting things. The teachers have absolutely no idea what to do with them. This is something that forcing standardized tests on them won’t change at all. Last year I was required to take the P.S.S.A’s when I was a junior. You were tested on science, math, reading and writing. They lasted for the entire week, and by the end the students were overwhelmed. The P.S.S.A tests only determined where the entire school stands academically. We need to focus on how the individual stands academically and not the majority of the student body.

4.) Challenge your students, and be willing to help when they need it:

When I was a student at Freeport, most of the really good teachers were in the advanced classes. My math class from my freshman year in high school was just a basic functions class. If you remember some of the horror stories about the teacher, she was not the most helpful, pleasant or interested in teaching. Every time I asked her for help, she would pretty much say “Derek, you do this, this, this and this”. The next day I did a horrible job on the test, and she would not let me retake it. There was tutoring after school, but she was the teacher at tutoring. We were going over multi step fractions, and they are still very difficult for me to learn. As I said, I made a very low “C” in the class for the year. During my sophomore year, I was put in an even lower level learning support math class. It felt like elementary school all over again, because we went over things like how to tell time and two/three digit addition and subtraction. Lenape’s academic classes and technical programs are designed to prepare you for the real world, college and the industry. The classes at Freeport were only designed to meet my IEP goals, which were very generalized and elementary.

5.) Give your students specific instructions:

One thing that has really frustrated me about certain teachers is when they don’t give specific instructions on how to do something. The Autistic mind is a very detail oriented mind, as pointed out by Dr. Temple Grandin in her TED lecture. If somebody were to walk up to me and say “program this electronic device”, I would have absolutely no idea what to do. You would have to tell me what task the device will perform, how many gigs of memory and the software you want me to use. Ignoring detail can cause the electronic device not to work or short out. Your English teacher should tell you the specific requirements that are on an essay or speech you are supposed to write.

To wrap things up, I’ve had more than my fair share of teachers who didn’t know how to work with me. They truly made school an extremely difficult experience. However, I must emphasize one more thing that is extremely important. You have to teach your children that all of your teachers must be treated with respect. Students who mouth off to teachers eventually do end up being sent to the principal. If you mouth off to your boss they could end up being fired. They should report any teacher that demonstrates behavior that is unethical. The child’s parents and administration must be notified as well. Teachers and educators play a crucial role in our lives. That is true on the good side and the bad side.

Oakland Christian School Video

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by Derek Warren on November 30, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged abstract learning, bad teacher, Controversy, Education, Ford City, Freeport Area Senior High School, good teacher, How Does A Teacher Earn Respect?, interactive learning, Lenape Tech, Oakland Christian School, P.S.S.A, Pennsylvania, Rate My Teachers, technical education

Posted by Derek Warren on November 30, 2010

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2010/11/30/how-does-a-teacher-earn-respect/

“There’s Rules Everywhere! Suck it Up!”

I have written about many of my experiences with people who just didn’t know how to work with me. Some of these people were just plain mean, while others just didn’t understand me no matter how hard they tried. I want to emphasize one thing before I get started explaining the topic. Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome will never be fully understood. I am strongly against the controversial organization “Autism Speaks”, because they make Autism sound like it is a death sentence. The vast majority of people who support this organization do not have Autism themselves. Temple Grandin has strongly spoken against curing Autism.

I believe there’s a point where mild autistic traits are just normal human variation. Mild autism can give you a genius like Einstein. If you have severe autism, you could remain nonverbal. You don’t want people to be on the severe end of the spectrum. But if you got rid of all the autism genetics, you wouldn’t have science or art. All you would have is a bunch of social ‘yak yaks.’

I have come to realize that many of the parents who want to cure Autism do not have the skills and/or motivation to take care of them and help them. I watched a video on YouTube called “Autism Every Day”. It was pretty much a video of parents complaining about how difficult it is to raise a child with Autism. There was a comment made by one of the mothers that truly angered me. The mother allegedly talked about wanting to put her daughter in the car, and drive off of the George Washington bridge. Before anybody says anything, I am aware of how hard it is to raise a child with Autism. There are many Autistic children out there who are extremely difficult to control. The parents in the video explained how the child would do things like would climb on top of furniture, run out of the house into the middle of the street and throw objects around the house. However, the parents on the “Autism Every Day” video are a lot like the one that have been on the show “Supernanny”. As I said, they don’t have the patience, skills and motivation to take care of them.

The fact is there is no cure for Autism. There is no magic pill that will erase all the child’s problems. I stated that Autism Speaks reminds me of the show “Supernanny” because the parents often try to take the easy way out of the situation. I saw one episode on YouTube where the parents were cooking dinner, and the child was complaining about wanting a doughnut. The mother asked “Can you wait until after you eat your pasta and your vegetables?” The child then kept on whining and the mother gave in. The mother took the easy way out and let the child eat a doughnut before dinner. Wishing for a so-called “magic pill” is like letting your screaming child have a doughnut because it will stop him or her from screaming. The mother should have said “You will not get a doughnut until you eat all of your pasta and vegetables”!

I have began to notice that maintaining structure in the household and in the classroom is the only way to help an Aspie child understand the real world. Therapists can certainly help with this. I had a therapist when I was around six years old who would draw a visual schedule of the activities we were going to do during the session, and the order we will perform them. We would do two or three different activities during the two-hour sessions. She would either draw a picture of each activity on paper, or print out clip arts pictures and write text below them. This is a great tool to teach time management skills, and it can also help them develop social skills. My mother taught me to write down possible activities I could do with a friend when they come over to my house. I would write down a few suggestions of things we would like to do. I would write it down on a small sheet of paper and keep it in my pocket. This is also a great skill for planning a party or other event. I am a senior this year, and I am planning my graduation party. I looked for catering companies online and I copied and pasted their street address, phone numbers and their website URL into a word document.

While structure is an essential component to develop into a successful adult, there are quite a few problems I experienced with structure during my adolescent years. From my freshman year into my sophomore year of high school I worked with a therapist who was very pushy and demanding. The coordinator at Wesley Wonder Kids recommended him because she felt it would help boost my confidence if somebody pushed me to “step out of my comfort zone”. I hated the fact that I was not “normal” and that I didn’t have friends to talk to and spend time with. Our sessions mainly consisted of role playing and talking about how my Autism effected my ability to connect with people in school. I hated doing role plays because they were just imaginary conversations. I didn’t see the point in asking somebody “what do you like to do”? or “what is your favorite color”? It takes quite a high level of socialization skills to recognize things like facial expressions or tone of voice. I was also extremely frustrated with Wesley Wonder Kids. I am going to refer back to my entry titled “Scary Stories From The Real World”. Here is the situation I am going to describe.

Each group member was assigned a date on the calendar, and on that specific date you were supposed to bring a desert type snack and choose a topic the group can easily discuss for fifteen minutes. On one particular day, it was another group member’s turn to choose a topic. When it came time for coffee talk, he didn’t have his topic chosen like he was supposed to. It took him five minutes to finally choose one, and he finally chose “pop culture”. Everybody had their favorite movie, band or television show to talk about and I had absolutely no idea what to say. All of the group members would talk over each other, and the parents could hear them in the lobby next door over the air conditioning vent. Because coffee talk was the last activity of the night, I was only focused on going home and going to bed. Then a voice from one of the staff members rang out “Derek, we haven’t heard from you yet. What do you have to contribute to this discussion?” I responded by saying “I don’t know”. The group members turned around and started pressuring me to say something, similar to most of my peers in school when they would ask me things like “Why Are You So Quiet”? When it finally became time to leave, I muttered in disgust “I hate being put on the spot”. Another staff member heard my remark and said “You have to suck it up, you are going to be put on the spot for the rest of your life”.

I was completely mortified when I heard that comment from the staff member. I came to the general consensus that most of the structured social skills groups are designed for kids with kids who can’t follow directions, demonstrate very poor social skills or have a lack of respect for people, especially authority figures. I was never the kind of person that would mouth off to a teacher or destroy property because of anger issues. While we were in that building for the entire group session, they would preach about the outside world instead of engaging and teaching.

I worked with a different person after I left Wonder Kids, and he was a Strength Based style therapist. I was glad he used by strengths and helped me build on them to improve my social skills. It helped me because I didn’t have somebody shoving social skills down my throat and forcing me to step out of my comfort zone. Lenape has helped me become a success in the real world rather than making me into a P.S.S.A test score or writing negative things about me on my IEP.

My final thought is that parents and teachers have to determine how much they trust an Asperger’s teenager before they shove rules down their throat. They have to talk to the child and listen to them if they are having an issue with something. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to attend the Computing Workshop and meet my good friend Aaron, because it helped me improve my confidence to reach out to people. It gave me real world interaction with people without rules, structure and role plays being shoved down my throat. The Computing Workshop also gave me the confidence to stand up for the things I believe in. We need a lot more of those organizations designed for people with differences.

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by Derek Warren on January 1, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, Autism Every Day, Autism Speaks, Cure, Freeport Area School District, Lenape Tech, Magic Pill, Parents, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Rules, Structure, Supernanny, therapists

Posted by Derek Warren on January 1, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/01/01/theres-rules-everywhere-suck-it-up/

Understanding The Actions of Bullies (“It Gets Better” project)

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Somebody left a comment on one of my previous blogs. It asked the difficult question “what can teachers, administrators and therapists do to help”? This was on my entry titled “Why Are You So Negative”? It talked about how the bullying and lack of help and understanding from teachers and therapists caused me to become a very unhappy person in high school. When it comes to helping people with both Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome, it can be very difficult to figure out the steps you should take to help the child. The reason for this is because most Aspies have problems expressing their emotions and providing feedback. There are many therapists, teachers and administrators who want to be supportive and understanding.

My teachers at Freeport often used to say things like “you’ve got to move on” or “you have to be positive about yourself” after I would complain about the gossip, bullying and lack of interaction with peers. That was not the most helpful piece of advice I received from teachers, because it takes a great amount of social skills and pride in one’s self to “come out of their shell”. Many of you have probably heard about Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project. This project became internationally known after the drastic increase in young LGBT people committing suicide. The website inspires young people to spread the message that “It Get’s Better” through YouTube and other video blogging websites. I really enjoyed listening to their stories, because it helped me realize that I am not alone, and it helps raise awareness that bullying is a very serious issue in schools, online and even the workplace. Many schools are not taking the initiative to prevent this issue. They are not teaching the possible outcomes from bullying, such as suicide or even shootings.

LGBT people and Aspies are different in some ways, but they both have experienced bullying and social isolation from their peers during junior high and high school. It still is very difficult for me to move on from these situations, and I am sure I will still remember them many years from now. Not only did it cause me to lose trust in people, it also caused me to wonder why people hated me so much. People who bully are obviously not interested in getting to know you, nor do they have compassion, patience and understanding when it comes to dealing with different types of people. I have come up with four possible reasons why people bully. They most certainly are not excusable reasons, but they provide an understanding why people behave in a way that makes other people feel worthless.

1.) Social Acceptance.

“Everybody Else is Doing It!” Being “popular” is the most important thing to a lot of people in junior high and high school. In one of my other blogs I have talked about how the word “cool” is often misconstrued with the word “popular”. To me, a “cool” person is somebody who hangs interacts with everybody, laid back and who doesn’t disrespect other people. A “popular” person often does the opposite of all the three things I just described in the “cool” person. Many people often bully because they think it will make them look better than everybody else. During middle school and my freshman year of high school kids used to do this all the time, and it was just because they wanted attention from everybody else. I described a girl in my biology class freshman year in my blog “Is It Joking or Bullying”?

It was a lab period day, and I was in the class for sixth and seventh period. When the change bell from sixth to seventh period rang, the teachers let us take a break and visit with our friends in the other biology class next door. Students are given three minutes to change classes, and they were expected to be in the classroom when the tardy bell rang. During those three minutes, the teacher stood outside in the hallway to monitor hall traffic. I decided to stay in my seat and finish the assignment we were working on, and when she walked back into the room she started talking to me again. She then started violating my personal space, which she knew I didn’t like, and touched me inappropriately. She got a few of the other students in the classroom to laugh at me, and after that I couldn’t take it anymore and yelled out “get the fuck out of here”. She then sarcastically responded “Derek, that is a bad word. Why would you talk to me like that? I am only trying to be your friend. I’m gonna get somebody to jump you. You are such an asshole”.

The funny thing about this girl was that most of the other students ignored her. She kept on bothering me and trying to get me to talk to her, and finally another classmate responded “Well, I wouldn’t blame him after what you did to him”. She did call attention to her self, but she didn’t do it in a very good way.

2.) Insecurity.

Every single high school student is insecure in some way or another, but they all express it in different ways. The reason for that is because they are still trying to figure out their identity. When a high school student goes into college, they will still encounter one or two more insecure students who still don’t really know who they are, but not as often as one would in high school. My peers mainly expressed their insecurities by not thinking before they act. For example, they snap a provocative photo of themselves and they put it online for the entire world to see. They think it will impress others when it really causes people to write a bunch of nasty, hateful comments about them. They also tend to be very selfish and blame their problems on other people. Anytime they are feeling angry or sad, they automatically decide they don’t like you for no other reason than the fact you are there. I was somewhat insecure when I attended Freeport, because I didn’t really know who I was. I didn’t really talk to anybody, and I had absolutely no idea who my friend was and who was my enemy. I would try to talk to people who really weren’t my friends and they would make fun of me as a result. Let’s take a look back at my post written back in August titled “No More Talking About Fans”.

When I made the transition from elementary to junior high, I outgrew my obsession with fire drills because the alarm at the junior high wasn’t as loud and shrill. Seventh and eighth grade was the time I really started having problems fitting in. There was a boy named Eric, who was in my grade. He also went to the same gym I received personal training at, and we would occasionally strike up a general conversation with each other. I told my mother about him one day, and she told me I should ask for his IM screen-name and see if he wanted to chat. I really wanted to get to know him until one day I noticed something peculiar about him. I noticed he would say mean things about me behind my back, then look over at me and see if I could hear what he was saying. He made comments like “Derek is such a f***tard. I shared it with my mother when I came home that day. She told me he could still be interested in becoming friends with me. Sometimes people gossip about you because they want to become friends with you. I thought about that, but decided to keep my distance. This behavior continued into high school, until I finally realized he did not have friendship in mind.High school was the time I started obsessing about people who made my life miserable. Every day I would talk to my mother about how I hated that I didn’t have any buddies in school, or how people would always make fun of me. I am not going into detail about bullying situations in this blog entry, but I am going to talk about how it affected my interaction with people. I described in my blogs about Lenape where people would pretend to be friends with me, then turn around and say or do something disrespectful. I experienced that so much I would have this generalization that every single person was trying to be mean to me. Anytime my mother would ask if I tried to socialize with somebody at lunch, I would say “Why do you care? Eric didn’t want to interact with me, why would anybody else want to?” I would go on and on about the things he said about me and how much I hated him and his friends. My mother would then say “Why do you keep bringing him up? He is not worth it. You need to move on”

I didn’t really trust anybody because of this kid. I still have trouble figuring out why he treated me like that behind my back when he knew I could hear what we he was saying. My next point describes a reason people often don’t think about.

3.) Revenge.

It is sad to know that bullying victims often become bullies themselves. When they’ve finally had enough with the bullying they finally decide “I don’t have to put up with this anymore. I can do this myself. This will get people to like me and will teach them to respect me”! Let’s look back at my post titled “Bullying, Ignore or Report”?

There was also one incident where he grabbed my backpack and threw my things around the locker room. He also touched me inappropriately and I told him to “get his f***ing hands off me”. He then said “Derek, you shouldn’t swear. I am going to tell the principal and you will get detention. I am only trying to be your friend. Why are you not talking to me”? I obviously didn’t buy that, because I have made the mistake of believing that line before. My mom reported the incident again, and all they gave him was a warning.

The thing about this particular bully was that he was short and skinny. He used that as an excuse to get away with things like disrespecting me.

I did notice this kid was often picked on by a lot of people, but his obnoxiousness often caused people to treat him like that. He knew he was treating me disrespectfully, and he kept threatening me because he refused to admit it. If you haven’t read that post yet, he was eventually kicked out of Freeport because of another behavior and the way he treated me. The teachers didn’t really know what to do with him, and they eventually decided to send him to another school.

4.) Non-authoritative parents

Teenagers often exhibit the same characteristics their parents do and those can be good or bad. I have found that a lot of the kids who bullied me didn’t come from families where the parents taught their children morals. A simple definition of morals is the rules that teach the difference between what is right and what is wrong. Some of the people who have bullied me have inherited a habit from their parents that can truly change their lives and it is not thinking before they act. I am not going to talk about the people who have bullied me, for privacy reasons. I am going to talk about the suicide of Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi. Roommate Dharun Ravi and friend Molly Wei bullied Tyler to death by secretly filming him during a sexual encounter with another man and streaming it live. Tyler didn’t know who to turn to, so he left a status message on his Facebook page saying “Jumping off the gw bridge, sorry”. He then drove an hour from Rutgers to the George Washington bridge and jumped to his death.

I often wonder what the parents of these two students who filmed him are thinking now. These two teenagers deny they took the video. If they didn’t take the video then who did? The parents of these two teens most likely have not taught the moral codes I am about to quote from below (especially # 10). I am going to leave with this set of moral values that hopefully people will try to follow. We have all made mistakes, and hopefully this will help people learn from them.

CODE OF MORAL VALUES

by Wilson C. Lucom

1. You shall not commit murder.

2. You must not steal.

3. You must not lie.

4. You shall not take guns or knives to school.

5. You must never take drugs. At your age you do not realize that drugs can scramble your brain and ruin your life. Don’t start taking drugs.

6. You must respect and honor your parents. Unless they physically abuse you.

7. You must not hate. You can disagree with someone but do not hate him.

8. You must not be jealous. Jealously creates much personal unhappiness.

9. You must not be a racist or bigot. Do not judge people by the color of their skin. Respect them for what they are, not what they look like. Respect religions other than yours.

10. Obey the golden rule. Do to others as you would want them to do to you.

11. Never use alcohol until you are an adult. Then use it only in moderation so you do not get drunk. Drunkenness can ruin your marriage and life.

12. Only gamble the amount you can afford to lose, no more. Otherwise, you will lose your marriage, your home, everything you own if you are a compulsive gambler.

13. Obey the law. If you do not like the law, request your congressman to change it; but obey the law until it is changed.

Accept your place in life and be happy; otherwise you will always be unhappy. If you believe you can advance, go for it.

by Derek Warren on January 14, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on January 14, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/01/14/it-gets-better/

Social Life in High School vs. College (Stresses of Being A Senior With Asperger’s)

Senior year in high school is a very stressful experience for all of us. We are approaching the end of January and graduation is only four months away. The beginning of senior year is often spent looking at colleges and picking up application forms. The middle of senior year is often spent filling out scholarship essays and turning in applications, while the rest of the year is spent getting used to the fact that you will be in a completely new environment come next fall. On top of all this, we still have to keep up with our school work so we don’t mess up our college transcript. You have heard the age-old saying that high school is the “best time of your life”. I cringe every time I hear it, because people have absolutely no idea how it feels to have people call you names like “retard” and “queer”.

People often believe that bullying does not happen in college. My last post mentioned Rutgers University student Tyler Clementi who jumped off of the George Washington bridge. He was secretly recorded on a live webcam during a sexual encounter with another man. College freshman are still getting used to being away from their families. They don’t think about the potential consequences of their actions. Many college students often say that bullying only happens in extra curricular activities and it only comes from professors. The case with Tyler Clementi was indeed cyber-bullying. Two days later, Ravi tried to use the webcam to film Tyler again. A post on his twitter page read “”Anyone with iChat, I dare you to video chat me between the hours of 9:30 and 12. Yes it’s happening again.” Ravi’s twitter account was then deleted, but his posts can still be found on a cached version on Google. Dharun and Molly have both dropped out of Rutgers University since Tyler’s death, and they haven’t seen each other since.

A comment from Steve Goldstein, chairman of the gay rights group Garden Sate Equality reads ““We are sickened that anyone in our society, such as the students allegedly responsible for making the surreptitious video, might consider destroying others’ lives as a sport”. Goldstein considers this act a hate crime, and I completely agree with him. Molly and Dharun purposely invaded his privacy for the sole purpose of humiliating Tyler just because he was gay. The two teens filming the encounter have been charged with invasion of privacy and bias.

I am going to the IUP (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) Northpointe Regional Campus to obtain my Associates Degree in Electro Optics. I am going to commute from home everyday, and I think that is going to be a tremendous advantage because I don’t have to worry about adapting to my surroundings. My freshman year at Freeport was horrible. I would walk around the cafeteria looking for somebody to sit with. Nobody would let me sit with them because they either wanted to save a seat for their own friends, or their table was full. I eventually decided to sit alone, then I put my head down and started to cry. I have described the girl in my biology class on many of my other posts. She tried to convince me into believing me she was my friend, when she really wasn’t. On top of dealing with bullying, I made very bad grades during the first nine weeks of my freshman year. They would pretty much tell me to “toughen up” or “move on” and focus more on my work. I couldn’t focus on my work because I was so traumatized by the complete humiliation from the bullying.

I stated that January through May or June of senior year is spent getting used to the fact they will be in a completely new environment come next fall. I am still convinced that Northpointe is going to be a better place for me to start, compared to living in a dorm room at a four year university. Northpointe is a very small campus, and I commute from home. I can hopefully focus on completing my schoolwork and not have to worry about the rest of the drama associated with transitioning to college. By “drama” I mean getting used to my surroundings, getting to know my room and floor mates, and figuring out if they are my friends or not. I constantly experienced those emotions in high school. My pushy therapist used to overwhelm me by making me do social role plays and putting me in social situations where I felt very uncomfortable. There was one time at the Computing Workshop summer camp where he made me introduce him to four other people in the room. I refused to do it, and he then kept on berating me and telling me how I am a “liar”.

I didn’t want him to know that he was my therapist, so he told me to tell them he was my “friend” instead. I was obviously wasn’t interested in getting to know this guy as a friend, because therapists are not supposed to be your “friend”. I didn’t want him to follow me everywhere and get to know every single detail about my life. That happened the summer before my sophomore year, and I finally became sick of him and wanted to find somebody else to work with. If all the therapists I worked with helped me develop social skills by using my strengths, building on them and letting me learn them at my own pace I would have gotten much more out of them. Instead, they shoved social skills down my throat and tried to make me “normal”.

I am hopeful college will show me that “normal” doesn’t really exist. The Lenape Technical School has shown me that many teens feel they are not “normal” and they don’t fit in. They came to Lenape so they could explore career options and meet new friends who have similar interests. Many of them experienced similar problems at their home school, but they were all handled in different ways. I am also hopeful that college will show me ways I can improve skills using my strengths. I hope I can prove many of the pushy and normality obsessed therapists wrong.

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by Derek Warren on January 23, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged 4 Year University, Aspergers Syndrome, computing workshop, Dorm Room, dwarren57, Freeport Area School District, Freshman Year, high school, Indiana University of Pennsylvania, Lenape Technical School, New Surroundings, Northpointe, Pennsylvania, Pittsburgh, Senior Year, Small Campus, Social Life in High School vs. College (Stresses of Being A Senior With Asperger's), Stress

Posted by Derek Warren on January 23, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/social-life-in-high-school-vs-college-worries-of-being-a-senior-with-aspergers/

“The Angry WordPress Troll” (Trolls vs. Cyber-bullies)

Somebody posted a comment on my blog that actually amused me, because it shows the lack of knowledge in many people in America and throughout the world. My account is purposely set not to put comments on my blog until they are approved by me. I logged on WordPress, marked it as spam and deleted it as soon as I received the notification email. The comment read “All Autistic people are out of control animals who should be euthanized”. I immediately deleted it. I’ve unapproved comments that have been written by people before, but nothing downright ignorant like this. I think it is very important to not only address this issue, but to be insightful about why people “troll” on internet forums.

I want to start off by explaining what a troll is. A troll is a person who posts provocative comments on a message board just for the sole purpose of making people angry. Trolls mainly post on forum websites where people express their opinions about controversial issues. For example, If a gay or lesbian person person talks about their life, they post derogatory words like “fagot” or “dyke”. They judgmentally quote bible verses and tell them how much they feel the person’s life is an “abomination”. Every single troll is different. There are some who are very smart and others are not so smart. Very many of them use their personal experiences as an excuse to disrespect other people’s opinions on an issue. I look back and think about the person who posted the comment on my blog, and they may have experienced problems with a sibling or family member on the severe side of the spectrum. I’ve stated before that kids on the severe side of the Autistic Spectrum can be very difficult to deal with, especially when they are part of the family. Kids on the severe end of the Autistic Spectrum don’t know how to speak, therefore they don’t know how to express their emotions. They resort to screaming, yelling and throwing objects because they don’t know how express what is bothering them. I wrote a post a few weeks ago that talked about a controversial video by Autism Speaks. It was titled “Autism Every Day”. One of the mothers told a story about how her son ran out to the middle of a busy city street without a shirt or shoes on. She actually had to call the police to look for him. With that being said, I most certainly am not trying to claim that issues with an Autistic family member is a good excuse. It will only make the person look worse.

Now, I want to explain why I made the decision to delete the comment. Trolls are like bullies in some ways, but you really can’t confront them because they are on the internet. I’ve had discussions with many people who may think it is rude to delete a troll comment, because they feel the person is entitled to their own opinion. That statement may be true, but the comment is going to be read by a lot of people and it will definitely make other people angry. Don’t understand? I am going to use an off topic example to help you. You are at a family member’s birthday party, and you grab a box of matches for the candles. You get the match lit when all of a sudden you bump into something, then the match falls out of your hand and catches the curtains on fire. You would be surprised how many people would try to fight the fire instead of getting out of the house. A troll wants to see you “start a fire” by saying something disrespectful back to them.

There is one thing a person should also keep in mind before you delete a troll from your blog or forum page. Most of them usually go away after a few days, but there are a few who will keep making disrespectful comments until the person can’t take it anymore. They are definitely what I consider a cyber bully. I never received any more thoughtless comments from this person or anybody else. This is really the only time they should be reported to an administrator of the website you are using. These types of trolls are cyber bullies. Most of the forums and social networking sites I use have policies against this, and people who violate them should have their account permanently deactivated. You should not only keep tabs of what the person said, but you should also keep tabs of the date and time it was written. If reporting the user to an administrator does not work, then local law enforcement should be contacted. This is especially true if the comments are of a threatening nature. Even if it is something as simple as “I’ll kick your butt!” Every computer is equipped with something called an IP (Internet Protocol) address. Law enforcement can track it and find exactly where the person accesses internet from, but they do not have the automatic capability to find out who they are. Internet threats should never be taken lightly, regardless of whether or not you know the person.

Trolls and cyber bullies are different in some ways, but similar in others. When I encounter trolls, I have learned that I should just shrug my shoulders and not respond to them. I have to realize that I am a better person than they will ever be, and I know they are taking their bitterness about an issue by disrespecting the person. Like I said at the beginning, there are some trolls who actually amuse me. They may be intelligent, but they write comments that make them sound like the complete opposite. With this in mind, hopefully you have have better understanding of trolls. Please pass this advice onto any person you know who may experience this.

Thank you for reading, and I will be back next week.

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by Derek Warren on January 30, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Posted by Derek Warren on January 30, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/01/30/the-angry-wordpress-troll/

“The Normal Baby Turns Odd” (Memoir Introduction, Updated and Revised)

Hello Everybody,

This is the introduction for my memoir. Please feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you think.

This book is dedicated to:

My dear friend Aaron Barker who opened up to me during a time that felt like no one else would…

My mother and father for giving me the motivation to become the person I am today…

The few teachers who actually tried to understand me and saw the potential in me…

All children, teenagers and young adults who need people who understand…

“The “Normal” Baby Turns Different”

Something big happened on Thursday May 7, 1992. The location was the Allegheny Valley Hospital in Natrona Heights, Pennsylvania. I was brought into the world by my mother and father. I was a perfectly normal baby boy who weighed seven pounds even. I was obviously too little to remember that day, but my parents and relatives often tell me stories about when I was a baby.

“Derek, I remember when you were little…” has always been the opening line of a conversation topics with many of the people I’ve met in my life. I’ve heard it from my own parents and relatives when we are sitting at the dinner table. My aunt Teresa told me this story from when I was two and a half years old, visiting her in Las Vegas. We were driving past a Del Taco restaurant, and as soon as I saw the sign I blurted out “I want Taco Bell”! Since then, she has always joked around with me and said I “knew how to read when I was two and a half years old”.

There is a song by country music singer Brad Paisley titled “If He’s Anything like Me”. The title pretty much explains what it’s about. Dad often wonders if his son will follow his footsteps. There is another song by country music singer Carrie Underwood named “American Girl”. It talks about a husband hoped to have a baby boy. He had dreams about his future son becoming a football star and taking him fishing. The big day arrived, and the nurse walked over to the man holding a pink blanket. His dreams instantly changed when he discovered it was a girl. She eventually became “the center of his whole world”.

I have never been a diehard fan of country music, but I am sure anybody can relate to both of these songs in some way. I can relate to them directly and indirectly. Mom and dad had absolutely no idea what I was going to become in the future, and their dreams changed once they found out I had an Autistic Spectrum diagnosis. As a matter of fact, they had absolutely no idea they were going to be married. Mom and dad were raised in two separate parts of the country. Mom was raised in the very small town of Parrottsville, Tennessee and my dad grew up in Yonkers, New York. They met at a party while dad was working at an Alcoa office in Tennessee. When they were married, dad was offered a job at the Alcoa Technical Center in New Kensington, Pennsylvania. Since then, we have resided in Sarver, Pennsylvania. The city of Pittsburgh is about thirty five minutes south from my hometown.

For anybody, growing up in a small community like Sarver can have its advantages and disadvantages. However, there were times it was very upsetting for me because of my diagnosis. From infanthood through adulthood, socialization was always difficult for me. Every single Aspie has experienced feelings of rejection and isolation, and we often don’t know how to handle it. The “do’s and don’ts” of making and keeping friendships can’t naturally occur to us like they do in the neurotypical mind. I think of the Asperger’s mind as a “broken circuit breaker”. The electrical panel inside a circuit breaker has to split the electrical power into circuits. The panel is designed to stop the flow of electricity in a circuit if too much current is being used to safely power the house. Without these simple devices, there would be a drastic increase in house fires caused by an overload of electrical current. The Asperger’s brain lacks the “circuits” that help the person initiate conversations, develop friendships, handle sensory issues and establish different types of relationships with different types of people. Medications and therapy act as a “circuit breaker” so they can prevent the symptoms of Asperger’s from getting out of hand. Some of the most common symptoms include depression, anxiety, hypersensitivity, ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and anger management issues.

My parents began to notice these symptoms early on. Mom would try to start a conversation with me, but I would immediately lose focus and start to look around the room. Dad would try to pick me up, but I didn’t appreciate it at all. I would kick, scream and demand for him to put me down. I dreaded walking into noisy restaurants with loud music and people shouting. I would instantly start crying and throwing tantrums because I didn’t know how to verbalize how much the noise actually bothered me. Something as simple as a balloon popping would instantly cause me to go into a screaming meltdown. As a matter of fact, I remember one day we were celebrating my sister’s birthday party at a bowling alley. The party next to us was inflating balloons. I covered my ears, fearing the balloons would pop. Just then a parent blurted out “Derek, are you waiting for those balloons to pop or something?” Mom and dad thought this was just a phase and that I was going to outgrow it soon.

Mom noticed some very peculiar habits and talents I possessed, and back then she had absolutely no idea it was because of my Asperger’s. From a very early age, I liked to stare at anything that spun. I had quite a collection of spinner toys that ranged from spinning tops, pinwheels, handheld fans and flying discs. Mom and dad first discovered this obsession when I was only one and a half years old. I would crawl into the kitchen and open up the cabinets closest to the floor. I would look for all of the lids from the pots and pans then lay them upside down. I would put my hands in the center of the pan and spin each of them as fast as I could. In the process I would crouch down, and flap my hands. I would watch every lid spin until it stopped, then do it over again. I was instantly mesmerized. This soon became an everyday routine. My mother was astonished by her one and a half year old son already having the strength to make them spin so quickly.

To most people, this would seem extremely odd. If a stranger saw me doing this, they would most likely think “why is that little boy so obsessed with spinning stuff?” I had absolutely no idea why I was interested in this, but it caused quite a few of my relatives to question the fact that something was wrong with my mind. There were some who told me it was a “unique talent”, but there were others who thought it was downright odd. They had absolutely no idea how to interact with me. They thought it was unusual to see me staring at spinning pot and pan lids instead of interacting with them and playing with their children.

There was one comment from my aunt that made my mother angry, but it eventually turned out to be true. My uncle George and Aunt Kathy were visiting our house for the weekend and they had a private discussion about me. She was a licensed psychologist, and she has worked with kids and adults who have exhibited these behaviors before. Uncle George was the one who brought the news to my father and mother, and afterwards her initial reaction was “are you kidding me?” He indeed brought up the fact that I might be Autistic. My mother’s reaction was the typical reaction that would come from any ignorant parent. When my mother heard the words “Derek” and “Autistic” for the first time she was under the assumption that I be profoundly handicapped.

No two people with any type of Autistic Spectrum Diagnosis are the same. They all have different hobbies, interests, strengths and weaknesses. The “band geek” who spends time in the music room may become the next successful musician. The “nerd” who reads books about science and plays on the computer may become the next engineer or programmer. The “drama kids” may become the next famous actor. Finally, the “outsider” may live a successful, happy life and find a job they like. Throughout my entire life, I felt like an “outsider”. I spent all of my years in high school not knowing who to turn to. I was very unhappy and as a result my grade’s started to plummet. I truly wanted friendships, but I didn’t know how to do it. I still do experience difficult times, but I am doing much better after the experiences I’ve been through. As I said, I have tried to let my story be a guide to people with Asperger’s and other similar diagnoses. I have also tried to let neurotypicals know they may experience similar emotions, but they might not admit it.

Many parents think they need therapists who will try to convince their Autistic child into thinking the way they do. I am going to try my best to describe the emotions I felt with these people. They seemed to believe that I needed to be magically converted into a “normal” person. This was especially true during my freshman and sophomore years of high school. My mind kept on telling me I wasn’t “cool”, so I was a nobody. I began to learn that was not the least bit true. As my high schools years went on, I began to realize these statements people have said about me, and the ones I’ve said about myself are not the least bit true.

I am hopeful my story will be a guide for anybody in high school who has experienced these same emotions. I hope many of the people who cared about me will realize how much I do appreciate the things they do for me. Life has really been an emotional journey for me, and I have done the best I can to describe it.

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by Derek Warren on February 11, 2011 • Permalink

Posted in Aspergers Syndrome

Tagged Armstrong County, Aspergers Syndrome, computing workshop, Dedication, dwarren57, Freeport Area School District, high school, Infant, Introduction, Lenape Tech, Life, Memoir, Pennsylvania, Sarver, The Normal Baby Turns Odd, Toddler

Posted by Derek Warren on February 11, 2011

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2011/02/11/memoir-introduction-revised-version/

“You Need To Laugh More” (Traditional Therapy vs. Strength Based Therapy)

My last blog was the introduction to my memoir. One of the things I covered I talked about was how parents often think we need therapists who will magically try to convert us into “normal” people. I’ve gone over many of the annoying questions people have asked me, and the annoying comments people have said to me regarding some of my quirks. Some of them included “You’re Not Even Trying”, “Why Are You So Quiet?”, “Why Are You So Negative”? and “Why Don’t You Find Friends Your Own Age”? These questions either came from people who just didn’t understand me, or who were just trying to be plain rude. For example, there was a kid in my TV production class who walked up to me and said “Why don’t you talk to people? You look just like a serial killer”. I turned around and ignored him after that, because I knew he wasn’t trying to be my friend. I told the office about it, and they were absolutely no help at all. They pretty much told me if I acted like that, people will make fun of me. They told me I needed to “stop being Autistic” and be “normal”.

Many high school students are faced with the difficult emotion of feeling of not “fitting in” with the crowd. I recently posted a blog titled “Social Life in High School vs. College (Stresses of Being A Senior With Asperger’s”). I want to share a comment somebody posted on it that pretty much illustrated why I’ve had such a difficulty interacting with my peers in school.

So many high schoolers are forced by society in to being what they all consider “normal”.

This person was pretty much trying to say that people expect you to be like them. They see a person who is different from them and they assume they are not “normal”. My last blog post was the intro to my memoir. One of the things I talked about was my parents and their false supposition that I needed a therapist who would convert me into a “normal” person. I want to talk about a fascinating interview I saw an interview with Elaine Hall, author of the book “Now I See The Moon”, and founder of “The Miracle Project”. I didn’t have the opportunity to read the book yet, but I most certainly can relate to the things she discussed in this interview. She adopted her son from Russia when he was only two years old. He was nonverbal, which meant he couldn’t talk. She decided to name him Neal, and hire a therapist to help him. Hall did not agree with many of the things the therapists wanted Neal to do. Anytime he would flap his hands, the therapist would say “quiet hands”! He would then cover his ears, and the therapist would immediately reprimand him. They wanted him to keep his hands still. There are many possible reasons why Autistic people flap their hands, and the two most common are nervousness and stress. There are many “high functioning” Autistics who show this characteristic as well. I italicized and quoted that because I want to avoid using the terms “high functioning” and “low functioning”. When people hear these terms they automatically become extremely judgmental. When people see a “low functioning” person, they think they are not smart. They simply think they will not function in life. Working at the Computing Workshop has helped me become more open minded and realize they are smart in their own way, and they will not become a complete failure in life.

On the contrary, therapists and teachers often overwhelm the “high functioning” people by putting them into social situations where they feel very uncomfortable. Afterwards, the therapist gets into their face and tell’s them everything they did wrong. Many of the people who know me and who have read my other posts can tell I feel very personal about this. Mike, my former therapist would always do this. Every single session, he would always bombard me with questions about my feelings and my emotions. He would ask me tons of personal questions that I just don’t enjoy talking about around people I don’t know well. I would always answer him in a verbally disrespectful voice, because I was extremely annoyed. I remember one conversation went as follows:

Therapist: Have you met any new friends in school?

Me: No.

Therapist: Why? You agreed to start a conversation with five different people during the whole week. I said I wanted you to tell me their names and the things you talked about.

Me: Because I don’t like people in school.

Therapist: Why don’t you like people in school?

Me: Because they always make fun of me.

Therapist: Who made fun of you? I want to know their first and last name and everything they said.

Me: Everybody.

Therapist: Bullshit! Everybody is not out there to make fun of you. You say that every time we meet. Why don’t you like people in school?

Me: Because I don’t like them.

Therapist: That was not an acceptable answer. Why don’t you like people in school?

Me: Because I don’t.

Therapist: You are doing everything you can to get out of this aren’t you?

High school is the time of your life when “everybody knows everybody”. This is the second most common line you will hear along with “high school is the best time of your life”. If “everybody knows everybody”, then why did people spread rumors about me, harass me and not let me get to know them? How come they thought I didn’t want friendships with other people? People rejected me, so I rejected them. Let’s go back to the conversation with the therapist.

Therapist: Derek, you lied to me. You promised you were going to do this, but you refused to do it. Why don’t you want to interact with people in school?

Me: I already told you, I don’t like them.

Therapist: Derek, why do you like to buy concerts on DVD?

Me: Because I like music.

One of my favorite hobbies has always been going to stores like Borders, Barnes and Noble and the DVD section in the entertainment department at Wal-mart. I have always liked to buy concerts and TV shows on DVD. I enjoyed watching the high energy concerts with pyrotechnics and colorful light shows. I have a DVD of Shania Twain’s comeback concert in Chicago’s Grant Park in July 2003. It is simply titled “Shania Twain Up! Live in Chicago”. Fireworks would burst on and behind the stage, surprising the crowd and energizing them. She had an eight piece band, and they were very energetic and involved the crowd during the up tempo songs. Throughout the show, the camera would show members of the enthusiastic crowd of over 50,000 people singing, screaming, shouting and dancing. They were so happy to see Shania back on stage after an over two year rest from the spotlight.

Garth Brooks is a performer who has always been dedicated to making each one of his fans have the memory that it was the best time they ever had. He had different influences than a lot of his peers in country music. His two favorite bands were Queen and KISS. He pulled the unthinkable at a concert in Texas Stadium, found on disc two of “The Entertainer” DVD tin. The opening number was “Standing Outside The Fire”. The final chorus came along, and a ring of fire surrounded the stage. The crowd went wild. During “The Thunder Rolls” they had a simulated thunderstorm inside the stadium. There was lightning and thunder. They also put hoses above the stage and had a rainstorm. There was a song called “One Night A Day”, and Garth played a saxophone solo. Jim Horn played the saxophone solo on the CD “In Pieces”. During the finale “Aint’ Goin Down Til The Sun Comes Up” he clipped on wires and flew through the stadium. The wires were set on bars (nicknamed “Garth Bars”) hung on the 200 foot ceiling, and they kept them there until the stadium was demolished in 2010.

You were probably wondering why I brought up concerts on a blog about Asperger’s Syndrome. A concert is supposed to be a social event with friends, and an opportunity where you can see your favorite star perform. It is supposed to be an opportunity to forget about the stresses in your life and have a few hours of fun. Let’s go back to the conversation with the therapist again.

Therapist: Derek, I had a conversation with your mother. This summer, I am going to start meeting with you twice a week instead of once. You are making very little progress during our sessions. I asked you to start a conversation with one person every day this past week, and you didn’t do it. You have not come out of your shell since I started working with you. If you want to get your life in order, you better start changing! Do you want me to work with you until your 21?

Me: No?

During that session he had me grab one of my concert DVDs and show it to him. I showed him the AC/DC Live at Donnington DVD. He opened up the cover and he pointed to an aerial photo of the crowd and the stage. He asked me a question about it.

Therapist: I want you to imagine yourself at this concert. Look at the picture and tell me where your dream seat would be.

Me: (pointing to a random location in the picture) There.

Therapist: No, you would want to be in the very front row. How do you think those people felt in the front row of that concert?

Me: Good?

Therapist: I would be very excited. I would love to be in a front row seat watching my favorite star. I would be just as enthusiastic as the people in that crowd. You will enjoy high school much more if you come out of your shell, laugh and become a friendly person.

Going to a concert and going to high school school are two completely different things. All children and teenagers in the US are required to go to school by law. People pay money to attend a concert. They do it because they want to socialize with friends and see their favorite stars perform live. I didn’t really get much of anything out of my sessions with Mike because he wanted to fix me. Elaine Hall is one of the few parents who actually “gets” Autism. They helped him develop an imagination and use it to connect with people. They went into her son Neal’s world and learn more about him. The world needs more therapists who will use their strengths as a motivator to help them with their weaknesses, instead of the ones who will get into their face and reprimand them.

As I leave this week, think about the people in your life. Try to use their positive traits as a motivator to control the bad ones. Also, realize that you may exhibit characteristics they don’t like about you. I am not perfect, and neither are you.

Thank you for reading,

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